Harry Styles
My birthday was next weekend and I knew my friends were planning something. They never let me have one normal, chill birthday. That was nothing to complain about, I was aware. But at the same time, I wished I could just wake up and stay in bed all day as I turn a year older.
Not that thinking about my birthday is what I should have been doing. I was at work and preparing for a meeting with the Gucci team. Just because Renleigh and I solved things, my business still needed to survive and my hunger for success was more apparent than ever before. I was excited to have this meeting because it had been a long while since we scheduled it.
In some ways, I was prepared for an unsuccessful outcome which was not much like me. Usually, I went for everything with a positive mindset so it could reflect on the final result. But thankfully, everything's worked out just fine. The last goodbye to the team happened with a happy grin on all of our faces and a secured appointment for something cool happening very soon.
Now, I had a lunch with my cousin. She came back from her travels a couple of days ago and usually, we always meet up for a lunch or dinner to just talk about whatever happened with us whilst we haven't seen each other. The relationship I had with Gemma was close and I trusted her. Perhaps I was closest to her out of all of my cousins.
"You look happier," she said after a while. I felt her observe me, she always did. She had this thing where she looked at people and just knew there was something different about them.
"I do?"
"Mhm," she hummed as she lifted her fork with the chips on it that she ordered with her steak. "It's a good look on you, hun."
"It feels good too," I smiled.
"Tell me abut them," she encouraged me and that was all I needed.
"It's Renleigh," I smiled. "I guess you could say we're together. But we don't do labels. I love her. She is- she is amazing, you know?" I looked at her and she already had her eyes set on me. A fond smile on her face, eyes interested in every word I had to say. "Yeah... she's amazing. A bit crazy. But she's wonderful."
"She sounds like an angel," she chuckled and I swear I blushed. "I'd love to meet her."
"Yes, you have to, my god," I laughed as I grabbed my drink. "She's kind of terrible at meeting new people. She does this thing where she tells herself how to act around new people until she overthinks the situation too much and just decides on acting like a boss. By boss, I mean literally how she acts when she has meetings or conferences. And then we're there, with the people around, and she turns into this shy little ball of pretty sunshine and all I can do is smirk because I know she is trying to overcome her slight social anxiety but it's actually beating her ass and that bothers her."
"She sounds adorable," Gemma smiled and I hummed. "You seem completely smitten, Harry! Is she the same person you briefly mentioned a few times?"
"Yes. The same person," I nodded. I didn't go into too much detail at the time, everything was so new and risky. Now, I knew better and was more aware of how Renleigh felt. Confirming that we were together—without labels, of course—felt so nice. "I could talk about her for hours."
"I'm not going to stop you," she chuckled and anyone would be insane to think I held back.
I poured everything out onto the table. Like I said, Gemma was someone I trusted so much. She knew things about me that my closest friends didn't, things that my parents or my own siblings didn't. She was my safety net in some senses. Whenever it all got too much, I just passed it onto her and whenever she got fed up, she let it all out to me.
A while after, I made it back to my building where I knew I had a ton of work to do but was excited to get into it. I clicked through my schedule once I sat in my chair, just to make sure I was in the loop with everything that was happening. I had a trip to Italy to meet with the Gucci team in about three weeks and that was highlighted as 'very important' therefore my main focus.
Some time later, a light knock interrupted me in my work which was followed by the door opening and revealing Charlotte. Along with her, came Renleigh Kensington. My smile widened as I looked at her. She wore a pair of cream coloured trousers that were cuffed at the bottom and crawled up her waist with a cream coloured jumper turtleneck that was tucked in the bottoms. She paired it with white heels on her feet, dangly earrings in her ear and styled her hair into a low bun which was unusual, but nevertheless, sexy.
"Just got some mail for you, Sir," Charlotte waved them in the air as she walked inside and placed them on my desk.
"Thank you," I smiled at her whilst I stood up and pushed my fingers through my hair. Once she left, I pulled Renleigh in my arms although she quiet literally fell in them. "Darling. What's wrong?" I asked as she hid her face in my neck. She clawed into my suit and the simple act worried me.
Yes. Her hugging me was worrying. For the simple reason that she usually wasn't one to enjoy others touching her.
"Nothing," she mumbled and kept her arms around my waist. I felt her inhale deeply, her chest pressed against mine. I brushed her hair away from her cheeks as my arm went behind her neck and kissed her head. "Everything," she blurted as she pulled away. Her eyes were teary but they never actually formed to their full potential in order to roll down her cheeks.
I placed my hands on her face to hold it up and lock my eyes on hers. She looked lost and scared, a little sad, too. Her lips were puckered from my hold on her face.
"C'mon, talk to me," I grabbed her hand as we stepped over to the couch, we had one too many conversations on and we both got comfortable. "Alright. Now, share."
"You act like a therapist."
"It's one of my many titles in this relationship," I smirked and she rolled her eyes. "Go on, lovey. Tell me what's up. You look sad."
"Well... for one, my sushi order got mixed up and I ended up with shit I don't like," she huffed and I had to try my hardest to bite my smile back. She sounded so upset over it, I wanted to cuddle her and kiss her cheeks to make her feel better. "Then, my laptop broke on me and I lost the designs I was working on and they were so good, Harry," she pouted at me and her eyes became glassy again as they welled up with tears. "I never work on my laptop, either. I always do it on my iMac but I was feeling down all day today. I don't know. I want to go home, I don't know why I'm here. I'm probably annoying you like I annoy everyone else," she rambled as her voice changed with each second. More and more words came out slurred as the voice that powered them got filled with her emotions. Her eyes watered up again and she frowned which made my chest pang and I couldn't help but pull her to my chest.
In that moment and time, it felt like she was upset over more than her lunch not being what she wanted and her work disappearing. She never broke down over things like that. She was angered by them and argued with whoever crossed her path until she got it out of her system then went back and turned everything right.
So, to see her so broken over something like this was alarming. I didn't like how she reacted.
"It's okay, baby. I get it," I told her quietly. Her breathing was rapid, her mind must have gone crazy with whatever situation she decided to overthink. "I'll come get double lunch with you, yeah? Maybe for te-dinner if you want to go home now and take a nap?
"You said dinner and not tea," she mumbled. I grinned at the fact that she noticed it. But I knew her better and I didn't want to fight her when she was already down. It was better to just save us a round of bickering. "And yeah. I just want to do that stuff you love—cuddling."
"Alright, let's go home then," I kissed her temple as she pulled back and I watched her dab on her cheek a little and under her eyes as she pulled her top down on her hand. "Did you drive here?"
"No. My driver did."
"Okay. I'll let Charlotte and Jamie know we're leaving and then we can go."
"You don't have to leave," she said. "You're working. I don't want to bother you."
"You come before work, remember?" I smiled. "Now, give me five minutes and we can be on our way."
I walked back to my chair and popped down on it. I was really going to be quick because I wanted to be with her. She slowly made her way over to me whilst my computer turned on and found herself a comfortable resting place on my lap. She linked her arms around my neck and hid her face, too. I wrapped my arms around her waist and sighed in content. She, on the other hand, just curled up to me even more.
"Do you have a hoodie somewhere?"
"I'm not sure. Why?"
"Just wanna wear it," she mumbled. I kissed the side of her head as I reached for the mouse and found my emails.
"Are you tired, sweetheart?" I questioned as I leaned my cheek on her head as the page loaded. I wasn't sure if she was getting ill and that was why she got so cuddly and needy of attention or because her day was just one of those shitty ones, but I felt kind of helpless in the situation. Renleigh hummed in response and sighed loudly, her body moved against my own before it found its comfort again. "We'll be going soon, promise."
Thankfully, it took me less than five minutes to type everything up, even with my love in my arms. After the email was sent, we sat in my chair for a bit longer. I felt her play with the collar of my blazer and eventually with the chain around my neck.
"Done?" she asked me after moments of silence. This time around, it was me who hummed in response. That was enough for her to sit up straight but still stay on my lap. "The other day when you were a bit lost... when I came by? How did you get over your feelings?"
"Oh, you mean when my mother was here."
"Yeah."
"You took my mind off it, to be honest," I answered easily. "Once you were here and we were talking about something else, I was fine. You didn't push it and I appreciated that."
"Hate when people do that to me so I just thought it was best if I let you be. Usually, you come to me with stuff you want to talk about so I assumed you would with this, too."
"It wasn't that important," I shrugged as my fingers played with hers. I glanced down at them and lazily intertwined them. "Just about my birthday... how she wanted to throw this big party so she could invite all of her friends and work associates. Basically, make a fucking business get together out of it."
"Does she do that often? With your birthdays?"
"Yeah. Not so much with Mason's or Olivia's which I'm actually thankful for. But mine has always been a mess. I mean, my friends usually throw me a party and that's filled with friends... and friends of friends. But at least everyone's having actual fun and not doing business and making links and stuff, you know?"
"That's nice," she mumbled. I watched her eyebrows furrow in confusion shortly after and she tilted her head to the side a little. "When is your birthday?"
"First of February."
"So... next weekend-ish," she established and I nodded. "Your friends are probably throwing you a party, aren't they? And your mother will too, I'm assuming."
"Yeah."
"Well, that's nice," she smiled but it was only a faint smile. If I wouldn't have stared at her gorgeous face, I would have missed it. "You have to tell me all about it after."
"You don't want to come with me?" I asked. I was a bit too upset right off the bat. I wanted her with me. The way the thought of her not being there made my chest pang was quite ridiculous. But I've grown way too close to her.
"I wasn't invited and also, I'm sure your whole friendship group wishes I was dead. As for your parents, I kind of told your dad to fuck off at your cousin's birthday party and your mother gave me dirty looks. I don't think I'd be welcomed with open arms at any of your parties."
"My friends don't wish that, they actually liked you. A lot. April just felt—she just felt threatened. She is usually the only woman around us when we hang out and so to have you there with us that day, it felt weird to her, I reckon. Everyone was excited to meet you and she probably didn't like the fact that you took all of the guys' attention," I explained. It only made Renleigh furrow her eyebrows again and then roll her eyes when she gave up. "As for my parents—they probably already forgot who you are. No offence, but they don't care for anyone other than themselves."
"Hmm," was all I got. "Can we go now?"
"Sure, yeah," I said and stood up as soon as she was off my lap.
After I gathered my stuff, I locked my office and we waited for the lift to come up to the floor. I held Ren's hand in mine as she laid her head on my shoulder. She was so down and I just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that this was the same person who was scared to let me in at first and allow herself to rely on me. She seemed like she needed me more than she let on.
Once we walked out of the building and got to my car, I opened the door for her and closed it when she was inside. It was raining a little so I quickly got in it, too, and we were on our way to hers. I noticed she kept her gaze out the window and leaned back against the seat completely. Her bag was on the floor, between her legs as she stretched them out. I didn't like seeing her so unlike herself.
By the time we got to her place, the rain had gotten worse. She told me I could park in the underground garage so we could just use the lift inside to get back up. There were a lot of nice cars inside, along with the ones she owned. It shouldn't have surprised me seeing as the building itself was really luxurious.
"Alright, so, cuddles then, yes?" I asked when we made it up into her room. I lost my shoes downstairs and my blazer and began to roll up the sleeves of my shirt.
"Please," she sighed. "I think there's like four of your shirts here and a pair of your joggers but I'm taking those so you can have one of mine?"
"Sure," I chuckled. Her clothes fit me because they were massive. She liked her home clothes baggy which she reasoned with the fact that it makes a great cuddling buddy when she has no one around.
We got changed quickly—me in her room as she stayed in her walk in closet—and then curled up under her quilt. She was the little spoon for the first time in a while and she took it to her advantage. The way she curled up to me made me feel like I only had one job and that was to protect her from the world. That was what she needed. I had no idea what happened that made her so sad today, I just knew I had to take it all away.
Eventually, we both dozed off. I didn't realise it happened until I woke up again. Renleigh was still curled up in my arms but I knew she wasn't asleep. I still had my rings on and my arms were around her so I felt her play with them. She slid one of them back onto my finger when I woke up and she let out a loud sigh.
I pulled her closer to my chest and kissed her shoulder then all the way to her neck. When I reached her cheek, I tucked my chin in the dip of her shoulder and slipped my legs between hers again. I lost my sense of time, it could have been three hours since we came to bed or five minutes. My body felt slightly weak as I curled up behind her and I weighed down on her a little.
"How did you know you loved me?"
The question was unexpected and it threw me off. My mind went blank yet a million and one thoughts ran through my head. The question was simple but perhaps one of the hardest ones to answer. I pulled away from her a little, mainly because she wiggled herself out from under my touch. I propped my elbow up to be able to lean my head in my hand whilst I twirled her hair around my finger.
"I wanted to love you, I think," I began slowly. This was so hard to explain. I literally had just woken up too so my mind was a but hazy, my voice deep and thick from sleep. "I think that when I started to prioritise your views... when I started to think in your interests and needs. And supported you through your career and personal life... I don't know, I just... I just accepted it. I thought the only way to describe the way I felt—why I felt this way—was because I loved you. Then I thought some more about it because it happened so quickly, it was like someone flicked a switch in me—around the time I took you out to Savini's—and I think it dawned up on me that it was love. Not the kind I have experienced before but... it was. It is," I carried on. This most likely made no sense to her. It made no sense to me. The words just rolled off of my tongue in hopes of them sounding coherent.
"I think loving someone is an act that you do even when you don't want to," I told her after a little while of silence. "For example, every time we argue, deep down, I still know I love you. I-I know you always have to have the last word in those situations and I'm not sure if you noticed, I let you have it most of the time. I just- I just agree to disagree with you, even if I don't say it because I can't stand the thought of being mad at you or you being mad at me," I chuckled lightly. Through this, I carried on playing with her hair, the soft strands slipped through my fingers once they were curled around my digits. "When I started to feel different about you... I didn't want to admit it to anyone, nevermind admitting it to myself that I loved you. I didn't want to love you before I decided I could yet I still did. And this might not make much sense but, uh, it kind of does to me."
God. I'm such a fool. That sounded like bullshit and I hated that she caught me off guard with the question. No one ever asked me how I knew I loved them and I never felt it necessary to tell them how I realised I did.
"When I left last month, it killed me. I acted so horribly. It-it still bothers me to this day. I said things to you I never should have done but I didn't think about it. And as soon as it was out in the open, I regretted it all. I felt like begging for your forgiveness, right on my knees, but I know you. It would have pissed you off more and ruined the chances of us ever getting to this point," I explained. It may have sounded like I was making excuses and defending myself but this was the truth. "I don't think I realised that by going against your wishes—when you asked me time and time again not to speak to Jack—I would hurt you because in my mind, I was doing the right thing. I wanted to do something that no one ever bothered to do for you. It blinded me, to the point, where I didn't realise that maybe, I hurt you more. I didn't listen to you and I'm so sorry for that."
I didn't think she was going to respond therefore when she spoke up in her sleepy voice, I was surprised.
"I know you didn't want to hurt me and you only wanted to do what you thought was right. Thank you for saying those things. No one had done that for me before and- and it shocked me. I was scared you made things worse. I still am," she admitted honestly. Still, she didn't turn to face me. I assumed it was more comfortable for her to talk to me this way. If she didn't have to face me, she could speak freely and without feeling embarrassed. I understood this was such a great deal to her and I was very-very happy she opened up to me again. "But at the end of the day, it's who you are. You stand up for people. For what's right. I was stupid to think I could stop you from following your instincts and what you believe in."
"I suppose, yeah," I mumbled.
"So, is that how you knew you loved me?" she asked. "Because you put me before you and because you let me win when we're fighting?"
"I think every time you put someone else's needs before yours, you have some kind of love or perhaps care for them. Their well-being becomes your main priority. As for us fighting... I think that... I think that we do that because we disagree on things. Which I am not against. I don't think we would work if we had the same outlook on life."
"You mentioned that restaurant... when we first went out for a meal. Is that when you realised you loved me?"
"I'm not—I think that was when I started to look at you differently," I corrected myself. "There was something else about you that night. Maybe the way you looked in that satin dress, perhaps the way you ordered your wine or the way you looked at me. It was just different to all the other times I saw you or we spoke," I tried to pin point the moment. It was impossible, however.
"Interesting," she hummed. "You have felt for me this way for a while now then, huh?"
"I guess I have," I chuckled under my breath. I didn't really think about it that way. In my mind, I just went from wanting to compete against her to loving her with everything I had. "Like I told you, I wanted to love you. I felt like I could. So, I decided to actually do it. And here we are."
I looked down at her as she turned around. She had tears in her eyes. Down her cheeks. Her lashes were stuck together.
"Darling, what's wrong?" I sat up as she did and watched her wipe her cheeks with the back of her hand. I placed my hand on her back and rubbed it over the shirt, then down her lower back. "Did something happen?"
"I-I don't know," she shook her head and broke out in sobs again. She turned and hid her face in my chest. I wrapped my arms around her tightly and placed my chin on top of her head. She cried silently, her breathing fast.
"It's okay, lovey. I've got you," I mumbled as I kept rubbing her back and pressing kisses on top of her head. I had no idea what happened. I knew it wasn't what I said that made her cry. I think she needed me to distract her, which was why she asked me how I knew I loved her. But her mind got the best of her and she most likely zoned out therefore letting her head win against her. Again. "I've got you."
• • •
a.n.
before you ask : no she's not preggers. or at least as far as i'm aware she's baby free so that's that speculation crushed sowwy imagine if she was pregnant i think her and all of us combined would go mad LMAO
also this happened for a reason, everything happens for a reason in this book or at least that's what i tell myself lol feel free to speculate it's always interesting to see what you guys think hehe
o and please vote and stuff i know it's annoying but it helps the stoy grow and motivates me and all that fun stuff 😚