All the screaming and shouting from the fans in our immediate vicinity, suddenly descended into a strange sort of eerie, deathly silence as all eyes seemed to be on me!
It was just as if the whole world had very suddenly come to an abrupt halt and time was actually standing still in sheer disbelief at what had just happened.
I then started to hear some rather hushed, whispered voices and a few stifled giggles mixed in amongst the surprise that a complete unknown had spoken so out of turn to this much loved, very well respected movie star.
Taking in a long, deep breath, I knew that I couldn't look at the movie star in question, so I kept my head bowed. I felt so bad about what I had just done, that I could literally have cried right there and then.
How could I have even said that to him?
How could I have been so utterly mean?
However, I needed to get right to the bottom of all this. I needed to have it out with Amelia once and for all. Even though I knew, that standing on the red carpet at a world premier of a prestigious film event as the guest of a well renowned actor, whom I just happen to be in love with, was neither the time nor the place for a confrontation, I still had to do it.
For his sake if no one else's.
But by doing this I had quite possibly spoilt any chance I would ever have had of being with Alan now. I mean, how on earth was he bound to react after such a loud and public humiliation.
The only voice that I could now hear in my muffled and totally confused state of mind was that of the security guard stood beside me, as he now said:
"Come along, Mr. Rickman. Come this way. "
The crowds were also starting to filter off now and away from the barriers as all the celebrities, including Alan, were making their way inside the cinema's entrance.
I felt decidedly alone, although both Maya and Amelia were still standing there, looking shocked by my brutal outburst towards him.
To his credit though, Alan hadn't said a word to me, although thinking about it, I wasn't entirely sure whether or not that was a good or a bad thing.
As I now watched him being escorted inside, I really wished that I was able to just run right over to him, fling my arms around his neck and apologise profusely about the hurtful way I had just this minute spoken to him.
All of this had not been my choice though, as I would never go out to intentionally hurt or upset him. I mean, how could I? But now, standing out here on this cool, spring evening, that was exactly what I had done! And I absolutely hated myself for resorting to such awful, unforgivable behaviour.
But what I hated even more, was the fact that two of my so called best friends had actually made me stoop to such despicable depths. In doing so, they had allowed me to cause pain and humiliation to one of the most kindest of all men, who did not deserve to be treated in this awful manner.
A desperate feeling of incredible nausea was now hitting me as I tried to come to terms with what I had just done.
"That really was a bit harsh". Maya eventually spoke, her voice almost a whisper, as her words echoed my feelings.
I raised my head upwards and noticed the disappointed expression that was apparent all over the face of a friend that I trusted like no other.
"I'd say so". Amelia chimed in, "Was it really necessary to speak to him like that!".
I now glanced at Amelia, who also looked decidedly bewildered.
"I really did feel for him". Maya went on. "I mean, I remember you telling me that you hated him at one point, but I honestly thought you'd changed your mind".
Maya took in a big breath, then shaking her head in complete disgust at me, added:
"I really don't know what's got into you lately, you've changed so much Gwen. It's like you've become Satan or something ". She went on, "I mean, I can't understand what would ever possess you to even think about doing such a terrible thing, never mind actually carry it out!"
"Nor me!". Chimed in Amelia, still staring at me.
I looked from one to the other, but Maya hadn't finished yet.
"Was that your idea all along, to humiliate Alan in front of everyone, just because he liked you!! Well, if you didn't want his attentions then why didn't you just tell him in private. There was really no need to do it like that! So you don't like him. So bloody what? The whole world didn't need to know".
Maya was now looking at me with pure disgust on her face, before she then concluded, with a hushed mutter:
"And I actually thought that I was the weird one!".
I swallowed hard and took in a huge breath. Maya had never spoken to me like that before, she had always been my greatest allie.
And now I felt so deeply ashamed, not only about what I had just done, but also by what Maya had just said to me.
Had I really changed that much, like she said I had?
Did the both of them really believe that I was suffering from some sort of deranged personality disorder?
Well, to be honest it was beginning to look exactly like that!
On occasions I had really surprised myself about what I had said or done just lately, so was I really becoming a little bit too out of control? Was I actually so consumed within myself that I was becoming more and more inconsiderate to the thoughts and feelings of others?
I shook my head sadly, contemplating the possibility before coming to the conclusion that I couldn't have been at fault for everything!. I mean, why had I behaved in this manner in the first place?
It was the actual fault of the two people stood directly in front of me!
My two best friends!
I started to feel very agitated by the fact that they were both still looking really quite disappointed in me, so I took in a breath and stared hard at them, unable to believe what they had, in fact made me do, without having little or no concept of my feelings towards Alan and not seemingly to care about my happiness whatsoever.
And now they were acting as if I was the crazy one, when I now began to think that I had been really rather clever.
Even though I was hurting like hell inside and felt terrible for shouting at Alan, I was also secretly congratulating myself in my ability to immediately suss the two of them out and had put paid to their sordid little plan.
I was still unable though, to fully understand why they felt the need to even do this however, but at least they were able to see for themselves that I was a lot smarter than they had ever given me credit for.
However, I now felt as if I really didn't want to speak to either of them again, nor even see them!
That was it from now on!
As far as I was concerned the two of them had now broken any trust I ever had in them and I absolutely hated the way in which they had made me behave towards Alan!
I glared hard at them, still standing there with what I could only conclude were extremely fake, bewildered looks upon their faces.
I drew in a breath.
" I thought you were my friends". I uttered quietly. " I actually believed that I meant something to both of you, when all this time you were conspiring against me".
I began to turn, in my exceptionally high heels to walk away. At least I didn't have too far to go before I was back inside the safety of my flat again. I could even take these damned shoes off and walk home barefoot, if I so wished.
Now there was an idea! These heels were killing me!
So without a second thought, I bent down and released my poor aching feet from the prison that was holding them at this unnatural of angles and was now holding the offensive objects by their flimsy thin straps in one hand.
I now leant against the barriers towards Amelia.
"I'll keep a hold of these, if you don't mind. They do, after all belong to me. The dress on the other hand you can come over and collect, once I have taken it off, anytime you want". I scowled.
"But don't expect a welcoming committee when you do".
Amelia's mouth dropped open.
"What? ...... I....I.... Bought that dress for you. Its yours to keep. Its not on a sale or return basis. Its a gift...... For you!".
I smiled weakly at her.
"No thanks". I said. "I don't want it. I don't want to play any part in your sordid little schemes and that includes the ownership of this lousy dress".
I continued to pull at the material with my other hand as if I didn't want it anywhere near to my skin.
Amelia remained opened mouthed at me. So too, did Maya, as she then said in a very disappointed voice:
"What's got into you?. She bought that dress in good faith, for you to look amazing in and as far as I can see......you do".
"Don't worry about it". Amelia said sadly, trying to calm Maya down.
"But I do.....". Maya went on, "She needs to realise that we've bent over backwards to make tonight special for her, and this is how she repays us!"
I huffed indignantly.
Was Maya really so naive to think that there was not an actual ulterior motive to all of this? Had my most trusted of friends had the wool pulled well and truly over her eyes by my other so called best friend.
Well with friends like these...... I would do my very best to stay well clear of from now on.
They had, between them now spoilt any trust I ever had in either of them, let alone any happiness that I may have been able to have with Alan.
They had both used me in this cruel, barbaric of ways and I knew that I would never be able to find it within me to forgive either of them ever again.
I felt angered at their betrayal and the sooner I was away from their company, the better I'd feel.
So without another word or a single look back, I now started to stride off, down the rows of barriers that were holding back, not very many people now at all.
A few were still lingering, but the majority had now dispersed. Maybe some would return in a couple of hours or so, after the film had finished, but it wasn't usual for the stars to do the rounds again. Once outside the cinema, after watching the film, they would be quickly whisked away to attend a party or some other form of celebration, afterwards.
My stomach suddenly twisted.
Oh heck, I was going to miss out on that as well!
Damn Amelia and her association with Silva!
Damn them all.
"Gwen...... Wait...... You're not going are you?". Amelia's cries were heard above the sudden noise of a passing police siren. One of many that were frequently heard around this vast city.
I pretended not to hear.
I had to get away. So I strode off even faster, with the cold, hard pavement playing havoc with my poor aching feet.
"Gwen... Please.....". She yelled again, as I sensed that she was now following after me from the other side of the barriers.
"Look, I'm sorry.......I'm sorry that I didn't believe you about Ashcroft. I know nothing went on between you both, but I've come to realise that you can't help your feelings towards him either and I respect that!". She shouted after me. "Because I know now that I'm still in love with him as well as you".
I thought I was about to explode, right then and there!
As well???
Me? Still in love? With him?
Was she actually for real??
I suddenly stopped in my tracks and turned furiously around to face her.
Amelia looked a little shocked, it had to be said, at the very sudden halt in my pace. I don't think she actually expected me to come to a complete standstill quite like that!
But tonight, I was full of surprises.
"Is that what this has all been about? You're somewhat stupid obsession with Ashcroft Jennings!". I yelled.
"I.... I....". Amelia was stuttering now, her face taking on a more fearful kind of look.
But I didn't care that she was fearing me. In my eyes, she had every right to.
It was now abundantly clear why she had thought it necessary to set me up like this. She wanted to get her own back after she had thought that I was the reason behind Ashcroft and her splitting up!
And..... She actually believed that I was still in love with him?
This all made perfect sense to me now.
If she couldn't be happy with who she wanted to be with.......... Then she was going to make damn sure that I couldn't be either.
"It's a good job these barriers are in the way!". I very angrily yelled at her.
Instinctively Amelia stepped back away from it, which made me smirk just a little bit.
Did she honestly believe that I was actually capable of physically hurting her?
Instead I took in a breath.
"Well, that's fine.". I went on, " You've got your own back now. You've actually gone and done it. Alan now hates me, I've ended up looking a right bloody idiot and you have your photos to go and show to Silva! Congratulations".
"What?". Amelia asked.
"Don't play the little Miss innocent with me! ". I said, now folding my arms defiantly over my chest, in an attempt to also keep myself from shivering from the cold night air.
"I know exactly what you've been up to".
We were now joined by Maya, who had just caught us up and had heard my last statement.
"Been up to?". She asked, "Who's been up to something? What's she going on about Amelia?".
"I have absolutely no idea". Amelia sighed, tirelessly.
I rolled my eyes and laughed a little.
"Of course you do. All of this has been one huge big plan hasn't it? Right from the very start. What with buying me this dress, all the support you both bestowed upon me as well as tonight when you did my makeup and hair! Then you actually being here! You just can't believe that I've stood up for myself at the risk of also losing Alan. You can't believe I would do that and therefore foil your sordid little plan and now it's backfired, because I threw away any chance I ever had of being happy with him, so that Silva had absolutely nothing to accuse him of ".
I now began to catch my breath. After such a long and emotional speech, I really felt the need now to fill my lungs up again with much needed oxygen!
Then I glanced at my two, so called friends and noticed that they were both looking somewhat blankly back at me.
Nonetheless, I still had the distinct feeling that they were still trying to mess with my head somehow, for they hadn't denied anything and to me that spoke volumes.
They were probably in so much shock by the fact that I had guessed the truth!
I shook my head at them and gave out another little laugh, before going on:
"Go back to Silva. Show her your precious photographs, tell her how you saw Alan and I together and how cozy we appeared. But also be sure to let her know how I yelled at him and that I also walked out on him at a film premier. Oh.... And that I've probably lost my job too. And I'm not talking about the one at Jose's either".
I then began to walk away again.
"Ooh..... Gwen. Honestly we don't know what you're going on about". Whined a desperate sounding Amelia.
"We actually took the photos for you. For you to keep. They're on your camera. I took the liberty of sneaking it out and hiding it in my bag when you weren't looking."
I stopped and turned slowly around to face her yet again.
"On my flaming camera!" I yelled in exasperation, "You had the audacity to take photos for Silva! By using my camera! Well that's just great that is!! Christ with friends like you.........."
My voice trailed away as a real lump started to form in my throat. How on earth could they actually do this and use my camera to take incriminating photos, Alan would surely think that I also had something to do with trying to bring about his downfall too!! Oh, this was just way to horrendous!!
But I wasn't going to cry. I refused to cry in front of them. Anyhow, I was feeling far too angry to be reduced to tears by those so called friends of mine! I was determined that they were not going to break me. So I continued to glare at the faces before me.
"Your Mother got in contact". Amelia now spoke quietly. "She asked me to take some photos .........Of the both of you tonight".
My eyes suddenly widened at her.
"My...... Mother?". I asked hesitantly.
"Yes". Amelia nodded, "To be honest, she asked if I would take the photos, but Maya is a lot better at it than me, mine tend to turn out all blurry ".
I continued to stare.
So she went on with her explanation.
"You see your Mum told me that she loves taking photos and was desperate to come and see you tonight. Anyway, she wasn't able to make it".
I rolled my eyes.
It wasn't the first time this had happened. Mum saying she was coming and then backing out at the last minute. She always did it!
"So she got in contact with me". Amelia went on, "But I wasn't to tell you anything about it because she wanted the photos to be natural. She also said that sometimes you find the fact that she takes so many really rather annoying, so that's why I kept it all from you".
An image of my Mother's front room with all the framed photos of Sarah and I adorning the main wall above the sofa, suddenly and brutally showed itself in my mind and a cold shiver ran up and down my spine.
The memory of Ashcroft Jennings, pinning me face down onto that sofa, among my mother's rather charming array of fluffed up cushions, then my arm being forcibly held up behind my back and hurting like hell. The sheer weight of Ashcroft's body lying right on top of me, the smell of whisky on his breath, the feel of his erection pressing up against me as I remembered his fumblings to release it.
Then the sheer humiliation I felt as he whispered into my ear that he wouldn't take very long............. as if he was doing me a favour!
I shivered at all the horror of it all and came to the conclusion that none of this was ever going to go away. It would, in fact be forever etched into my memories every time my home, my Mother, Father, Sister or even goddam photos were ever mentioned!
This was ludicrous.
How had I allowed this man to become such an integral part of my life now?
It seemed that the more I tried to forget about what had happened that night, the worse I seemed to be.
"Are you okay?". Maya's calm, soft voice spoke from the gloom that was within my mind.
I shook my head involuntary at her and she reached out with a hand to gently take hold of one of mine. I looked down as she wrapped her fingers around it and I felt tears begin to prick my eyes.
"Why don't you just go inside". She said quietly. "See Alan, speak to him".
I shook my head sadly, still not able to look up. The grey flagstones of the pavement beneath me held a sort of cold, hard comfort at this precise moment as I was just finding it so hard to meet anyone else's eyes in case my own released their vulnerability.
I took in a breath and shook my head.
"I can't. I'm too much of a liability. He deserves so much more than being around me. I only ever cause him embarrassment and humiliation. It's not fair on him. He's put up with one heck of a lot, so perhaps it's about time to actually call time on all of this and leave him alone to sort everything out with Silva".
"You shouldn't say that!". Maya gasped, gripping my hand tighter, "Didn't you notice the way he was looking at you............
Feel the way he held you in his arms. Gwen...... He..... He adores you."
Amelia was now suddenly thrusting the camera beneath my nose and I looked to see an image of Alan and I appear on the screen.
I blinked.
He was holding me in his arms. His fingers linked within themselves and was adorning the biggest smile that I had ever witnessed upon his face. Attractive green coloured eyes were softly also looking down at me whilst I seemed oblivious to it all, for I was looking beyond and into the crowds.
Alan Rickman though, was looking very happy, there was absolutely no denying that. Which somehow made what I did to him so much worse.
Oh God, how could I have been so mean?
And what Amelia had just told me about taking the photographs so innocently for me, well was that really true?
She then put the camera into my unsuspecting hands and I looked up to be met by a pair of hurt eyes.
"I hope you enjoy looking at them". She said sadly, "They are, after all, just for you. I somehow thought it would be a nice momento of your very special evening, that now seemed to have sadly gone very wrong. I certainly wasn't about to show them to anyone else. Well, your Mother obviously, but hey.............. you have them now. Show her yourself. Keep them to remind you of what you stupidly threw away".
I looked down at the camera in my hands. Had all of this been just an exaggerated misunderstanding?
Were they really both just here for me after all?
I heard a sigh from a now somewhat exasperated Amelia.
"But before I go........ could you just explain something?". She asked.
I looked up.
" Who is this Silva person you keep harping on about? ". She asked.
My mouth shot suddenly open.
"You mean...... You don't actually know her? ". I asked.
Amelia shook her head.
"Nope. I've absolutely no idea who she is". Amelia shrugged. "I almost wished I did though, so that I could understand why you have this kind of screwed up reaction towards her. She must be pretty damned important".
"Is she important?" Maya chimed in. "Is she a friend of yours?".
I looked over now at Maya and swallowed hard.
"Sounds to me, more like an enemy". Amelia said seriously.
I eyed them both with a certain amount of suspicion.
Either they were both telling me the truth and they really didn't have any idea who she was or they were acting out some weird kind of scene in case I did find out what they'd been up to.
After all they had both been actors!
But no, would they really bother going to such great lengths when they had really nothing at all to gain. Except perhaps revenge on Amelia's part, concerning that good for nothing Ashcroft?
But what was Maya's motive?
Would she indeed have one?
They were both looking intently at me, waiting for my explanation so I took in a deep breath.
"She's........ Um....... Well...... She's..... Not that important"
I found myself saying.
"No... She's not a friend...... Nor indeed an enemy. In fact........ Well it doesn't seem to really matter who she is now anyway". I said shaking my head,
My two friends frowned at one another, total confusion were etched upon both their faces at my mumbled explanation of who Silva was.
It had now occurred to me however, that they really had no clue who she was. They actually didn't know her at all and therefore it couldn't have been her they had seen earlier on!
Suddenly it now dawned on me who in fact it could have been, but I hoped to God I was wrong!
I took in another deep breath.
"So who had you seen tonight then?. I asked, tentatively, "You told me you'd seen someone right? Someone I may not have approved of. Am I correct? ".
Amelia quickly turned to Maya who in turn looked down at her feet.
I somehow sensed that my assumption was right. But I did not want to believe it. I had to actually hear them say his name.
"Ashcroft". Amelia said triumphantly, "We saw Ashcroft".
"Oh, he's just how I remembered him". Cooed Maya.
"All full of charm, good looks and witty charisma". She smiled appreciatively.
She had met him once through me, all that time ago when we worked together at Jose's. We had shared a pizza together on one occasion on an evening out.
Thinking back about that time, Ashcroft and I would very often go out, have a laugh, a few drinks, meet up with friends. I had no reason at all to suspect that he would ever be capable of such an act as to abuse or attempt to rape anyone. Maya probably felt the same way as I once did, so to her Ashcroft was just a face she remembered from the past. A very good looking face with a cheeky, charismatic personality to match!
But my blood was running cold and I felt really sick.
How come he was now back on the scene!
I had rather hoped he'd gone forever.
Little wonder Amelia had seemed so very quiet when I had vented my anger about him earlier on.
"Why?". I now managed to squeak out. "Why did you feel the need to see him? "
"Isn't it obvious? Even to you?". Amelia giggled.
"I've been leaving messages for him simply everywhere for ages now, trying to track him down. I was really desperate to see him, just to see if we could patch things up. Then, at last...... He replied, and of all the times it was tonight whilst I was in your flat! ". She now smiled, in triumph.
I swallowed hard. So that was whom she'd been speaking to on her mobile!
" I just couldn't leave this opportunity of seeing him, especially after all the effort I'd put in. So when he told me he'd be down here tonight, I thought, well what the heck! I'd come here and see him before turning my attention towards you, hence my rapid departure!"
I stared at her.
This could not be true!
Why on earth was Ashcroft Jennings here?
What possible reason did he have to come down to Leicester Square to watch the stars on the red carpet!!
It was something that he'd never been particularly interested in before!
Unless.........His Father was here too!!!
Of course that was it!!
He'd be here to see his Father.
But no, wait a minute! No, Jerimiah Johnston hadn't been invited to attend tonight, I knew that for certain.
My stomach had now started to twist really quite horribly and I suddenly went all hot and cold.
Could it be possible that Ashcroft had actually come to see me?
Had my suspicions about him always being around, almost stalking me had in fact been justified??
Oh no.....
This could not be. This was quite, quite horrible and I felt suddenly sick to my stomach at the mere thought of him standing there, a face in the crowd just staring at me.
"I was so excited to see him". Amelia continued to giggle.
I shot her an icy glance.
"Did he say why he was here?". I asked her pointedly.
"No he didn't." Amelia shrugged,
"Anyway that's not important. The important thing is that he agreed to see me". She grinned. "To talk things over, see where we stand.......... Maybe even..........".
Her voice trailed away as she continued giggling to herself.
"I think she's hoping they can get back together". Maya piped in.
I continued to stare at her, unable to fully digest what I was actually hearing.
This was not how I had perceived things. This was definitely not how I had thought things were.
I began to slowly but surely realise that I had made a huge monumental error concerning Alan.
"Oh I'm so excited about it. I can't wait" Amelia said, jumping up and down, disrupting my thought process.
My stomach was churning as I found myself shaking my head fervently at her and mouthing the word no.
"I knew you wouldn't be very pleased". Amelia said with a slight huff, "Because I realise that you still have some deep rooted feelings for him, you said as much tonight".
I shook my head vigorously and frowned at her.
"No..... No I didn't".
Amelia nodded her head slowly.
"You did Gwen. You said standing right here tonight, that things were complicated because there was somebody else involved and I told you that you were damn right there was someone else and that someone else just happens to be me, your best friend! Of course you tried to cover it all up by stating that you now hate him with a passion and all that. But really........... I did actually believe that it was Alan you loved. But with what happened tonight though, I now know that it's not! "
I swallowed hard and stared at the two of them.
Oh dear Lord.
How had I managed to get it all so wrong........... Again.
Amelia wasn't talking about Alan being with Silva.........
She was speaking about herself and that bloody Ashcroft Jennings!!!
I quickly handed the camera back to her, clasping her hands tightly as I did so.
"I....... I...... must go". I said, taking in a deep breath.
Amelia looked down at the camera briefly and then back up at me again.
I smiled back.
"Go ahead please, show them to my Mother she'd love to see them, and thank you for taking them, it was really kind of you."
I then looked at the two of them standing there, bewildered and perplexed expressions on both of their faces.
"Look, I've just realised something. Something that I've actually known for ages now, but did not dare to believe. And............ Well, that I've actually been the biggest bloody fool ever!! ".
I then took in a very large breath.
"And, If its not too late, I really must do something about it".
Before any more words were exchanged and any reasons given, I turned on my bare heels and strode off towards the entrance of the cinema.
I could hear both Amelia and Maya shouting after me, but I didn't acknowledge them.
I was now on a mission.
A mission to win back the man whom I knew I truly loved.
That's if he was prepared to be won, of course!
On approach to the grand, glass doors with its red carpet still very much showing the way inside, I became fully aware of two very big, burly security guards standing there.
They were chatting to one another and seemed unconcerned as I stepped up towards the door. Of course I didn't think for a moment that I would have any trouble in getting past them, after all I was an actual invited guest. But one of them suddenly and very quickly pulled an arm across the front of the door to prevent me from opening it and therefore entering the cinema.
I jumped back in total surprise and looked up at him.
"Sorry. You are not allowed access inside. Please will you get back behind the barriers". He said sternly.
I scowled at him.
Didn't he have any idea that I was in fact a guest and not some Joe public, freeloader without any concept of celebrity etiquette.
I put my hands defiantly on my hips and glared again at the suited and booted, big burly security guard in front of me. Not put off by his stature or indeed his tone of voice, I simply said:
"I am a guest".
The man hardly batted an eyelid and replying as if he'd heard those words a million times before, then said:
"Back behind the barriers please, or I will have you forcibly removed and arrested".
My stomach twisted.
Arrested?
What?
Was this guy for real?
Couldn't he even tell from the way I was dressed that I was actually meant to be inside?
I mean, just less than half an hour ago I was standing on this very red carpet having my damn photo taken, standing next to Alan Rickman who just happened to also have his arms around me.
I gave a huge sigh.
"Look.... I am a guest. I need to be in there". I said, putting on my most sternest of voices and stepping forward once again.
"It's most imperative that you let me inside, I am after all expected".
But once more the arm of the security guard came crashing down in front of me.
"Madam. I must continue to inform you that you are in breach of the rules regarding entry to this building. Take this as a severe warning. You need to step back and remove yourself from these premises or you will leave me no alternative".
He seemed very angry now but I wasn't about to be deterred by him.
I had to get inside.
I had to see Alan!
"What's going on?". The voice of the second security guard asked, as he now came over to join us.
I felt a slight pang of relief. Maybe I'd be able to get a little more sense out of this one, after all he did appear to be somewhat friendlier.
"I need to get inside". I said hurriedly, "I'm a guest you see, I'm meant to be in there".
"I see". He answered slowly.
I looked up at him, hope filled inside my chest for the briefest of seconds, until he shook his head.
"Sorry madam, but these doors must remain firmly closed for the comfort and security of those inside for the duration of the film. So if you don't mind....... Will you please step back behind the barriers. This is a security issue and you must adhere to the rules and regulations that are being enforced by stepping right away. If you do not.......... "
But I didn't let him finish.
" Yeah..... Yeah..... I'll be arrested. I know I get it". I sighed.
Goodness, he was as bad as the other one!
So much for me thinking he might be a little bit more understanding.
"I'll just have to wait here then". I went on, resigning to the fact that however much I tried to plead or even beg with these two, they were not going to allow me to go inside.
I moved a few paces away and noticed the smirks on both of their faces.
They were enjoying this!
They were actually getting a kick out of "asserting their authority" on me!
I gave a big huff, then no more to do I wrapped my hands around the back of my dress, pulled it tight around my bottom and sat down with an undignified thump onto the ground.
I then turned my head to glance at the shocked look on their faces as they now glared down at me.
"You can't sit there!". The larger of the two growled, "Please get behind the barriers immediately".
I smiled and shook my head.
"No". I answered, turning away from him. " If you will not allow me to go inside, then I am jolly well going to sit right here and wait for the film to finish. Then I will rejoin my companion for the party afterwards".
I could sense their exasperation from behind me, but I didn't care. I was determined to see Alan tonight and explain myself to him. The way I had shouted at him was one huge, big bloody mistake. I should never have done it, so I just had to see him and no one was going to stop me!
"You can wait behind the barriers.". He now said.
I shook my head.
"No". I said, sharply. "I'm not moving from this spot".
"Then you leave me with no alternative". He sighed.
Suddenly, with the swiftest of movements I felt myself being yanked up from off the ground and back onto my feet.
It all happened so quickly that I quite literally wasn't able to prepare myself and I was quite frightened by the way he just hoisted me up, with his arms beneath mine like that!
Then he started to force me to walk forwards, pushing behind me with all of his strength. Of course, I resisted, holding my body rigid and taught, but to no avail. He was so much stronger than I was with determination to match. The more I pushed backwards to prevent myself from going forward the more forceful he became.
And that was when the red mist descended.
The memories from the last time I had been forced to move in this particular way, became all too vivid to me once more.
The murmurings of a cool, calculating voice suddenly seemed to flood my ears, the alcoholic breath against my cheek, the absolute fear I felt inside me of what was about to happen filled my senses with dread and horror.
Luckily, I still had hold of my shoes in my left hand and realising that I was unable to prevent myself from being forced forward I decided I must put a stop to this in any way that I saw fit.
In a moment of sheer desperation and hidden strength that I never knew I was even capable of possessing, I threw up my left arm and still holding onto my shoes, smacked the security guard right in the face with them.
He let out a shocked shriek of pain and immediately let go of me as he now reached up to cover his face with his hands. I stepped away and looked on as he continued to utter groans of despair and somewhat pain. I was surprised at how he was reacting for I was convinced that I hadn't really hit him that hard.
But maybe I had just caught him unawares or that he just wasn't really expecting it. I mean, who would expect to get hit in the face by a pair of high heeled shoes! Normally shoes would be on one's feet, not in their hand!.
"Oh God, look.... I'm so sorry". I immediately apologised, without going towards him, "I didn't mean for it to happen quite like that."
"What the bloody hell do you think you are you doing?". The other guard ranted as he suddenly began to stride over towards me, his face was angrier than I thought it should have been.
I was the victim here!
I was the one actually being manhandled.
"He gave me no choice, he really had no right to push me about like that!". I yelled back suddenly.
"You had no right being here". He angrily stated back at me, stepping forwards. "You should have gone behind the barriers when asked to do so".
"I wasn't behind the barriers in the first place". I hissed, "I told you, I am a guest".
"So why aren't you in there now with all your love dovie, poncey, rich, friends then aye?". He snarled, moving even closer.
Instinctively I brought my arm up again in a silent warning to him that I wasn't afraid to wallop him either, if he continued to be persistent in his approach towards me.
He now glared at me. My actions doing nothing to prevent him from moving forwards and I began to feel very nervous.
"You are in one heap lot of trouble now, let me tell you". He continued to hiss.
I stepped back, still with my shoes raised above my head.
"Going to strike me as well then?". He grinned.
I swallowed hard as I now continued to walk backwards.
"Well I wouldn't do that now if I were you, you're already looking at a certain prosecution". He snarled.
I took in a laboured, shaky breath.
I felt scared, frightened and cornered just like some sort of animal, unable to get away from the hunter just about to attack.
I felt sick, I felt vulnerable but had a real need to stand my ground!
The last thing I wanted was to fight but on the other hand I felt that I really should not allow myself to be pushed around like this!
It was so totally unfair!
Suddenly the other guard, the one I had actually hit, spoke from behind us.
"Bazza! No. I'm ok really. Just leave it now will ya!".
We both turned to look towards him and I could see that there were also the figures of two people standing next to him. They seemed somewhat recognisable but my vision was greatly impaired by the huge man now standing over me. He was still scowling, still looked angry and still seemingly intent on asserting his authority over me.
"Wait...... Look... ". The other one yelled once again, "She's telling the truth. There's proof over here".
I craned my neck to see.
What proof?
What was he going on about?
The guard beside me gave a huff of indignation before turning around to go back towards his colleague.
I followed.
It was then that I realised that the figures that were with him were none other than Amelia and Maya!
My heart suddenly soared as I could now see that they were actually showing him the photos that were taken earlier this evening of me with Alan!
I smiled as I approached them and I could now hear Amelia saying:
"See, there she is, actually on the red carpet".
"That's not Alan Rickman she's with......... Is it?". He asked, seemingly suitably impressed.
"Yes it is. The very one". I chimed in on my approach.
He turned and eyed me up carefully as I came to stand next to my friends. He still looked very displeased with me and without a hint of a sorry for his conduct, in fact he looked even angrier now that he had been proved wrong.
"Are you ok now?". The softly spoken voice of Maya then asked.
I turned to look at her, thinking she was probably speaking to me, only to realise that she was tentatively dabbing the face of the security guard I had hit, with a soft tissue that had blood on it.
My stomach twisted.
Oh God! I had caused him to bleed!
" Oh No". I said, moving closer for a better look, "He's bleeding".
Maya looked up at me.
"It's only superficial, nothing serious". She answered.
He then glanced up and gave me a look of disapproval.
I leaned forward.
"I didn't mean it". I apologised, "I really am not a violent person, honestly".
"Gentle Gwen, that's what she's known as". Amelia piped in with a smile and putting away the camera. "Although there was a moment earlier on when I thought..............."
Her voice trailed away as we both relived the incident during our confrontation just a few minutes ago.
I looked guiltily at her as she then said:
" But you were upset and I understand that". She then turned to the man standing next to her, "Like she was just now. Look could you just let her get inside please, you now know she is in fact a guest and is meant to be inside there. She just got separated that was all".
"I'm afraid rules are rules". The security guard, who I hadn't hit now said with a shrug of his rather large, wide shoulders.
"We are not allowed to permit anyone to enter the building once the film has started. I'm sorry, but it really is beyond our control. Now if you don't mind, I really must ask you all to please step back behind the barriers immediately. You are not allowed within this perimeter".
I gave a sigh as Amelia now linked her arm through mine and rubbed at it.
"I'm sorry". She spoke, "But at least you tried".
"I know, but I can't believe what a pathetically, stupid idiot I've been. Just jumping to all sorts of weird conclusions".
I turned and looked into her baby blue eyes, before adding :
"I actually thought that you two were involved in some kind of conspiracy against me or something".
Amelia rubbed at my arm again as we both turned to look over at Maya still with the stricken security guard as she continued to dab away at his face, with the tissue.
"Just look at that". Amelia smiled, "All tough and masculine when it suits them, but when they're getting sympathy and attention, well.... Their like putty in your hands".
I nodded at the scene before me and gave a deep sigh, before turning my attention back towards the glass doors at the entrance to the cinema.
Knowing that Alan was inside there with an empty seat beside him where I should have been sat was heartbreaking.
If I hadn't jumped to such rotten conclusions my life would be so much easier, especially where Alan was concerned.
So why had I allowed my over active imagination to go into such severe overdrive, when really there was nothing whatsoever to back any of it up!
What an absolute idiot I had been and I suddenly felt very angry at my own stupidly as there was no one to blame for all of this but my own stupid self.
I mean, I should now be inside that very building, sitting down next to Alan enjoying the film, enjoying the whole occasion but most importantly of all enjoying him.