They tell me think with my head
Not that thing in my chest
They got their hands at my neck this time
But you're the one that I want
And if that's really so wrong
Then they don't know what this feeling is like
-This Feeling
-The Chainsmokers
-Kelsea Ballerini
•••••
I shifted slightly trying to get comfortable, my eyes remaining closed. I mumbled and turned over, releasing a slight shriek as I rolled completely off of the couch and landed on the floor with a thump.
I groaned and opened my eyes, blinking against the harsh glare of the sun which streamed through the opened window.
I dragged my body up into a sitting position and rolled my shoulders, trying to ease the pain brought by my fall. I let out a yawn and wrinkled my nose when I was instantly hit with the horrible smell of my morning breath.
Yuck.
I turned my head to the side to see a still sleeping Ryder, unfazed by my tiny episode. I smiled softly at his sleeping face, his lips slightly parted as he breathed lightly.
Last night came back to me in a series of flashes, and not once did I regret telling Ryder about my past. The other thing that also came back to me was...our kiss.
Again.
I certainly knew Ryder would take it better than previously, and would not completely shut me out. I was hoping he wouldn't.
I shivered as I remembered how close Brandon had come to killing me. An image of the lady he shot popped up into my brain. It could have been easily me, yet again someone else had to suffer because of my mistakes.
I couldn't help but let my mind wander to the lady's boyfriend, or husband, and how much pain he must be in. The only thought that was keeping me sane, was that at least if I couldn't report Brandon to the cops he would. I hoped he got Brandon thrown into jail.
I turned to stare at Ryder once again, and couldn't-
No not couldn't, didn't.
Didn't want to imagine a life where I had to watch him die in front of me. The pain of the mental image was enough to bring tears to my eyes, I didn't want to know how it would feel.
No. Stop it Riley, don't think of this anymore.
I tilted my head to the side as my eyes swept over Ryder's still sleeping form. I raised my hand to trace his cheekbones, and trailed my finger down his jaw.
I traced the hard planes of his chest through his shirt and watched as Ryder's lips lifted into a small smile. His hand rested over mine as I placed it on top of his heart, beating at a steady pace.
Ryder intertwined his fingers with mine and brought it to his lips, pressing a soft lingering kiss to the back of my hand.
I stared at our hands and then met his grey eyes, which had opened and were staring at me with a hint of humour.
"See something you like Carter?" he asked slyly.
I rolled my eyes and stood up from my position on the floor, only to jump onto Ryder. He let out an 'oomf' sound as I straddled him, my hands wrapping around his neck.
Ryder smiled lazily up at me, the corner of his eyes crinkling as he started at me.
"You know what you remind me of?" he asked, his hands rubbing up and down my side.
I shook my head, trying to ignore the trailing flame his hands left on the skin where my shirt was raised.
"You remind me of a porcupine," Ryder said, grinning at my bemused expression.
"Yes, because every girl loves it when their boyfriend calls them a porcupine," I sarcastically said.
Ryder's smile fell from his face, and he remained silent. I stared at him in confusion, waiting for his response.
Until it hit me.
I just called Ryder my boyfriend!
Wait, that's not a big deal. I mean we've kissed twice, we've acted like a couple...does that mean we are a couple?
Why can't life be simple?
I covered my mouth in horror, having realized I called Ryder my boyfriend, "You do know it was a joke right? I know you're not my boyfriend, of course you're not-not that there's anything wrong with you but I just mean...well...ah shit."
Ryder let out a chuckle at my flustered face. I let out an embarrassing squeal, as he suddenly switched our positions so that I was under him and his weight was resting on top of me. Ryder smiled widely down at me, displaying two rows of pearly white teeth.
"So, what you're saying is you don't want to be my girlfriend?" Ryder asked, feigning curiosity.
My cheeks heated as I stared into his swirling grey orbs.
Do I?
Of course you want to be his girlfriend!
But can he handle you?
Why do I consult you anyways? You just over complicate everything!
Suit yourself.
"Well...uhm...you see..." I trailed off, at a loss for words.
Ryder smirked and leaned down so that his forehead rested on mine. He placed a soft kiss on my nose, before shifting slightly and trailing kisses up and down my jaw. My eyes fluttered closed as Ryder moved lower, his kisses lingering longer than before. He placed his hands on my hips and squeezed lightly, his mouth gently sucked on the skin of my neck and I desperately tried to hold in the moan that was threatening to escape.
I bit my lip as Ryder placed a soft kiss on my bruised skin, and kissed the spot just under my jaw.
"Since I can see you're in no state to make rational decisions, how about I spell it out for you? Riley Carter, I want you to be my girlfriend. I want you to be mine, so then I can do this," Ryder touched his lips to mine for a second before pulling away. His touch was so brief, and it happened so quickly it could have been a figment of my imagination.
Ryder stayed a centimetre away from my lips, his eyes connected with mine, measuring my reaction.
Meanwhile I, felt like I was going to explode or maybe faint. Either way I didn't think my body or brain could handle everything that was going on.
"Riley, I really like you. Will you be my girlfriend?" Ryder finally asked, all traces of humour had left his expression.
Ryder Wilson was serious.
He was seriously asking me, the most frazzled girl on the planet, to be his girlfriend.
Only an idiot would say no.
And that's when common sense decided to slap me in my face.
"Oh my gosh, we're late for school!" I exclaimed, tossing Ryder off of me and onto the floor.
I jumped up from the couch and dashed into the bathroom, grabbing my toothbrush and squeezing practically the whole tube of toothpaste onto it. While I brushed my teeth I rummaged through my cupboard for a pair of jeans and literally any shirt I could get my hands on.
I heard a low chuckle from behind me and I turned my head so quickly I was surprised it didn't snap off my neck and roll onto the floor.
"So, that's a yes?" Ryder asked, leaning against my doorframe.
"Shuf shourshe," I mumbled, trying to tug my pair of jeans up my legs and simultaneously brush my teeth.
That was supposed to be 'of course' but due to the toothbrush dangling out of the side of my mouth and the fact that I was trying to keep the toothpaste mixed with spit in my mouth and not on my carpeted floor, it came out as 'shuf shourshe'.
Did I gain weight?
Nah.
The jeans must have shrunk.
"What was that?" Ryder asked, now staring at me with a confused expression.
I dashed past him and into the bathroom to spit the toothpaste out of my mouth and rinse it. Spit dribbled down my chin as I ran back into my room to tug my shirt over my head and throw on my new one.
"Well aren't you an attractive sight," Ryder sarcastically drawled, walking away from my room to change his clothes.
I rolled my eyes at his tone and checked the time on my phone.
Twelve o' clock!
There was literally only two more hours of school...did we really have to go?
Yes! Violet will be on your ass if you don't!
I ran out of my room and stopped once I reached the front door, tapping my foot impatiently while I waited for Ryder.
After five minutes passed and there was still no sign of him, I gave up all hope.
"Ryder! If you don't get here in ten seconds, we're over," I yelled into the air.
"Last time I checked, you never even agreed to being my girlfriend!" Ryder yelled back.
I groaned and mumbled a string of profanities as I marched up to his room and banged my fist furiously against the white wood.
"What do you think I said when I was brushing my teeth?" I asked frustratedly.
I heard shuffling on the other side of the door, and the clicking of a lock before it swung open to reveal Ryder dressed in dark washed jeans and a denim jacket.
Yum
Stupid hormones.
"I don't know, something about shoving sauce?" Ryder shrugged innocently and walked past me to the front door.
I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and stared at his back.
Who the hell even speaks about shoving sauce?
"Riley, if you don't hurry up you're going to have to find yourself a new boyfriend," Ryder sang in a teasing voice, winking at my gaping mouth.
I stomped furiously past him and out of our apartment, not waiting for him to lock up before I marched down the stairs.
I didn't have anymore patience left to wait for the elevator.
"I can't believe I'm dating you," I huffed as I got into Ryder's car, he caught up to me with no effort.
Stupid long legs.
Ryder smirked at me as he started the car, reversed out of the parking lot and sped down the road.
"I can't believe it took you this long to realize I like you," Ryder said, resting his hand on my thigh.
"It wasn't my fault! You acted like you hated me," I pouted.
"I can't believe we're going to school when there's only two hours left of it," Ryder rolled his eyes at me.
"Excuse me, finals are coming up and I need all the help I can get," I said irritatedly.
Ryder licked his lower lip, his lips twitched into a smile.
"I could just tutor you..." Ryder said slyly.
I wrinkled my nose in disgust, knowing very well what he meant by tutoring me.
"You just keep your eyes on the road," I laughed.
Ryder rolled his eyes, "Whatever you say mother."
That comment led to another argument, until we pulled up into the parking lot of North Grey High. I heard the bell ring from where we were parked and instantly knew that it was the last lesson of the day.
I sighed and leaned back in my seat, turning my head so that I faced Ryder who was doing the same thing.
"Ready?" he whispered, trailing a finger down my cheek.
My eyes fluttered closed at his touch and I nodded.
"Ready," I whispered back.
We got out of his car and made our way up North Grey High's steps. Ryder wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me to his side. He placed a kiss on my hair as we entered our school.
Everyone stopped what they were doing, not expecting us to enter. Curious eyes followed Ryder and I as we made our way to our maths class.
"Talk about a grand entrance?" Ryder whispered to me.
I giggled and leaned further into him, enjoying his warmth.
Slowly, the students around us remembered they had a class to get to and everyone fell back into what they were doing before.
Ryder and I were one of the first few students to arrive at Mr Waters's class. We took our seats and grinned at each other, as if we were in on some private joke no one else would know about.
I felt strange...ecstatic but even more. I felt...I felt alive. All this time I was living. I was breathing, eating, sleeping but I wasn't truly alive. I wouldn't have ever known what it would of felt like if I hadn't met Ryder. He made me feel like this, and what scared me was that I might never feel like this again.
You're treading a dangerous path. You know what would happen if he had to just get up and leave right?
The thought fled my mind as quickly as it had arrived and I shook away all the negativity that tried to dull my mood. Nope, not this time. This time, I'm never going to let anyone take this away from me.
As Mr Waters called the class to order, my mood was brightened even more as I realized the most wonderful thing on this planet had happened to me and I had never even acknowledged it...
I skipped Miss Wilkins class.
This day couldn't get any better.
•••••
"Okay, lets just take a step back now," Violet said, digging into her vanilla ice cream which had just arrived.
I glanced up at our waiter and thanked him as he placed my bowl of cookies and cream ice cream in front of me.
He winked at me in return and I felt Ryder wrap an arm around my waist and drag me closer to his body, while glaring at the waiter.
The smile dropped from his face and he instantly scurried away.
"Seriously?" I turned to Ryder with a blank expression.
Ryder smiled innocently down at me and scooped some of my ice cream into his spoon. I rolled my eyes at him, but my lips twitched into a smile once I felt him press his lips against my hair.
"Hello! Earth to couple, did you even hear me?" Violet asked, snapping her fingers in front of Ryder and I.
I laughed at her frustrated expression and saw Cameron smile softly at his girlfriend, who was clearly bothered by mine and Ryder's affection. Noah rolled his eyes at Violet, who was demanding we pay attention to her.
"Oh shut it Violet, we always pay attention to you. Let Ryder and Riley enjoy each other's presence without you interfering," Noah said, sipping his chocolate smoothie.
"Oh please! If it weren't for me, these two wouldn't even have realized they liked each other," Violet stuck her tongue out at Noah.
Noah gasped, "Oh the audacity! How dare you? If it weren't for me Ryder would have never even had the guts to ask Riley out."
"That's not tru-"
"Excuse me, but it was none of you. It was me," I said, laughing at Noah and Violet.
"Hello, you're forgetting who asked who out," Ryder rolled his eyes at me.
That was how an argument broke out between everyone sitting at the table, even Cameron joined in and sided with me.
"Guess who's back from their hiking trip?" Kyle burst through the doors of Delilah's Delights with a huge smile on his face.
Our argument came to a halt as everyone took in his dishevelled appearance. Dirt was smeared on his cheeks and leaves were tangled in his hair and clothing, while something reddish-brown in colour stained his kaki shorts. It looked similar to-
"Is that blood?" Violet asked, watching in horror as Kyle brushed a leaf of of his shoulder and took a seat next to her.
Kyle stared in the direction Violet was pointing and tilted his head to the side, examining the stain.
"Oh yeah, I slipped and rolled down the mountain," he brushed off the comment and took a long drag of Noah's chocolate smoothie.
"Oh my gosh Kyle! What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at the doctor?" I asked, worriedly staring at the scrapes on Kyle's forehead which I couldn't make out before.
"Nah, my camping stuff broke my fall. We cut our trip short when my dad got a business call, I didn't mind since I was practically getting eaten alive by mosquitos. I tripped on our way back, I'm fine now and my parents are at home unpacking," Kyle said, calling the waiter over to take his order.
"Shouldn't you be at home resting?" Violet asked.
Kyle ignored her and ordered what he wanted to eat, the waiter took off to get his order and Cameron filled Kyle in on everything that had happened while he was away.
Out of the corner of my eye I could make out Noah leaning closer into Kyle. I watched in curiosity, wondering what he was doing. Only when I saw Noah's nose twitch, did I realize what he was doing.
"Gross man! You need a shower, I was wondering what was smelling so awful," Noah shrieked, scooting further away from Kyle.
I laughed as the two began their bickering, as if Kyle never left.
"Did you think there was going to be a personalised bathroom suite in the bushes?" Kyle sarcastically asked.
"Seriously bro, you reek," Noah said.
"Oh really? What do I smell like?" Kyle asked tauntingly.
"Like a dog pissed on my gym socks," Noah said, pinching his nose between his fingers so that he couldn't smell Kyle anymore.
"Want to smell me up close?" Kyle smirked and grabbed a hold of Noah's face, and shoved it into his armpit.
Noah struggled against Kyle's hold as he twisted his body to try and pull away. Kyle finally released him, and Noah fell to the ground wheezing.
Kyle burst into a fit of laughter at Noah's expression. Violet, Cameron, Ryder and I watched the scene unfold, trying to stifle our laughter.
Noah inhaled deep breaths of fresh air, his eyes were as wide as saucers and his breath came out in ragged gasps.
"I think I just saw my life flash before my eyes," he whispered, coming back to sit next to Kyle.
Kyle chuckled and clapped Noah on the back, "I missed you too."
"Cover your mouth your breath stinks just as much as your body," Noah mumbled, but towards the end of his sentence his lips twisted into a small smile.
"Now, as I was saying, why the hell did the whole school find out about your relationship status before I did?" Violet asked, pointing at Ryder and I.
Kyle choked on Noah's smoothie which Noah refused to touch after Kyle drank from it.
"Wait, you two are dating?" Kyle asked, staring between Ryder and I.
Violet shushed him.
"Well, Riley insisted we come back to school so it's technically her fault," Ryder said, holding his hands up defensively.
"Did I put my arm around you when we walked in or was it the other way around?" I asked pointedly, raising my eyebrows.
"Great so because you couldn't miss a day of school and you couldn't keep your hands to yourself, I was the last person to find out about your relationship."
I rolled my eyes at her and let out a chuckle as she glared accusingly at Ryder and I. Ryder shrugged beside me.
"At least you know. It's not like we kept you in the dark completely," Ryder said twirling a strand of my hair around his fingers.
Everything was silent for a few seconds before it was interrupted by Kyle.
"So...I miss five days of school and those are the days you guys choose to confess your undying love for each other," Kyle mumbled grumpily.
•••••
I skipped into Inked with a huge smile on my face. Dylan stared at me like I'd grown a second head as I twirled around the store, while humming Aladdin's 'A Whole New World'.
"Isn't it a beautiful day today Dylan?" I cheerfully asked, dancing my way towards him.
"Someone's in a good mood," Dylan said, watching me closely from his seat in the corner of the store.
I giggled and sat down on his tattoo chair, staring up at the ceiling.
"The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, everything is perfect," I sighed.
"Wrong. It's cloudy and grey, there aren't even any birds around here to hear and the world is a dreary place all on its own," Dylan said flatly.
I sat up in the chair and gave him a mega watt smile, "What's got your panties in a twist?"
Dylan rolled his eyes and got up to fiddle for something in his bag.
"You, why are you so happy anyways?" he asked.
"So now I can't be happy?" I asked innocently.
Dylan lifted his head and raised his eyebrows at me.
"Okay fine, you caught me. I met someone today," I said vaguely, getting up from his chair to walk around the store.
Dylan stopped digging in his bag to look at me, "A guy I'm guessing?"
I nodded, "He's amazing. He's understanding, and caring and...well he's not kind -but he can be really sweet."
A smile graced my face as I thought about Ryder.
Dylan stared at my love struck expression with cautious eyes.
"Can I guess who this person is?" Dylan asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
I stared at his hard eyes and scrambled for an excuse to make.
"I don't think you'd know him, he's actually-"
"It's Ryder isn't it?" Dylan cut me off.
Well, damn okay then.
I stared at him with my mouth agape, "How did you know?"
"It was bound to happen someday," he mumbled.
I stared at his hard expression, trying to judge if Dylan approved or didn't.
"You're not happy about this, are you?" I asked quietly.
Dylan let out a sigh and his expression softened into one of concern.
"I'm sorry Riley, I just don't know him that much so I can't trust him."
I stared at my shoes and bit my lip, my good mood was slowly dulling.
"Does he know?" Dylan asked, coming to stand in front of me so that I was forced to meet his eyes.
"He knows everything. I told him everything about me and not once did he ever look at me differently. He-he cares about me," I said the last part softly so that Dylan didn't hear it.
But what doesn't this boy hear?
"He may care about you, but are you positively sure you told him everything?" Dylan asked, his eyes searching mine almost as if he knew I left something out when I was telling Ryder my story.
I caved in to Dylan's sceptic stare, "Well..."
"Seriously Riley?" he asked, stepping away from me, his hands dropping back down to his sides.
"It wasn't that big of a detail I left out!" I protested, crossing my arms over my chest.
"It's about your name isn't it?" Dylan asked softly.
I nodded, "It wasn't important anyways."
"You're kidding!" Dylan exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air frustratedly, "Riley, it's a part of your identity. Of course it's important."
I clenched my jaw, "How would that affect him or me now? It's in the past."
"So is Brandon yet here we are," Dylan said furiously.
But Dylan didn't give me a chance to process his words.
"You can't seem to learn from your mistakes! Every time you try to keep things from Ryder, they always come out and in the worst ways possible. This may be something tiny to you, but it could mean the world to him," Dylan said.
I opened my mouth to respond but Dylan cut me off.
"What happens if he finds out you've been hiding this from him and he goes and does something stupid in a fit of rage? Like maybe lure you into some trap Brandon set up for you, or worse, kidnap you himself-"
"Ryder isn't like that! He wouldn't do anything to hurt me," I yelled defensively.
I saw a muscle tick in Dylan's jaw before he closed his eyes and took a moment to calm himself.
"Riley, I know way more about guys than you do, especially your everyday teenage bad boy. He will do anything in his power to try and wrap you around his fingers, and when you cross a line he does everything in his power to make sure you'd never do it again," Dylan said calmly, his eyes flashing with an emotion I've never seen, as if he was speaking from experience.
I shook my head defiantly, his words going in one ear and out the other.
Sure some guys were probably like that, but not all guys! I couldn't speak for the whole of the male population, but I could definitely speak on behalf of Ryder. He wasn't a bad guy, and he would never try to hurt me.
"You may be right, but Ryder isn't one of those guys," I mumbled.
"Alright, it's your life Riley. I can only go as far as giving you advice, you don't have to take it," he said defeatedly.
I watched as Dylan looked at me sadly. I didn't want him to be sad over this, so I said the next best thing that came to my head.
"I know you're trying to help Dylan, but I highly doubt he'll do anything outrageous if he hears about this," I said, wrapping my arms around Dylan's waist to pull him into a hug.
"I hope so kiddo. I'm only trying to protect you, I hardly even know the guy," Dylan said hugging me back.
A sudden idea popped into my head.
"Why don't you meet him? As in formally meet him as my boyfriend and not just some guy?" I asked hopefully.
Dylan groaned, "Now I need to meet him?"
"Please, for me?" I begged.
It would mean the world if Dylan had to meet Ryder and finally sort out their differences.
"Fine," Dylan sighed.
I squealed and wrapped my arms around, giving him a tight squeeze.
"Thanks Dylan!"
I skipped away from him, ready to exit the store. My happy mood was restored. Just as I had my hand on the door handle, Dylan's voice stopped me.
"Riley, what's the most important thing in a relationship?" he asked.
I answered without hesitating, "Trust."
"Exactly. You're telling me you want to date a guy who doesn't even know your real name?"
I had thought about that. The thought had played on mind ever since Ryder asked me to be his girlfriend, and the guilt that I was keeping something from him was slowly starting to eat me up. But then again, I felt it wasn't even that important so it shouldn't matter.
"That was the name of a person who didn't know how to stand up for herself and tell right from wrong. She's not me, I'm Riley Carter and I'll never be that person again," I said, opening the door to exit Dylan's store.
"Just know that whatever happens, I'll always be here for you Riley," Dylan said softly.
"I know Dylan, and that's why I'm grateful I've met you. You've helped me through so much, and I hope one day I can repay you."
Just before I could shut the door, I turned to meet Dylan's eyes and what I saw confused me more than anything ever did.
What I saw there, was guilt. Dylan looked extremely guilty and I watched him closely as he turned around to go back to his sketching.
Why would he feel guilty, if he was just promising to have my back?
•••••
Woah, they're finally together : /
So...let's talk about some tings
In this chapter Dylan spoke about how guys were bad and all of that shmuck. But my well, Dylan's intention was not to downgrade the entire male population. Dylan was specifically referring to 'bad boys' which is kinda what Ryder is...in my head anyways I guess? :') However if I have offended you, then I sincerely apologize, and if you would like me to I can edit this part in the book : )
Now that that's out the way, I hope you have a lovely day/night!
Thank you for reading my chapter : )
-Grayx