"Unlike you I don't run from my problems I face them!.... and right now.... you're a problem!.... though you are one I can deal with.... I have to deal with myself for I am a problem too!.... my past experiences tell me that I deserve this but I know I don't!.... I want better!.... I DESERVE better!.... but this is a two way street and you have to be willing to meet me halfway not come at me full force!" Muerte says Juice looks at her sadly as she continues "I'm not ready to let you "all the way in" yet.... I can't!.... I'm not in the right place in my heart or in my head for that!.... I feel like I'm in a deep dark hole and can't get out!.... you were the one light that shines within it but I've gotta so used to.... it's cold down there and I'm afraid of your warmth!.... all this is is you feeling sorry.... for yourself!?!.... for me!?!.... for the way you've treated me!?!.... and how much you "miss me"!?!.... for not being there when "you should have"!?!.... I don't know which.... with you I don't know what is the truth and what is a lie!" she whispers then she takes a step back looks into his eyes "I.... wanted and waited for you for so long too.... "wake up"!!.... you KNEW the truth yet you listened to the lies!.... time and time again no matter how many people told me that I was a fool to give you so many chances.... for being so patient and understanding.... maybe they were right!.... maybe I shouldn't have been so lenient.... but I couldn't help it!.... my heart hurt everytime I watched you ignore me.... to what!?!.... "save me" from her wrath!?!.... in case you haven't noticed Juice I am ten times scarier than she will ever be!.... it's the Mexican in me!" Marcus chuckles softly when he hears her say that but he doesn't interfere he knew that she needed to take care of this mess on her own let everything out even if he didn't listen she still needed to say what was on her mind and in her heart for that was the type of person she is "I know it's strange.... how fast we.... I had never....! I feel like they ruined SO MUCH for me.... and you're helping!.... whether you're doing it on purpose or because you're still not thinking with your heart but with that elephant sized air-filled brain of yours I don't know!.... when you.... kiss me!.... touch me!.... talk to me!.... look at me!.... I'm now living the lie.... listening to that voice you have been listening too for so long but luckily for me it sounds NOTHING like Gemma or Clay! unfortunately it does sound like my ex!.... the man before you the way he was after he broke up with me.... but unlike you I won't give into it!.... I'm more than scared Juan!.... I'm TERRIFIED!.... I lost my daughter because of them!.... I feel like I have nothing left within me to give because of them!.... I not only don't know love but I CAN'T love!.... and to be with you now.... to use you as you asked me to do.... I can't!.... I won't become them!.... I won't!" Muerte says Juice looks at her sadly "you're going to have to give me time Juice.... be patient and stop pressuring me!.... you may not see it that way but that's how you're presenting it.... you haven't given me a break since I came out of the hospital.... at least this time it isn't you pushing me away but me asking for time.... though if you continue to push me into your arms the way you've been trying to do it may turn out worse than your yo-yo years and you will never gain me back ever again!.... for it won't be as full as it once was.... do you understand what I'm trying to say?!" she asks softly "yes!.... it's just.... it hurts!.... everytime I see you!.... I know what I've done to you!.... what I keep doing to you!.... to myself!.... hearing you once again call me Juice!.... I still hate it!.... I don't know why.... I hate it when you call me Juice but I love it when I hear you call me Juan or JC.... Happy threatened me!.... and he had every right to do so!.... it was my fault!.... if I hadn't done what I did to you!.... if I was there with you!.... I could have stopped them I could have....!" he replies softly "become a part of THAT problem!.... and I wouldn't have been able to bare it.... losing the both of you!.... especially in the way I lost her!.... you would have been left there to die Juice!.... if I couldn't handle all them by myself you....! I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I had to live with the knowledge of knowing that your blood was on my hands even if I wasn't the one who placed the fatal blow itself.... it would have been MY fault because they were after me!.... it wasn't you're fault!.... you were at the club.... you couldn't have known they were there waiting.... though I have no idea how they knew I was coming.... it isn't like I came by everyday.... even though I know you wish I had!.... and I'm pretty sure you never told anyone about our daughter so they couldn't have known about the ultrasound appointment.... I also know for certain that no one but my dad has the kinda pull to get that type of information from our family physician and yet they were there waiting!.... blocking the road so that I couldn't get past then surrounding me so that I couldn't leave....!" she tells him she stops then says softly "there's something I should show you" he looks at her oddly as she takes his hand in hers holding onto just his fingers with her own and she walks him to her Harley while whistling for Rebel who came rushing over and hops into his sidecar she climbs onto her Harley and he climbs on behind her then she drives off and heads towards the graveyard where their daughters gravestone is....
^^just in case you forgot the tombstone choices here they are^^
Juice looks down at the tombstone in shock "this is....!?!" he whispers softly Muerte nods then says softly "I'll give you a few minutes" and starts to walk away he turns and says in soft quick tones as he reaches for and gently grips her wrist "no!.... please stay!" she walks back over to him and stands at his side as he stares down at the tombstone and tears start to fall from his eyes like rain seeing his tears Muerte turns her body and hugs him lightly wrapping her arms around his neck Juice wraps his arms around her waist and cries into her shoulder.... a few minutes later Muerte drives Juice back to his Harley so that he could drive himself back to the club.... it took a few months but with her "favorite" protectors.... her pups, Happy, Quinn the Nomad, her father, her brother and even Juice watching over her.... Muerte stopped torturing herself in her sleep and started becoming more like her "old self" the strong terrifying woman she's always been.... she has yet to let Juice "all the way in" but they are.... progressing.... taking it even slower than before the rape had happened.... Juice was shocked to see Muerte standing in front of his trailer leaning up against her Harley looking as sexy as ever with a tantalizing soft smile on her face with Demon sitting next to her barking gently at him he gulps and his eyebrow raises as he climbs off his own Harley he hears her chuckle "what!?!" she asks with a teasing playful alluring tone as he walks over to her "nothing!" he says breathlessly his lips rush to meet hers as he cups her cheek in his hand while petting Demon with his other hand her eyes widen then soften as she starts to enjoy it then the fear begins to return but she didn't want to push him away so she just she exclaims in soft surprise "Juan!!" once his lips let hers go he continues meeting her eyes that actually lock with his this time he's relieved when he sees her smile and hears her softly say "one day at a time" he replies softly "one motion at a time.... I can't live without you anymore!.... I love you!" she kisses him gently his body quivers and he holds back the urge to go further than a kiss and she smiles then whispers "the curtains are closed!" he replies "we're not even inside!.... oh!.... right!" he chuckles she shakes her head at him making him chuckle even more "come on!.... time for bed!" she whispers softly as she takes his hand in hers and leads him inside Demon follows them once they're inside she lets go of his hand and walks towards his bedroom stripping in the doorway then climbs into and lays down on his bed.... under the covers.... laying on her side facing the wall he walks over and into the room and stares at her his hand reaches for and barley touches the her back as his fingertips gently slide over every inch of it "this isn't helping Juan!" she teases with a smile "right!.... sorry!" he starts to walk away but she reaches for and grips his wrist "that doesn't mean you have to leave!.... it was.... nice.... just distracting!" she tells him he smiles walks around to the other side of his bed and lays down his eyes meeting hers she leans forward and kisses his cheek "goodnight Juan" she says softly and instead of saying goodnight himself his lips meet hers she moans softly her hand reaches for his cheek and her body moves so that it is over his and she stops and says with a breathless tone "do you see what I mean?! you....!" she sighs then she turns her body so that her back is now facing him he leans forward and grips her shoulder gently he lets go of her shoulder when he feels her body stiffen at his touch "goodnight Muerte" he whispers sadly as tears slide down her face and she closes her eyes trying to will herself to fall asleep.... Muerte started going back to Teller Morrow for small visits bringing one of her pups along with her using the "protect" command.... they knew which Reapers she trusted and which ones she didn't and when one that she didn't trust tried to come near her they would growl and bark a small yet loud, dark and dangerous warning bark baring their teeth and looking very threatening making the ones who heard it back away from her with fear in their eyes after that night laying together in his bed Muerte started letting Juice prove that he no longer listened to Gemma's lies he knew she was testing him and hoped that he didn't fail her this time he was just grateful that even though the night ended awkwardly this day was like any "normal" day she was paying attention to him, not shying away from his touch as a matter of fact it was HER that touched him first and just like Happy he started waiting for her to touch him first but the thing that made him the happiest was that she called him Juan instead of Juice they weren't dating.... yet.... but everyone noticed the small change in their relationship and they all.... except for Gemma, Clay and Wendy.... were happy for them.... "don't screw this up!.... if anything happens to her because of you....!" Happy growls a low warning to Juice before he (Juice) walked over to Muerte who was at the bar tattooing a Reaper on a Prospects arm.... Muerte made sure that her Mayans logo tramp stamp was in full view of everyone at Teller Morrow at all times and Juice became her official "slave".... of his own doing not by her demand.... when ever she was outside he would jog over her umbrella and sunscreen in hand always worried that she would burn the smile she gave him as she took them from him made his whole body melt.... it took Muerte a little longer to let Juice "completely in" there were days that just his touch would take her back to the months she was beaten, raped and tortured and when he recognized the "signs" he drew back like her skin had burned him during those times one the days he felt really lonely or wanted to "fit in" with the rest of the Reapers he relied on the "comfort" of a Eater and only started to regret his actions if he "got caught" by her.... which was often.... she always acted like it was no big deal but he could tell by the way she looked at him that it was.... the sadness in her eyes, the hidden anger in her tone....
As far as Happy knew he only made two mistakes.... one.... he woke Muerte up by sitting at the edge of her bed and brushing her hair away from her face with his fingers after she was beaten and raped..... her body shot up and her fist met his face the look of shock in her eyes and apologetic tone in her voice when she spoke told him that something was wrong.... which of course there would be after going through what she went through... and two he had almost sent Juice to the hospital on that day but Muerte walked in and stopped him.... "Happy don't!!.... I told you it wasn't his fault!" she says softly gripping his wrist that held a fist heading for Juice's face he lowered his fist turned to her and placed his hands on her cheeks cupping her chin at the same time "Viper!" he says sadly looking into her eyes "I know Cobra!.... but I'm not the one you have to apologize too!" she smiles looking over at Juice and kisses Happy's cheek then walks back out of the room.... the most memorable night for Juice was when Muerte.... almost gave into her desires did what she promised herself she'd never do.... he was just passing by heading towards the SoA clubhouse's "gym" when he feels her hand slide along his chest he looks down as her hands grip the lips of his kutte and pulls him into one of the empty apartments his eyes widen at the unexpected movements then he feels her lips softly touch his unsure he deepens the kiss telling her that everything was alright she moans softly his hands slide over the sides of her body as she walks backwards towards the door and he follows walking forward not letting her lips or body go once they reach the door she fumbles her hands behind her in search of the doorknob she grips and twists it opening the door once she found it once they were inside she let go and walked away he watched her with a confused expression on his face till she turns around and says softly her hand apartments doorknob with words he barely heard "one day at a time.... without Gemma's.... interference!" he smiles slightly understanding what she meant as she turns away from him and walks into the apartment leaving the door open as she always has even before her rape and he follows her in still smiling shutting the door behind him she let him kiss her she allowed him to touch her, strip her of her shirt and caress her bare skin but as soon as his fingers slid over her clit she froze and he stopped "Juice!.... wait!!.... I.... I can't!.... especially here!.... I'm not.....! I'm sorry Juan!.... I really am!.... I love you!.... and it scares me!.... ever since.... I-I'm sorry!.... I thought I could!.... I don't know what's wrong with me!.... I shouldn't still be so afraid!.... but I am!" she says softly lowering her head not looking him in the eyes "don't say that!.... nothing is wrong with you!.... it's okay Muerte!" Juice says softly trying to get her to look him in the eye lowering his head to try and met hers "it still feels wrong.... I miss your comfort!.... your warmth!.... but I.... sure I have the others!.... but.... it isn't the same!.... even Hap and Quinn I love those two with all my heart!.... they've protected me from the moment they met me!.... I never understood why!.... they were the one members out of all of them.... besides Chibs, Bobby, Tig, Ope and Jax that didn't.... they looked.... but they didn't STARE!.... like Kyle did.... GOD I HATED that asshole and I barely knew him!.... but to Happy, Jax and the others I was never a conquest to be won!.... I was.... AM.... a friend.... family.... someone they felt NEEDED them!.... I'm not an Eater Juice I....!" she says softly she pauses then whispers with a slightly teasing tone knowing that her words as well as her actions may be hurting him "I wanted to test the waters.... it seems like they're a bit too warm!" he chuckles and a small smile slides up the corner of her lips his lips meet hers and he whispers softly "we'll work through this!.... figure.... us out!.... one day at a time.... right!?!" she gives him a small sad smile and says softly "yeah!".... Muerte had a member of the Mayans that she trusted wholeheartedly named Jesse Murphy who just happened to be her brothers best friend since elementary school watch over Salazar and give her full reports on his day to day activities she wanted to know what he did on a day to day bases and was waiting for the perfect opportunity to place him where he truly belonged.... who knew that an opportunity would present itself a few months after Opie was released from prison.... the only regret she had was that people got not only hurt but killed just so she could do "what needed to be done"