Chapter Forty-Eight:
"Hey kids! How was your trip?" my dad asks the moment he walks into the living room.
Charlie and I both stand up from our seats on the couch, walking over to him where we're both pulled into a huge hug.
"I mean, I found it pretty boring but I think it was a little more eventful for Lexi," my brother grins, and I can feel my eyebrows fly up in surprise.
"What are you talking about?" I ask, accidentally sounding totally frantic.
Charlie and my dad both look at me in confusion, and I take an involuntary step back away from them.
Charlie blinks slowly at me in return, and I realize that I'm overreacting. There is absolutely no way that Bryce would've told him what happened, so there is no reason for me to freak out.
I take a deep breath in, shaking my head and saying, "Never mind."
"I just thought that you and Bryce got into a fight, that's all," Charlie shrugs, and I feel my dad grow even more confused.
"Why did you and Bryce get into a fight? I didn't think you two spent that much time together,"our dad says, and I have to bite down on the inside of my cheek.
He has no clue. No clue whatsoever about Bryce and I's relationship that wasn't really a relationship.
But I wish it was a relationship. I wish we had a label and I wish there was actually something there between us.
I wish I could fall asleep in his arms without worrying what it would mean, and I wish I could kiss him again; I miss his kisses, and the way he holds me close to his chest when I'm upset.
It hurts to know that I'm no longer going to experience any of those things, not at all.
I wish Malcolm was here. He gave me better love advice in the day and a half I was on that trip than most of my friends have given me over the many, many years I've known them.
I guess I can't blame them for how I deny my feelings, but I still wish that I had someone I could always turn too no matter what.
But I do have that someone; it's Bryce. I just can't seem to talk about my feeling for him with him, which is a major hurdle that it appears will be difficult to get over.
"It's complicated," I tell Dad, and I've lost track of how many times I've answered a question about my feelings that way.
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"You look like shit," Jordan says to Bryce the moment that Charlie and I walk into the hallway.
Mateo snickers from where he's standing a few feet away from them, and Bryce's head snaps to the side so that he can glare right at him.
Mateo immediately stops laughing, sticking his nose right back into the book that he's reading.
Bryce then turns to Jordan, raising one eyebrow at him.
I do have to admit that Bryce doesn't look the greatest. His eyes are faintly red and they lack their usual twinkle as he stares blankly at Jordan, evidently annoyed.
"Shut your fucking mouth, Thompson," he grumbles, slamming the door to his locker shut before taking another sip of the iced coffee in his hands.
He's wearing a black T-shirt and I find myself admiring his tattoos before I leave my brother behind, walking right towards them.
"He's hungover," I state, taking to both Bryce and Jordan.
I know that I'm correct by the way Bryce hangs his head down, refusing to look at me.
Jordan bursts out laughing. "What kind of idiot drinks on a school night?" he asks, hunched over now, and Bryce kicks him hard in the shin.
It causes Jordan to yelp and stumble back a few inches, and Bryce couldn't look more annoyed.
"All my teachers back in Florida thought I should graduate a year early and I'm really regretting not going through with that," Bryce huffs, dropping his backpack to the ground by his feet.
He leans backwards against the lockers now, tilting his head back so that it hits the metal doors with a slight rattle.
"You take 'smartass' to another level," Jordan says slyly, and I'm concerned that Bryce is going to kick him again.
I decide to pretend that I'm ignoring them as I open my locker, grabbing my binders and books and tucking them into my backpack.
I'm definitely still tuned in to their conversation though, listening to the way that Bryce seems to be dodging every question that Jordan asks.
I take particular note of the way Bryce reacts when Jordan asks, "Why we're you drunk last night?" as Bryce tenses up, grabbing his backpack off the floor and walking down the hallway away from us.
"He doesn't drink for no reason. He's not like that," I tell Jordan, who is watching as Bryce departs.
He nods knowingly. "He's an interesting guy. He never ceases to surprise me. I mean, the first time I met him I was convinced that he was one of those stereotypical dumb douchebag jocks, but I guess that was wrong. It's scary how smart he is, don't you think?" he then says, and I nod at him in agreement.
My eyes scan the hallway to double-check that Bryce is gone and not able to hear us before I say, "It's obvious how much I like him, isn't it?"
Upon looking around for Bryce, I noticed that my brother and Mateo are talking with Daniel at the end of the hallway.
Jordan gives me a half-smile, tilting his head to the side a little. "Yeah, it is. You guys fit well together though. Opposites attract, I guess," he answers, shrugging, and I accidentally let out a sigh.
"I'm delusional. He'd never go for me. I shouldn't have caused him and Camila to stop whatever they had going on because she's so clearly his type. I mean, have you seen the girls on his Instagram?" I comment quietly, feeling completely distraught.
Jordan definitely doesn't want to hear any of this, but I really need to get all these feelings off of my chest.
Jordan purses his lips shut, looking unsure of what to say next.
Finally he answers my question with, "Yes. I've seen them. But he clearly didn't actually love any of them. Remember when he first moved back here? He was even more secretive than he is now, but right off the bat he made it very clear that he didn't have a girlfriend. He doesn't give a flying shit about what any of us think except for you, so don't you think that that must mean something?"
"He doesn't love me either, Jordan. Don't be ridiculous," I tell him, crossing my arms, and Jordan's lip curve up into a huge smile.
"You don't think so?" he asks me, and I shake my head at him.
"Interesting," Jordan then says, not giving anymore context at all.
The bell to get to class rings a few minutes later, and Jordan and I say our goodbyes before heading off our separate ways.
I run into Camila on my way to our voice class, and when she waved to me, I joined her on the rest of the walk.
I find that all my jealously surrounding her and Bryce has slipped away now, both in realizing how petty it was and also in knowing that Bryce and I will officially never have a relationship.
Bryce showed up to class just a few seconds short of being late, and when he sat down in his seat he barely acknowledged either Camila or me.
Actually, he barely spoke to either of us all class, and was the first out of the room when the bell rang for next period.
Camila gave me an apologetic look when she caught me staring at Bryce as he strolled away.
I gave her a fake smile before saying goodbye, heading off after Bryce in the direction of our math class.
He was already sitting in his seat, scribbling something in a notebook by the time I entered the room.
Mateo was already seated as well and so I went to sit beside him, not even making an effort to speak to Bryce.
I know that Bryce is hungover and probably exhausted, but it's no excuse for how rude he seems to be acting today.
Even though I'm pretty good at math, this class just gets harder and harder and exams are only two and a half weeks away.
Bryce is getting perfect marks on every quiz and I'm very envious of him, but I guess I could use this to advantage by asking him to help me out.
By the time class is over, I'm feeling like I'm definitely going to flunk my exam.
Bryce is, once again, first to leave the room, and Mateo lets out an annoyed sigh from behind me.
"What's his deal?" Mateo asks me, and I shake my head at him, unsure myself.
Mateo had to go meet up with his history teacher for a couple minutes despite it being lunch time, and so I had to walk to the cafeteria myself.
I decided to stop by my locker beforehand, and everything seemed to be going smooth until I slammed my locker door shut, turning around.
I find three guys standing there, all of them around six feet tall.
I've never seen any of them before in my life, and my breath suddenly feels caught in my throat.
I try to step to the side away from them, but the boy in the middle stops me by resting a hand on my shoulder.
I scan their faces again, trying really hard to recognize them. I fall short, and worry is building inside me rapidly as I consider the reasons why they could be approaching me right now.
"Do I know you?" I ask timidly, and the guy in the middle grips my shoulder tighter, laughing.
His eyes are a piercing bright blue and his hair is a ginger colour. He laughs at my question before asking, "What do you mean, babydoll? You don't remember me from last night?"
I shake my head at him, now even more confused.
His friends find his words hilarious and they both burst out laughing, eyeing me up and down.
"Can you please get your hands off of me?" I ask, reaching for the boy's wrist.
I try to pry his hand off but it doesn't work and just causes him to hold even tighter, his fingertips now digging into my skin. It pinches a little bit and I find myself working hard to control my breathing.
"Listen to her, you bastard. Get your fucking hands off of her," Bryce's voice interjects, and I look to my right to see him standing there, hands tucked in to his pocket with a stern expression on his face.
The boy lets out a huff, but he listens to Bryce, dropping his hand from me.
The amount of times that guys I don't know approach me when I'm alone is becoming increasingly worrying, and I wonder how I'm even going to get through college if I'm at a school with no one that I know well enough.
It feels like someone always comes to my rescue right now, but what'll happen when I no longer have that safety net?
"You're no fun," the boy says, turning away from me and towards Bryce.
It gives me the opportunity to sneak away, but I find myself glued to the spot and unable to move.
Bryce lets out an agitated huff. He folds his arms across his chest, taking another step towards the boy. He basically wedges himself in between us, reaching for my hand.
I let him take it and he gives me a reassuring squeeze.
"Who are you?" Bryce asks, his tone growing more and more mad.
I can tell that his presence is causing the three boys to waver, and I'm thankful for how intimidating he always comes off to other people.
"Ask your girl. She knows who we are," a different boy says, and I use my free hand to wrap around Bryce's forearm.
I still have no clue what's happening and it's driving me insane.
"No she doesn't. Explain yourselves or fuck off," Bryce growls, and I really just want them to listen to him and leave.
The ginger boy bites his lip, but then he turns and walks away.
He takes extra care to shove Bryce in the arm on his way, gesturing for his friends to follow.
Without another word to me, Bryce drags me out of the hallway and down the stairs.
I notice that the exchange seems to have caused a crowd to form around us and Bryce is quick to get us away from the small gathering of people.
"Who the hell are those guys and what did you do with them last night?" Bryce asks me once he finds a completely empty hallway that seems to satisfy his needs.
I gape at him.
Unbelievable. That's all he's worried about right now?
"Really, Bryce? I have no clue who they are and I wasn't with any of them last night. But what if I was? I'm allowed to sleep with whoever I want," I argue, and Bryce's reaction is even worse that I expected.
I thought that he was angry earlier.
But I was wrong, because now he's pissed.
"So you didn't screw any of them?" Bryce asks again.
"What if I did?" I counter, and Bryce looks like he's about to punch the brick wall.
"This isn't funny, Lexi. They're all gross pricks and they don't deserve you. Tell me that you didn't fuck them," Bryce says, sounding desperate now, and I see that mentally, he's freaking out.
I can no longer tell if he's mad or sad anymore, and it forces the truth right out of me.
I shake my head at him. "No Bryce. I did not, but you're making me feel like I should have," I say, and suddenly he looks like he's going to throw up.
"Don't you fucking dare. Don't even think about it. I will literally beat the guy up," Bryce hisses, and I try to step past him but he forcefully grabs my wrists, stopping me from doing so.
He doesn't do it in a way that hurts me, but it's enough to keep me restrained.
"Why are you being so possessive today? It's not fair. We agreed to keep it platonic between us. Besides, you didn't even disagree with me. You were all for it then, and it's a little late to change your mind," I say coldly, and Bryce begins to pace back and forth along the hallway.
"I will literally lose my shit if I hear that you slept with another guy," Bryce says quietly, staring down at his feet.
That simple sentence infuriates me, and I step closer to him so that our bodies are almost pressed together.
"'Another guy'? As if you want to sleep with me. You said that you didn't want to have sex with me right to my face, remember? That's a gross double standard. You lost your virginity almost three years ago and have slept with a ton of girls, so why can't I sleep with a guy at age seventeen?" I question, my voice shaking a little bit, and Bryce's eyes go wide.
"I didn't say that because I don't want to, Blossom. It's because I can't give you what you want. If I could, I would," Bryce says in a low voice, and I shut my eyes for a moment.
He places his hand on my waist, trailing down my hip until it rests on my thigh in a possessive manner.
I have to gulp to keep myself calm.
"Exactly. So why can't I experience some things in high school on my own?" I ask, my voice shaking, and he leans down to stare right into my eyes.
For a fleeting moment, I think that he's going to kiss me.
I was quickly proved wrong because instead, he whispers the words, "Don't push me."
And then he steps away, leaving me alone in the hallway.
A/N: We're almost at chapter 50!!! It's so surreal to me guys. I promise that good things for Bexi are coming soon.