-tw: may be graphic for some people. writing from some experience.-
u've been warned.
ur pov
tired.
that's all i could feel.
every single feeling in my body was numb. i couldn't get rid of it either. it was a horrible feeling and i was tired of having it.
i woke up again to my curtains on my window half open with the sun shining in. i saw some dark dark clouds which meant it was most likely going to storm. i sighed then looked over to my clock by the door to see that it was 11:39 am. well another day of school is gone. it's not like i could get out of bed anyway.
about two weeks ago i woke up one morning to go to school, to see my friends, my boyfriend, larry and to just to hopefully have a good day but when i woke up i felt weak and unmotivated. i could barely move to even take a shower or to eat. and to make things worse, my dad left for a man's trip for a few weeks and won't be back for another three or four days.
i tried putting my hair up in a bun a few times so it wouldn't be so messy but i couldn't even do that. it was in a limp ponytail that was about to fall out because the only thing that i had was a white scrunchie. yeah, they're popular but they suck for keeping your hair up.
i laid in bed longer and longer, just thinking about how useless i am. everyone must think i'm annoying. all i do is talk and talk, i look bad all the time, my face is ugly, i'm a horrible friend and so much more. i don't know why i feel this way make it stop. make it stop.
stop
stop
StOP
then it clicked.
i know how to make it stop.
larrys pov
it was a long day, as usual. but it felt so empty without her, my angel, y/n. i miss her so much. she's been gone for two weeks. she never told me where but she said she went on a family trip with her dad. i had a weird feeling about it but i didn't really do anything and just thought i was feeling under the weather.
i sat with my head in my hand while listening to the English teacher babbling on about something or the other, but i didn't really care. i watched sal and todd mumbling to each other (since their desks were closer) and then sal looked over to me, but his eyes had a worried look. since we weren't allowed to talk he quickly wrote down something on a note, then looked to see if the teacher was looking or not then he threw it to me. it was all in chicken scratch which made me worry because sals handwriting is the best in the class. something is up.
i looked back to sal after reading the note. i looked at him with the confused the 'are you sure' look and when he nodded his head, my blood went cold. my eyes widened and all sound went quiet.
she never misses school like this, where is she? is she okay? is she hurt? oh god, what if she GOT hurt? what if someone kidnapped her? i don't know what to do. do i call her? i tried before but she never answered i just assumed she was busy with her family. why did she say she was with family?
wait.
i know her. i know why she's not here, she's done this before. what if it happened again? what if she's having another episode? the last one was so bad but it only lasted three days but i was with her every step of the way. i haven't been with her for two weeks. TWO WEEKS.
"larry johnson, sal fisher! that is enough both you to the office now!" the teacher yelled. i looked over to sal and saw that he and todd were trying to get my attention for something. i quickly stood up and left the room as fast as i could, with sal following behind me making sure he grabbed my bag along with his because i didn't grab mine. i ran down the hallway with sal yelling behind me.
"larry where are you going?" he said to me panting once i stopped at the door to leave.
"i have to go. i know somethings wrong.
"im coming with you. here take your bag i can't carry all your shit" he replied throwing my bag at me which i caught. i threw it on my back then slammed open the school doors. it was raining. and bad, it was windy there were already puddles, there was thunder too. it was dark. it felt so late in the afternoon, but it was so early.
i started running, i was never the person for physical activity but i ran faster then i have ever ran in my life. sal was close behind but he was shorter than me so he stayed behind no matter how fast he was. even though she lived two miles away from the apartments nothing stopped me. i slipped a few times but i still kept going.
after a good while (roughly 15-20 minutes) of running, i finally reached the pale blue, two-story house, with sal right behind me breathing for his life. i grabbed the door handle and twisted it
"please be ready for the worst. i don't know what we're going to see." i said in between breaths, still needing as much air as i can get from running for so long. i ran into the house, checking every downstairs room there was screaming for y/n. i needed to find her. when i went into the kitchen i saw the fridge just barely open but there was mac and cheese on the counter but it doesn't even look touched. maybe she's okay, maybe shes just asleep now.
"larry you need to see this now"
i ran to sal who was in the living room standing next to the glass coffee table. he had a pure shock look in his eyes when he handed me a ripped out piece of notebook paper.
as soon as i read her name i bolted up the stairs, i couldn't lose her.
i slammed open her door to reveal a messy room, a messy bed, and so many empty water bottles. y/n always had water bottles in her room. i tired counting them and prayed that there were 13. there was only 12. i was losing it. i ran to every room until i finally reached the closed bathroom door. i opened without knocking to find that she wasn't in there, but the medicine cabinet was open, but everything inside of it was gone. shes not up here. where is she? oh god, where is she?
basement.
i could hear sal screaming y/n's name from the kitchen, but all i could pay attention to was my feet skipping two steps at a time down the stairs. it had sounded like someone had fallen down the stairs and broke their legs. i ran to the basement door that was cracked open. the lights were off which made me doubt going down there. y/n hates the dark. but i went anyway.
i could not see a thing, but i knew where all the light switches and lamps were. i turned on the first big light that was near the washing machine. i stopped in my tracks to she 6 pill bottles with 3 halfway empty.i screamed for y/n again. i looked at the sitting area to if she was there but all i saw was a mess. along with an empty water bottle. i ran to the last room in the house that she could be. the downstairs bathroom. i heard retching.
i slammed open the door and saw something i've never wanted to see in my life.
ur pov
i sat in the bathtub shivering.
i could hear the rain and the wind and the thunder roaring outside, but for once, it didn't scare me.
the feeling i had throughout my body was something i have never felt before.
i felt pins and needles everywhere. like the feeling, you get in your foot when it falls asleep and starts to wake up. except it was so cold. so cold. i couldn't move, i felt limp, just like before except even worse. i was dying.
i turned to face the side of the tub that faces the door. i closed my eyes and wanted to fall asleep but then i heard a crash upstairs, everything was spinning, i was getting dizzy. i heard my name being yelled, but i couldn't tell who it was. my head was still spinning, i was getting dizzier, and dizzier.
i have to puke.
i tried holding it in. i needed to die, i have to leave. i need to.
i stood up when i heard someone racing down the stairs. i stepped out of the bathtub and stood over the sink. i looked at my pale face in the mirror. i looked like a skeleton. i lost so much weight in the past two weeks with only water in my system. along with the old macaroni and cheese that was in the fridge. i had only taken two bites but it surely wasn't enough to make me full.
"y/n!"
it was larry. oh god, it was him.
once i heard his voice all of my insides went into the sink. everything came out. including some pills that still didn't dissolve. then i heard the door slam open. i saw larry. he was drenched, he had tears in his eyes and he was out of breath. when my eyes went to him, my head turned right back to the sink and i puked even more. i felt larry hold my hair back and put his head on my shoulder.
i finally stopped, but i soon fell to the floor. larry fell with me, but i fell into his lap. i heard him crying as he stroked my head with one hand while holding me as tight as he could with the other.
"why did you try to leave. you would've left your dad, your friends, you would've left me. baby why didn't you tell me you were feeling like this again, i would've been here to be with you, i would've stayed with you. why did you want to leave" he cried while holding me close.
i didn't respond, the only thing i could do was jitter my mouth. i couldn't talk because of the acid feeling that was burning my throat. i heard more steps coming to the basement, i soon saw sal at the doorway, even though his face was covered, you could see the sadness and the terror in his eyes when he saw how i looked in larrys arms. i just looked at him until he looked to larry.
"ill call todd he knows what to do," he said as he stepped out of the room.
larry held me for a long time. he told me to stay awake but i was so tired. it felt like forever until todd came. he and sal came downstairs, along with two paramedics who were going to take me to the hospital. they both took me out of larrys arms and got me upstairs to the stretcher.
i couldn't remember what was happening next because everything was off and on. i remember being in the truck but i was alone. they said they weren't allowed to ride with us because they weren't family, so i sat in the truck with a worker who was doing something but i couldn't figure out what it was. then i woke up in a hospital room with doctors all around me, then i fell right to sleep.
i did eventually wake up in a bright white room. i groaned with a horrible headache and the driest throat i have ever had in years. i saw something colorful in my peripheral vision, i turned to see a bear, some balloons and daisies. i looked around the room to see that the tv was on and what was playing made me smile. it was the loud house. someone told the doctor that i enjoyed this show and they put it on i guess.
i watched about two episodes until a doctor walked in and stopped when he saw me awake.
"oh, good morning, y/n," he said with a smile on his face as he walked to the machine next to my bed.
i didn't reply back, but he gave me a cup that had some water in it. i drank it so fast, that even he was surprised.
"your friends are you, the ones who found you. your father is also on a plane back, of course, he had just gotten on from what i was told. i can bring your friends in if you want me to." he said.
"yes please," i said with a raspy voice.
he only nodded and walked out of the room. soon after three boys came running into my room faster than my blink.
larry was already on top of me hugging me as tight as he could.
"oh my god, y/n i thought i lost you," he mumbled.
he stood up and got off the bed and held my hand. his eyes were bloodshot red from crying so much. he only smiled. then i felt someone else hug me, which was sal. i hugged back which made him hug me tighter, then when he pulled away todd hugged me for just as long. once they all stopped hugging me, they kneeled on the side of the bed just looking at me. except for sal because he was already short enough to look at me face to face because of how high the bed was.
"please don't ever do anything like that again. we all thought you were gone. you have no idea how hard that would've been on us. on your dad. just imagine him without you, y/n. we all need you in our lives. we love you so damn much y/n" larry said. his voice cracked in the beginning which made me start crying.
"i'm so sorry. i just wanted to die. i didn't want to be here anymore, i wanted to leave and for you all to be better off without me. i know i did something so stupid. i'm sorry. so sorry. please forgive me" i said with tears running down my cheeks.
i felt them all pile on top of me for a hug. i hugged them back with tears still coming out of my eyes. i am loved.
everyone pulled away and kneeled back at the bed. toss took off his glasses and wiped his eyes. i had never seen todd cry before. i really did something horrible to them.
"can i talk to her alone please?" larry asked, still looking at me.
they both nodded and walked out the door leaving me and larry alone.
as the door shut i felt a pair of lips on mine, kissing me full of passion, but so gentle at the same time, his hands held my face. his lips were still salty from all the tears he cried, but i didn't care. i missed his touch, his hands, his smell, and his damn kiss.
he pulled away from me, with his hands still on my face.
"please don't ever do anything like this ever again. promise me you'll come to one of us when you feel like this. we love you so much. we never want to lose you or have the fear of losing you."
"i promise, larry"
he kissed me again, still as gentle.
i smiled in the kiss, and so did he. he rested his head on mine, looking into my dull e/c eyes.
"i love you so fucking much, y/n"
"i love you too larry"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
did this need a trigger warning?? i put it just in case even though no one reads this anyways lol. im sorry for writing somethin so sad. it just came to me