Nikolai Lyev Baranov
Time stood still, barren and unmoving.
Hazel brown bore into cerulean blue, everything around us stopping in place. It was as if there was electricity flowing in between our orbs while the hair on our arms stood to full attention. I got goosebumps and I felt dizzy. Is this what it was like to finally look into the eyes of your precious mate?
Yea, my precious mate, the one who took me for a murderer.
My left eye began to burn but I ignored it, biting on my bottom lips as tears pooled down my cheeks. How long had it been? If I recalled, it had been longer than five years but less than six. Right, because our birthday was just in a few days and I finally had the chance to see him once again, to feel him looking at me, to know that I was his sole focus. There were no words to describe how exhilarating it felt to see him once again. I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, hell, I even wanted to shift. I missed him and I needed him like I needed air.
It was as if I looked at him and every memory since the day we met flashed through my eyes like I was watching a biographical movie of myself. I remembered his song that he sang to me, the way that he looked at me, the way his lips quirked up in the corners as he gazed at me like I was the only one in his life that mattered. I missed it all. I missed the way that he would run a hand through my hair when I was sleeping. I missed the way that he had a whole planner dedicated to me because then, I knew just how important I was to him.
'Wow...' Lance breathed in awe, the sun opening the gates to the heavens as angels began to sing all around us. I couldn't see the people around us. They just blurred into nothing as I stared at him, ignoring Imani's pokes. He looked so beautifully different, tall and thick in muscles, his hazel eyes brightening with a gold rim around the orb. He had changed, I could tell. I could sense the danger in his aura, how menacing and malicious he could be. Even so, I could still tell how warm and kind his heart was, how much he missed me even if he denied it with a passion.
"Oh." I breathed, breaking the silence as Trace stared at me. I found myself remembering all the times I cried at night because I wished to be in his arms. How painful it was. A small smile came to my face as a tear trickled down ever so slowly, falling and crashing on my open palm. My lips quivered but sure enough, I still held it in. I felt like I was floating, cruising in an empty space. I could hear his wolf howling to mine as if they were finally connected after all this time. He and his wolf probably never knew that we were mates because I had the feeling that he was a special type of wolf. His eyes changed colors when he didn't notice, his claws turned red and oozed clear liquid. His tail was spiked, ripping along the trees. He thought I didn't notice. In my opinion, he never knew that I was his mate until he looked me in the eye after all this time.
My scent wasn't near and it was long since faded in this household. He was sixteen, which meant that he had a year, but as you know, things change. My scent was still hidden but it would've been useless because when I looked into his eyes, everything changed.
"Nikolai, why is your left eye silver?" Imani whispered into my ear, breaking my trance. It was good that she did because I would have fallen deeper into that abyss, knowing nothing but him. I reached a hand up to my eye, noticing that something was amiss. "Your eyes were blue all this time. Why did it change?" I chuckled, sniffling as I stared at Trace, who stared back at me. It was all ethereal and I couldn't believe that this was happening. Right here and right now. "When I was banished six years ago, my omega couldn't believe it and succumbed to the pain. Omegas are known for their distinct eye colors," I whispered, knowing that Trace heard every single word.
Mate, how long had it been since I've been in your arms?
"Now, he's back as you can see..." I trailed off, unsure of how to feel. I was over the moon and no matter how much the crowd taunting me, I was finally able to look into the eyes of the man I loved.
Mate, did you miss me as much as I missed you?
"You will do well to never fucking talk to me again." I remembered everything, the good and the bad. It didn't matter that Drew wasn't here for me to punch and knock his lights out, because all that mattered was the fact that Trace had more faith in a jealous wolf, who talked bad about every second he could than a person who stood by his side through thick and thin.
Mate, how could you throw away years of memories so easily?
But that's it. I remembered it. It wouldn't have mattered if the whole pack was against me as long as I knew Trace believed me. It would be his word over anyone else's because Tatia and Miron were his parents. No one else's. "That night," I spoke, making sure that I was looking at Trace the whole time. I wanted to run into his arms and forget everything, but no amount of hugs or touch could clean the stain that imprinted into my soul forever. No amount of I'm sorries could change the fact that I wanted to die two times or the number of tears that my wolf and I shared. "I had found out that you were my mate because I was a year older. I was on my way to get your birthday gift and tell you of the great news," I sniffed, looking down as my vision became cloudy with water. "It's funny how things can change so quickly." I mumbled, fidgeting with my hands as Mikhail came to stand next to me.
I ignored the sobs of Svetlana and the awkward stare of Sevastian. They were nothing to me anymore and they never would be again. I could stand everyone else making that judgment, but not the people who created and birthed me. That was the ultimate stab to the heart. "But Trace, you were my best friend and the man I loved," I squeezed my hands into fists, trembling as my heart wailed for me. Lance sighed inside of me, knowing that I was right. "But in all of our years 8 years of friendship, you made one mistake." He looked at me, eyes widened in sorrow as I held up my finger.
"You betrayed me when I did nothing but stand by your side and encourage you and fight for you. Hell, I gave you all my love!" I pounded the podium, becoming livid once again. "And what did you fucking do?! You took me for a god damn fool! You had me thinking you had my back through thick and thin and you had the sheer motherfucking nerve to look me dead in my face and tell me that I was dead to you?! Are you fucking kidding me!?" I screeched, water strumming down my cheeks like the saddest lullaby. "I can't believe that I thought you knew me better than everyone else here, but it's clear where your fucking priorities lied that night. You'll never know just how much you hurt me. I wanted to hate you so badly, but I find that I couldn't and never will be able to." Trace looked at me in shock, fists clenched as his eyes watered.
"Lyev..."
I put a hand up to stop him from speaking. His grave voice did things to me. I hadn't heard it in so long. I hadn't heard that nickname in years and I never wanted to hear it. It reminded me too much of the Trace I thought I knew. I could feel the pain and sorrow manifesting in my stomach, growing like vines and entrapping my heart and lungs within. I was broken beyond repair and I was still getting beat with a mallet. I had thought that I would smile and be so happy because I saw him, but all I could think of is how he threw me away like I was nothing. How he was so quick to judge. "I want to say that I'd do the same thing if I were in your position," I shrugged, knowing that I was wrong. "But I wouldn't because I know you. I know my best friend." I shook my head, shaking and whimpering as I stepped down from the podium. "Trace, what you did to me was unforgivable." I couldn't stand here anymore, inhaling his rich scent of sandalwood and toasted vanilla.
It was reminding me too much of the past. It was reminding me of how I got here, to begin with. I heard a heart crack and I wasn't sure if it was his or mine. I heard wolves howling and it was probably Lance and Hades. Tears splashed on the ground as the crowd's hushed murmurs washed over me. I turned around, ignoring Mikhail's concerned stare, Imani's hand on me and Nicca's babbling. "I-I need a moment to myself." I gritted my teeth as I pushed past them, making my way to the back entrance. I couldn't breathe. It felt like flowers were stuffing up my airways and I wanted to gag. 'I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.' Lance whimpered as he cried, mirroring my emotions.
"It's not your fault." I wept, staggering along the hallways as I pushed through the door to enter into the soulless night. "It's mine." Indeed, it was. The scars on my wrists began to throb as I took off into a run in the dark forest, crying and wailing all the same. It was my mistake for thinking that he believed in me. It was my mistake for thinking I meant so much to him. Most of all, it was my mistake for loving him.
Some say pain is only temporary. However, I begged to differ. For the last 2194 days, nothing but grief and sorrow swallowed my heart. All I knew was how to cry. All I could think about was that night on repeat. All I could think about was the cruel words that I heard people say about me, the hate mail. All I could think about was wanting to die.
To me, pain lasted an eternity.
My lungs wheezed for air so I stopped, noticing that I ran as fast as I could to the outskirts of the woods, where my house resided. Here, I was safe. No one knew this place was here except for a few people. I could hide out here and think about my life decisions. The dark stalks around me loomed over me like they were honing in, shielding me away from the nearest point of life. I stood silently, hunched over. There was a deep sense of loss within me, so damn powerful that my muscles wouldn't respond to my commands. I was rooted to the ground, weeping and wailing years of pain out. I had confessed, but what was it all for? My gaze was into the far distance, unseeing but it was so desperately fixed on some imaginary future of a life without the love of my life.
Trace.
I couldn't look at him without seeing those cold eyes. Those same eyes slit with hatred oozing out of them like slime as he snarled harshly at me. That night made me realize the irony of the pack: how much they really knew me. How much trust they had in one another. I couldn't look at him and not hear those cold words he threw my way, how he told me to never talk to him again. Was it that easy? Did he not realize that I'd do anything for him and his family?
God, I hated being an omega. Everything hurt ten times worse.
"Lance," I whispered, leaning against the bark of a tree. "I could fool myself into thinking everything will be like old times and I'll be happier," I looked at my hand, counting my fingers as the stars danced absently from the darkness of the sky, no moon in sight. A tightening of my throat and a short intake of breath forecast the explosion of emotion which to date, I had somehow managed to keep buried deep inside. Not anymore though. That image of things shared with a love, which were not to come, was too powerful and gut-wrenching to be kept in check.
The numbing tearing at my soul was too compelling and energetic to be contained. The vision I had begun to swim in front of me as tears welled from deep inside and coursed down my cheeks. I just wanted to be happy but that'll never happen. "But the truth is, nothing was and will ever be the same." All the pent-up hysteria and dread of loss was let loose in a paroxysm of choking and sobbing, so powerful in its intensity that it shook my body till I could barely breathe.
Why?
Why?
Why me?
Why was I there that night?
Why did Drew hate me so much that he wanted to ruin my life?
Why?
If it wasn't for him, I'd be in my mate's arms. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be as depressed and shiftless like I am now.
Who am I kidding?
I can't just blame him. Sure, he was the catalyst for all of this, but no one told those people to start pointing fingers. No one told Trace to believe in lies and blasphemy as he did. No one told him to push me away and embrace the real murderer. No one told him to look at me like he did that night, face stoned with wrath.
No one told him to do anything; it was all of his volition and that was why it hurt more. "What do I do, Lance?" I whispered in a soft tone, flicking my heterochromic eyes up to admire the dark night, wind slapping my skin gently. I didn't know if anyone came after me, but I knew everything was far from over. As far as I was concerned, this was the beginning of the end. Snap. I turned my head sharply to my right, analyzing the burrow within the winds. Someone was here. I could hear them and feel their dark and terrifying aura like they wanted to kill. Snap.
I heard a faint whistling sound before I looked over my shoulder, the trees blowing in the wind and looking inconspicuous. 'What is that noise?' Lance asked me and I stopped, hearing the pitter-patter of slick footsteps hitting the pavement. I barely had a moment to think as I stared.
Then there was a loud and large explosion as a cloud of fire and smoke engulfed the forest behind me.