Lilith opens her eyes and feels dread take over her entire being, crushing every small piece hope that this was just all a bad dream, before she even has the time to think about what today will bring. The nightmare she currently finds herself in is very real; too real for her liking.
She feels an arm tightly wrapped around her middle and with a sad smile on her face she sheds a small tear. The prickling sensation of the salty fluid running down her face reminds her of the time before Zelda, the time were her life was a miserably one, the time where she was ruled over, the time where she longed for someone like Zelda in her life.
It will be the last day of waking up to this, the last day of waking up next to Zelda, the last day of being a part in her life. Another tear rolls down her sticky face. It's not the first time she has cried since Zelda fell asleep.
Zelda is still fast asleep and her body lies heavy against Lilith's, almost as if she's afraid of losing her. She holds onto her so tightly that it feels more like a way to trap the brunette than a loving embrace and it's taking her the air to breathe. Lilith has to close her eyes, desperately trying to keep the sobs in. She doesn't want to show Zelda how much this really affects her, doesn't want to show Zelda that she isn't so sure if she can make it on her own, doesn't want to show Zelda how much she truly loves her.
She has never been the person for feels and Zelda is right... She doesn't need to make it harder on them than it needs to be, so she just lays there, silent tears rolling down her face and she suffers in solitude. The thought of actually talking about this with Zelda, as comforting as that action may be, makes her stomach turn and turmoil in serious protest. As long as you pretend it's not there, you won't feel it.
Memories of the past few months flash before her eyes and beautiful reminders of times spent together make Lilith smile through her tears but then there are the fights, the wall about to crumble behind the beautiful façade and she knows that their love was doomed to fail from the beginning. They are just too different and too much alike at the same time.
Love isn't meant for her, nothing is.
She is meant to suffer and always long for the things she can't have.
She wipes away the sticky tears with one of her fingers and slowly lifts Zelda's heavy arm and slips into the cool morning night, feeling relieved to finally be able to breathe normally again. Taking the robe off the hanger, she walks towards their balcony, needing to be alone.
She should enjoy the last peaceful moments with her loved one but she just can't stand the thought of watching her go, can't stand being the reason their love failed, can't stand acknowledging that their love failed.
She needs air to breathe, suffocating from the immense pain spreading through her body like a disease that eats away at your heart until it leaves nothing but tiny shreds of what was once your full pride and joy.
She takes a deep breath, crossing her arms in front of her chest as she looks over her kingdom. It's all she ever wanted, all she ever worked for, all that brought her into this situation, all that made her lose Zelda.
"Don't be ridiculous... You still want this," the brunette mutters under her breath and feels her eyes tearing up again. She hates Zelda for making her this emotional, hates Zelda for making her this vulnerable, hates Zelda for leaving her after all they've been through, together.
She shakes her head, not wanting to think about what she'll do once she will have dropped Zelda off at the Spellman's. Torture some poor souls? Kill some innocent men? Possess some bodies?
No, there are far greater things in life.
She looks into the distance and the sun rise reminds her of the moment she entered hell for the first time since Satan's fall, hand in hand with a certain ginger beauty. Today she would return, still be the Queen of Hell, just without the ginger to reign at her side. She'll be alone, just like she has always been.
Something inside of her longs for the wise words of Zelda and the security her embrace brings but at the same time she knows she shouldn't. She'll be gone in a matter of hours and there will be no more wise words, no more reassuring hugs, no more love left.
She will be truly alone, not even the company of Satan will be there to make her thrive for bigger things. She's finally at the top and though it feels like she has lost everything on the way there. No more things she wants to achieve, no more people to keep her going, no more Sabrina to come to her for help, no more Zelda to keep her sane in the madness that controlling hell turned out to be.
The cold morning breeze causes goosebumps to cover her exposed body and she feels a shiver run down her spine. Her tears pull at her skin as they dry in the wind of the last morning she'll spend in company. It makes her want to cry even more but there are no more tears left; all have been shed already.
She hears the door open and close behind her and warm arms wrap themselves around her middle, Zelda snuggling her face into the brown mess of hair that she's grown to love more than anything else. The way her fingers tangle in them, the way they tickle her face in the morning, the way they stick to Lilith's face after a night filled with love and passion, the way they perfectly frame her beautiful face.
Her beautiful face... How much she'll miss waking up to those gorgeous blue eyes that hold so much more than you might think. Lilith is like a rose, every fallen petal just reveals more of her stunning personality.
"I missed you in bed while waking up," Zelda complains. She wishes that Mary was there, wishes that she could have spent one more morning waking up with the brunette in her arms, wishes there would be more mornings like this.
Her decision is final and the prospect of finally seeing her family again excites her beyond words, while the prospect of losing Lilith tears her heart apart and shreds it into tiny pieces, way too tiny to ever pick them up again.
She truly doesn't know how to feel. Is it all a mistake? Is she rushing things? All she knows is that her heart is screaming at her to get the heaven out of there and look after her family and she has denied her heart what it wants way too many times to ignore its loud pleas.
"I needed some air," Lilith says and hopes her eyes don't look puffy or red from all the crying she did, from all the worries about her future, from the sleepless night, from watching Zelda peacefully dream; her face contorted in happiness at the nice dream she must have had.
"I'll miss this."
She barely hears it so quiet does it sound but she knows that Zelda is crying again and it makes it even harder for her to not join in on her grieve.
"Me too."
The two of them stare at the sun rise, both lost in their own thoughts. Neither of them wants to propose the inevitable but both know it's about time that Zelda starts packing her things. The sooner she'll be off, the sooner Lilith will be able to adjust to her new life.
"When did you think about going?" Lilith asks, needing to know how much time she has left before she'll have her heart shredded into millions of pieces. Her mind tries pretending that she isn't fazed by this but her heart keeps calling it out on its lie.
"I was thinking about taking a shower and going afterwards..." Zelda says and feels bad at the way Lilith seems to wince at how final this sounds. She herself finds herself shaking the negativity off her body. She knows how hard it is to say goodbye to a loved one. She has done it so often and yet this feels worse than any time before.
"Right then don't let me stop you," Lilith mumbles and still doesn't turn around, too afraid the tears will fall if she looks into those green orbs, sees the worry and hurt inside of them. No, she won't be able to handle it.
"Please do."
Zelda isn't so sure anymore if leaving is the right decision. The longer she has her arms wrapped around Lilith's waist, the more right it feels; as if her arms were made for that exact purpose, to keep her body warm, to make her feel loved, to shield her from all the bad things.
"I won't be the reason of your downfall," Lilith whispers and Zelda feels her stomach turn. She never wanted things to play out the way they did. If she knew what would happen, she would have never agreed to join Lilith in the first place. She would have spared her the heartbreak getting involved with the ginger meant.
"Do you want to join me at least?" She asks, trying to lighten up the mood but doesn't really feel like that's what they're needing right now.
"I don't want to keep distracting you," Lilith says, turns around and presses a quick kiss onto her forehead before she disappears back inside, not being able to withstand the tension any longer. She needs to be alone, needs to allow herself to cry, needs to mourn the loss of her loved on.
Zelda takes a deep breath, not believing that this is real. She doesn't want to leave Lilith. Saying goodbye feels just so wrong, so sinfully wrong but she has to. She feels every part of her yearn for her old life, the life before Lilith and the dark baptism.
If she could, she would just take the brunette with her but she made her choice and Zelda has to respect it. There is no use in forcing Lilith to give everything she has ever dreamed of up for... someone like her.
She packs all of her things, understanding that Lilith needs some time to herself. In all the months spent together, she has discovered that emotions aren't her forte and she respects her need to feel them in private.
With conflicted feelings she packs all these amazing memories into a suitcase that doesn't seem to do their journey justice and stops at a certain picture of the two of them. It was taken by Sabrina shortly after they had started their affair, trying foolishly to keep it hidden from her family but looking back on it now, even Zelda has to admit that those stolen glances were anything but secretive.
She chuckles at how happy they look each other in the eyes and her stomach fills with butterflies that accompany her every time she thinks about the brunette and her together. She just makes her feel whole as if the part that she always felt missing is finally with her.
And all of a sudden the seriousness of the situation dawns on her and she finds it hard to cope. No more stolen glances, no more secret touches, no more kisses, no more whispers of sweet nothings into each other's ears, no more Lilith.
Angrily she closes her suitcase but makes sure to place the picture on Lilith's side of the bed for her to find once she'll get back home and storms off into the direction of the shower, needing to let out all of the negative energy in a heartfelt scream of frustration.