thursday - 1.42am
Kicking rocks I rushed down the street. I was so mad and disappointed I couldn't even think properly, this was an insane feeling I didn't get that much.
How could've Cameron been doing things like this for such a long time?
Keeping stuff from me is a bad trait. Especially when it's bound to come out.
Like the part where he's still friends with Everly. The dumbass couldn't even understand that somewhere in the process I would figure it out.
I knew Cameron lied when he tried to cover it up by saying his constant texting was with a few of his fuckbuddies. I knew he never fucked around. I've known that goddamn dude for my whole life, what did he expect?
How on earth would he fucking risk something like this again, while he knows what she's done?
But there's another, deeper reason I have to hate him for this. To get together with Everly, while he knows what happened before Zarah.
It's so over for him. That damn dude is unbelievable. We gave him room to live, food and other stuff so he could live the best life, and what does he do with it? Giving the life up for someone like her.
When I ran into her at the store a day ago I needed to hold myself back the best I could. Even the sight of her disgusts me. All those things she did and still she's just living her 'glittery' life.
When Cameron slipped up, on accident, he knew he was screwed right away.
*.*
I slowly breathed out the cigarette smoke and watched it fly away with the wind as I heard my phone make a sound.
Its a text from one of my best friends, Mason.
M. aceey u awake
I shook my head at his nickname for me and quickly sent a text back.
R. my names RYDER and no
M. idc ur middle name is nicer. btw ken, tanner and me are omw to berry's. ya wanna come?
R. k, pick me up would ya
M. sure where ya@
R. idk ill send u my location
I began to look around, but indeed nothing seemed familiar.
Another tone made me aware of a new text, this time it was Kendrick.
K. Do u know where Cam is? He doesn't pick up the phone.
Clenching my jaw I rubbed my hand over my cheek in a irritated manner. After a short moment my fingers flied over the keyboard again.
R. prolly fucking everly rn
I could perfectly imagine the face of Kendrick right now. His confused face is the funniest ever, but even that couldn't make me laugh right now.
K. What? Why would u think that.
I rolled my eyes before texting back.
R. ill tell when yall hurry the fuck up to pick me up. its goddamn freezing.
*•.*
"Dude c'mon.. just tell us." Mason whined.
I ignored him while propping as much fries as I could into my mouth. "Let me eat, I'm starving."
"Nah, just tell us now." Tanner insisted, slouching in his chair.
Rolling my eyes I took a sip from my pop.
"Sooo.." I dragged on. "Cam is currently fucking Everly."
Tanner suddenly sat straight up, "How? How do you know? You're joking right?"
Mason grinned at him, "Dude, you into her or something?"
Tanner elbowed him into his side and just shook his head. "Nah, she's more like Ryder's type."
"True, he likes tiny woman to represent his tiny one." Mason smirked.
I clenched my jaw while glaring at them and continued to eat.
Kendrick finally spoke up, "C'mon fucking babies, let the poor dude finish."
I rolled my eyes at the last sentence but shot him a grateful look. "Thanks."
"So, yesterday Cam was over and we were watching TV with Jason and he had to go to the toilet. Anyway, he left his phone on the couch and he got a text from someone. I thought it was someone he probably had a fling with but much to my surprise it appeared to be Everly.." The last sentence came out bitterly.
Mason raised his black brows and looked at me in surprise, "No way, dude. Is Cam really like that?!"
"What did she say?" Kendrick asked.
Tanner didn't react upon this all but I still answered Kendrick.
"I don't really know anymore, I was so fucking angry I punched him." I grinned self satisfied at the thought of me giving him a black eye.
Tanner just thoughtfully looked at me while playing with the straw of his milkshake.
"Tanner, what's up?" I asked, curious at his behavior.
"Why can't Cam just be dating Everly? What's wrong with that?" He shrugged, his eyes darkened a little.
I sat straight up at his words, "What? Are you going crazy? You know what she did right? She's a murderer!"
I am so fucking pathetic. Still believing my own lies.
Tanner flinched a little at my harsh words.
From the sides of my eye I see Mason warily look my way.
"Dude, calm down. Just be realistic. You can't fucking keep on hating her forever. She's a human being. She lost her best friend too, you know. You're such a hypocrite."
I looked at him, my mouth slightly parted, "Are you seriously taking her side now?"
He shook his head, his raven black hair moving along, "Nah, just being rational. Why spend so much energy on hating her. Won't you find more peace in making up with her? It isn't fair."
I sighed while sarcastically smiling at him, then raising my voice, causing some people to look our way.
"Of course, I'll just go forgive the things she did. Like she wasn't the reason my girlfriend got killed."
"No, that's not wha-"
"Guys." Kendrick interrupted Tanner. "Let's continue this outside."
My curt nod made that we go outside, away from all the curious stares.
*.•*
The cold air breezed against my flustered cheeks as soon as I stepped outside. It felt foreign.
We walked towards an empty picnic table and sat down. Tanner right in front of me and Kendrick next to him while Mason sat down on my left.
"So Tanner, continue." I said in a fake sweet way whilst rolling my eyes.
"As I was saying, that was not what I meant." He spoke up after a short silence.
"What did you mean with it then? That its okay what she did to me? That I deserve it?" I sneered bitter.
Tanner rolls his eyes while placing both his arms on the table in front of him. "Don't be so annoying, Ry. Fucking jumping to conclusions like a lil bitch."
Mason opened his mouth to say something but Tanner shushed him before he even could say anything. "Let me finish Mase."
Mason just nodded and Tanner continued, "I'm not telling you to forgive and forget it and shit but all I'm saying is that it isn't fair to blame her for everything. She made mistakes, fucking dumb ones but it isn't all her fault."
"So whose fault is it, then? Mine?" I snapped, my nostrils flaring to contain my anger.
I didn't want to snap, I wanted to behave myself. But it was so goddamn hard. Even thinking about Everly made me want to snap.
Tanner threw his empty cup at me, before finally snapping back: "You're fucking unbelievable. What would've Zarah wanted you to do, huh? Hurt her best friend even more? Make her best friend feel like shit even more than she already does?"
"I- eh-" I rudely got cut off by Tanner before I could finish the sentence.
I lit a cigarette, greedily inhaling the smoke.
"You're a fucking ass. Stop being so egoistical and maybe look from Everly's perspective. She lost her only girl friend and with her all of her guy friends. Ever thought about how she felt?" He continued, his eyes spitting fire.
"I quit. I quit with your stupid non-Everly policy. It's been going on for too fucking long. And I think its time we all have to move on. Mase, Ken, y'all with me?"
I closed my eyes for a moment, scared to turn my head to look at them.
When I did I was met with them simply nodding their heads.
"Of course. Turn y'alls back on me." I spat, uneasy with this conversation. Inhaling again from my cigarette.
"No," Kendrick calmly spoke up, "That's not what we're doing."
I shrugged before muttering a reply: "Seems like it."
Masons chuckles made me snap my head to the left.
"Bro you're fucking dumb, we're just trying to help you get through it and all you do is refuse it and be angry." He said while combing his fingers through his honey-blonde hair.
"It happened. You can be angry all you want but Zarah isn't coming back. I think you need to move on, or at least try. Try to forgive her or at least pretend you do so you can close that chapter."
I slowly blinked, barely able to keep up with his words. This new insight in those things made my mind twist.
"In ten years, would you rather look back on those years spent on hating a person you loved before or rather have them spent in a loving memory of Zarah and forgiving Everly?"
I couldn't but nod at his words, they were true and I knew it. But I didn't want it.
"Liked," I then mumbled while inhaling the smoke again, "I didn't love Everly."
*——————*
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