Prompt: Would Ace and Jack ever consider adopting or something like that?
A.N.- I suddenly missed these two a lot so here have a thing. Sorry if it reads a little OOC, haven't written these boys in a while
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I lightly kicked Jack as he shifted on the couch. He slapped my knee and resumed shifting until he was comfortable.
"I'm not a footrest," he said.
I opened my eyes. "Are my feet resting on you? Yes? Footrest."
"Your logic is impeccable," he said dryly.
I shut my eyes again. Jack let me have about three seconds of peace and quiet before tapping me on the leg with his beer.
"I'm sleeping," I said without opening my eyes.
"Serious conversation," he said.
"I'm really, really sleeping," I said.
"Time to be really, really awake," he said, and pressed his cold beer to my neck.
I jumped in shock and swatted his hand away, narrowing my eyes at him. He didn't seem bothered, taking a sip of his beer and watching me rub warmth back into my neck.
"What is so important that you assault me over it?" I demanded.
Jack snorted. "You call that assault? You live with Jer. He'd chop your hands off for less."
"I'm going to let him chop your hands off if you don't get talking," I said.
Jack, my wonderful, blunt as shit boyfriend, said, "Would you ever want kids?"
I paused, not expecting that. "Kids? Slow down, big guy. I always use condoms."
He was watching me like he always did when we had these kinds of talks. Looking for any expression or movement that would give away what I was really thinking.
"We're young, but we're still adults." He shrugged. "I'm not saying we need to pick up the first kid we see on the street, but-"
I held up a hand. "That is exactly what Alexis did, so don't even joke about that. Bringing home a stray cat is one thing, but a stray kid eats a lot more. Knocks less shit off your counters, though."
"Ace, would you ever want kids? Even if it's not with me," he said, resting his arms over my legs and setting his beer on the coffee table.
I raised an eyebrow. "Look, I'm fantastic with kids. I let Micah win at tic-tac-toe. But I also, you know, used him to break up Alexis and Jonas. So sometimes I'm not so fantastic with kids."
"I'd want kids. Someday," Jack said, looking down at his hands. He dragged his gaze back to me, shrugging again. "But if I'm stuck with you forever, that's a big commitment for someone like you."
I felt that urge to argue. To pick a fight. But he was right.
My mom had left my dad, and she'd left me behind. Had she seen me turning into him? Did she see me chained too close to my father? Did she know I'd be just like him as I grew older?
I was too young to remember much from when she left. Had I started treating her like he did? Did I tell her I loved her but hold her hand just a little too tight so she couldn't get away?
My father kept me cared for. I ate well, he took me on fun trips, he bought me toys to keep me happy and took them away when I was bad. He hugged me when I got home from school and tucked me in at night. He made me pancakes on Saturdays and let me put the chocolate chips in them. He held my hand in a crowd. He draped a blanket over me when I fell asleep on the couch in the winter. He'd ruffle my hair and tell me I was his boy.
He broke me.
He abused me.
He made me a victim.
He haunted me.
"I don't know," I said at last.
If I had a kid, they were chained to me. If my father ever found me, he'd find them. He'd find Jack.
"An honest answer. We're actually getting somewhere," Jack said. He took his hat off, running a hand through his red mane. "Look, Ace, I'm not asking for a definitive answer right this second. Just something to keep in your head from time to time. Honestly? At this stage, I wouldn't let a kid anywhere near you. But you're getting better. You gave me an honest answer instead of sassing me or attacking my own shitty traits."
I gave a bitter grin and kicked him in the chest, not hard enough to hurt but hard enough to let him know I hated how well he had me figured out. "Bastard."
He pushed my foot down, scowling. "Kick me again and I'll shove you off this couch."
I folded my hands behind my head, staring up at the ceiling. I thought about Micah, and how much I'd actually enjoyed spending time around him.
But I had to be honest with myself. A lot of it had been power. Control. He was a small child, trusting and vulnerable. We were the only family he had, and he clung to us. I liked that. I liked how much he relied on me. I liked how he trusted me almost as much as he trusted Alexis. I liked when he came running to me instead of the others.
Maybe it wasn't all bad. I'd grown a lot over the past few months, and I could admit I cared about the kid. Caring about him didn't excuse what I'd done, though.
"I'm not sure I'd be good for any kid," I said.
"Then we bring the topic up again next year and see where we're both at. Right now, I can barely care for myself. Maybe someday we'll get there," Jack said.
"Not yet, though. For right now, I want to be selfish and not worry about a kid. I want to take a nap," I said, closing my eyes again.
I felt a blanket being tossed over my body, and the weight of Jack's arms back on my legs. "Fine. But I'm waking you up in an hour. I want to shower before we got out to eat."
"Wake me up and I'm kicking you, Jackass," I said.
"Kick me and I'm throwing you, Acehole."
"Acehole?"
"Like asshole but- Never mind. You always call me Jackass. I needed something. I'll work on it. Just shut the hell up and go to sleep."
I smiled a little. "Sure, Jackass. 'Night."
"Yea, 'night."
I knew he wouldn't use it against me. He wouldn't guilt me for all the times he'd looked out for me. The small gestures like giving me a blanket weren't just one more thing to hang over my head.
It was just a small gesture. It was just Jack, wanting me to be warm while I took a nap after a late night at work.
It was Jack, asking me if I'd want kids and being patient when I didn't know. Maybe someday we would have a kid. Maybe someday I'd be in a good enough place for that.
I still needed to learn how to love in a healthy way. But for right now, I was young, curled up on the couch with my feet resting over my boyfriend's lap and a warm blanket over me. I had all the time in the world to get to that place of understanding.
So I let myself drift off to sleep, knowing Jack would be right there when I woke up, just like always.