And here we are again. She promised me she would not end up here again, but yeah that was seven visits before this one. I don't know how she does it, but Karen always ends up in the hospital. Always.
'Do I have to upgrade my will?' She would ask the doctor. She always did that. All the seven times before. We would sigh and roll our eyes and the doctor would say no and laugh shortly. There was only one difference between the seven times before and now: we are not allowed to see her now.
I stare at my boots. My left leg is going up and down, like I'm stomping along with a beat. We all have strange habbits when we are nervous, Rebecca can't stop eating when she is nervous and I know that Karen once talked nonsense for six straight hours on the day she would hear if she passed her finals. And I stomp with my left foot on the ground. Compaired to the others, I'm pretty normal in that kind of stuff. I giggeled. Quickly I looked up. Nobody noticed it, good.
Everybody was here, like usual, and all wondering how Karen could end up in the hospital now. I looked up to Phillip, who sits next to me, and lays my head on his shoulder. He looks down at me and tried to smile. He failed in it, which I could understand. He sounded really paniced when he called me that Karen ended up in this place again. I don't know how long we waited when a doctor showed up. We all stood up, waiting until he said something.
I knew something was wrong, really wrong. I could see it in his eyes.
"I'm sorry but sadly Mrs. Fairchild could not-"
Stop it!
I start to scream and let myself fall on my knees. A stranger tries to save me from my fall but she fails. I don't care. How in the world could I live without having my Karen in my life?
"Mommy, where's daddy?"
"I don't know, honey."
"He said he would be back at 6 pm and look at the clock, it's 6.13 pm!"
"I know that, sweetie. If you don't tell daddy, we can already eat some potatoes."
Daisy started to giggle. She likes the little secrets her mother always saddles her up with.
Around 7 pm Schlap walked into the kitchen. "Sorry that I'm late." He gave Kimberly a kiss. "Emergency, will tell you later." He looked twice from Daisy back to Kimberly. She knew what he meant. One of the many good things about Kimberly is that she isn't curious.
"We were really hungry so we already eat some potatoes." Daisy giggeled and gave her a daddy a hug. "Mommy's belly was making funny noises." Typical Daisy, no secrets for her parents even if the one asked for it.
They ate, played a game and watched some TV and around 8.30 pm this time, Daisy went to bed.
"So tell me, what happened?" Kimberly asked as soon as Schlap sat back on the couch again.
"Okay, don't worry but," Schlap started.
"But what?!"
Oh my stars,
Kimberly started to panic.
"I went to the hospital with Karen." Schlap closed his eyes, waiting for Kimberly's reaction.
She started to hyperventilate.
"Honey calm down! Nothing bad happened, she accidently cut herself with a piece of broken glass."
A tear streamed down Kimberly's face. "Why didn't she called me?"
"Because I was there. I had to return her ring for you, the one you kept save for her. I entered the house because the front door was open. I helped her to clean up and she was in panic because she was scared Jimi would be mad at her."
"And was he?"
"He was in bath."
"Oh Schlappy," Kimberly laid her head down on Schlap's shoulder and started to cry harder.
He wrapped an arm around her.
"Baby, I know you're worried about Karen a lot lately but everything is totally fine. Why don't you call her? Will that help?"
Kimberly cried for two minutes longer and then wipped off her tears. She took distance of Schlap and nodded. She grabbed to phone of the kitchen table and walked the back porch.
Kimberly started to cry as soon as she heard Karen's voice.
"Kiki, oh my stars, how are you? Schlap told me what happened and I just had to hear your voice."
"What did he tell you?"
"About the broken glass. And that you were scared of Jimi. Why are you asking? Isn't it true?"
Karen sighed. "It is."
"Is it okay if I visit you tomorrow? I just have to see you."
"Of course. But don't expect too much of me, okay?"
"Okay."
"Don't worry about me sweetie, I'm fine."
"I love you Karen." and she hung up the phone.
When she walked back inside she saw that Schlap was praying. Probably something very serious because he was almost crying.
"If she starts to annoy you, just run away and never come back okay?" Jimi opened the door of the bedroom for Kimberly. Like she is visiting someone in the hospital.
After she entered it, threw her bag on the floor and took off her shoes, Kimberly jumped on the bed. She landed half on Karen's arm, who started to moan.
"I missed you!" Kimberly yelled and hugged her friend.
"Wait," she muttered. She came up, her hair was a mess and she didn't wore any make up.
It's has been a long time since Kimberly saw Karen without any make up.
"I missed you too!" Karen yelled back and let herself fall in Kimberly's arms and they hugged for an awkwardly long time.
Karen was the first to let go, it all became a kind of gay.
"How are you?" Kimberly asked.
"I'm tired. And everything hurts. But I'm fine." Karen smiled to Kimberly. "Do you mind if I'm going to lay again? I can feel my heartbeat in my head and that's just creepy." Karen laid down in the bed.
Kimberly noticed the plaster cast around Karen's left wrist.
"I almost had to upgrade my will again." A little smile appeared on her face.
"How did it happen anyway?" Kimberly asked.
"My phone went off and it made startled. I dropped a glass on the floor, stupid right?"
"Aww, silly. But," Kimberly started slowly. "Schlap also told me you were scared of Jimi, why was that?"
Karen sighed. "I just felt that negativity around him when we went home. He looked mad tough and straight walked to the bathroom to take a shower- which became taking a bath later. He was mad, I didn't want to make him even more mad." She wrapped the blankets around her head. Everything was covered, except for her face.
Kimberly knows that Karen lays like that most of the time when she's in bed. It looks kinda funny too because if you don't focus on her face, the first thing you see is her nose.
"Stop looking at my nose."
"Woah, are you sure you can't read my mind?"
"Yes, but it was just too obvious." She sighed. "Do you have anything fun to share? It feels like I didn't laugh for ages."
"Ehh, do you remember that time when we, when we," it took Kimberly a long time before she knew something. "Went out in Nashville for the first time and couldn't find our way back to our appartment?" She started to laugh about the memory.
"Oh no. It was as awkward as the Revenge Of The Touching Butt-thing."
"But let me tell it you anyway!"
Karen closed her eyes when Kimberly started to talk about their young selves taking a risk and moving to Music City to chase their dreams.
The girls had packed out all their stuff and moved in to a small appartment. To celeberate that, they went to a very small bar somewhere downtown Nashville. Both still don't know how they ended up there, but they had fun. It had been 4 am and the bar was closing. Kimberly had to pull Karen away from a boy who she had been kissing with and together they walked back home until they realized something. They were lost.
"And you just kept saying that you were so tired. You see, you've always been the complaining kind! Anyways, after a while you just laid down on the street and fell asleep. On the street! And I could not wake you up at all! I sat next to you, awake, for 4 hours when the cops stopped by and asked if everything was alright."
"And then I came up with that lame half-drunk story about that I know that the neighborhood was creepy, especially at night and they offered us a ride back home."
"And you ended up making out with him." Kimberly added.
"Only for a week missy!"
"You had a new man every week."
"I was young, enjoying life and living the life. Now I'm old, screwing life and laying in bed."
"Stop it. You're not old, you know who's getting old? My uncle, you never guess what he did!" Kimberly started to tell the story. It was funny but Karen wasn't laughing. Actually, her mood changed. She was just staring to her hands.
"Remember when he always brought us my grandmothers cakes when he had to come to Nashville? Those times were great!"
"Everything was normal back then."
"What do you mean what that?"
"Nothing, eh Kim? Do you mind if I'm going to sleep? I'm suddenly so tired!"
"Of course not silly! I had to go back anyway too." She squeezed in Karens nose and then gave a kiss on it (since her cheeks where hidden under the covers). "Love you." Kimberly crawled out of the bed and grabbed all her stuff.
Downstairs she ran into Jimi.
"Man, do you two have a secret relationship or something? That took long." He said.
"Dunno, ask your wife." Kimberly had to laugh.
"I actually expected that you'd run away after five minutes or something. You know, with all the grumpiness."
"Aw c'mon Jimi! She is your wife, don't y'all see that she is having a hard time?"
"I do see that, but it's just, I don't know what's bothering her! She won't tell me and to be honest, I don't really know how to deal with that." Jimi shook his head. "I sound like a pussy."
"You don't. I actually don't really now how to deal with it too, but I'll find it out." Kimberly laid her hand on Jimi's shoulder. "Maybe you should go to her and give her a hug. She looks like she needs one. From you."
That day turned out weird. Kimberly keep reminding herself that Karen was tired and nothing else. Even though she looked kinda sad, but who doesn't when she's tired?
Between Jimi and Karen everything was fine too. Kimberly had caught them laying in one bunk together again when they were back on the road.
Kimberly is the morning person of the band. She sadly has to deal with five grumpy people with a bad morning mood but she's used to it. Reading a magazine and drinking coffee before everybody wakes up is always fine. Well, that's what Kimberly finds.
Karen stepped out of the bus first. She was only wearing a big grey shirt who probably belongs to Jimi.
"Honey, your make up is all over your face." Big mascara stripes down her cheeks.
Karen looked shocked and wanted to say something, but instead she ran away toward the venue.
"Okay..." Kimberly said to herself. She wouldn't stay away that long, she thought.
"Where's Karen?" Phillip asked.
"She ran away to there," Kimberly pointed to the direction Karen had ran to. "but that was thirthy minutes ago." She looked on her watch. "Yeah, but I thought she wouldn't stay away that long because she is only wearing a shirt."
"Only a shirt? Nothing under it or something?" Rebecca joked.
"Of course something under it." Kimberly snapped. She startled of her own words. She jumped up and started to stutter. "I-I, eh-" she ran away, away from the table.
"Three things: one, what's wrong with Karen? Two, what's wrong with Kimberly? Three,why did Kim just ran away?" Rebecca asked.
"Well, to answer two and three," Schlap started. "i don't know if you noticed it but Kimberly just snapped at you. That's why she probably ran away, she feels guilty because she has been mean to you."
"Well, if that's mean in her eyes."
"That's how she explains it to me."
"I didn't even noticed she snapped. Oops. But question one: what's wrong with Karen?"
"Dunno." Phillip said.
Schlap stayed quiet and all eyes where on Jimi now.
He looked up: "What? How do I have to know that? She doesn't say a shit."
"Poor you." Rebecca closed her eyes. Westbrook drama. She sighed.
"I'm going to look for my wife." Jimi stood up and walked to the direction Kimberly had point to.
"Did they had a fight?"
"No, Karen's not herself the latest weeks. Haven't you noticed that?"
"I saw her for maybe three days or something and she looked fine."
"I don't know what's wrong with her, but I feel sorry for her. She looks so sad."
"Poor Kiki. Do you think her looks still bother her?"
"Could be. I don't know how to explain her sadness, I'm just thinkin' of options and did think about that too but three doctors comfirmed she doesn't have anorexia anymore."
"But still, you always read about declines."
"But she eats."
"I'm going inside, I have to do something! This makes me upset." Rebecca left Phillip and Schlap alone.
Schlap was almost done with writing and wanted to look for Kimberly after that, but she already came back.
"Sorry Schlappy." She took a seat against him.
"It's okay. Rebecca didn't even see it as snapping."
"Oh! Then it's okay. Whatcha doin'?"
"Writing in this little notebook." Schlap waved with it.
"Aahh! Kinda writing down all ya secrets, ha?"
"Hm. Karen told me that writing down your thoughts makes your life less heavier with problems and all."
"Karen already writes down her whole life since she could write!"
"It's cool."
Schlap looked a kind of sad too and Kimberly saw that he wrote down a name starting with a 'K' a lot. And it wasn't hers since it's too short for 'Kimberly' and too long for 'Kim'. Karen maybe? Schlap's handwriting is hard to read upside down.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah? Why?"
"You're so quiet."
Schlap had to laugh. "I'm just writing, Kim."
Kimberly sighed and stood up. "Everybody's so boring 'round here. I'm going to look for Philly and Becky."
"Aha! There you are." Kimberly found Phillip and Rebecca in a little Pizza Hut next to the venue.
She took a seat against them and watched them eat.
"I'm sorry that I snapped at you, Rebecca."
"Girl," some pizza fell out of Rebecca's mouth. "it's totally fine. I didn't even considered it as snapping."
"I'm just so worried about Karen." Kimberly whispered.
"We all are. Maybe she is depressed?"
Rebecca dropped her fork and gave Phillip a killer look.
"Look at that poor girl," she pointed to Kimberly. "she almost gets an antiexy attack, you idiot." She grabbed Kimberly's hand. "Honey, Karen's not depressed."
"I- I had this dream where Karen ended up in the hospital and... Died..." Kimberly said slowly.
"That doesn't mean anything."
"But it was on the day she was really in the hospital..."
The two kept quiet.
"But," Phillip started. "She died in the hospital and our Karen is still walking around."
Rebecca agreed.
"You should not worry to much, Kimmy, Karen will be fine. Why don't you think about something funny? "About her?"
"Ooooh, I know a lot!" Rebecca laughed.
"Well, one time she licked a pizza slice and slapped it in my face."
"And what did you do?"
"Nothing! That's the point!"
"Oh my, I'm not going to sit next to Karen anymore when we eat pizza!" Rebecca laughed.
"Sometimes Karen randomly slaps food in people's faces." Phillip shook his head. "What kind of friends do we have."
"See, Kimberly? Soon Karen will be fine again and slaps food on our faces."
Back home, Kimberly was changing the sheets of the bed. Doing it alone is a killer and since Schlap wasn't home, she laid down as soon she done with taking off the old sheets. She laid her head on Schlap's pillow and turned on her belly. She fell asleep and dreaming about endless roads, very exhausting. She was even more tired when she woke up then when she fell asleep. Her hands laid under the pillow and felt something hard.
The notebook Schlap writes in a lot the latest days.
Is it his journal or something? Kimberly thought. She wanted to open it, but also not. She wants to know who the K-person is, but also wants to give Schlap his privacy.
Her curiousity won and went trough all the pages very fast without reading the words, only searching for the K-person. After a while it was clear and it's who she already expected: Karen.
But why on Earth is he writing about Karen?
She just did it; opened the notebook on its first page and started to read.
I HAVE to write down everything what happens lately down because it's just crazy! I have to sin... Yes, sin. I have to... It all started with Karen, I made her a promise BUT because of that I have to lie to Kimberly. This all is so stupid! Kim is very worried about Karen lately and it makes her so upset. Karen is the only thing she can talk about and she feels like no one really takes Karen serious. She keeps bothering us all if we have any clue, but no one has. No one except for me since I found Karen in her kitching cutting herself with a piece of glass.
Found Karen doing what?! Tears streamed down Kimberly's face.
I had to return one of Karen's rings Kim had for some reason and the door was open so I walked to the kitchen. As soon as she saw me she dropped the piece of glass and let herself fall on the floor. Pieces of glass in her butt though. Anyways, the tears streamed down her face and was whispering not to tell Jimi. We had to be quiet because he was in bath or something and in the car she was hysterical screaming not to tell Jimi or Kim. I could not ignore it, I mean she looked so broken. She told me sh...
"Kimberly, what the heck?!"
Kimberly dropped the notebook on the floor and saw Schlap in the doorgate. It happened within seconds and could not control herself.
"Schlap, why the fuck didn't you told me about Karen?!" Her arm was lifted in the air, ready to hit Schlap but instead she let herself fell into his arms.
"Kimmy, I'm so sorry." He said.
"Why? Why is she doing this?" Her mind changed within a second, again. She grabbed the car keys out of Schlap's hand and ran to the car.
"Karen and now you're going to explain every single fucking thing to me!" Kimberly screamed while she threw her bag and boots on the floor.
Karen was laying in bed with, as usual, the blanket covered on her face which only let her nose stick out.
Her face appeared, she was frowning.
"Did you just say 'fucking'?" She asked.
"I sure did but that's not the problem right now, Karen! I read Schlap's diary, I know that you have cut YOURSELF!" Kimberly took a seat on the bed. "Why did you hurt yourself? What or who hurt you?" She started to cry.
"Baby,"
"You need to tell me what's going on. This has taken to long."
Karen crawled to Kimberly and wrapped her arms around her.
"I'm your very best girly friend Kiki. Best friends don't have secrets for each other." Kimberly was calming down and at the same time she started to talk in a very childish way. She always does that when she is really, and then I mean really, upset.
"Aren't you happy anymore?"
"No..."
"But why not, Kiki? Why not?"
"Well, I, eh-" Karen closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "it's just, well. Fuck it! It's just, ya know I always wanted to be a famous country singer, that was my life goal, the moment I lived for. And now my life goal came true and I am married, I have a good career, I live in a big house, I have a lot of money and designers clothes, I have my own family. All those things where on my bucket list. Ya know a list with things you wa-"
"I know what a bucket list is Kiki."
"Oh, okay. But I have been thinking too, I lay in bed a lot and you have to do something ya know, anyways first I thought it was because of the anorexia and recovery ya know but now I realized I just don't have a moment to live to, because all my dreams came true... It's so stupid! I should be the happiest piece of shit on Earth but instead I'm some depressed loser singer laying in bed all day." Now it was Karen's time to cry.
"Aww Kiki! It's not stupid at all. Lots of people have the same thing. I've read about it in a magazine. But the latest months were hard for you. How long do you know this already?"
"A week or two?"
"Why didn't you asked for help? I could have helped you. And Jimi. And the others!"
"Kim, you know me, I don't want help." There was a short silence. "But I fucked up, again! I made Schlap promise to lie to you and I neglect Jimi in our marrige! I laid in bed most of the time so I didn't even payed a lot attention to Elijah and I was grumpy to y'all and ugh! This is why I hate myself Kim! Because I always screw things up! Always!"
"Karen, honey calm down." Kimberly said. "I know you don't want it, but please let me help you. Please."
Done. She hung it up on the border of her mirror. In her refelction she saw a smile appearing on her face.
"What's that?" Elijah ran into the room.
"That's what they call a bucket list." Karen grabbed the pen and wrote a last thing on it: becoming a grandmother. She actually doesn't want to think about it but yeah.
"Bucket list? Where's the bucket then?" Elijah looked around him.
"No, they just call it like that silly."
"Boring." He said and ran out of the room.
Karen sat down on the chair and kept reading the things she had wrote down over and over again, until Jimi walked in.
"How the wife doing?"
Karen stood up and Jimi sat down, she took a seat on his lap.
"I'm doing my 'homework'. Andrew told me to make a bucket list so I have things to look forward to again."
Andrew is Karen's terapist she is seeing for a month now. It's getting better and better. She doesn't lay in bed all day anymore and she smiles often.
"Hm, let me check out that bucket list." Jimi looked up and started to read.
"Don't take everything to serious I-"
"Learning how to twerk. Can we prioritise that?"
"That's I wanted to say that! You don't need to take everything too serious. I also wrote things down I'd never do, but then I still have 'life goals'."
"Like bungee-jumping?"
"Yes, everybody knows that I would never do that."
"Yeah, you're already crying when you're standing on a bridge."
"Shut up." Karen playfully hit Jimi.
"It's actually pretty smart." Jimi took a deep breath. "No, but you seriously need to prioritise the twerking thing."
"Aaah c'mon Jimi! You know that I can't even shake my butt."
"How about taking classes? You'll get that as your birthday present from me, okay?" He made a goofy smile.
"Why spend money on that when you're actually pretty good at it."
"Damnit! I actually hoped that you had forgotten that!"
Karen started to giggle. When they were drunk, Jimi once sang along with Miley Cyrus' new album plus the twerk-part.
"Well, let's move on." Jimi said quickly. His twerking-performance isn't his favorite memory of them together. "Visiting the Red Light District? Karen, do you have to explain something to me?"
"Like I said: don't take everything too serious. I'm just curious about it, just how it looks. I'm satisfied with you, so don't worry."
"Satisfied? You're supossed to be freakin' happy."
"Move on!"
"Making a world tour. Well that makes sence. And having your own fashion collection too.’’
Karen smiled to Jimi, who didn't saw it.
He's so darn cute, she thought.
He's weird yet so sweet. She feels blessed that she can calm him her husband.
She saw his lips moving.
"Sorry, what did you said?"
"Visiting Hawaii with Kimberly? Where's my name?"
"Keep reading."
"Going on safari with Jimi? I'm pretty sure you only wrote that down in the hope that a lion will attack me or something."
"Maybe." She gave Jimi a kiss on his cheek. "No, I wrote down more destinations I want to visit with family and friends."
"Hm, I almost started to feel special."
He started to laugh at the next thing he read. "Becoming a grandmother? What Karen? You're already getting agressive when someone talks about birthday."
"Forty-five is freakin' old." She whispered. "But yet it'd be amazing to have little Elijah's walking around."
"You mean little Tornado's. HA!"
"What 'HA'?" Karen acted like Jimi did a few seconds ago. It turned out pretty good actually.
He pointed to the paper. "Second last from below: becoming old with Jimi. You know Karen? Let's prioritse that."
The husband gave his wife a kiss.