song - Wonder by Lauren Aquilina
~"So I'll remain
Within your reign
Until my thoughts can travel somewhere new
My mind is blind to everything but you
And I wonder if you wonder about me too"~
Sometimes she would dream of him, his eyes lighting up her dark nights, pushing the nightmares away with his freckles and dark hair. She would imagine herself back in the lab, needles ready to pierce into her milky skin until she called his name, his face appearing in seconds like the moon in the night sky, like her own savior. He would ramble on about science and different types of metal bonding until her world felt like it was no longer falling apart, his voice smooth and comforting to chase the bad dreams away. She had no need for the small dream-catcher that hung above her bed, his imaginary presence enough to keep the bad memories out of her head, instead filling it with memories that they could perhaps have one day. He would take her by the hand, teaching her constellations while she counted his freckles, giggling as she realized that they were like her own personal starry night sky. Mike would smile softly at her, his dark eyes so light and shimmering in the darkness of her mind, eventually fading away as she woke up with a small frown on her face.
"Bad dream?" her father would ask in a sympathetic voice.
Jane would shake her head. "No, a really good dream."
He didn't understand that her tears were not caused by the memory of the needles pressing against her veins, of the strange feelings coursing through her body through whatever drug they had forced into her system. The tears were not created because of the life that she had left behind, the memories that would not leave her alone at night. Instead she was crying over what she could never have, a normal future with someone that made her feel more at home than she had felt in years. She could never have Mike completely, never tell him everything and feel him kiss away her tears, his lips chasing away every dark thought in seconds. The very thought of having to continue staying away from him broke her heart.
The only other person that Jane could trust was Joyce, a kind lady that was once a friend of her fathers. She worked at Melvalds, a store in the middle of Hawkins town center that sold all different kind of supplies to keep Jane occupied when her father was working late. Joyce would often sneak her magazines to take home, her eyes absorbing all of the new information about school and clothes, things that she could never fully understand. She could tell that Hopper wanted to tell Joyce everything, knowing that he trusted her more than anyone, but he knew that if he told her, Jane would argue that he had broken one of their rules. Joyce greeted her with a smile as she entered the store, her chin automatically resting on her hand as she blinked up at Joyce, sighing softly with boredom.
"Your Dad working late, sweetheart?" she smiled knowingly.
Jane nodded with a small sigh. "Yeah. Is it okay if I stay here for a while?"
Joyce squeezed her hand. "Of course it is, you can help me with the shelves. I need to put some new products out, it will kill time until your Dad picks you up."
She followed the kind lady patiently, wringing her hands together nervously. They spent a while putting the products on the shelves, Joyce nodded in approval every so often. Jane liked being helpful, her eyes lighting up every time she was praised, used to punishments more than rewards. She could remember being doused in water or locked in small rooms for punishments, the dark thoughts making her chin wobble involuntarily. But she shook it off as quickly as she could, reminding herself that her Papa was not a part of her life anymore, that she had everything that she had ever wanted. Well, almost everything.
When she suddenly tripped over the box of cat food, everything in her world slowed to a stop as an unfamiliar pair of shoes stopped in front of her.
"Hey, are you alright?"
His soft voice blurred through her mind, every other noise drowning out as if it was no longer important, all of her senses suddenly focused on him. His knees bent down gently so that he was beside her on the floor, her head instantly looking up so that her panicked eyes could meet his worried ones. His dark hair was slightly messy and slicked against his forehead, eyes searching hers quickly as if he was hoping for some kind of signal that she had not been seriously hurt. His freckles looked darker and more prominent at this angle, the sunlight shining down on his face as he towered above her although crouched, his pale hand outstretched before her. She blinked for a moment, her words getting stuck in her throat as a feeling that she had never encountered soared through her bloodstream. Nothing was stranger than the pure fear running through her, him making her feel so safe yet terrified at the same time, like a roller-coaster that had several different emotions melting through her bones. Her heart practically burst with sunshine, a sick feeling cradling her stomach as if she was about to fall off a deep ledge, falling into somewhere beautiful yet so unknown.
Jane scrambled to her feet, ignoring his outstretched hand.
"Sweetheart, are you okay? Did you trip over something?" Joyce's sweet voice came from behind her but her eyes were stuck on Mike, his smile still polite and slightly nervous.
She nodded, her lips frozen as if they refused to let her words out.
"Did you get hurt?" Mike's soft voice wrapped around her like a blanket, his eyes still fixed on hers as if nothing could ever break their connection. Jane wanted to reassure him that she was okay, to thank him for his concern and to introduce herself properly. She opened her mouth slightly as if ready to let her words out, but she only managed a small shake of her head. Mike looked rather disappointed, nodding politely until Joyce interrupted their connection.
"How are you, Mike? Do you need help finding something?"
Mike's smile was polite, voice sweet like melted chocolate. "No thank you, Mrs Byers. I have just been picking up some things for my parents, Holly is around here somewhere but wanted to play hide and seek. Have you seen her at all?"
Joyce laughed gently. "Unfortunately I haven't, but I'm sure she hasn't gone far. Jane can always help you look, do you two know each other?"
His eyes lit up slightly, nodding gently. "We go to school together."
"Jane, can you go help Mike look for his little sister? She is small and blonde, it will occupy you until your father comes to pick you up..." Joyce nudged her shoulder, glancing at the boxes. "I'm sure I can manage with these by myself."
She shook her head, backing away slowly in fear.
Joyce frowned. "You okay, sweetheart?"
Mike looked confused, his features scrunching up cutely as Jane continued backing away slowly. She almost bumped into a shelf of cat food until she rounded the corner quickly, almost bumping into another human being. She gasped loudly, looking down to see a small girl with blonde pigtails, holding up a small finger to her mouth as if asking her to keep a secret. Jane instantly recognized her as Mike's little sister and she smiled nervously, nodding her head before continuing to back away, not stopping until she was on the other side of the store. She found herself at the frozen section, smiling lightly when she looked up and saw her favorite frozen eggos. She grabbed the box excitedly, knowing that Hopper would argue that their freezer was already packed with the sweet waffles. As soon as she grabbed them and felt herself join reality for a second time, she wanted to slam her head in the freezer door at how much of an idiot she was, how rude and inconsiderate around kind Mike who probably hated her. Their first interaction couldn't have gone worse and part of her broke inside, feeling like she had lost part of her heart when she walked away from him.
...
Jane watched Mike in the void once again that night, frowning at the memory of their lack of conversation and how easy it seemed to ramble to him in the void, knowing that she would never receive a reply. His freckles were still prominent but now that she had seen them in real life just inches away from her, she no longer felt close enough to him in the void. She was only centimeters away from him, almost close enough to try and touch his hand, but there was still the sense that it would never be real, that they were in another world, a fantasy world where she wasn't too scared to speak to him. It was so close yet so far.
The next day at school she watched him for a while at her locker, leaning against it as she bit her lip, wishing that she could read his mind so that she knew what he thought of her. He probably thought of her as a freak mute who couldn't even open her mouth, someone who was too scared to even look him in the eyes at school. She couldn't help but smile as she watched him argue with his friends, trying to strain her ears to listen to their nerdy debate about their usual topic, Star Wars or Back To The Future. They were arguing over which one to watch in his basement that weekend after their campaign, something that she still could never understand but made her smile just the same. When she was about to tear her eyes away from his, the dark eyes suddenly met hers from across the room, widening in recognition.
Jane yelped as she nearly slammed her fingers in her locker.
Mike mumbled something to his friends as she span around, struggling to collect her books so that she could leave the almost empty hallway. As she finally gathered her things, he was beside her with a hesitant smile, a slightly worried look in his eyes.
"Jane, right?"
She nodded wordlessly.
Mike's face fell once more, shuffling on his feet awkwardly as he fiddled with the straps of his backpack. "Well, I found my sister. She was hiding by the ice cream, I should have guessed really, I mean who wouldn't hide there?"
Jane blinked up at him, gulping quietly at his kind smile.
"Are you okay?" he suddenly asked, his voice weak. "Have I said anything to upset you? I-I would never want to intentionally-"
She had already stumbled past him down the hallway before he could finish his sentence, her heartbeat speeding up to an alarming rate. When she finally made it to the girl's bathroom, she shut herself in a stall and whimpered to herself, feeling tears prick her eyes. Her nerves were ruining everything, her hands shaking and heart pounding like when she was sick, although she knew that she did not have a fever in the crisp spring air. She sat there with tears in her eyes for most of the morning, dreaming of a world where she could approach him confidently, invite him to her house without worrying about answering questions that she had no answer to. She wanted to hold his hand, to tell him all about her past without knowing that she was in danger, without having to worry about her father feeling betrayed. She wanted all of him, all of his kind heart that seemed to be doused in sunshine, glimmering with hope and safety.
Most of all, she couldn't bear the thought of getting closer to him, terrified to fall more in love with him only to to push him away.
xxx
WHAT DORKS :) I adore them so much and this is so much fun to write, Jane being scared is adorable as well as upsetting because of why she has to stay away. I promise they will interact more soon when she has more courage, but for now they are just being adorable little dorks just like typical mileven ! I will update in the next couple of days, I am already so in love with writing this story, hope you love it too!
Please leave a comment about this chapter, let me know your favorite moment and what you hope will happen next! I love you all so so much <3
~Jodie