Freckles & Curls | MILEVEN AU

twenty - just love me

song - Light by Sleeping At Last 

~"I will rearrange the stars,
Pull them down to where you are.
I promise, I'll do better.
With every heartbeat I have left,
I'll defend your every breath"~

It was strange, the significance of the first word. The ideology behind the very first phrase to leave a baby's lips, every single syllable containing everything that they could learn and stand by throughout their life. It solved the mystery of existence, the very first recurring thought in a human's mind until it finally transforms into a physical sound. It was suggested that the first word would always be a part of you, something that you keep going back to, something that perhaps even invented the very essence of your being. Some babies fell to the natural comfort of their parents, Mama or Dada constantly repeating in the world as a common first world, typically linking back to what that person would love the most. It was a cruel and bitter irony that her first word was him - Papa. The word a dark shadow over her past, a stranger looming over her dreams and creeping its way into her thoughts without permission. It was one of the only words that she knew in her first years, her voice filled with every imaginable emotion ranging from hope to absolute fear. Maybe the ideology was right somehow, maybe he would always be a part of her, no matter how hard she tried to forget his face. 

"Papa!" she screamed, fighting away their hands, "P-Papa!"

He stood at the end of a corridor, his face void of emotion expect slight disappointment, as if he expected more from his perfect weapon. It was something that she had never understood, how she would always run back to him and forget the amount of hurt that he had caused her. She looked for healing at the hands of those who had wounded her, seeking the strange comfort that he provided due to the simple fact that she had nobody else. 

"Papa, p-please!" she choked, sobbing loudly, "Not again, I-I'll be good this time! I will be a good girl, I will! Just please let me-"

The door was slammed in her face before she could finish. 

The loneliness hit her before anything else, the cold feeling spreading through her bones like a terrible disease. But scientists could often find cures, medicines and vaccines that would ease the pain that the viruses caused, eliminating the cause of the bacteria within the body that started destroying the immune system. But there was no cure for the disease of loneliness and Jane was suddenly struck with the overwhelming fear that she would never see the other side of those walls. The terror that she would never know anything different. 

The next morning he had opened the door, holding out his hand for her to take. Jane gulped, not knowing whether she would be safer with him, or safer staying locked within the dark room. When he finally led her to a familiar room, she squeezed her eyes shut. 

"You will finish it this time, won't you?" he warned her. 

She whimpered. "Y-Yes, Papa."

The exhaustion rolled over her in waves, but she knew that she had no choice but to continue, pushing her limits until the job was finally finished. The metal plate was curled into a ball, her mind manipulating her shape in a way that made her Papa mumble words of praise. 

"Perfect."

"Extraordinary."

"Incredible."

She woke up to darkness surrounding her, hyperventilating before she remembered where she was. It wasn't until she felt the warmth of his arms cradling her, Mike's panicked eyes meeting hers through the atmosphere, that she realized where she was. The relief hit her, sobs escaping her lips in choked gasps, her body clambering itself up into his lap before he even knew what she was doing. He clenched his eyes shut, soothing her by running a hand through her messy curls, mumbling comforting phrases to her so that she could escape the feeling of drifting far away from reality. It was not the first nightmare that he had witnessed, usually the reason that he stayed late whenever the chief was working, but they never seemed to get easier to witness. He knew that she needed to feel steady, for her world to stop tilting with the sense that she was back in that cell that she once called a home. A hand came up and caressed her cheek, joining their brown eyes in the hope that it would convince her, prove that this was real. All she wanted to know was that she was there, that she wasn't dreaming.