Alyx's POV!!!
"WHAT?! YOUR A STONER NOW?!" Andy shouted at me while I was looking down on the ground. I didn't know what to say so I just shook my head. "How could you kiss a girl while you were with CC" Andy added on. "I didn't kiss her she kissed me" I said shakingly I couldn't cry I don't want them to know my weakness. The others started getting involved "You can't do drugs Alyx You can die" Jinxx said. They all tried to hold me but I ran upstairs before any of them could.
I heard footsteps behind me I knew it was CC but I feel stupid I locked the door. I grabbed my pillow and screamed into it. Once I finished screaming and calmed down I looked at my bottom draw again. I walked over to it and there was my binder. "Alyx let me in I need to get my gameboy" CC shouted so I chucked the binder back in the draw so he couldnt see and let him in.
I left the door open a little bit I knew no one would come in anyway. I walked over to my draw again and picked up my binder. I took of my tshirt and my bra. I wrapped the binder round but struggled to do it up. I got annoyed with it and started crying. Someone came into my room I froze to who it was. It was Ashley he came up behind me did up my binder and kissed me on the top of my head.
I put on my Asking Alexandria tshirt and my jean shorts I grabbed my hightops and my beanie and headed out. I was going to meet Trish she was the only one who understood me at the moment. I walked to the park with Bullet For My Valentine blasting through my ears. I saw Trish sitting eating a bag of gummy worms.
I ran up to her and nicked a gummy worm. "Hey Trish you know when you kissed me yesterday?" I asked her and she nodded in reply. "Well I think ive figured out something" I said Trish looked up at me from eating her gummy worms. "I think I want to be a boy" She smiled at me and then hugged me. I immediately started crying and she said she will walk me home just incase Ashley had told anyone.
We stayed at the park for another half an hour then we walked home. We spoke about what I wanted to be called but I didn't know yet. She said it was being transgendered or transsexual but I dont know what that means. We walked into the house and no one was home which was good. I hugged Trish and she left. Ashley came down the stairs and saw that I had been crying.
Ashley's POV!!!
I walked downstairs and saw that Alyx had been crying and looked like she was going to again. I walked up to her. She collapsed into my arms and we both fell on the floor. I picked her up and took her to my room and held her while she cried. She soon fell asleep on me and I thought I had better get her changed.
I went to get her pj's and walked back to my bedroom and got her changed I took her binder off and put her batman pj top on and I quietly went downstairs where everyone was they obviously came home while me and Alyx was talking. "Wheres Alyx?" CC said "Shes in my bedroom she was crying and we were talking then she fell asleep" I replied. CC nodded then continued watching TV. Andy is worried about Alyx but I don't understand why she is mature for her age she knows what she wants to do with her life shes experimenting that is what teens do.
Alyx's POV!!!
I woke up in Ashleys bedroom and realised that he was not there like he was when I fell asleep. I stood up and close the door slightly. I walked over to Ashleys full length mirror and looked at my body. I looked at my breasts and asked myself "Why am I in this body?" I looked behind me there stood Andy looking at me with a confused face. "What are you doing Alyx?" He said.
I walked over to the bed and started crying I curled into a ball on Ashleys bed "Whats wrong?" He said again. "I DON'T KNOW I DON'T KNOW I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!!" Suddenly I heard a pair of footsteps come upstairs and into the room. I was in somebodys arms but I smelt AXE i knew it was Ashley.
Andy walked out of the room scratching his head confused about what had just happened. I got up and ran to the bathroom and locked the door. I grabbed my pair of scissors and started to cut my long black hair. My hair all fell to the floor and I looked in the mirror with tears in my eyes I could hear Ashley knocking on the bathroom door. I opened the door and his face dropped then turned into a smile. "You look amazing lets stick it up with a bit of my gel if you want" he said as he reached for his gel. (Picture to the side of what Alyx's hair looks like after she cut it)
Ashley stuck my hair up and I put one of his beanies on so we could both walk downstairs and shock the others. As we walked into the living room everyone elses faces dropped at the same time. Andy looked up at me and he suddenly threw down the controller and walked outside. My heart sunk. The others hugged me even CC.
I walked out to where andy was and sat next to him "Are you mad at me?" I asked him worriedly he looked at me "No I just wish you would tell me stuff sometimes im mad at myself because I am your father and you don't tell me anything" He says I hug him "Why don't me and you go out tomorrow for the day and ill explain whats happening in my head" I told him while hugging him and he nodded and we both walked in to the living room. No one took notice anymore they were more interested in the tv and fixing the remote control.
Andy's POV!!!
I would really like some paper I wonder if we have any in the house. its good for you to eat I am going to look for some now I want to make a paper salad.
Alyx's POV!!!
I wondered if we had any pepsi's in the fridge "guys have we got any pepsi?" I asked looking at them all "Er I think so they are in the fridge" Jake said. I walked into the kitchen and looked in the fridge trying to find the pepsi. Someone came up behind me and turned me round and kissed me. I pulled away from the kiss. I looked at Ashley gobsmacked and I started hitting him and kicking him he soon fell to the ground.
I stood up from hurting Ashley he was covered in blood. All of the other guys came into the kitchen to see what all the banging was about. They all looked at Ashley covered in blood pouring from his nose and mouth. Jinxx went to pick up Ashley and take him to the bathroom to get cleaned up. I looked around and saw everyone staring at me.
Jake walks in a few minutes later and sees the blood on the floor "What I miss?" He said randomly. They carried on looking at me and I ran out crying. I went to see Trish and hung around with her for a couple of hours. I had to go back soon but I really didn't want to.
Andys POV
I don't know what happened to make Alyx attack Ashley like that... I have to go find her. As I walk up the stairs, I don't bother knocking on her door. I just let myself in slamming it behind me. "Why do you have to hit Ashley he never did anything to you he just helped you" I shouted at her. "ASHLEY CAME ON TO ME AND KISSED ME" She screamed and then ran out of her bedroom. I heard the front door slam. I ran downstairs and all the guys looked some what surprised and I ran out of the house trying to look for her.
I saw her BMX was missing so she must of took off somewhere to cool down. I walked back inside to talk with the guys I hoped that Alyx was lying to me. "Alyx told me that Ashley had tried to kiss her is that true Ashley?" I asked him he nodded at me. "How could you Ashley? She thinks we are blaming her now when it was your fault!" I said to him raising my voice a little bit. I walked out of the house again and got in my car to go look for her. I rang some people up to ask if they have seen her.
Hey Danny have you seen Alyx anywhere shes run off?
.....
No okay keep a look out dude
Hey Ronnie Have you seen Alyx anywhere shes run off?
.....
Okay keep a look out though she could be anywhere
Alyx's POV!!!
I biked as far away as I could until my phone started ringing I looked at the ID it was Ronnie. I answered my phone. He wanted me to come round until Andy calmed down so I biked to the Falling In Reverse share house.
Once I got to their house I knocked on the door. After a couple of minutes knocking Derek answered the door. He simply gave me a hug and bought my BMX inside incase Andy went pass. I walked into where Ronnie was sitting and hugged him tightly. "What happened to your hair Alyx?" He asked I looked up at him "I think I want to be a boy but I am not sure yet" I replied to his question.
Ronnie took me to the guest bedroom and he bought some of Jackys pajamas and left the room to let me put them on. I walked downstairs and cuddled with Ronnie until everyone went to bed. I went upstairs and layed in bed thinking till I finally fell asleep.
I woke up at 6am and went down to get a drink I looked hungover but I dont remember drinking I hate mornings I have to go to school but I know Andy or someone else will be there to take me home. Ronnie and the other guys were not awake yet so I thought they must of been drinking most of the night.
Suddenly the door knocked I didn't want to answer it incase it was Andy I hid behind the sofa incase they looked through the window. Ronnie came down and saw me behind the sofa he told me to get upstairs.
Ronnie's POV!!!
I told Alyx to go upstairs while I answered the door. It was CC he looked like he hadn't been sleeping and he looked ill "I know she's here Ronnie I am not stupid I also know what Ashley did to her so please just let me see her im not going to take her away." He begged. I sighed and shouted for Alyx to come down.
She came down worriedly and saw CC standing in the living room. "Why didn't you tell me and let me sort Ashley out?" He asked her Alyx just shrugged and picking odd bits of the sofa getting anxious. "Why don't you just come home and talk to Andy he really wants to see you none of us have slept because we were worried about you?" He asked.
Alyx thought about it and nodded to him and she went to get dressed. Once she came down in the clothes she came here in she grabbed her BMX and took it out the door with CC following her "You're welcome anytime Alyx" I shouted after her. She turned around and smiled at me.
Andy's POV!!!
CC just texted me he has found Alyx round Ronnies thank god I was about to ring the police they are on their way back now. I called everyone into the living room to tell them that Alyx is coming home. They were all excited to see her again even though its been one day.
We all heard car doors shutting and a car boot being opened and shut and we all stared out the window to watch Alyx and CC walk down the drive. CC opened the door and everyone piled on to Alyx on the front porch and she was laughing I haven't seen her laugh like this in a while. Ashley didnt do anything he just stood there and watched.
Alyx's POV!!!
As soon as I walked in the guys piled on top of me which was a laugh didn't think I was missed this much "Guys can you get off now I at least want to get into the door first" I shouted at them jokingly they all laughed and started getting of me one by one. I got up and went to sit down on the couch so we can talk about things.
We started talking about communication with one a another and that if anyone was feeling down wed have to talk about it. Then we started talking about what I wanted to do about wanting to be a boy and Ashley stood up quickly "Alyx I love you and I want to be with you forever I know you are going through a phase right now but you'll get over it and we can be together I know I messed up but I regret that and it won't happen again I promise" He said I couldn't take it in my head was all over the place I started breathing heavily panicking.
Ashley held me I shook him off "I AM A FUCKING BOY WHO WANTS TO BE WITH A GIRL WHY CANT YOU UNDERSTAND THAT WHY DO YOU HAVE TO FUCK EVERYTHING UP FOR ME!" I shouted almost screaming. Ashley looked like he was getting Angry he just humilated himself infront of his brothers.
"You know what Alyx you're a freak you are a girl not a boy why cant you wear dresses and act like a girl for once in your life you ugly little freak you were born as a girl for a reason you ugly little freak girl cause thats what you are a girl you'd be better of dead!" He said to me I looked at him then I turned to look at the rest of the guys they were as shocked as me. Ashley ran out of the house and we heard an engine of a motorbike ride of into the distance.
(TRIGGER WARNING - IF YOU SELF-HARM OR HAVE SUICIDAL THOUGHTS DO NOT READ THIS PART!!!!)
I replayed the words in my head everything went in slow motion I would be better of dead I ran upstairs and heard the guys following me I tried to run faster. I got into my room and locked the door. I ran to the bathroom and looked through all my cuboards and found my packets of tablets and I got my razor blade out. I sliced the blade against my wrist 2 times on each wrist I popped out all the pills and put them into my hand and put them all in my mouth I swallowed and looked into the mirror.
I suddenly fell down onto the floor and throth come out my mouth I heard faded sounds of a door breaking down everything just went black.
Andy's POV!!!
We knew what Alyx was going to do we tried and tried to get in her room. CC had enough and stepped back and broke the door down. We saw her leg outside the bathroom door I ran to her and saw the razor blade and the open packets of tablets they were all gone I looked down and began to throw up she was in a pool of her own blood and unconcious she was still breathing but barely.
I got Jinxx to ring the ambulance and tell them to hurry up. I put presure on both of her wrists the ambulance was here in a few minutes and put her on a gurney she looked so pale and looked like so sad. Me and CC went in the ambulance while Jinxx and Jake followed. The paramedics wrapped her wrists up and I held her hand and cried "Please be okay" I whispered to her.
We got to the hospital and they rushed her to a room and started pumping her stomach. Jinxx and Jake followed in the waiting room a few minutes later. It was about half 4 in the afternoon and suddenly all the bands Alyx have met showed up Falling In Reverse , Asking Alexandria, My chemical romance. The nurse came over "Alyx's family?" She asked everyone stood up "Mr Biersack and Mr Coma?" She said looking at me and CC we nodded "Follow me to the family room please"
Me and CC followed the nurse to the family room where she sat us down and got us some coffee before she told us how Alyx was. I didn't want fucking coffee I wanted to know if my baby was okay. She sat down opposite us and sighed "I am sorry to say Alyx is in a coma and there is a 50-50 chance that she will not make it but we have to hope for her we will do the best we can and help you and Alyx deal with this and as this is her second suicide attempt we might have to refer her to a institution"
I started crying again I needed to see her I walked out of the room and walked to the room I saw them put her in. I saw her laying there pale and on life support I walked into the room and went to sit next to her lifeless body. I can't believe this is my little baby hooked up to machines breathing through a tube and not moving. I hoped this was a terrible nightmare I want her to jump out at me and tell me she was joking.
Suddenly the doors opened and in come Ashley "Get the fuck out here like she needs you in here you just maybe ruined her whole life!" I shouted at him quietly he looked at me and pushed me out the way. "What did she take and how many?" He asked like he didnt just tell her to a couple hours ago "You know what Ashley do not act like you care about her you told her to die and I hate you we all hate you so get out of our sights" I shouted at him again he pushed me to the wall and told me to back off. The guys ran in and stopped Ashley from beating the living shit out of me.
We were all having a go at Ashley when suddenly we heard a loud beep from the machine Alyx was hooked up to everyone went silent. I looked at her and ran over to her Jinxx shouted for a nurse. Four doctors ran in and told us to get out.
"Please can you guys leave you can not be in here" The doctor said as they were putting paddles onto her "CLEAR" is all I heard as we were pushed out of the room. I kicked the bin over I was getting tired and I wanted my baby girl to be okay. We were told to wait in the family room again as we walked in we saw all the bands in here.
They all came up and told me it was going to be okay. I saw the doctor walk in "We managed to resussitate her but she is still in a coma" He said I sighed with relief I wasn't going to leave her side tonight.
*One Month Later*
Andy's POV!!!
I have been visiting Alyx for a month now still no change to her I miss her the house is not the same without her its too quiet. I have been asking her to wake up but she won't. The doctor walked in the room "Can I speak to you outside Mr Biersack" He said I kissed Alyx's head and told her id be right outside. I followed the doctor out the room "Mr Biersack I know it has been a month but with no change I think its for the better to take her of life support." I was supprised "No you can't she has to wake up I know she will wake up" I shouted at him "Its for the best Mr Biersack we have tried everything we could do" He said I stared at the floor "If you thinks it for the best but would it be okay if I switched it of and her family was there to say goodbye?" I said and he nodded.
I phoned up all the guys to come down to the hospital even Ashley he thinks its his fault which it is but we don't need arguments not at this time. The guys turned up one after the other I explained what was going on and they all sat with her for 10 minutes before they said that they were ready. The doctor come in and told me what one to switch "Goodnight Alyx sleep tight I love you" I flipped the switch and we all sat and patienatly waited I held her hand and stroked her head.
Ashley's POV!!!
I can't believe this is happening I made her do this now shes going to die because of my stupid words Why couldnt I have just left her alone and not said anything I wish she was awake I would beg for her forgivness.
Jinxx's POV!!!
I don't want to say goodbye to her shes my little sister I wish she hadnt took any pills I wish I had stopped her running up those stairs. I dont think I can live with myself if she goes black veil brides wont be the same anymore.
Jake POV!!!
Who can I eat pizza with now my pizza buddy has gone no one else loves pizza as much as we do while watching horror movies I love her and I want to protect her from stuff like this.
CC's POV!!!
I miss her at the house I havent seen her much because I dont know what to say my minds confused im about to lose my girlfriend I wish I could of told her before even if she wanted to be a boy I would still care for her even if we are not together.
Andy's POV!!!
The doctor came in 5 minutes after to take the tubes out of her mouth and as she did he put the stethoscope on her chest and looked at us all confused. "Whats wrong doctor is everything okay?" I said worriedly "Everything is perfect Mr Biersack its just Alyx....Is breathing on her own which is unusual" He said.
We all looked shocked then we started smiling "Thats my girl" I said to her. I kissed her hand and the guys hugged her and told me they were gonna get some food and go home and get things ready for her to come back to the house. I nodded to them and sat with her all night again I hoped she woke up soon.
Alyx's POV!!!
I heard them all talking but I couldn't move I wanted to scream for help but I couldn't what had happened to me Was I dead? Suddenly I could open my eyes I took a look around me I was in a hospital room. I sat up and looked to my left Andy was asleep I started crying I was alone none of the guys didnt want to know me.
Suddenly Andy jolted awake "ALYX I am so happy to see you awake I have been waiting a whole month!!" he yelled then he spotted that I was crying "Whats wrong why are you crying?" he asked. "The guys don't want to know me do they thats why they aren't here" I said. He crawled into bed with me and hugged me tight "They went home earlier they will be here in the morning to see if your awake if you want I can text them for you and tell them the good news?" I nodded at him.
I watched him texting the guys while I hugged him against his chest snuggling up. He told me he was going to get me something to eat and drink as I must be hungry he was also going to tell the nurse I was awake. I saw him come back into the room while I was holding a teddy one of the guys had bought me while I was in here.
I sipped the coffee he gave me and ate the maccy ds he got me from the store inside the hospital. Andy rubbed my forehead until I fell asleep.
I woke up and it was morning I heard Andy talking to some guys I reconised their voices and sat up quickly to see all of them sitting around waiting for something. "Guys!! I missed you" I shouted at them. They all looked so happy and ran up to hug me Ashley didn't move I think he still felt bad about what happened.
The doctor came in and looked at us all and smiled "I am so happy to see you awake Alyx I have made an appointment for you to go to group therapy for 6 weeks because we couldn't send you to an insitution Also you can go home whenever you would like" He said as he gave me a bit of paper with the details on.
I gave the bit of paper to Andy and he gave me some comfortable clothes to wear I went to the bathroom and got changed. Andy decided we should go get something to eat so we went to our favourite restraunt.
We walked into the restraunt and the worker came up to us and told Andy I am not allowed to wear trackie bottoms in here but he explained that I just got out of hospital after being in a coma. The worker looked shocked about himself and let us go to a table.
We sat down and ordered our food and Ashley sent me a text saying he is sorry and he wants my forgiveness. I looked at him and nodded he mouthed thank you. We all talked about what I wanted from them and I asked for their support with my decisions. Our food came and we all laughed and had a joke.
Andy asked me if I wanted a party for getting out of hospital and I shrugged tomorrow was my first session at group therapy and I was dreading it.
Finally finished it I love you guys I wouldn't of done this without all your guys support <3 The reason I made Alyx transgender is because I am going through that right now. I am sure BVB have nothing against transgendered people if you are offended please either message me or leave it in the comments and I will PM you myself <3 enjoy Krystin - NovemberRain92 helped me with some of this chapter so go add her and read her stories they are good <3 I am dedicating this to her!!!