"next time you point a finger, i'll point you to the mirror..."
—
thriving
tyorkie removed heyjosh from the chat
tyorkie named the chat support
tyorkie: hey hayles
jermbeats: hi Hayley
tyorkie: im not going to ask if you're okay
tyorkie: you don't have to talk if you don't want to
tyorkie: jeremy and i are out here, and we're not gonna ask about what happened
jermbeats: were not trying to push you or anything
jermbeats: we just wanted to ask you to come out h
tyorkie: no pressure but..
tyorkie: we're worried about you
ptcruiser: wait whats wrong? is hayley okay?
ptcruiser: whats happening?
tyorkie: its okay, she's just...
tyorkie: well, maybe you should come to the studio yourself
jermbeats: where were you man?
ptcruiser: just tell me she's okay
tyorkie: im sorry zac, i can't do that
ptcruiser: what?
ptcruiser: what the fuck is happening??
yelyah: im okay
tyorkie: oh hayley, thank god
jermbeats: jesus, like hell you are
ptcruiser: hayley whats wrong? are you good?
yelyah: yes
tyorkie: hayley please come out
ptcruiser: where are you?? taylor what's happening?? is she safe?
ptcruiser: fuck this, im going to the studio right now
tyorkie: hayley...
yelyah: just leave me alone, t
tyorkie: i would hayley, but i know you. and i know josh, and i know what i saw
jermbeats: he doesn't act like that for no reason hayles, he must have really fucked up
yelyah: what you saw doesn't concern you.
tyorkie: it does, hayley, because i care about you
yelyah: yeah well maybe you shouldn't
tyorkie: you know i can't do that hayles, none of us can. even zac is driving down here at probably an illegal speed just to see that you're okay even though he's still mad at us. can you please come out?
yelyah: im not going to do that okay? now if you guys will stop sitting outside the bathroom door like fucking perverts i want to go home
jermbeats: we won't keep you here but we don't want to send you off alone
tyorkie: hayley, please don't do this
yelyah: no, YOU dont do this. im allowed to be alone, im allowed to go home
tyorkie: but not like this, h
yelyah: just get the fuck away from the door
tyorkie: i will if you open it
yelyah: yeah ill open it and walk straight home, sound fair to you?
tyorkie: look, hayley. i'm obviously not going to force you to do or say anything you don't want to, and im not going to keep you at the studio if you want to go home, but i just.... you shouldn't be alone right now. you should talk about this all, hayles. it's a lot, i know, but we're here for you. we all are.
tyorkie: in fact, zacs pulling up to the studio right now. maybe he's the best person to talk to about all this right now
yelyah: and why is that?
tyorkie: oh, well
tyorkie: nothing really it was just a thought
yelyah: jesus christ
yelyah: so, what, you all know now, do you? it's all just some fucking game to you? pass around hayleys trauma like a goddamn telephone, but try not to fuck it up too much as you spread it. lord knows it doesn't need to be any worse
tyorkie: hayley, no, it's nothing like that at all, i swear
yelyah: you all think you've got me all figured out but apparently you don't know me at all.
yelyah: does it really matter that ive been abused or does it matter that im sticking up for myself in the end? does it matter that josh was a shitty boyfriend who hit me when i didn't listen or does it matter that i was a shitty girlfriend who wouldn't listen? does it matter that i keep losing friends or does it matter that i can't keep anyone around long enough to stay? doesn't it matter that i yelled back? doesn't it matter that i cheated on him? doesn't it matter that i told him to hit me, told him to man up and finally do what i know hes always wanted to?
tyorkie: hayley..... im so sorry. the guys don't know anything
jermbeats: hayles..... i... you've been hurt like that?
ptcruiser: fuck hayley im so sorry, i didnt know
yelyah: fuck off you didnt
tyorkie: i swear hayley, i didn't know or say anything, i just heard what you were talking about with josh and everything you've said to me over the years and i just
tyorkie: i worry hayles. i worry that you're hurting or you're gonna get hurt
yelyah: well you're a little too fucking late for that, aren't you? you all are. everybody's always too late, not enough, whatever. things just don't work out and ive come to accept that, so do we really need to go through the middle man of us all believing they will?
ptcruiser: hayley, im here
ptcruiser: please come out
yelyah: did you break up with emily?
ptcruiser: what?
yelyah: did you leave her?
ptcruiser: well...
ptcruiser: yeah, i guess i did. tonight.
yelyah: good
ptcruiser: .....so you'll come out?
yelyah: i wanted to make sure that none of you make the same mistake i did.
tyorkie: hayley... this isn't your fault. none of this is
yelyah: yeah well im the one who fell for him didn't i? im the one who believed when i knew this whole love thing was bullshit. im the one who never shut the fuck up long enough to listen to what he was saying. im the one who cheated, yelled and screamed back instead of stopping things, im the one who told him to do it. and now i'm the one who hates him for it
tyorkie: hayley, im so so sorry for everything
yelyah: why are you apologizing? im telling you that it's my fault
tyorkie: i care about you so much, hayley, enough to tell you that it's not. none of this is your fault. and if you think it is, then i am the one who needs to apologize, because i haven't been doing my job
yelyah: oh what, your job is to take care of me, help me stop making bad decisions? im not that stupid little girl anymore who can't fight back you know
tyorkie: no, hayles. i haven't done my job of loving you.
yelyah: t
yelyah: cmon
tyorkie: even though it may seem like it, just feeling it isn't enough, and i realize that now. so im sorry, for not doing anything, for not helping you, for not realizing it sooner.
tyorkie: but if you'll just give me another chance, maybe ill be able to show you how capable i am of doing my job
tyorkie: so please, hayley. if you want this at all, and it's completely okay if you don't, please.... come out.
tyorkie: please hayley. i love you
yelyah: you know i love you too, taylor.
yelyah: wait. im coming
-
i've been saying it all this time, haven't i? that love is powerful? it is so strong, so beyond imaginable or comprehensible to the human mind. but what exactly are its immense capabilities actually capable of doing? healing trauma? mending relationships? strengthening bonds? saving someone?
or is it simply fooling the human mind?
...
i recently reread the ending to this, and i'm not sure i like it. not sure yet what i'll do.