It's been months, very long dreadful months and yet Daisy still hasn't gotten rid of her nasty drinking habit. She doesn't do it as often as daily, but she will be caught in a bar or at a club at least once or twice a week.
Sometimes it's Pierre who will find her in a drunken heap, other times it's Kaden and of course he will scold her all the way back home. However when it's Skylar, Daisy feels the most ashamed because Skylar didn't scold her, or threaten to call Kaden anymore.
Instead, she would just watch quietly as Daisy destructed herself little by little because she knew that no matter how many times she would tell her to stop, Daisy would still continue to drown herself in alcohol without caring about the results of her actions.
Daisy felt lost, she was at a point in her life where she just couldn't figure out who she was anymore. She had taken a break from acting, she was losing the people she loved one after the other and she felt that soon, she would lose her father too and that would be one more person to add to the pile of people that Daisy had to mourn. Not to mention that soon enough she felt like she would be losing herself, completely. And there would be no going back from there if that happened.
First it was Harvey's overdose, then it was Timothée's act of betrayal and now she could almost anticipate the day the news would arrive and she would find out that cancer killed her father.
The nightmares of her rapist disappeared and in their place came reoccurring nightmares of her father's potential death. Although her father would die in every nightmare, it would always be in a different way. One nightmare will show him being poisoned, another showed him in a severe car crash, another showed a very brutal image of a bullet being sent towards her father's chest.
Each nightmare had a different twist to it, and every time she would wake up crying out hoping someone would hear her, and come to her and comfort her until she fell back asleep. But then she would realize that Timothée wasn't a part of her life anymore, he wasn't there to pick up her broken pieces and tell her things would be okay after a nightmare.
All she had was her pet dog Homer and all he could do was rest his chin on Daisy's chest as an attempt to show his affection. And although Daisy was grateful for it, she couldn't help but wish she had someone by her side. To be there for her when she'd wake up in a frenzy.
If she were to be specific she wouldn't just want someone she would want Timothée.
She missed his presence so deeply and as the days passed by it started to sink in just how much he did for her, how much he cared for her throughout their time together. Without him around she was realizing just how reliant she was on him, with her secrets, with her nightmares, with her trust.
Was it all a mistake?
Maybe.
But either way, no matter how much it hurt her and pierced her heart when he left. She still couldn't bring herself to forget every moment they spent together. The good and the bad. She didn't regret their adventures together in his car, their late nights spent watching television, the times they spent away from each other missing each other so deeply.
All of it was beautiful. All the time they spent together was magnificent. And she was slowly forgiving him day by day. But forgiving him doesn't mean wanting to be with him again, it just means being able to live with the fact that he didn't mean her any harm.
Because she may be able to forgive him, but she definitely cannot trust him again.
***
Just like many nights Timothée waves away all of Julien's attempts at getting him to go out and socialize with other human beings, and he decides to stay home and read some scripts instead.
His couch was comfortable, so were his pillows and he sat there in the comfort of his own home and enjoyed being alone for a moment or two. Surprisingly enough, Timothée was never left alone. His mother and father were always smothering him with love, telling him to have dinner with them and showing up at his apartment unannounced.
His sister Pauline would spend loads of time with him and so would some of his friends, Julien being the main one who really kept Timothée in check. They were all afraid he would fall into some deep hole, like the one Daisy had fallen into.
There were photos of her all over the media, being shown drunk and throwing up on the sidewalk. Timothée had seen the photos, but he insisted that they were merely fabricated photos that made her out to be something she is not. Because from what he can remember correctly, Daisy didn't drink alcohol. She never wanted to and she never will.
She was not an alcoholic.
After what happened to Harvey Timothée tried distancing himself away from alcoholic drinks too, because it was just so traumatizing. Therefore, he dismissed the photographs and told his friends and family that she must have been sick when those photos were taken and the paparazzi made it a bigger deal than it was.
But everyone knew the real truth. Daisy was following the same path Harvey went down. And soon enough, she'd end up just like him. Dead. Therefore, everyone tried to keep themselves as close to Timothée as possible so that he wouldn't fall into the same pit that she did.
And he didn't. At least not yet.
He's been fine. Not happy, not content. But okay.
Timothée is able to smile at times, to laugh, to listen and to still love and appreciate things. He isn't miserable or depressed but there are times where it will feel like there is a growing pit in his stomach. And it hurts more than any sort of physical pain anyone could ever experience.
It used to be filled, with Daisy's love. With her affection for him and her care for him. But he no longer had that. Now he was left with a very hallow feeling in his chest. But it was better than nothing.
A knock on his door brings him out of his focus. He had gotten very lost in one of the scripts his agent had sent him and it took him a moment to stand up and open the door because of how captivated he was by it.
But after standing up and opening his door there was nothing more captivating in that moment then seeing Daisy Cohen with a goofy grin on her face. It was weird, to see her smile. He truly hadn't seen the sight of her smile in months.
Not even in the many photos the paparazzi took of her. She rarely ever smiled in those photos. She always had a straight face on, or she was hiding her face with a cap or some bulky sunglasses.
But, it was never a smile.
Either way he missed it, so very dearly and he had forgotten just how much joy it had brought him to see her look so.. at peace. She was always on edge. From the moment her father fell ill Daisy had been anxious and fearful, but seeing her this way was so refreshing yet so terrifying at the same time. Because.. why was she smiling in the first place?
'Hey.' her voice, it comes out of her and it didn't sound the same to Timothée. She sounded different and as she stepped towards him to come inside she staggered forward and he catches her in his arms holding her body up. Daisy laughs.
'Are you.. are you drunk?' Timothée asks once he has lead her to the living room and situated her on the couch. Daisy giggles once again and it sounded so strange. It was so unlike her.
She leans towards Timothée slightly, her breath smelling like really strong alcohol. The scent of the alcohol covering her original scent, one that Timothée longed for and missed and could sometimes still smell her on some of his old hoodies that she used to wear or his shirts that she used to burrow. 'No. Why would you think that? You know I'm a saint and I don't drink.' The way she said it, it was as if she were mocking herself.
Timothée sighs, looking deep into her eyes and seeing that he is unable to find her. She was buried deep inside of herself and all that was left of Daisy was this fake version of her. One that was heavily intoxicated and acting extremely unusual. 'So all the media coverage, it was true.. it wasn't all a lie?' Timothée asks genuinely wanting to understand.
'The one time you choose not to believe in the media it's for this. Where was this sensible Timothée when he saw fake pictures of me kissing another boy?' Her comment stung, and Timothée's face showed it. She brings up their breakup, their very messy beak up and how he believed those photos when they weren't even real.
He says what he has been feelings for months now. 'I'm sorry.' he tells her, and he really really really was sorry.
'Don't apologize. It's way too late for apologies.' Her voice doesn't sound happy, or bubbly, or even calm anymore. Instead she sounds more sad. More like her real self. Because although Timothée hated it when Daisy was sad, at least he knew she was being herself and not putting on an act for him.
She was still the girl who saw her older brother, purple and blue and lifeless on the ground. She was still the girl who travelled to and from Los Angeles for her sick father. And she still was the girl who had to painfully watch the man she loved storm out of her apartment angrily when she hadn't done anything wrong. After all, if she wasn't sad about all of that, then she wasn't human.
'You're right. It is too late.' Timothée admits, the hallow feeling in his chest returning. Daisy tries reaching for the bottle of water on his coffee table but it seems her hand is a bit shaky so Timothée grabs it for her. He hands it to her and watches her drink it quickly. 'Why are you so drunk?' Timothée asks.
Daisy puts down the bottle and groans in annoyance. 'I'm not that drunk.' she says, but it doesn't matter what she says because Timothée can tell for himself and it is obvious that she has had more drinks than her body can withstand.
'Yes. You are. You can barley walk.. you keep tripping.' Timothée tells her although he feels bad for her he still wants her to understand how drunk she is, how damaged she looks to him. He felt it was his doing, not the alcohol's. That he did this to her, but then he realized he is merely a small problem in Daisy's whirlwind of personal issues. He can't claim that he is worthy of being so destructive.
'Don't act so surprised Timothée, I was drunk the night you saw me at that club. I've been worse, compared to other days.' His heart aches as she says this and for a moment she almost reminded him of Harvey. The way she spoke, how she was so confident that what she was doing to herself wasn't as harmless as it seemed. That was the way Harvey saw it. He felt like alcohol did more good for him than it did bad. And Daisy used to be the first one to argue with Harvey, but it seems she has switched sides.
'Why are you here Daisy?' Timothée asks, placing his hands on his knees and looking away from her. He wanted an honest answer, because after so long having her show up at his door, drunk and giggling wasn't the way he expected them to cross paths again.
She seems to have been offended by his question, so she stands up immediately startling Timothée in the process. 'Am I not welcome here anymore? Because if that's the case then i'll...'
Timothée cuts her off, completely regretting the way he phrased his words. 'No! No.. that's not what I meant. I meant why are you here.. I thought you hated my guts and you never wanted to see me again.' He holds her arm and tugs her back to her seat on the couch beside him and she obeys and sits back on the couch next to him.
'I might have hated you. At the very start, but that's only because I felt betrayed by you.' She zones out, and for a moment it was as if she wasn't there anymore. Like she was somewhere else for that small moment in time. But once Timothée spoke his voice awakened something inside of her and she returned.
'I did betray you.' It was hard to say it to her, to admit it out loud but she deserved the truth. 'I told you time and time again that I'd never leave you and that I loved you so much but then I left.' The emotions Timothée had already been feeling grew even stronger and it was becoming harder to look her in the eye as he admitted how cruel he had been to her, how horrid he was for leaving her.
'Yeah Timothée.. why did you leave me?'
She becomes hostile all of a sudden. Her eyes are wide and full of fury and she leans in closer towards him wanting a genuine answer. 'I mean you're admitting it yourself.. you loved me so much but then you left me when some small thing came our way. Why?'
Timothée looks away from her, his eyes looking down at his hands in shame. 'I don't know.' he mumbles, and he can already feel the anger that is about to erupt from her.
'Is that all you have to say to me? THAT YOU DON'T KNOW? After half a year goes by, you still can't figure it out?!' Daisy stands up again, but she doesn't head for the door, instead she walks over to the chair on the far end of the room and she kicks at it angrily. A sort of anger escapes her that Timothée had never seen before, and it scared him.
It was the same kind of anger that burst out of him when he saw those fake photos of Daisy and rushed home to break up with her. Except, it was stronger, because it was real. There were no fake photos this time, or misconceptions, there was a real pain hidden inside the two of them and the alcohol in Daisy's system was bringing out the worst in her.
It was making her angry.
'I'm sorry I just.. I regret what I did to you that night.' Timothée keeps himself calm and collected, because he is in no position to be angry with her.
'I don't care if you regret it!' She spits. ' I want to know why you even did it?' They are ten feet apart, Daisy is trying to hold herself together but is failing at that completely and Timothée is now standing up slowly from his seat on the couch.
'I was angry Daisy!' He tells her, trying to make her understand. But the look in her eyes means she doesn't want to understand, she doesn't want to fix things. She just wants him to know how it felt to be left by him that night. And maybe she just wanted him to stand there and take it. Because it was what he deserved.
Daisy shakes her head in annoyance. 'I'm angry right now.. but I'm still standing here, listening to you and giving you a chance to talk, aren't I?'
Timothée explodes. 'WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?' He couldn't, he just couldn't hold it in any longer. The tears fall out of his eyes, his hands become fists and he pounds his fist onto one of the cushions in frustration. He wanted to be patient, he wanted to let her yell at him, make him feel what she felt, but he just couldn't handle the guilt that was consuming him.
It was too much. It was all too much.
He was sorry, so so so so so so so so so sorry.
'Nothing. Don't say a thing. I don't even know why I came here? I'm way too drunk for this.' She makes her way to the door passing him in the process and he can't let it end like this. If this was going to be one of those times where she will walk away and then ignore him for months and months he didn't want her to leave this way.
'No. Wait.' Those words were enough to make her halt, which comes to show how much of a grip he still had on her. If any other boy would have told her to wait she would have walked straight out the door but with Timothée she came to a complete stop and turned back around to face him.
It was as if she wanted him to have a second chance, to make things right between them.
'Don't leave. Stay.' He sounded so weak, so desperate, so selfish. But he said what he felt, and that was all that mattered.
'You left.' She says simply, her voice calm and soft now. Tender, the way it always used to sound when she would speak to him.
'I know.' He says, once again the pain and guilt hitting him like fists.
'Why should I stay?' She asks, her dry eyes finding his wet ones and he stares for a moment too long. That was an important question, a question that Timothée took a life time to answer.
Was he really worth it? Was she better off without him and his issues? He was always disappointing her, maybe if she left His apartment right now he would never have to see her hurt again. Because of him.
'Stay. Because I don't want you to hate me forever.' It was stupid, and selfish of him yet again. But all he knew how to do was speak the truth.
'We can never go back to the way things were.. you know that right?' Daisy needed to get that out there, in case he thought they would ever have a chance to be together again. Because they didn't, and she was going to make sure of that.
Timothée sighs. 'I know. I just don't want you to hate me.' Daisy nods, and right when he sees her relaxing he drops yet another bomb on her. 'I still love you.' the words make her tense up again and Daisy smiles almost, as if his words were a joke meant to make her crack up.
She lets out a chuckle. 'No you don't.'
'I do.' Timothée says confidently. He didn't want her to say it back, or need her to say it back. He just needed her to hear it.
'If you ever loved me you would have never done what you did.'
'I'm sorry.'
'You said that already.'
Somehow she gains the courage to walk towards him again, well not walk, more like stagger. He catches her by her arms again so he can steady her. 'Come with me.' She says.
'I need another drink.'
________________
Ahhhh, I think this is one of my longest chapters. I'm sorry if it was too much but I want to know what you guys think about all this?
Do you agree with Daisy, that what Timothée did was cruel and painful and unforgivable. And do you think Timothée should be beating himself up about it and feeling guilty.
Or do you think what Timothée did was just a small mistake and they can easily get through it and fix it because no one cheated on anyone and it was all just a social media stunt that messed up their relationship.
Btw, I just want to say that although it seems like Daisy is already an alcoholic, she really isn't. Yes, she is on the road to becoming one and she is so close to becoming what Harvey used to be but she isn't completely there yet and she just needs someone to help her and she'll be fine. Just in case you guys thought she was already done for and she would never recover or something.