Chapter 23 Shame (Part 5)
When they got back to the bunker, Sam, Dean and Hope started to unload their things from the trunk. "Let me get that." Dean offered, reaching for Hope's duffel bag.
"I can get it." Hope protested. She hefted the bag but cried out when all of the weight was placed on her shoulder. She dropped the bag. "Damn it." She exclaimed, frustrated tears coming to her eyes. She started to pick it up again, but Dean stopped her.
"Hey, it's okay. I can get it."
"No! I'm not useless!" She protested around the lump forming in her throat. "I'm not useless."
"I know that--stop. Stop." Dean insisted as she tried to pick it up again. She was really crying now, and her face was red with anger and exertion. He glanced at Sam, who was watching sympathetically. "Why don't you go ahead inside." He suggested. "We'll be there in a minute."
Sam nodded and left. Hope let out a frustrated groan and slid down the back of the car to sit on the ground next to her bag. She wiped her eyes furiously. "I'm not crying because I'm upset or hurt, I'm crying because I'm pissed." She told Dean matter-of-factly. "I'm not a crybaby, I just cry when I get really mad and I hate it, okay?"
Dean chuckled a little, sitting beside her. "Okay."
"I'm not useless." Hope grumbled again.
"I know that."
She sighed. "But I feel like I am. I don't want to be, but...God, I can't even carry my own damn duffel bag!" her voice cracked and she stopped, biting her lip in an attempt to keep from crying. "And I can't help you. You're going through all of this Mark of Cain crap and I'm just making it worse by being weak and injured and fragile. I'm useless."
"Hope--"
"I am! And I can't stop crying!"
"Hope. You are not useless." Dean insisted. Hope started to interrupt, but he held up a hand to stop her. "You're not. I need you. I don't know....I don't know what I would do without you." He took her hand. "You don't have to fly, or fight monsters, or have dry eyes when you're mad, or even carry duffel bags." that won a tiny smile from Hope. "You just have to be you. You keep me here. Keep me human. That's not useless." He pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head. "Okay?" She nodded into his chest. "Okay. Ready to go in?"
"Yeah." Hope sighed. "Dean....I'm sorry. For yelling at you. I don't know what happened, I was just so mad and I couldn't stop."
"It's okay. If I recall, I was yelling, too."
"Yeah, but I shouldn't have said what I did. I didn't mean it." Hope whispered.
"I know." Dean smiled. "C'mon, let's go inside. I'm exhausted."
They got up. As they were walking to the door, Hope sighed. "Sam probably thinks I'm a wimp now."
"Nah." They stepped through the door and Dean nodded to where his brother stood, sorting some papers at the table. "Here, I'll tell him, just to make sure." He teased. "Hey Sammy; Hope and I just wanted to let you know, she was crying 'cause she was pissed, not 'cause she's a wimp, or 'cause your face is so terrifyingly ugly."
Hope laughed, and Sam did, too. "Good to know." He called back, giving them a thumbs up.
"We're gonna hit the sack." Dean said.
Sam nodded. "Yeah, I'm headed that way, too."
"Goodnight, Sam." Hope called over her shoulder as she walked hand-in-hand with Dean to their bedroom.
"Goodnight."
When Hope and Dean got to their room they changed into pajamas and lay down. Hope curled into Dean's chest. She smiled up at him. "I love you."
"I love you, too." Dean whispered back, tilting his head to kiss her. She wrapped her arms around his neck, running her fingers through his hair and pulling him closer. Dean placed his hands on her upper arms, tracing up and down the pale freckled skin. He moved his arm to curl his hand around the back of her head.
Suddenly, Hope cried out in pain. Dean pulled back, startled, trying to figure out what was hurting her. Then he saw that her bare shoulder was pressed against the skin of his right forearm. Right where the Mark of Cain was. He pulled his arm away immediately. The Mark glowed a dull red and a pink burn was forming on Hope's skin where it had touched her. She hissed in pain. "The Mark--it clashed with my grace."
Dean was horrified. "I'm sorry." he extricated himself from her embrace, sliding away from her on the bed. "I'm sorry, Hope. I'm sorry."
The pain had faded enough that Hope realized that Dean was blaming himself for her burn. "It's not your fault, Dean." she tried to tell him, but he just shook his head. "It's okay. I'm okay. Dean, look at me!" she insisted, grabbing his wrists.
Dean pulled himself from her grasp, a little more violently than he meant to. "No! I don't want to hurt you! Just...don't touch me." He looked at her, sadness filling his green eyes. "I'm sorry. I'll get you some water....I..." he fled the room, looking like he was ready to throw himself off of a cliff.
Hope covered her face with her hands, then glared up at the sky, hating her Father--or who-or-what-ever had taken his place--for not allowing them a single moment of happiness. It looked like she would be sleeping alone in a bed much too big for her again tonight.