I was sitting on the bean bag in the game room when all of a sudden I see Colby storm upstairs. I then hear , what I suppose is his bedroom door, slam. I rush upstairs and knock on the door.
"Colby can I come in?"
Silence.
I knocked again. Maybe he didn't hear me?
*knock knock*
"Just leave me alone Sara!" He yelled.
Something was definitely wrong. Colby never yells at anyone, especially me.
I jiggle the door knob to see if it's unlocked. I slowly open the knob and see a red eyed, puffy cheek Colby sitting against his bed with his head in his hands.
I rush over to him and sit down next to him. I put my hand on his shoulder and he scooches away.
I don't know what's happening... the one I love is upset and he won't let me help him. A tear slips out of my eye as a sob silently.
"Did I do something wrong?" I barely manage to get out.
Colby raises his head out of his hands, looks at me and says "you tell me."
I look back at those precious blue eyes, yet they look like they have been hurt. My baby boy was hurt, and I probably did something he didn't want me to do.
"Colby, please... just tell me what I did.. " I sobbed harder.
He looked back at me. Now he was crying. He held my hand and said words I never thought he would say.
"Sara, I love you so much...."
"But ?" I said.
"But I can't be with you ... "
My heart shattered. I was so confused at this point. I got up, I tried my best to stay calm. I ran to the bathroom and locked the door. I cried and cried for a good 15 minutes. I cried until I felt numb.
I heard pounding on the door, but I didn't bother. Colby broke up with me. Great. Everybody hates me. Lovely. Nobody wants me here. Noted.
⚠triggering⚠
I was 3 months clean. I thought I was getting better. No! I was getting better because of Colby. But, now, none of that matters anymore. I still had a few blades.. don't ask why.
I contemplated if I should really do it.
I heard more pounding at the door and Colby's voice.
"Sara please open the door!"
I ignored him. I never thought I would be doing that.
I just concentrated on my thoughts. And, then I took the blade and pressed it against my skin. Slowly dragging it across my wrist. All I could do was count the lines. One, two, three.... ten, twelve,...... twenty,....thirty.
I finally stopped and looked at my arm. Once I saw all the blood I cried again. What have I done?!
I washed myself up and pulled down my sleeves. I didn't hear anybody, so I figured they left. I opened the bathroom door slowly and saw a sad Colby pressed up against the wall.
I slowly tiptoed out and started heading to the room.
Then, a floor board creeked. Colby jolted up. Great.
He ran to me and hugged me. Really tightly. I flinched at the pain from my arms. He must have noticed.
"Sara... please tell me you didn't..."
"I'm sorry C-colby..."
He lifted up my sleeves. I was so scared . He looked at both of my arms, then at me. He sighed and had a sad expression.
"Why?" he asked me.
"Becasue you said you didn't want to be with me anymore... I got so heart broken. I love you so much Colby! This is what might happen if I'm not with you! I got scared that I lost my reason for existing!"
I was crying at this point. I meant what I said. I don't know what I would do without him.
"Why did you say you didn't want to be with me anymore.."
"Sara.. I said that because I saw a picture on social media...."
I was confused.
"Not just any picture. It was you and another guy....kissing"
"What?" I asked.
Confusion had hit me like a train. What is he talking about.
"Colby you know I would never do that!"
I walked to the room and picked up Colby' s phone . I handed it to him and said...
"Show me "
He went to his camera roll and showed me the picture.
I was shocked. It was a girl who looked exactly like me. Yet, it wasn't .
I looked at Colby.
"That's not me!"
He looked closer and realized it was an impersonator. He then looked at me and kissed me. I kissed back.
"I'm so sorry baby! I should have known. I guess I was drowsy and didn't really realize who it was. I feel so awful because I made you hurt yourself! I'm a terrible boyfriend. I'm surprised you haven't left me..."
I was shocked. How could he say that about himself.
"Colby, I will never leave you. You are my entire reason for existing. I love you so much and I have no idea what I'd do without you! You are the best boyfriend ever. Don't blame yourself for what I did, it was my mistake . "
I smiled at him. I made sure he knew he wasn't the reason why I hurt myself.
He sighed. "Just know I will always love you. "
I looked up at him and said " I already know."