Visiting Casper had become a regular thing, he was doing so much better now, his mother couldn't thank me enough, she looked more alive than ever. Yes I had destroyed and ruined some things but I discovered that I had also saved and created some, they never tell us that we can break and heal at the same time.
“How is Brandon doing?” Casper asked, it was the first time he had brought up Brandon, I was usually the one who initiated it first.
“We're still trying all we can, the doctor says he has hope for a heart donor in a week or two but the longer it takes the more critical the situation gets”
Casper remained silent, his eyes were fixed on the glass but if anyone took the time to observe they would realize it was actually fixed at nothing at all, he was swimming in his own thoughts.
“Casper” I tried to draw back his attention.
“I never knew it would get this serious” he replied but didn't turn to look at me.
“And if he doesn't have a heart donor?”
Then he finally looked at me and with the stare we shared, the reply didn't need to be said... It was written all over with the grim expression my face wore.
“When can I see him?”
Casper had made two shocking statements now, first he had asked of Brandon and now he wanted to see him.
“Are you sure you want to see him?” I had a worried expression, Casper was doing so well now and I didn't want anything that would lead all the recovery in vain.
“You we're never ready to face me but at a point you just had to” that was one of the best replies he could give me cause deep down it was true, I had to face my demons at a point, and he too had to and I don't have the right to take that from him.
“The doctor says you're doing so much better now, but he isn't sure whether to let you go yet”
“Tell him it's just a visit, I just want to go back home for a while, I just want to visit Brandon and apologize for everything, I just want to correct all my wrongs... I haven't fully recovered and am scared — scared that I may hurt you all again but this one time I just want a chance to fix things”
The words from Casper's mouth felt so sincere and I couldn't turn him down, I had to speak to Dr Clarke, we all deserved a chance to do the right thing.
***
It had been months since Casper had been in his room, he had almost forgotten what it looked like, what his life was before all this drama, he had forgotten what it felt like to be the good boy, the star pupil, the golden apple of every teacher.
A red dog chain had brought some sentiments on his expression, during my last visit I had forgotten that Casper used to have a dog — yes used to, it wasn't a mistake, he used to cause now the dog was buried few fts in the ground, Mrs Jones had at least given the dog a proper burial, he had been too sad and miserable about Casper, and she was also too weak to give him attention, so he laid quietly all day in a dark corner until he just didn't wake up anymore.
Casper held the chain to his lips and whispered some words, like maybe a last message and then kept it on the table once more. This was the first time I had seen him on normal clothes that weren't the hospital wear and it looked good on him, he had lost some weight I wouldn't lie, his collar bones were bare and my fingers could wrap around his arm but that's why he was home now to recover everything he had lost and even pounds of flesh were included, the doctor had let him go for a week, and then he would come back for a final evaluation before he can decide whether to just let him come one day in the week for a brief talk and check up or not.
“Are you really sure you want to go to school tomorrow?”
“It's now or never right?” I placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a comforting squeeze, “we'll face it together”
“I'll just be the boy who raped you” he said with so much bitterness in his tune.
“And I'll just be the girl who broke your heart, the truth is no one blames you, they all think am the beast and I've been surviving or at least trying to, it has become much more harder with Brandon not around anymore but now we're going to be here for each other"
“You're a beautiful soul Paige” he placed his hand on mine, “a really beautiful one” I just smiled and finally left him to be alone.
**
It wasn't as easy as I had hoped, everyone was staring, staring way too hard, they weren't trying to hide the stares or the comments, they weren't trying to hide anything. I held Casper's hand and squeezed it tight as we kept on walking in.
“Liars, I thought he raped you!” Someone screamed.
“It's all a sham, they're all sham, screw ups”
“Freaks!” Someone else screamed.
“Who holds hands with their rapist!” A girl shot at me, Casper tried to free his hand from my grip but I only held tighter, if we became reluctant and let their comments break us it would only mean we're guilt and guilty we were not.
The rest of the day didn't get any easier, all the teachers just tried to pretend nothing had ever happened and continued to treat Casper and I as always, he had a lot to catch up but I trust in him, I had been giving him quick classes in the hospital, I wasn't too interested in beating him anymore, we had all outgrown that now — that was just the childish competitive me.
We sat together at the cafeteria, as expected we were only left to one table, everyone laughing and playing, gossiping about nothing else but us and it was really getting to Casper, I watched as his face wrinkled at the mention of his name and I began to fear if Casper was really ready for all this but maybe I underestimated him.
“Attention everyone” he screamed, hitting a metal spoon on a metal plate, “Attention” he called again, until everyone's eyes were fixed on the tall boy with brown eyes standing on the cafeteria table.
“99% of what any of you are talking about right now is about Paige and I, we didn't come here to turn into the new reality show, we didn't plan for this — for any of this! So it would be a lot nicer if you all acted less like assholes”
“It's not our fault you guys act like drama Queens” someone shouted from the crowd, I knew that voice anywhere, Mikel Schneider, he was the basketball captain and a friend of Brandon, if anyone had a fucked up life it was him.
“You all seem to forget that we all have our issues” Casper continued, “Britney it's like you're forgetting that you used to cry all day in the bathroom cause everyone teased you about your gay parents, Mikel the only reason you haven't been expelled is because you're a star player, Nora don't forget when your sex addiction was the headline of the day...” Now everyone was silent, maybe because they were finally ready to listen or because they didn't want their own dirty secret spilled out.
“Yes Paige and I did wrong, we are no saint, we have stolen the spotlight with our crazy drama, but we never meant to, I hurt her, and she hurt me, but we're trying to sort out our differences, it's not every day you see a girl who was raped by a boy holding hands with him, Paige is brave, fearless and kind, she is no beast, and is one of the most amazing people I have met and again and again I regret hurting her but I can't go back in time but at least I can try now to correct all my mistakes.”
“We are here now to ask to be friends again, am sorry for the people I said harsh things about I didn't mean to but I just wanted to make a point, let's forget the past and all be friends again” he turned to me and stretched his hand out to me and helped me up the table.
I was there, standing on a table, staring at the faces that had tormented me for months, the people who had never once stopped to think of how I felt, I was here standing before them, I didn't know what to say — I was speechless
I didn't know if to let all the tears out and rant or to just continue to act strong like I always had, but it wasn't easy — easy to act strong, this wasn't a movie it was damn reality, people don't always keep being strong, we all have our breaking point and this was mine.
As I ran out the cafeteria in tears I realized every single word from the first day had hurt me, like a slow poison, again and again I was stung until my body couldn't bear it no more.
what was I meant to say? forgive me for all my sins and let's start a new. Some would and some wouldn't, that's reality for you, it doesn't always work like in the movies, where you hear a sudden cheer and it's like nothing bad ever happened.
No the memories and scars were there to stay, yes they would fade with time and hopefully I would stand strong till then but this was just a momentary expression of weakness, they had to remember I was human... We all are.
***
School became fairly good from then on, live in general became quite, no new tragedy but no brightening news either, and during this period Casper and I had bonded a lot, as good friends.
We began to understand the true meaning of friendship.
The true beauty of having someone to catch you when you fall.
To pick you up when you feel like your world is falling apart.
Casper finally went to the hospital to see Brandon, it was really hard to see him lay there unconscious hanging to his life, Casper may never even get the chance to say a word to him again.
So he just cried and cried till he couldn't anymore, and we both sat in the hospital room silently praying cause that's all we could do.
Casper became my pillar and I became his.
Every night we would lay together in Brandon's room, hoping... Just hoping that Brandon would be alright and one day in despair Casper rushed out, rushed out of the room with tears in his eyes, he couldn't bear to see his brother so lifeless and for a few days I began to lay in the hospital room alone.
A/N: the book is finally drawing to an end and am so excited, thank u for all the support so far means a lot to me,pls don't forget to click the cute star and leave your comments below❤