мerc jaĸoвѕ pov
I wanted to scream. So I did. The music was loud and it fueled the headache I was currently blessed with. My wolf was pacing nervously. He seemed to be on edge and I didn't like that feeling. I went to get dressed so I can escape into the forest until the party ended and so I can stand watch. When I reached the bottom of the stairs my heart broke at the scene in front of me. Jenifer had her lips locked onto Michael's, one of my ex best friends. My wolf wanted to rip him apart but I reminded him how we had no right to do so and continued on to the forest. I prayed to the Goddess to kill me tonight, but she said no like always.
My wolf wanted to go back in there and drag her away from Michael but we can't do that. We aren't meant for anyone. We bring people down. We don't deserve to claim her as our mate because she should have someone better. She needs a man, not a boy. She needs someone who doesn't cry all the time and who can speak above a whisper. She needs someone who isn't me and as much as it hurts me to say this and hear him whine and whimper in sadness he knows I'm right. I shift into my grey and white wolf and run into the dark forest.
When the coast is clear and I'm far away from the pack house I let out a loud heartbroken song. I let whoever hear me hear my pain and loneliness. I let whoever hear me judge me for being weak. I howl up to the moom until I couldn't anymore and lay down to rest. "Please forgive me, Mi Reina." I whisper in my mind. I shut my eyes and whimper at the scene that happens everytime I do. I snap my eyes open quickly and the images dissolve. I didn't need sleep anyway. I passed out a couple of hours ago in my office earlier.
When I ran back to the pack house, the music was quiet but the lights were still on and I quickly dressed and tried to slip my way up the stairs pass the people on clean up duty. I smelled of dirt and grass and I desperately needed a shower. When I got into my room, I slumped against my door before I froze in place. She's here. I can smell her. I almost moan at the scent, but I quickly composed myself. "How can I help you, Alpha Aslina?" I said in a professional tone. As much as I wanted her to claim me and take me in everyway, I can't allow that to happen because I am meant to be alone. I can't bring her image down. A strong powerful woman on the arms of a weak, pathetic Alpha. I shouldn't even be called one.
"Go take a shower. Then we'll talk." She demanded calmly. My legs trembled at her tone and I wished to be able to have the honour to kneel beside her and lay my head on her lap. I shake my head and make my way to my shower. I grabbed my clothes and towel and lock myself into the bathroom. I don't want her accidentally seeing something as disgusting as myself.
The shower was quick and I pulled on my T-shirt and usually I didn't wear night pants, but she was here and she will see the marks on my legs if I didn't. I washed my face and dried my hair before making my way back out to her. "What is it that you need?" My self control was slowly breaking. She was laying on my bed and that was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. In that moment, she looked ethereal, out of this world. I was afraid that if I touch her she'd slip through my fingers and never come back. My wolf focused on her milk chocolate legs and he imagined them wrapped around my head as her legs trembled on the verge of an orgasm. I quickly erased that thought though. We can't have her. We can't have anyone.
"Come lay with me." She stated. I stared at her in confusion, before backing away from the bed. I shook my head.
"I can't do that ma'am." I stated. The offer was tempting but I won't give in. She's most likely intoxicated and won't remember a thing tomorrow and when she wakes up next to me, I won't be able to take the harsh words of rejection she is bound to through my way, once she realized who she lays next too. My hands twitch and I quickly wrung them together, before adverting my eyes from her legs. They were probably so smoothe. I wanted to run my hands over them. Lay my face on them. I wanted to sniff her womanly scent and devour her as well. I needed to restrain myself. She isn't in her right mind. She's intoxicated. One drop of werewolf alcohol can cause a human to go into cardiac arrest and I know she's had a lot from the way it clings to her.
"Why not?" She stated in the same calm yet demanding tone, that had me almost losing control to kneel before her. Before my Queen.
"You're intoxicated. You can sleep in my bed. I will make other sleeping arrangements." I stated quickly and scurried out the door. My heart pounded in my chest and my inner self was screaming for me to go back, while the logical part and my wolf understood where I was coming from. I made my way to my office and decided to pull an all nighter knowing that sleep won't come to me unless I physically pass out from exhaustion.
By the time, I finished my paperwork it was 12 noon. She should have left my room by now. I stretched my stiff muscles and headed to my room. I saw her still asleep on my bed and as much as it pained me to see her go she had to leave before I did something she may end up regretting. I shook her slightly and she mumbled before turning away. I shook her again and she jumped out of my bed. "What is it?" She questions alert.
"I-I need y-you to exit my r-room so I can shower." I stuttered out. I saw her eyes widened in horror as she looked down at herself.
"Oh goddess, did we have sex?" She said in an almost disgusted tone. I blinked the tears away and shook my head.
"N-no ma'am. I slept in my office." I said. Ok, I didn't sleep but she didn't need to know that.
"Oh thank Goodness." She said. I smiled tightly and opened my room door.
"Please exit m-my room." I whispered on the verge of tears. Good thing I didn't give into my urges and sleep next to her.
"No." She stated. I looked at her in confusion.
"P-please just l-leave. I didn't do a-anything to you, I swear. I-I would just like to be left alone now." I repeated and my gripped tightened on the door. Why won't she leave us alone? I haven't bothered her in months. I haven't even asked her for anything and the one time I do this is what happens.
"No. I am not leaving." She said and sat back down. I closed my eyes to stop the onslaught of tears thats close to falling.
"D-do you need s-something? If so, then one of t-the maids can get it f-for you." I said. I took a deep breath to stop my voice from cracking.
"Nope. I'm just going to spend the day with you." She said and a big smile stretched across her face.
"I can't hang out w-with you t-today." I stated sharply. Why can't she just leave? Is it so hard for people to leave me alone?
"Why not?" She pressed sitting up.
"I have pack stuff to do and an important meeting as well." I said. I was going to visit my parents graves today as I do every year on the day they died. I go there and cry and hug the stones and tell them about how much I missed them.
"I can go with you." She said defiantly. Then I snapped.
"I don't want you to go with me. I just want to be alone. Is that to much to ask? Since, you've been here I've given you your space. I didn't bother you. I didn't touch you. I didn't do anything to you. Nothing. I get it you hate me and I don't blame you but I don't want to hang out with you. You have hundreds to choose from. So for the love of everything holy, please just get out." I said in a whisper shout. "I just want to be left alone. That's all I ask. You can do whatever you want but don't go into my room, bathroom, and office. You can bother whoever you want but me. I'm not doing anything to you or anyone else for that matter. All I do is make my rounds and then I go back to doing paperwork. I like my routine. It keeps me sane. It keeps me busy. I let you sleep in here for the night and I'm kindly asking you to leave."
I took a deep breath but kept my eyes on the floor. "Please just let me be. I don't ask for much. You can go and have fun with anyone you want as long as you're safe and you aren't bothering me. My wolf and I have been very calm and quiet around you. All he wants is to mate you but he knows he can't. He knows you hate us. I know. He knows that you want nothing to do with us and we have accepted that. We have accepted that you're disgusted with us and I don't blame you. We have accepted that we are unworthy and weak and pathetic. We know it already. We know you deserve better. You don't have to tell us, because we know. I'm not asking for you to give us a chance or to take pity on us all I'm asking is for you to leave me alone and let me be in peace." I finished ranting. She looked shock at my revelation.
"That's not-". I raised my hand to stop her.
"We know already. We really do. We understand, so please just go." I said with tears running down my face. She took a step towards me and went to touch my face. I turn my back to her. "Please don't look at me. I'm so sorry that she paired you with us. I've tried everything I could to make her see how unworthy we are but she doesn't care. I tried to die but she won't let me, so all I have is my solitude and I enjoy it. I enjoy being alone. No one to judge you when you're alone. You only have yourself. I tried but she didn't want me. Then again I knew she wouldn't. Why would anyone want a pathetic, weak wolf like me right?" I sniffle and laughed darkly.
"Don't worry we know." I said and shut the door in her shocked face.
"We know."