"Honestly, I wouldn't mind if you did." He smirks earning a look of annoyance from me.
"This isn't a time for your stupid ass jokes." I comment before running a hand through my hair.
"Then what?" He asks as if he hadn't said all that shit before.
"Then let me tell you that if you weren't as dumb as a bag of bricks that you would see that I'm trying." I yelled, "You would see that I'm fucking trying Adrian. I'm not making you chase after me because I'm fucking high school bitch who likes her heart and love being chased but because I don't want to make another fucking mistake."
The silence was filled with tension that could've been cut with a knife.
"And you know, it doesn't help that you guys have been blowing up lately. Have you ever even thought about it in that perspective? I know what it's like watching my brother grow up in the spotlight and I don't want that. I want a normal life with privacy. You don't have that." I spoke, "Don't even get me started on what happens when you decide you're done playing house and you want to get back to your normal life. What are you going to do then? Leave us? Stop acting like I enjoy picking these fights because of my feelings."
He shook his head and went to open his mouth before I interrupted.
"I don't want to hurt myself again. That was a mistake. You were a mistake."
The words leave my mouth before I could stop them and I watch as Adrian's body tenses up before his eyes change from lust to hurt.
So quickly.
"Wait—" I sighed, "Wait Adrian, I didn't mean—"
I watched as he walked out of the room and into his.
"Adrian!" I knocked, attempting to keep some sense of quiet this late into the night at a hotel. "Adrian!"
I hadn't even cared that I was dressed in nothing more than my jeans and the bralette.
Yet, I was met with silence and nothing more.
Was it a mistake?
It had to be something I said in the heat of the moment...right?
I couldn't have meant that right?
I let my mind wander back to the dark place I tried so desperately to get out of.
He doesn't even love you.
Remember when he slept with her?
Remember how you felt?
Did you like getting hurt?
Can you watch that happen again?
I sighed as I opened the door and shut it, loud enough for him to hear that I've left him alone.
I contemplated as I sat on the edge of the bed.
Reaching into the small handbag that I carried around, I took a prescribed pill letting it force me to relax.
I don't know how long I sat there but I heard two knocks, "Can I come in?"
I didn't want to talk about it.
I didn't like the baggage that came with our relationship.
Neither did he.
I passed a wall mirror to find myself looking like a mess before shrugging and opening the door.
None of us said anything as I went back down to sit on the bed as he followed, closing the door.
"Listen Kenzie." Adrian sighed, "I didn't know you felt like that."
I stayed quiet letting him continue, "I won't leave us this time. I messed up. And I—"
"It's okay." I muttered.
"What?" He questioned, confused.
"Just use me." I blurted out.
I didn't care anymore.
"What?" He chuckled, "I'm not using you Kenzie. I'm lost, what is this about?"
"Just use me." I repeated, "I know that if I don't just take this now, you'll use someone else. So, just use me."
He paused, "I want this to actually work, I want you to want this the same way I want you. Kenzie...are you okay?"
"I'm fine." I replied.
"I'm not going to do anything you don't want me to do." He told me, standing up.
I shrugged again, "I want this."
He looked skeptical but I didn't bother to elaborate, the pill was already making me tired.
I stripped off my pants and without looking at him I spoke, "You can stay. I'm tired."
With that, I crawled into bed and closed my eyes, trying to let myself forget.
I heard him strip off his jeans before crawling into the bed and wrapping his arms around me.
I hated our current state but I would take it if it meant being with him.
It's funny how as a girl I had all these ideals of a man that I easily broke just for someone like him.
Cheating was never okay until apparently, one day it was.
I hated my emotions for being so bi-polar when it came to Adrian but for now, I wanted to see what it was like to be happy with all 3 of us.
It was selfish of me to do that to Mackenzie.
Her dad was bound to leave us.
It was just a matter of when.
He easily slept with another girl when he promised to be loyal so what harm would it do to him to just lie?
I closed my eyes in his embrace.
He's not sorry.
He's sorry he got caught.
•••
Well I'm kinda back?
Wow this is such a LONG AWAITED UPDATE.
I've been putting this off because my mental state and stress haven't been the best but finals are on Tues, Wed, and Thurs.
After that I got summer break and I can spend all of it working out and writing!!
I want to hella apologize to you guys because I've been breaking these update promises wayy too often.
Anyways, I recently have considered wanting to actually become a writer on the side.
I still need to improve a lot but I have some questions:
Would you guys pay a small fee to read? (This is just for my curiosity so I have an idea of what to and what not to accept as partnerships)
Should I branch out and start writing more?
How many of you enjoy reading my books?
How was this chapter?
Did you enjoy it?
Other than those questions, it's been really hectic.
I have a lot of editing I want to have done for a completed book of mine 'Third Wheel'.
I hope that this gave you a bit of insight and I just wanted to guys to be a little understanding and forgiving to Mack :)
-Anne
P.S. I LITERALLY HAVEN'T WRITTEN AN AUTHOR'S NOTE IN SO LONG THAT I FORGOT TO ADD: please vote, comment, share, and follow me for more content!!
•••
Updated: 5•26•19