Chapter 13
We stayed in my apartment for awhile. I was glad because I didn’t want to go out. My eyes and face were puffy from all the crying.
‘Are you hungry?’ Jason asked me after awhile.
‘Don’t know, maybe a little.’ I answered. After crying so much I just felt num, tired and just a little bit hungry but not so much.
‘I’m hungry’ he said, and I looked up. I was used to not eating but I had completely forgotten about him, again.
‘I’m so sorry, maybe there’s something…’ I started. He laughed, ‘Stop saying sorry all the time, I’m a big boy, I was thinking of ordering something. Are you hungry for pizza?’ he asked.
‘Are you sure? You already paid for my breakfast, you don’t also have to buy me diner. You can order for yourself and…don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.’ I told him.
‘You just told me you were a little bit hungry. I’m not going to eat in front of you, in your apartment, and let you just watch me eat. Now, what do you want on the pizza?’ he said while smiling at me.
‘Anything, I’m not picky… Oh but please no hot peppers or anything like that.’ I answered him shaking my head. I didn’t that, I tried them one time, I had to drink practically 3 big glasses of water just so that my tongue would cool down.
He smiled and chuckled. ‘Sounds good, meat lover ok with you?’ he asked. I just nodded.
He took out his cell phone and ordered the pizza.
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Man was that pizza good. He had ordered an extra large meat lovers pizza just for the two of us. I had asked him why extra large if it was just the two of us, he said that when I was hungry later I would have left over’s.
Was this guy for real?! No one had ever done that for me before. I know it’s not a big thing but, for me, it meant a lot. Probably because everyone thought I lived with a mom and had food in the apartment.
‘Thanks for the pizza that was really nice of you. It means a lot.’ I told him looking at the floor. ‘The left over’s are going to be good’ I said laughing.
He put his hand under my chin, again I froze but not as badly as before, and I lifted my head so we were both looking at each other.
‘No problem.’ He said, while looking into my eyes and smiling.
My stomach was going crazy for some reason. I knew I was attracted to him, but I also knew he couldn’t be attracted to me. I was a mess, my life, this life was all a lie. I had told him the truth about everything. He couldn’t like me…it was just impossible.
I glanced at the clock, it was past 10p.m. This day was a mess, it was sad, I was so tired but at the same time, today was a great day. I had made a friend, I think, who knew the real me. Another reason I was happy was that he had told me the truth about him, about was happened in his life. I could see he was ashamed of his past but he still told me.
‘I should go home. I don’t want them to start freaking out.’ He said.
I knew he was right, but I didn’t want him to go.
‘Ok.’ I said, feeling sad at the same time. I think I gave it away in my voice because he chuckled and said, ‘Can I come back? In a few days I mean?’
‘I’d like that.’ I said looking up at him.
‘Is Tuesday good? If you want I could sleep here if you don’t want to be alone. Or I could go home, it’s up to you.’ He said.
‘It’s perfect, and yes you can sleep here. You could even stay here a couple nights if you want. I still have school but… the option is here if you want it.’ I answered.
‘Ok, sounds good. Perfect actually, I wouldn’t have to deal with my parents.’
I laughed and rolled my eyes. ‘Ok.’
We walked towards the front door, after unlocking it and opening the door I looked at him, and was hesitant but still managed to give him a small hug and said ‘See you Tuesday.’ He smiled his perfect smile, and nodded.
I was closing the door then I thought about something, I ran into the hall and I couldn’t see him, so I went towards the stairs and then saw him.
‘Jason!’ I yelled.
He turned and looked surprised. ‘Yeah?’
I reached him, ‘Sorry’ I said looking down. ‘I just wanted to ask…what we talked about…’
‘Stays with us.’ He finished.
‘Yeah, is that ok?’
‘Of course it is, I won’t tell anyone…about anything. You don’t need to worry.’ He answered.
‘Same with you, I mean, with what you told me. It’s no ones business.’ I told him.
He took a couple steps and wrapped his arms around me, I tensed a little but I heard him say, ‘Thanks’. I hugged him back, I felt safe in his arms, and I couldn’t help it, I took a deep breath in. I smelled his shirt, and again I was busted, he started laughing at me. ‘Do I pass the test or do I stink?’
I pulled away, making sure to look at the floor. I knew my face was bright red. Again he put his finger under my chin and lifted my head. He was looking right into my eyes waiting for an answer.
‘You smell...nice…safe.’ I answered him also looking at him in the eyes.
He smile, ‘I’ll see you Tuesday, and I’ll come after you’re done school.'
‘Sounds good’ I said while thinking that I’m such a weirdo. Such an idiot, why oh why did I have to smell him?! Like really?!
I turned and started making my way back to my apartment when I heard Jason’s voice.
‘By the way,’ I stopped and turned to look at him, he hadn’t moved. ‘You smell good too.’ He said smiling.
I couldn’t help it, again feeling my face go red I just managed to smile back. He turned and continued his way down the stairs to get out of the building.
I got back in my apartment and locked the door like I always do. I looked around and it was so empty. I had been alone for 5 minutes and I was already hoping tomorrow was Tuesday and not Sunday. I had to wait three days before I could see Jason again and I had a feeling it was going to go by very slowly.
I went into my bedroom and got ready for bed. I didn’t want to shower, not at this time. It was way too scary. I decided to just go to sleep, maybe time would go faster and after crying most of the day, I was tired. I knew I wouldn’t sleep a lot, my nightmares would take over and I would wake up and couldn’t go back to sleep, but I just couldn’t stay up any longer.
As my eyes started to close, and sleep taking over, I just prayed, hoped that by some miracle I would sleep through the night without any nightmares.
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