if I could begin to be
half of what you think of me
I could do about anything
I could even learn how to love
seungmin wasn't sure how he ended up going on a date. he was an outcast, a loner. he didn't talk at school unless someone spoke to him first, he didn't have friends, and he definitely didn't try to get a boyfriend. yet there he was, sitting in a coffee shop, hand in hand with hwang hyunjin, the "it boy" with tons of friends and admirers.
hyunjin was one of the only people that spoke to seungmin. he was the closest thing to a friend that seungmin had, though seungmin wouldn't go so far as to call him that. although hyunjin always asked to be partners with him and to hang out every weekend, seungmin always turned him down, preferring to be alone. despite his constant rejections, hyunjin persisted. then one friday, the pattern changed. instead of asking to do something together on saturday, hyunjin asked seungmin to go on a date.
he didn't know if it was the mix of hope and disappointment already on hyunjin's face or his respect for hyunjin's perseverance that resulted in his answer, yet there it was. the word "sure" had barely escaped seungmin's lips when hyunjin's smile erupted and he grabbed seungmin's hand. "let's go!" hyunjin said blissfully , practically dragging seungmin behind him. seungmin wondered what he had gotten himself into.
the boys walked in awkward silence for a few moments. "so..." hyunjin started in a near whisper, gently bumping seungmin's shoulder, "nice weather today, huh?"
seungmin stepped away, guiltily shifting his gaze from the eager sparkle in hyunjin's eyes to the ground, giving a stiff, "yeah." despite seungmin's lack of interest, hyunjin continued to talk about everything from school to their surroundings. he would occasionally ask seungmin for his opinions or comments, but seungmin never gave more than one word answers. eventually, hyunjin realized that seungmin wasn't listening. he stopped talking, and the two walked the rest of the way without another word.
they arrived at a small coffee shop. hyunjin lead them inside and ordered, insisting on paying for the both of them. they sat down and waited for their drinks in silence . hyunjin stared at seungmin with a look of wonder, and seungmin started to feel uncomfortable. after hyunjin returned from getting their drinks, seungmin abruptly asked, "why do you like me? we've barely spoken, and when we do speak i always turn you down, i don't have any friends, and nobody likes me."
hyunjin 's smile cracked, and he looked at seungmin with a heartbroken expression. he delivered his next words slowly, deliberately, "i like you, seungmin, you because i think you're amazing. i like you because i know you're not as cold and heartless as you want everyone to think you are. i know you're not what they say you are. i know you love music and art and animals. i know you're smart and caring and thoughtful, even though you think you keep those parts of yourself hidden," he paused. "i know you're lonely, seungmin."
seungmin barked a laugh , even though hyunjin's words were true. "being alone doesn't equal being lonely," he said.
"no, it doesn't," hyunjin agreed, "but you're both."
seungmin didn't say anything as hyunjin reached across the table and held his hand, absentmindedly rubbing his thumb along the back of it. maybe he could get better and learn to care for hyunjin. if he could love anyone, he knew it would be him. it could only be him.