Jeongin's dancing his heart out, dancing to the best of his abilities but he can feel himself grow tired and sluggish and his moves sloppy and uncontrolled. It's annoying him because he feels like he's not in control of his own body, but if it's annoying him; boy must Chan be shaking in his boots in anger.
Chan's seated in front of Jeongin, with his back to the mirror and his knees pulled up with his arms resting upon them, and his mouth is pulled tightly shut and his eyes hard and calculating. Jeongin can see Chan's right foot tapping to the rhythm of the music and Jeongin wonders how Chan can do it so effortlessly while not even focusing on the music, while Jeongin can't hit one step without being offbeat.
"Again," Chan's voice resonates throughout the practice room and Jeongin tries to refrain from groaning because his body is in pain and he can feel his heartbeat in his head and behind his eyes, the music to their new title track starts and he gets in position, he knows he has to get it right. It's already way past midnight and his hyung are all as tired as him, if not more, with Felix' already sleeping against Changbin's shoulder Jeongin feels guilt wash over him because his hung should be back at the dorm sleeping and not in that uncomfortable position waiting for Jeongin to finally get it right.
When Seungmin's part starts Jeongin can feel his body failing him, can feel his knees wobble and his chest tighten and he knows it's only a matter of time before he actually collapses, but he's also aware of how disappointed his leader already is in him so he keeps pushing through the dance despite the pain in his limbs and the thumping in his head.
When the song finally ends he's feeling a hundred times worse than he did before, his chest is heaving and he can barely feel his legs. "Jeongin-ah, I know you're tired, we all are, but please just try a little harder, okay?" Chan says with a deep sigh and Jeongin tries to smile to reassure his leader that he will work harder and ace the dance but a cough interrupts him and he bends over with his face in the crook of his elbow. The cough shakes his entire body and his throat feels raw. Thankfully it doesn't last long and he soon straightens up again.
But the damage is already done because Chan doesn't look annoyed anymore, he looks concerned, "you alright there buddy?" he asks carefully and Jeongin nods with the same eye smile despite feeling like he's about to pass out, and to add to that, feels like he's about to throw up.
He knows Woojin is staring at him, can feel his gaze on him, so he looks over at his hyung to give him a reassuring smile but Woojin's face quickly goes from concern to horror and Jeongin's has no time to ask why because in a matter of seconds Woojin is in front of him and tilting his head up to the shock of Jeongin. But he soon understands why when he feels liquid hitting his lip so he reaches up to touch his nose and his finger come back red with blood. "Oh," he mumbles, shocked at the new revelation and a little scared that he let it go that far. A tissue is pushed up into his face and Jeongin looks towards the person holding the tissue and sees Minho looking at him worriedly.
There's a steady hand on his shoulder and Jeongin traces the hand to the face of Hyunjin who looks quite angry, which has Jeongin on edge because he can't tell if it's directed at him or someone else.
Minho's swirling some more tissue into a point and pushing it into Jeongin's nose and Jeongin tries to pull his head back, tries to tell his hyung that he's not a kid and that he can do it himself, but Hyunjin grabs his head with both hands from the back and keeps Jeongin still so that Minho can finish.
When Minho steps back Jeongin can see Chan hovering in the back, unsure of how to act and Jeongin feels guilt gnawing at him, "hyung it's fine it's just a little nosebleed," he mumbles through the paper hanging down from his nose in unnecessarily big pieces but Chan shakes his head and slowly makes his way over to where the group his huddled, minus Chanbin and Felix because Changbin's trying to wake the boy up but he's sleeping like a rock.
"No it's not fine, I shouldn't have worked you so hard, hyung is sorry," he says and looks down at his feet in shame and Jeongin quickly shakes his head to try and reassure the older boy but the movement makes him dizzy and his knees momentarily gives out and he falls towards the floor, but just before his knees hit the hard surface there are arms under his armpits holding him up, but they can only hold for so long so the slowly lower him to the floor.
"I'm okay," he mumbles, eyes closed, still too dizzy to open them. "If this is okay I'd like to see you at your worst," that's Changbin's voice, Jeongin can tell, not only because of the voice but because of the sarcastic nature of the comment and he cracks a smile at that. At least someone's acting normal, he thinks. However, if his eyes were open at that moment he would have seen how Chanbin was, with an arm around Felix, studying him worriedly far from how he usually acts.
Jeongin feels a cough starting to resonate in his chest and he quickly pushes Woojin away from where he's kneeled in front of him so that he doesn't make him sick as well; this time, however, the coughs are stronger and his entire body doubles over with the force of them and with his arm in the crook of his elbow one of the papers from his nose manages to fall out and immediately his nose starts bleeding again, which he doesn't notice until he straightens up again and Minho gasps worriedly before retrieving the roll of paper.
"We should head home, I think," Felix speaks and it's a little stilted because he's tired but his point gets across and the rest of the group nod in agreement, all except Jeongin. He opens his eyes and says, "hyung... I don't know the dance yet-" but he's cut off by Chan's ya and he quickly turns his head towards his leader, "enough, Jeonginie, you're sick and tired and you obviously need to rest," he says and there's a hum of agreement from around him. The logical part of Jeongin's brain knows he needs rest and probably some food in him, but the stubborn part knows that their debut is near and he has no time for slacking off and resting, especially when he's he's so far behind compared to his hyungs.
"But hyung..." he mumbles before he even knows what he wants to say, "I can't afford to rest for too long," he adds and Seungmin puts a hand on his shoulder carefully; quiet comfort and Jeongin loves it just because it's Seungmin.
"Jeonginie," Hyunjin begins and Jeongin realizes that it's the first time he's heard his hyung speak for hours now, "you've been working hard in school and we all know you've been practicing a lot later nowadays!" he pauses, " you've been working so hard, you deserve some rest. Not to mention that you've worked yourself to the point of getting sick!" he rants with his teeth clenched and Jeongin feels tears prickle his eyes, his hyung is right in one way, he has been working hard. But not hard enough. Not good enough.
He doesn't mean to say it, but it's hard to keep his thoughts away from his mouth when he's already as tired as can be, so he lets out a quiet, "not good enough," it's barely legible but in some way they manage to hear him and this time, to the shock of everyone, it's Jisung who speaks up, "yah, when Felix has a hard time remembering Korean, do we belittle him for it?" it's a rhetorical question but Jeongin shakes his head anyway, because it's true, they would never think less of Felix for that. "And when Woojin hyung can't hit a high note do we make fun of him? Do we blame him?" again Jeongin shakes his head, "or when I just can't get my part right, or when my songwriting is going to hell, do you blame me? Do you think I deserve to stay up late at night despite school? Do I deserve to work myself into sickness?"
When Jisung's done Jeongin lets the tears go because he's so damn tired and hurt but most importantly, so thankful for his hyungs. He doesn't understand why it's so hard for him to accept that sometimes he just needs to take a break, that sometimes he just needs some comfort, he doesn't understand why he feels like he has to do everything alone.
Hyunjin winds his arms around Jeongin's body and pulls him back to his chest and despite thinking that it's a bit childish to be cradled like a baby Jeongin leans into the hug, "I'm really tired," he lets his satoori slip a bit and he hears someone coo at him which only makes him feel much younger than he is but it's not really in a negative way. He feels cared for.
"I'll call your school tomorrow to let them know you're sick," Woojin speaks up and Jeongin's little bubble of happiness pops and he sits up drastically, "what? Hyung, no!" Minho looks at him with wide eyes and reaches out to place a comforting hand on Jeongin's shoulder, "I can't stay home from school, that's even worse than missing one practice," he wipes his eyes to get rid of the remaining tears, "I can't, I can't..." he mumbles and Chan nudges Woojin a bit so that he can sit in front of the younger distraught boy. "Jeongin-ah, your coughing sounds really bad, and you worked so hard that your nose started bleeding, that's not 'being okay', you're really sick and you need rest, why is that so hard to do? Take a day off y'know," Chan ends it with a smile but it falls when he notices that Jeongin isn't returning it, "because I need to be up to par, I need to work harder, I can't always act like a baby," he says and Chan frowns, concerned not only for the younger boy's physical health but also for his mental health. This is obviously the mentality that jeongin has grown up with, to handle everything himself and not ask for help.
Just before Chan's about to voice his own thoughts, Seungmin takes it right out of his mouth, "you don't have to do everything on your own," he says and Jeongin looks down at his lap, and it's obvious that Seungmin hit a weak spot.
"I just don't want you to have a hard time because I'm having a hard time," he says quietly and Changbin snorts unattractively, "we're your hyungs, it's our job to take care of you- and before you say it shouldn't be our job, it's not out of obligation, it's because we care and because we want to," he concludes and to the pleasure of the rest of the group, Jeongin has nothing to say against that, and they can only hope that maybe he's starting to understand how much he means to them; how much they care.