I woke up to the realization that I was in Sean's bed in nothing but my underwear. My cheeks flushed with embarrassment. Sean was laying bedside me on his side, I could just barely make out his breathing. He was still asleep.
Looking down at myself, I quickly covered my face with my hands. The bruises on my body were beginning to fade but some were still visible. The huge cut on my side had since scabbed over and started to peel off, leaving what I figured would eventually be a scar. I sighed in spite of myself.
Feeling unattractive, I suddenly wished I was dressed but I didn't want to disturb Sean after already doing that last night to him. He looked so peaceful. I tried to turn over onto my back, but my damn cast caught in the sheets and made the whole mattress move slightly. I froze as Sean stirred.
"Morning," he said as he opened his beautiful brown eyes and smiled sweetly at me. I smiled back.
"Good morning," I replied. He closed his eyes again, trying to rid them of sleep. A small smile formed on his lips. I took this opportunity to try to get out of the bed and get to my clothes on the floor. I could feel Sean's eyes on me, making me hurriedly tug my pants over my cast and throw my shirt on.
"Is something wrong?" He asked, sitting up in bed.
"No," I said quickly, feeling better now that I was dressed. He regarded me carefully for a moment.
"Don't do that Jake," he said evenly. I knitted my eyebrows.
"Do what?" I asked a little too innocently. He rolled his eyes and sighed loudly.
"You know what I'm talking about. I don't understand why it's bothering you. It doesn't bother me," he said, his eyes piercing into me. I shrugged and looked down at the floor.
"Sorry," I mumbled.
"Jake what can I do to make you understand?" He asked, pinching the bridge of his nose and squeezing his eyes shut. I suddenly felt angry.
"You know what? You don't understand," I shook my head, annoyed. Sean looked at me with a hurt expression.
"I'm trying to but you won't let me," he answered. I huffed and shifted my weight.
"No. You're trying to get me to just get over it, because that's how you think it works. Well guess what? It doesn't work that way! I'm not gonna suddenly wake up one morning and be better!" I stamped my foot, shoving my hands into my pockets. Sean just sat there looking dejected. He hung is head and looked away from me.
"I'm just trying to help," he muttered softly.
"It's not up to you to-to fix me!" I exclaimed. He gasped.
"Is that what you think? That you're just a project for me to fix!? Jake..I'm in love with you. I'm trying to be there for you because you're going through a hard time!" He raised his voice.
"You don't know what it's like to be going along as you always have and suddenly lose who's always been there for you and have your body look like some disgusting...." I shrugged not knowing what else to say. Sean shook his head sadly.
"Oh Jake." He sighed.
"I'm not perfect Sean," I said. He looked deeply into my eyes then.
"No you're not Jake, nobody is. You're you, my best friend, someone I want to be with," he said evenly.
"Why do you want to be with me?" I asked quietly, my voice catching. Sean stood up and crossed the room, stopping in front of me.
"Because I'm in love with you," he stated evenly, wrapping me in a tight hug. I clung to him tightly, feeling as though I might fall over. I sniffed slightly.
"This has all happened so fast," I mumbled into his shoulder. His body shook a little when he chuckled.
"I know Jake. It has," he agreed. "But it feels right," he soothed. I nodded my head against his. It did feel right. It felt more right than anything had in my life. He touched his lips against mine in a gentle, chaste kiss. I melted, leaning into him for support. Kissing him set off fireworks in my insides. I felt light and relaxed whenever his lips found mine. When I kissed Kim it was nothing like this. It was completely empty. I knew this was right. This was what I needed.
"What is it they say?" I asked gently as we pulled back to look at each other. He raised an eyebrow in question. "The best relationships start as best friends?" I smiled knowingly. The look in his eyes showed so much affection and love that I felt weak in the knees. I know how cheesy it sounds but it was entirely the truth. I loved my best friend. I love him. Even though I'm damaged goods he's still here for me.
My phone vibrated in my pocket where I left it. It was a text from my dad. 'Hey son, when are you coming home?' I quickly messaged him back. 'Maybe a little later. Why?' I wondered why he was wanting to know. Usually my parents didn't care how long I was at Sean's house. 'Your mom and I would like to talk to you sometime. Nothing major.' I read, my eyes growing wide. Sean looked down at my phone and back at me.
"What is it?" He asked curiously. I showed him the message. His eyes met mine again. "Jake-"
"Do you think they know? What am I gonna tell them? They will be mad. I can't handle that right now." I rambled running my hand through my hair. Sean grabbed me and made me look at him forcefully.
"Jake," he said carefully and evenly, making me focus completely on him. "There's something you should know." My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately.
"What is it?" I asked impatiently, the panic setting in. My parents wanted to have a 'talk' with me. Oh god.
"Well uh...w-when you passed out..." he trailed off, fidgeting with his fingers nervously and avoiding my gaze now.
"Yes?" I prodded.
"Your dad came to see me." He rushed, barely giving me time to register the words. I blinked a few times.
"And?" I questioned further, trying to keep calm.
"Well he asked me if I knew why you were so sad, apart from Collin, and if I had anything to do with it," he answered, still playing with his hands.
"What did you tell him?" I asked. Sean closed his eyes briefly before looking directly at me.
"The truth," he replied. I waited for him to continue, expecting some details. "I told him what happened at the park that day." I gasped and my mouth fell open.
"You did WHAT!? I yelled. Sean noticeably winced.
"Jake, he pressed me when I wasn't very forthcoming at first. He said he knew something was off between you and me, and that he had seen how openly affectionate I was towards you..." he trailed off again, his voice morphing into a whisper.
"Shit," I cursed, taking deep breaths to try to calm myself. "Let me guess, he didn't take it well? Is that why you weren't going to tell me about this?" I huffed.
"No I wasn't gonna tell you because you need to talk to your dad yourself and figure things out," he reasoned, shrugging his shoulders slightly. I shook my head a couple times.
"I can't," I muttered, letting my head drop. My eyes were starting to water and I found myself fighting back the tears that were threatening to spill once more. I was tired of this, all of this. One minute I was feeling pretty decent and the next I was close to sobbing. It was exhausting to say the least. I felt bad for Sean and my parents having to deal with my emotional ups and downs. It felt like a rollercoaster ride even to myself.
Just then Sean's mom knocked on his door.
"Hey boys are you up? It's almost 10." She said from out in the hallway.
"Yeah we're up mom," Sean answered, his voice strained as he fretted over me. Kristen opened the door.
"Oh sorry, am I interrupting?" She asked, looking at Sean with a hint of deviousness in her eyes before they flicked over to me. Whatever she had been thinking clearly left her mind as her expression changed to concern. "What's going on?" I sniffled in response.
"Jake's parents want to talk to him," Sean answered for me without taking his eyes off me. She made an 'oh' with her mouth in aknowledgement before stepping closer to us.
"Hey honey," she said sweetly to me, forcing me to look up at her. She smiled. "It's okay to be nervous, but everything will be fine, trust me." I shook my head.
"I don't think it will be...." I paused. "What if they hate me? What if they kick me out?" I asked.
"I've known your parents for a long time Jake," she answered. "They would never do that. They love you so much. I know things have been rough lately, but trust me, everything will work out. Besides, you have Sean and I here for support." She nudged Sean in the shoulder slightly and he nodded in agreement. "You need to talk to them though, you've all been through so much. It doesn't do any good to keep secrets." She hugged me. I sniffled again, my eyes still watery.
"I hope you're right," I said weakly, doing my best to give her a small smile of appreciation.
"Jake you have nothing to worry about. As I've told you, you're like my second son. I would never let something bad happen okay?" She said gently. I nodded again.
"Sean will you...will-will you come with me? I don't want to be alone," I asked shyly.
"Of course I will! Let me get dressed okay?" He pecked my lips. I blushed with embarassment at such an act in front of his mother, but she simply smiled with affection.
"You two are the cutest." She stated, looking between us. "I'm so happy!" Sean laughed.
"Mom!" He groaned, causing me to laugh slightly. Sean's face lit up at that.
"Okay sorry," She held her hands up in surrender. "I'm going out to lunch with some friends okay? I'll be back soon. If you guys need anything call me." She said seriously, looking directly at me.
"Thanks mom," Sean said. She nodded and then left the room and closed the door behind her. Sean turned to me. "Do you mind if I take a quick shower? Then we'll go over," He said.
"Yeah that'll be fine."
"You can go get anything you want in the kitchen. I think we've got some cereal," he said over his shoulder as he opened the door and disappeared around the corner towards the bathroom. He didn't wait for my answer so I followed a few seconds later and turned and went down the stairs towards the kitchen.
* * * *
Standing on my front porch, I shivered in anticipation of what was going to happen, hugging myself tightly. Sean stood on my right, looking equally nervous even though he tried to hide it. I knew him well enough to know that he was sticking his hands in his pockets so I wouldn't notice them shaking. Taking a deep breath, I unlocked and opened the door, Sean following obediently behind me. Closing the door I slipped my shoes off and called my parents.
"Mom! Dad! I'm home. Anyone here?" I yelled.
"We're in the living room!" Mom called. I sighed, looking over at Sean. He shrugged.
"Here goes nothing," I told him. He nodded in return.
I began the short walk to the living room from the front door and tried to drag my feet as best I could, a sense of dread settling through me. I had no idea what was going to happen, and it scared the hell out of me. I suddenly felt as though I didn't know my parents at all, rather than knowing them my whole life. How were they going to react? Would they be disappointed even if they pretended to be okay with it? My feet came to an abrupt stop as I entered the living room, causing Sean to bump into me from behind. My parents were sitting on the couch, the television was on but their eyes were focused on me expectantly. Mom's eyes landed on Sean as soon as he came into view from behind me as I locked eyes with my Dad. I could sense the unspoken tension in the air. This was definitely something I didn't need right now, on top of everything else.
"Sean," Dad greeted, nodding his head slightly. My mom just pursed her lips.
"Hey," Sean replied awkwardly, giving him a small wave. I mentally face palmed.