I wasn't much of an alcohol person. I got into Dad's liquor cabinet when I was younger and found vodka. I thought I was big and bad and could take whatever adult drink I wanted. It was nice for vodka to be my first alcoholic drink, and it damn near killed me. I haven't touched much of any alcohol since then. I've tried a beer with Terry before, taking small sips since I heard it wasn't very strong, but it was still gross.
However, since the conversation we had earlier, I had grabbed a beer from the cooler without the group noticing. I walked over towards the other side of the pond and told them I was going to pee.
I got behind the tree line just enough to where they were out of sight. I sighed and opened the can. I took a sip of it, and I instantly gagged at the gross taste of it. But I'd drink it anyway. Since drinking helps with any kind of bad feeling. Or so I keep hearing.
I sat on the ground, the leaves and twigs under me crunching. I lay against a tree, the beer in my hand. I took another small sip and started to contemplate my situation.
Here I was, in the middle of the woods, drinking a beer that God knows I hate with a passion. All over a girl. Why was I so hurt about this? Did I get my hopes up this much? I knew for a fact that I couldn't be loved in that sort of way. No girl could. I was alone and it would be that way for a good while. Probably forever.
I never was the romantic type. Sure, I had crushes throughout middle and high school. They always seemed repulsed by me though. Not because of my looks. In fact, some girls considered me cute. It's just my style of living and the friends I have. One who's gay, one who's antisocial and is thought to be involved in witchcraft, one who offends too many people with his jokes, and now, a rough girl who is more intimidating than most guys. I was in a group of outcasts.
Other times I was rejected because of the way I lived. I was always putting my schoolwork in front of me and running track afterwards. Not to mention I can be shy at times, but also because of my brother, who is right beside me in school and drives them away from me by talking very badly about me and even exaggerating on some stuff.
So I've always kept to myself when it came to feelings for a girl. I always kept myself in check and made it clear to myself that I couldn't be in a relationship. That I would just be wasting my time trying. But then Tera came along and had to break that barrier I built, and I was paying the price for it.
"Drinking doesn't suit you." I heard a voice say before looking beside me to see Tera leaning against the same tree. She slid down, sitting beside me. "It won't help anything."
I shrugged. "Don't know what you're talking about." I took another sip. "There's nothing that needs to be helped."
She sighed, reaching over to grab the drink from my hand. "Yes there is, and this," she took a sip herself, closing her eyes and looking repulsed. "this is just a bandage on an open wound deep enough to need stitches." She poured the liquid out, the fizz just building up on the ground beside her. "It's not enough. If you really want to drink the pain away, hard liquor is the key."
I laughed, not meaning to. "I have a bad history with hard liquor."
She looked at me. "You have more than a bad history with just liquor." I looked at her, her yellow eyes reading mine, causing me to quickly look away and not let her see how hurt I was. "I didn't mean it in the way you think."
I leaned my head back against the tree and looked up at the setting sun through the trees. "The point is, you meant it in the same way that everyone else has, just in a different manner." I banged my head against the tree just hard enough for it to give me a small ache. "I shouldn't have let my guard down."
I heard her sigh. "You're right, I most likely did do it in a different manner than the others. But I meant what I said. You don't want someone like me." I looked at her, and she was looking at the ground. "I'm not who you think I am."
I adjusted my body to face her. "Then who are you?"
She shrugged and chuckled a little, not looking back up. "A girl, who lives a tough life, relying on intimidation to get me by to get people to stay away and to keep them safe by doing so." She looked at me. "Don't get me wrong, I like my style and my look. I think it suits me. And believe me, those girls that tried to stare me down the day I came, I could've put them down."
"Then why didn't you?" Brooke, Sarah and Lindsey were a trio of girls who made sure that newcomers knew their place in the school hierarchy, which put them at the very top. They surely deserved to be put in their place. They were at the top. The top of being the bitches of Natánik.
She smiled. "My, you must have something against them if you ask that." She looked at me, this time with meaning. "Because that would've put me at risk of leaving."
"That doesn't exactly answer my question, but okay." I looked down at the ground this time. "I don't see you as dangerous."
She laughed again. "You have no idea."
Am I wasting my time? Is she even taking this serious? She's smiling and laughing an awful lot for a serious situation. Maybe I should just man up and accept that it isn't happening between us. Maybe I should just come to grip that we're friends and accept it so I don't lose that with her.
She put a hand on top of mine on the ground, sending a pulse of energy up my arm and throughout my body. "You're an amazing person with an amazing heart." She said. "But it's not me that I'm worried about. It's you." I blinked, not knowing how to take that. She noticed. "I've got secrets that should be kept. And if you were to ever enter a relationship with me, then you would eventually find out about the secret."
I must have sounded desperate. "I can keep a secret. I swear I can. I don't talk to anyone but those guys back there." Damn, I do sound desperate. Not cool.
She shook her head. "A secret that if anyone else found out, not only would it affect me, but affect others. Lots of others." She must be talking about her family. Maybe it's a family secret. I could understand that, but that doesn't mean she has to bring me around family. No, that would be stupid not to meet her family. Why was this so hard? I never tried this hard before.
I looked her in the eyes, this time not looking away. "I don't ever try when it goes this far." I told her. "I get it. You've got things you don't want me to know. Things you don't want anyone else to know. I have things I don't want people to know about me." Like the fact that a wild wolf came and saved me from its pack. I'd be called crazy if anyone found out about that. "I know I'm not the best guy to have. I'm not the manliest or the best looking, but-"
"Stop." She ordered, her eyes changing to a firm expression. "Don't talk down on yourself. Don't you do it. You are an amazing guy." She looked out into the woods in front of her. "Truth is, I've never really been in a relationship before. I won't lie, back in my old town, the place I grew up, there was this guy. We grew up together. Our family was close and we grew up basically as a couple. Played together when we were smaller and started making out when we got older."
I scooter a little closer. "What happened?"
She shrugged and looked as if she were numb. "Things happened. Something went down in town and we had to cut things short and get away. Now we're here."
"On the run." I finished. I knew there was something.
She smiled. "Nothing like being outlaws and chased by the law. No, we just had to get away before the town burned us alive."
"Funny way to put it." I closed my eyes and put my head against the tree. "Why is this sort of thing bothering me so much?"
Her fingers went between mine and our hands were interlaced. "You're the first guy I've actually wanted to be with since then. I can see in you that you have no brutal violence in you. You're gentle, and I really like that." She sighed. "I just don't know if this will work, though. I'm a survivor. A fighter." She turned to me. "And having you would mean I'd have the will to protect you at all costs."
I felt my grip on her hand tighten a little. "What if I say that I don't need protection? That I can take care of myself and still be with you?"
She laughed a little. "You've never tried this hard before, huh?" I blushed, and she continued. "Look, I'm doing this for your own good. I could give a less damn about myself."
"I give a bigger damn about you." I admitted. She stiffened a little. I continued. "And I don't want you to get hurt on my account. I could also give a less damn about myself." She was obviously troubled by that. I exhaled and started to let go of her hand. "I guess we're at an impasse."
Her grip, though, tightened. She looked at me. "Promise me that if this gets out of hand, that if I tell you to leave me, that you won't look back and won't ask questions. You'll get as far away as possible." She put a hand on my cheek. "Promise me you won't get involved if anything happens to me."
This was so scary and sudden. Why was she so focused on keeping me safe? I should question her on it, but judging from how she is now, maybe I should just accept it. "I promise."
She closed her eyes and smiled. "Thank you." She pulled our heads closer, and our foreheads butted. She held the back of my head against her. Once we finally pulled away, we both got up and made our way over to the guys.
"Here they come. Here they come." Sage whispered to the guys. They were talking about us I'm guessing. We made our way back around the small fire. "Hey guys. We were just talking about how nice it is out here." Yeah, right.
Kai rolled his eyes. "Sorry I wasn't here to keep Terry's stupid mouth shut. You guys okay?"
I felt a hand slide into mine once again. "Just perfect, actually." Tera answered. I felt myself blush, but I smiled as well.
Kai patted me on the shoulder and gave me a very rare smile. "I'm glad you guys are together."
"Wooo!" Sage yelled. "Finally!" He went over and tapped Terry's shoulders annoyingly. "They're finally together!"
Terry, standing and almost falling over, stumbled over to us. "I'm real happy... for you guys..." he could barely speak he was so drunk. "I also wanna say how sorry I am for pushing the subject..." he burped "...onto you guys. You guys are gonna make... EVERYONE jealous." He tripped over his own foot and fell to the ground.
Tera looked at me. "Guess he's the most excited about this."
After getting Terry back up into the chair and finally being able to settle around the circle around the small fire, we were able to all talk. (There was only four chairs, and Tera 'insisted' she sit in my lap.) Our conversations were random and had mostly no meaning to them.
"Hey James, you been in The Reserve lately?" Sage asked. The Reserve was the bar I worked at. It was one of the three local bars. It was in between Buck's, which is the most popular, and The 8, which wasn't so popular.
Now that he mentions it, Calum, the owner, hasn't called me in for work this week. He usually called me to clean during and after hours. Must not have been much business this week. "I haven't gotten a word from Calum. Guessing we're having a pretty slow week."
"Hey guys, tonight is gonna be so beautiful." Terry said drunkenly, pointing up towards the orange sky. I looked up and saw a rising full moon. "It's always so lovely to have..." He burped. "...nature on your side for romance."
Kai raised an eyebrow. "You read way too many romance novels."
Tera got stiff. She turned and looked at me with a concern on her beautiful face, her eyes wide. "We've gotta go."