"What are you guys smiling about?" I asked, feeling as though they knew something that I didn't. It was seriously getting on my nerves.
"It's nothing," Mom said, looking down at the counter where she sat, a small grin playing at her lips. My dad just busied himself with cooking.
"Okay..." I said slowly, training my eyes on both of them. "Guys please. I know I was in the hospital a couple of days ago and with everything that's happened..." I trailed off. Dad looked up. then flicked his eyes over to my mother and giving her a knowing look.
"Jake-" she started but I cut her off.
"I don't want you guys forcing a smile and pretending to be happy for my sake. I can see right through it," I finished. Dad's eyes widened in surprise. He came around from behind the counter and gripped my shoulders firmly.
"Jake it's not like that at all," he said, shaking his head. "Your mother and I are genuinly happy that you are feeling better. Yeah things have been rough lately, and I'm not going to pretend they haven't. It's just...we're trying our best to come to terms with everything and after what happened it's nice to see things return to normal a little bit." He bit his lip as he said that last part, most likely seeing the cringe on my face as I heard it leave his lips.
"Normal huh Dad?" I asked incredulously. He clamped his eyes shut tightly and sighed, realizing what I meant.
"That's not what I meant." He said evenly.
"I know what you meant. I also know that things will never be normal again," I explained. Dad opened his eyes and looked away from me.
"I know Jake. I'm just glad to see you hanging out with Sean a little like you used to that's all," he said. My mom glanced at us from her position on the bar stool before returning her gaze to a magazine she was looking at.
"Yeah me too. Although he's been acting kinda weird lately.," I admitted.
"You guys just have some things to discuss, and I know Sean seems to want to set aside some time to talk them through," Dad replied. I felt my cheeks start to flush with embarrassment. Did he know?
"Erm...what are you talking about?" I asked casually, trying to pretend like I was clueless as to what it was Sean wanted to talk about. Of course my parents had to suspect something after what had happened, since I never explained and they knew something had happened between Sean and I.
"You guys need to figure it out on you own," Dad said, looking at me with an expression I couldn't read.
"Okay well...um..I'm just gonna go.." I said, motioning with my thumb towards the door. Dad then cleared his throat.
"Have a good time Jake," He mused, then added quietly, "and behave." I raised an eyebrow. He chuckled slightly and wiggled his eyebrows.
"Dad stop being weird. Bye Mom!" I yelled as I made my way towards the front door. I closed it behind me and began the short walk a couple blocks to Sean's house.
I felt better in this moment than I have for a while. I missed Collin so deeply. If he was here right now I'd definitely have someone to talk to about Sean.
I thought back to my last conversation with him that day in the car. A smile made its way to my face as I recalled his grin. How he said I could trust him. I'd give anything to see his smile one more time and tell him what's been going on. That would mean everything to me.
I reached Sean's house and walked up the driveway. Walking past his car I reached the front steps and just as I was about to knock the door opened. He stood in front of me in a simple black tee and grey jeans. He looked absolutely stunning and I found myself fumbling for words.
"Uh hey," I said lamely. He smiled softly.
"Hey," he replied, fixing his adorable chocolate brown eyes on me.
"When you said you wanted to have lunch, I didn't think you meant literal lunch," I chuckled slightly, shaking my head. He shrugged.
"I figured it'd be a good time," he said, still looking at me with an unreadable expression.
"For?" I questioned as he turned around and I followed him into the house.
"You'll see," he stated flatly. I sighed inwardly, taking my shoes off. Sean continued walking and disappeared into the kitchen.
"So where's your mom?" I asked as I made my way through the house.
"She's working," came his voice from around the corner.
"I see," I said. No wonder he wanted to have lunch today. It'd been a couple days since he asked me to talk when I was in the hospital, and we'd hung out a couple times since then, but he always avoided discussing what had happened, leaving me even more confused. I had been doing my best to shrug it off but it was secretly eating away at me. Why did he pull away that day at the park? I needed answers.
I walked into the kitchen where Sean was and stopped in my tracks, the smell of freshly chopped onions filling my nostrils. Sean was busying himself in the kitchen.
"Sorry," he said sheepishly. "I thought I'd have it ready when you got here." He looked at me bashfully. I couldn't help but smile. He was cooking for me!?
"That's no problem. Can I help?" He grinned at that.
"Sure. You can chop the vegetables," he motioned me over. I took up position beside him as he cut up some chicken into pieces and washed some lettuce. I chopped some red and green peppers.
"I hope you don't mind salad." He said quietly. "I cooked the chicken and bought all the stuff, I just figured it'd be something easier to make." He looked at me shyly, blushing a little.
"You going healthy on me?" I teased. He laughed.
"It's not healthy when you put cheese and some horribly fattening dressing on it," he pointed out. I grinned like an idiot. He smirked slightly.
I finished cutting up the veggies and we got out two bowls and starting mixing everything together. It really looked delicious and my stomach was growling hungrily. We sat at the table across from each other and dug in. It tasted delicious. I loved the chicken mixed in with the dressing and veggies and cheese. It was the best salad I'd ever had.
"So um..what did you wanna talk about?" I asked tentatively, avoiding looking at him. Instead I chose to concentrate on my food.
"I wanted to apologize," he said. I looked up at him. "You've been through a lot and I added to that. I'm sorry. Words aren't enough Jake."
I nodded slightly. "It's okay. Really." I replied.
"No it isn't Jake. I'm sorry if I hurt you. That was the last thing I wanted. I guess I- I'm just..I guess," he stammered. I waited for him to continue.
"I'm scared," he whispered. I barely heard it and for a brief moment I wondered if I'd imagined it.
"Me too," I answered. He gazed at me for a while. Then suddenly he reached across the table and took my hand in his.
"Jake we've been friends for a long time," he stated looking at me fondly, my cheeks flushed and I found myself fighting to hold his gaze under the intensity. My breath caught in my throat. "I've realized though that I don't want to be friends with you." I went to pull my hand back and I scowled in disappointment, be he only gripped me tighter.
"Uh," I said nervously, but Sean didn't waver.
"Jake I want to be with you," he stated. "I will always be here for you and my feelings run a lot deeper than friendship. I find myself wanting to be with you all the time, and when I'm not I feel like part of me is missing. I think about you every night, wondering how you are, if you're okay. I wake up with you on my mind. I just I...I care so much about you."
I was stunned. I didn't quite know how to respond. My heart was pounding in my chest. Was he saying what I think he's saying? Did I feel the same? But we're friends, best friends, not to mention we're both guys.
"I feel the same way. I guess I was afraid too...afraid to admit it. I still am," I said quietly. He looked at me with the cutest expression ever.
"It's okay to be afraid," he smiled slowly. Before I knew what was happening I was out of my chair and moving around the table. I reached Sean and threw myself into him, hugging him tighter than I've ever thought was even possible. His arms wrapped around my back and he did the same. I didn't ever want to let go. He meant everything to me. I could feel his breath on my ear, and it took my own away. My heart pounded against my chest and I could feel Sean's beating fast too. He pulled back to look at me, staring deeply into my eyes. "I love you Jake."
My eyes widened momentarily with the realization before the words came tumbling out. "And I love you Sean." I felt a wave of relief wash over me. A complete feeling of calmness before my lips were on his. We kissed passionately, my hands caressing his face while he wrapped his arms around me. It was the best kiss I'd ever had.
Sean pulled away suddenly and stood up, grabbing my hand as he did so. He pulled me out of the kitchen and through the house. We reached the stairs and made our way up to his room. As he closed the door behind him, I couldn't help but remember all of the time I'd spent in this room as a kid. It was different this time though, because I knew this wasn't innocent best friends hanging out anymore. I suddenly became extremely nervous, my hands started sweating. Oh god.
Sean crashed his lips against mine, and I kissed him back eagerly, tangling my fingers in his hair. He grabbed my waist and pulled my closer to him. He pushed me against the wall and grabbed my thigh, pulling it up against his leg. A sound escaped my lips and I felt Sean smile against me. He then moved his head down to my neck and began gently kissing and nibbling on me. It felt so incredibly good I couldn't believe it was even happening. He put his hand behind my neck and pulled me closer. My hands moved to his shoulders, then I swept them down across his chest...I could feel his muscles. He wasn't huge and bulky, but he definitely was toned. Our hips pressed against each other and I felt him against me. He was turned on for sure. I smiled at the thought before noticing my own excitement.
"Sean.." I purred as he kept kissing my neck. Soon he started sucking on my ear. "Sean...." He stopped and pulled back, looking at me with concern.
"Shit. I'm sorry Jake. I just got lost in the moment-" I stopped him by putting a finger against his lips. Aw his lips were so soft and perfect.
"Shh. It's okay. You've done nothing wrong," I assured him. He relaxed into me again. "It's just that...I...well um...Sean I.." I stuttered. He waited for me. "I've never done this before," I sighed, feeling deeply embarrassed. Sean simply smiled beautifully in return.
"Jake," he said softly, "I love you so much," he blushed. "I haven't either."
"You-you haven't?" I asked, my own cheeks flushed. He smiled at me.
"I wanted to wait until I was with the one I love," he said, holding me slightly in his arms. I wrapped my arms around his back. "We don't have to do this now okay?" I nodded. He was amazing. The cutest guy ever. Wait did I just call my best friend a cute guy? I did. And I didn't care this time. It was the complete and total truth. He really was.
Sean led me over to his bed and we settled onto the mattress. He kissed my forehead and held me close to him.
"Wanna watch a movie?" He asked as he cuddled me.
"Sure," I replied. He moved to get up and pick a dvd when I stopped him by grabbing his hand and caressing his face with my hand. "Will you be with me?" I asked nervously. He covered my hand with his and smiled at me.
"I am with you Jake," he chuckled. I laughed nervously.
"I mean like...together..." I trailed off. He cupped my chin and gave me a quick peck on the lips.
"Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?" He asked shyly, his face inches from mine. I grinned broadly.
"Yes."
""Of course I will Jake. I thought you'd never ask."
After we decided on a movie, he climbed back onto the bed with me and we cuddled together. I've never felt closer to someone in my life. It was the best thing I could've ever asked for. Sean was my boyfriend. I kept saying it over and over in my head and it made me feel so giddy and mushy inside. I loved every bit of it. Settling my head onto Sean's chest, I pulled out my phone and texted my Dad to let him know I was staying the night at Sean's. I wanted to stay just like this. I smiled to myself as I felt Sean's hands fiddle with my hair.