Brian may not like "buts," but he liked mine.
That was what I wanted to say when we left Jade's, but I held my tongue. Why? I wasn't sure, really. But it had to do with whatever plan they'd made with Brian. His poker face was strong because I had no idea. Theirs was, too, but leave it up to quality time for them to give it up.
I sort of wished they hadn't.
Because when we pulled up to the coffee shop, I noted the pulled-down blinds. The locked front door. The chalkboard sign sat out on the sidewalk, attached with pink and gold balloons. When I stepped out of the backseat, I looked at it, read it, and smiled.
It read: Happy birthday to my sun and moon—Brian.
Once inside, I didn't think I could smile any bigger, but I did. Rianne opened the front door with her shop key, and the faces of everyone I cared about looked back at me. Each held a cupcake in their hands, topped with a candle.
Shawn and Leeny were at the right of the door. Leeny nearly dropped the cupcake in her hands to hug me. Kyle leaned against one booth and waved at me. When I smiled at him, he wiggled his cupcake and pretended to take a bite. His eyes told me he really wanted to. What surprised me was that Mr. Paul was next to him, too. I'd told him eight o'clock, so how...
Shaking my head, I glanced back at Jade and Rianne. After locking the door, they made their way around me to grab their own cupcakes, placing pink candles on their tops. Once lit, they turned and smiled at me, too.
I stood at the door, like a deer in headlights, but it wasn't fear that kept me there. It was happiness. I counted five cupcakes, each in the hands of my five friends. To think they'd gone out of their way, canceled their entire day, to be here with me. They didn't have to, a night party would have been fine.
Then it hit me... the sunlight was blocked out from the shop, with the candles on the cupcakes, the shop's primary source of light. I counted five, but none belonged to Brian.
Then the door to the back opened, and light flooded in. My heart fluttered instantly.
But I squinted my eyes right after. "Jun?"
My brother appeared from the back kitchen. Being overly dressed wasn't his thing, but smiling was. And the smile he gave me was perfect. Not to mention the cupcake in his hands was twice the size of everyone else's.
Unlike everyone else, he walked to me. Stood in front of me. And handed me my cupcake.
"How..." I whispered, glancing down at the blue frosting. "I thought you said you couldn't make it. And I said it was cool, and not to worry, and..."
Jun wrinkled his nose a bit before pulling at the sides of his blazer. "Well, this guy over here—" He looked at Kyle. "—called my phone every five minutes. Reminding me of how important this was. I tried to argue, but, you know these guys..." Jun laughed. "After learning about all these plans, I had to join in."
I glanced over at Kyle, who shrugged and smirked after putting his cupcake down on the table beside him.
"Besides," Jun continued, "I wouldn't want to miss this. You're my sister. I'm supposed to be here for this. It's like my job."
"What? For what?" I asked. "It's just a birthday party, I..."
Still holding onto the cupcake, I stopped thinking as the music came from behind the backdoor. It was muffled, and soft, but I knew what it was; a guitar. Its melody came through in steady waves, a song I'd never heard before, but liked already. Mentally, I wished I could hear it better and inched towards it.
Kyle, as though hearing my thoughts, moved around the center tables and back counter to open the door. With the light came the sounds of guitar strings being played beautifully. Kyle waited a minute before moving away, allowing whoever played to step right out from hiding.
Brian.
He came slowly, waltzing out, an acoustic guitar in his arms. His fingers plucked at the strings, weaving together chords and notes for a song that was just his. Or was it mine?
My eyes watered.
"And according to Kyle over there," Jun nodded his chin at Kyle as everyone came closer with their cupcakes, "Brian has been planning this for a bit."
Really? Watching as Brian stopped at the counter, still playing his song. Despite the dim lighting, I still saw the light in his eyes. Fire from the candles flickered in their golden hue. And when he smiled, I nearly melted.
"I'm not a singer," he said, walking towards me, still playing his guitar, "but I wanted to write a song for you." He looked down at his fingers as he changed tempo, slowing the song down just a bit. "There's been a light in my life since you came. One that took over my shadows. It was hard to wake up in the mornings, and hard to sleep. Sometimes, living was hard, too."
When he lifted his eyes to me again, they were brighter, lighter. We were just inches from each other, and I saw the golden flecks of color within them. For the first time, I didn't look at his scars or the lines on his neck. I looked at him and nothing else.
"I took a chance when I looked at you, took a chance walking you home. I opened myself to you and you didn't run away. Kay, you've helped me more than anyone else ever could."
There were tears in my eyes, rimming just the edges. I felt them. They burned.
His fingers finally stopped moving. A quiet aw from everyone else echoed in the air. It was just that sound, our breathing, and my slamming heart.
"This is—" Brian looked around at the balloons, the cupcakes, the candles. "—is for your birthday, yeah. But there's more to it, too."
Without breaking our gaze, Brian handed his guitar to Mr. Paul, who accepted it while stepping back. Brian then touched my cheek, then my chin, and slowly I watched him drop in front of me and take the cupcake Jun had given me in my hands.
I think I stopped breathing.
"You didn't look at the top of this, didn't you?" Brian chuckled, pulling the candle free from its frosting. "I sort of thought you would, but I hoped shock would keep your eyes locked and forward. Guess I was right."
My brain couldn't form words. My mouth was dry. My feet screamed at my legs to keep standing, and my fingers pulled at the golden belt around my waist. He was right; I hadn't looked at the cupcake. I just glanced at it. If I had fully inspected it, I would have seen the golden ring seated right in its center, once held securely by the candle no longer in its place.
Those tears that burned in my eyes? Well, one of them fell.
"Kay, I know it hasn't been that long since we met, but after everything we've been through, I can't see my life without you," he said with a nervous smile and took the ring between his fingers as Jun took back the cupcake. Then, he looked back up at me and said, "Will you marry me?"
The world spun around me, then flipped up and down. Glimpses of the past few months passed over my eyes. I remembered the first time I turned down the opposite side of the street. The first time I walked into the shop. That light I'd first seen on Brian's face, in his eyes, I saw it again, brighter this time.
Nothing could have prepared them for this; nothing now could prepare me, still.
I was breathless, weightless, dreaming.
Brian took my hand, the ring hovering just over my finger. "Kay," he whispered, pulling my attention. "What do you say?"
What would I say? I said the first thing that came to my mind. The words that'd been on my lips for the past week. Biting my lip, I whispered, "We love you."
Brian's hand twitched, and he blinked at me a few times. It took a second for him to understand what I meant, but when he did, so did everyone else. At my right, I heard Rianne and Leeny squeal. To my left, Jade gasped loudly in her hands.
I thought Brian's heartbeat so hard I heard it from where he kneeled, but it was because he stood and grabbed me, bringing our hearts closer together. "Kay, you're serious?"
Blushing brightly, I nodded.
"Oh, Babe." Brian cupped my face, smiling so big his cheeks were red. "Please say yes, you have to. Both of you do."
I laughed as he kissed me once, then twice, and turned me around to put his hands on my stomach. My hands met his and I let our fingers link.
And then my mind ran back to that advice I used to read on the internet, on blogs. About all the steps you should take to live a good life. To find happiness. And love. None of them worked the way they should, but they led me in the right direction. They led me to the city, to the shop, and into Brian's life. They led me to my growth, my acceptance, and my willingness to live.
They led me to this, to now.
Brian moved his lips to my ear. "Please, Kay, don't leave me hanging," he whispered.
I'd never leave him hanging. Never, ever.
Because if I could give anyone a last piece of advice, it would be to just go, just live.
Just say yes.
"Kay," he whispered again, turning my chin so I'd look at him. "Will you marry me?"
Without hesitation, I smiled as the tears welled up in my eyes again. "Yes."