Alex chases me down the stairs, but this time I'm too quick for him. I dart in and out of drunk teenagers until I find Vanessa in the living room. She's sat half on top of, half next to Derrick. Her feet tucked up under her, head tilted as he tries to shout sweet nothings in her ear over the music.
I pause.
Derrick looks up at me, puzzled at my intense expression. He's so handsome, so confident and carefree... It flits across my mind that maybe I've somehow got it wrong. His dark eyes look hazy with too much alcohol. I can't see any lingering pain there... But who am I to know what's going on in his mind? Still, I can't bring myself to talk to him. It shouldn't come from me. It should come from...
"VANESSA!" I shout over the bass.
She's seen me staring at him and is looking at me, eyes narrowed in a distrustful look I've never seen her turn on me before.
"WHAT?" Vanessa looks irritated, twirling one of her braids around her finger.
"I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!"
"CAN'T IT WAIT?"
"HARLOW THIS ISN'T THE RIGHT GUY!" Alex catches up with me and tries to cut in.
"WHAT'S HE TALKING ABOUT?"
I roll my eyes in exasperation and pull Vanessa up and through the living room, the entrance hall and out in front of the house.
"Hey, let go!" Vanessa wriggles her wrist free. "Are you crazy?"
"It's Derrick!" I hold up the book. "I found this in his room! He's the one with my bag, who wrote the book and the note too."
"You're saying my boyfriend is writing you notes?" Vanessa's face looks as if it's carved from stone, she closes her eyes slowly. "Are you really so self-obsessed?"
Alex catches up with us again, I guess being tall and angular makes it hard to navigate crowds.
"Guys..." He pants. "This isn't right, you need to drop it Harlow..."
"This doesn't concern you Alex," I snap, "look, it doesn't matter about the stupid note, Vanessa. This isn't about that! It isn't about me at all!"
"Oh yeah? That's a change!"
My arms drop to my side. "That isn't fair..."
"You aren't the center of the universe, Harlow! Derrick has nothing to do with you or this weird book thing you're obsessed with."
"I'm not obsessed with it!" I hug my own notebook to my chest as if it were the book in question. "You have to listen to me. If that book does belong to Derrick, then he's in trouble."
Vanessa folds her arms. "I think I know my boyfriend better than you do."
"Boyfriend? This is literally the first I've heard of it and I'm your best friend!" I look over at Alex for support, but he's speechless.
"Well, maybe if you listened once in a while instead of thinking only about yourself."
I stumble back, feeling like I've just been punched in the stomach. I swallow hard, trying not to cry. "I don't care what you say about me. Just please... Talk to him about the book, talk to him about his grandfather, he needs help!"
"Harlow stop..." Alex reaches out a hand to me but I flinch back, staring hard at Vanessa.
"You have to promise me you'll help him."
Vanessa shakes her head. "You've lost it. Like really, big time lost it. Don't bother coming back to my house tonight and while we're at it, don't text me, don't call me or contact Derrick ever again, alright?"
"If I promise not to will you promise to talk to him?"
Vanessa gives me a disgusted look and walks back inside.
"VANESSA!" I cry after her, but she doesn't turn around. I move to follow her, but Alex grabs my shoulders and holds me back.
"Leave her to cool off." He says quietly.
I angrily shrug him away then round on him. "Oh, so now you say something?"
His jaw drops with surprise. "What did you want me to say?"
"I don't know, maybe that I'm not the crazy egotistical bitch she was making me out to be? That I'm only trying to fix things?"
"What do you mean, 'fix things'?"
I'm crying now in little gasps between words. "That boy is suffering and she won't do anything about it!"
"You don't even know it's him! You just jumped to this wild conclusion with the tiniest shred of evidence then went to the worst possible scenario!" he shakes his head with incredulity, "ever since this whole thing started you haven't listened to anyone else! You think that you know best and you ignore everything on this mission you've made for yourself to find this perfect, lonely boy that you can save! Well he doesn't exist! Maybe he isn't even worth saving!"
Without thinking I slap him hard across the face. People talk about that kind of thing happening in slow motion, like it's a dream that you can't control... But it wasn't like that, it was faster than thought, quicker than pain, a visceral, primal reaction that took over my body, leaving the thinking me with the aftermath of it all... The horror of what I've done melts all my anger in a second. I stare at my own hand in disbelief. "Alex! Oh my God I'm so sorry! Alex!"
He raises a hand to silence me. "You know, I don't even recognize you right now."
He turns away from me, his fingers touching the red mark I left on his cheek.
"Alex!"
"Don't follow me."
He walks back into the party after Vanessa. I just stand there, shivering in Vanessa's velvet dress, numb.
Am I crazy?
Am I really making all this about me?
I wipe away my tears with the cuff of my jacket. Part of me is horrified at myself but the other part... The greater part tells me that if I can do something... Save someone then nothing else really matters... Even if it means I lose everything and everyone in the process...