"you're up?"
violet approaches the kitchen, hair in a knotted mess. eyes dark, cheeks sunken in. she hadn't ever felt that bad. it had been almost four weeks now.
"i thought i should clean the sheets, take a shower."
"well, is there anything i can get you? food maybe?"
violets eyes meet his as he approaches her against the kitchen counters.
"im not hungry."
he sighs, hugging her tightly around her waist. his hands feel her bones beneath the surface of her skin. he had never seen her so thin.
"when was the last time you ate?" he whispers.
violet shrugs,
"i still just don't have much of an appetite." she pulls away from him.
he grabs her arm, pulling her back. finn inspects her red cheeks, her irritated eyes. gently, he places his fingers to her sweaty forehead.
"are you sick?"
"its just a little fever" she pulls away.
"jesus, vi. why didn't you tell me?"
"i didn't want you to worry." she mumbles.
"i've been doing nothing but worrying about you."
she huffs, pulling a water bottle from the fridge. her dry throat finally resolved from what felt like days without water.
finn was beginning to get frustrated. he wanted to get it through her head that she wasnt the only thing that mattered in her life anymore. now, she had his feelings put on the line as she wasted herself away.
it wasn't fair to herself.
and it wasn't fair to him.
violet pushes herself up to the counter, staring down at the socks that had been on her feet for days. she was really crumbling away, for she used to hate even the thought of wearing the same clothes twice.
"violet, i need to tell you something."
she hears finns whisper from across the kitchen. her eyes flicker up to him as he approaches her gently.
his hands sit to the counter on each side of her. scared to make contact with her soft skin, afraid that it might crumble away to nothing.
"i lied to you." he hesitates,
"and to the band."
her eyebrows furrow, refusing to leave his eyes. dark like the depths of her emotions.
"what are you talking about, finn?"
"i want to get married some day, have kids."
"okay?"
"but i don't want that if its not with you. what im trying to say is, i need you here violet."
his hands travel to her hips, pulling her close to him.
"i need you healthy, and happy. so if you wont do it for yourself, do it for me. because i don't want to get on my knee for anybody but you."
a small smile couldn't help but creep to her lips. it had been so long since she felt that prick of happiness.
"i'm sorry." her warm forehead rests to his shoulder in a sigh.
"i didn't mean to shut you out."
"i get why you did." his fingers trace her back.
"but god, i miss you."
she stays quiet, body limp in his hold. her energy was gone, her feelings evaporated. but finally, she had something to hold onto. something to snap her out of it.
"whatever you're going through, i want to help. whatever you need, say it. but please don't close me out again."
"I didn't know you were serious, about us."
he looks to her face in a grin, pushing her hair behind her ear to get a better view of her canvas cheeks. the art that was presented before him.
"i've always been serious about you."
"i know i've been a burden lately. well, actually it seems that its been more of a habit than anything. regardless, i know things are messy. with us, with my job. i still just need a little time."
"violet-"
"i know, you don't want me to shut you out. but i just need some time-"
"time for what?" he begins to be irritated again. finn had had enough of her sulking around.
"what happened, happened. its been a month, how much more time are you going to take?"
"however much time it takes." she defends herself.
"something really bad happened to you violet, we all get that." his voice shakes, he wasn't sure if being this stern with her would be a good thing.
"but you're going to kill yourself. and then what am i supposed to live for? you're all i have and for you to be doing this to yourself? thats not fair to me."
"you don't understand."
"tell me what i don't understand."
"every second that i close my eyes its there, perfectly replaying. its a movie i cant get away from, a really bad movie. and ive tried to make it stop, ive tried so hard." her head shakes, voice trembling with the rest of her body; she felt like crying.
"but it wont stop."
"maybe, you should see someone?"
"i'm not crazy, finn!" she defends.
he sighs, holding her cheeks to press his lips on her forehead. he gazes to her pale eyes.
"i don't think you're crazy."
finn had been holding something else in. something he was saving for a holiday with violet as a gift. he swore to himself that he would save it; but she needed a safe haven. she needed it now more than ever.
"hey, come with me for a minute?" he takes her hands, pulling her down from the counter.
her body feels weak at the knees when she stands to the ground. regardless, she follows finn into the living room without questioning it. she was just too tired to ask.
violet sits to the warm couch as he leaves the room. finding one of the many blankets thrown places; pulling it over her cold body. and still, her cheeks remained red, forehead sweaty.
she stares out the large glass windows; watching snowflakes white out the surround buildings around their apartment. the river sitting just outside, frozen at its edges. it was a calm sunday, a quiet sunday that for whatever reason, she felt like getting up for.
she watches as the tall boy comes out from the hallway, the back of a large picture fame is held in his arms. he stands in front of her, a proud smile to his face.
violets eyebrows furrow,
"what is it?"
"close your eyes."
"finn." she groans.
"close them!" he insists.
violet sighs, resting her eyes shut, body against the back of the couch.
she hears finn rummaging around and finally, the weight of his body rested next to her. he wraps his arm around her waist, pulling her close.
she rests her head to his shoulder, eyes still closed in peace. body drained.
"is this something to try and win me over because the bed is sound rather nice right now."
"just, open."
her eyes flutter open, staring in front of her at the once blank wall. now, hanging centered by a nail, a painting.
the painting. one that, when she reunited with finn, she took him to see. one that made her fall in love with new york and get her mind off the moments she missed of what she used to have.
and now, there it sat. in her livingroom.
i'll be there when the moon gets tired.
to finn, it was only lines. violet knew he would never understand, no matter what she'd tell him, it was so much more than that.
"how- did you get this?" she stutters, baffled as she stairs at the painting.
"i bought it. you said she was a local so, i called her in new york, told her that i lived with her number one fan." he nudges her with his elbow. causing her eyes to shoot back to him, a warm smile to her lips.
"it must have costed you so much-"
"its not about the money, violet." he abruptly speaks.
"its never about the money."
"and the museum?"
"they replaced it with a prototype but, this is the real one." he gestures to the wall in front of them.
"why did you..."
"i saw how it made you feel when you brought me to it. i wanted to bring something in that made it feel more like home because, i want you to stay."
"im not moving out of vancouver, finn." she chuckles weakly.
"im not talking about vancouver."
"then what-"
"i want you to stay here, with me. permanently i mean."
"but we agreed that this was-"
"temporary, i know. but it doesnt have to be. i love you, violet. i want you here."
her body hesitates, she loved him. she wasn't sure that it would be a good thing for him, the burden that she carried.
and with that, she wasn't sure what she could say.
so, she gives him a light smile. fumbling to her hands placed gently to her lap, eyes meeting his shyly.
she plants a soft kiss to finns forehead, thanking him for everything, and leaving away to take in the warmth of a shower.
1500 wc
this book is dead lol