Okay, we'd had sex before, so why the hell was this so damn nerve wracking?
I'll tell you why.
It was because of that damn glint in those dreamy chocolate brown eyes of his. That confident swagger that seemed to say "Yo, yo, YO. Move out of my way!" It was the assertive way he took me by the hand and marched me down the passage without hesitation. Without even looking back at me. Like I was his. It was in the way he got me into his room, immediately took his top off, and tossed it to the other end of the room. His 'devil may care' attitude was so ridiculously sexy—especially now. It was in the way he pointed for me to sit on his bed as he strode across the room, bent over and turned on the heater—How did he make turning on normal household appliances so damn crazy hot?
Ben then walked over to the bed and sat next to me, and suddenly things became strangely awkward. Very awkward. —This wasn't really how I'd imagined this moment playing out.
"God," he said as he ran his hands through his hair, "it's stupid, but I don't think I've ever been so nervous about anything in my entire life.'
I blushed. "Me too."
"I feel like a teenage girl losing her virginity."
I managed a small laugh. "It would be truly bizarre if you knew what that felt like."
"Okay," Ben said and, with that, jumped off the bed again, "let's start over." Then he exited the room and closed the door behind him. I looked at the door for a moment wondering what the hell he was about to do—unpredictable Ben. Nothing would ever be boring with him.
Suddenly he burst through the door and strode towards me. I burst out laughing. The action was so comical and bizarre. Then he slid up next to me.
"Is this seat taken?" he said. Those were the same words he uttered our first night at the club. He spoke them in that same sexy, husky tone that had immediately caused me to go wobbly— it was having a similar effect on me right now. I played along.
"Depends who's asking," I said, turning to him. His face lit up with a naughty look as he realized what I was doing.
"The name's Ben," he said, then took my hand and kissed the back of it, maintaining intense eye contact. My hand tingled. "And you're Sera," he added. And when he did, I suddenly remembered something about our first night together—He'd known my name. But how?
"How do you know my name Ben?" I asked, still playing along in a sultry sexy voice.
Ben leaned in.
"I have a confession to make."
"Mmm?"
"I've been watching you, Sera."
He said it in a way I wasn't sure was a joke. Was this role-play or—no, surely not?
"Watching me?"
"For about three months."
"What do you mean?"
"I want to make this very clear- I am saying this to you in totally non-stalker fashion."
"Okay?" I was tentative.
"The first time I saw you was when my brother was performing." He gave a tiny smile as he looked like he was remembering, "You were with JJ and Bruce and the three of you didn't stop laughing the whole night. I think you guys were actually meant to be "in disguise"" He gestured inverted commas with a smile. "But who wears oversized shades in a night club, right? You guys stuck out like sore thumbs." He laughed at the memory, "And I thought, I'd really like to get to know that girl. The girl with the amazing smile and contagious laughter. The girl that seemed to be totally fun and carefree."
Okay. Pause. Were we still role-playing here? Had I told him about the night we'd gone out to spy on his brother? I wasn't sure.
"Tell me more," I prodded.
Ben moved in closer, bringing his lips all the way up to mine. He didn't kiss me, though; instead, he gently and very softly moved them over mine.
"Then, two weeks later, I saw you at another party. Seems we're both on the same gay club circuit." He shot me a knowing look and I smiled back at him. "You looked so damn sexy that night, and I wanted to speak to you so badly, but I was too nervous. So I just sat in the corner and watched you." He smiled his devastating smile at me. "God, you looked so confident and happy, and did I mention sexy. Fuck, you looked beautiful that night."
I bit my lip a little trying to remember the night he was referring to. "Do you remember what I was wearing?"
"Perfectly. That tight, black pencil skirt that drives me mad and your little corporate white-collar shirt that makes you look like a schoolteacher. And then JJ pulled your shirt out and tied it in that knott in your waist."
"I remember that." JJ hated it when I went out in my work clothes.
"And then he pulled out your ponytail and ruffled your hair and in that exact moment all my school boy librarian fantasies came true. I tried to come over and talk to you but... so I basically went to bed fantasizing about what it would be like to be with you and kicking myself for not having spoken to you."
My heart started beating faster and faster as it was quickly becoming clear that he was no longer role-playing. This was real.
"Why didn't I see you?"
"I told you, I sat in the back... lurking in the dark corners. Blending into the shadows. And then I asked someone who you were. That's how I knew your name."
Ben kissed me. "Sera," he said, then pulled away and looked me in the eyes before going in for another small kiss. "Sera," he said again, then went in for a deeper kiss. A long, deep kiss. God, he tasted so good, I wanted to eat him.
"Did you see me again?" I asked, reeling from the kiss he'd just given me.
He nodded. "Seems you and the guys like to go dancing." His hand crept onto my thigh and he kissed me behind my ear. "It was the most ridiculous dancing I'd ever seen."
An image flashed through my mind and I knew which night he was referring to. "We were doing our Gangnam style impersonation," I said, but the words came out breathy. Ben had slipped his hand in between my thighs and pushed them open.
"You looked so happy, but then..." Ben stopped half way through the sentence and I knew why. I remembered what had happened next.
"You took out your phone and your whole face changed. Suddenly you looked like the saddest girl in the entire world and I wanted to run across the room and hold you. In that moment, it felt like you were showing me this other side of yourself, this vulnerable side. And I felt like I knew you. I can't explain it any other way, but from that moment I just knew I wanted you."
My breath caught in my throat. That was just one of the many nights that my sister had messaged me. I didn't remember the specifics, but it was something to the effect of dad, gambling, money, stealing, maybe even a hooker.
"That night I decided that, if I saw you again, I was going to talk to you, and ask you out."
"Wow." It was true, everything he'd said. It explained the way he'd looked at me in the car that night, as if he'd known me. It also explained why he'd been so persistent, so early on. Ben had been watching me from the dark shadows of the nightclub. He'd been fantasizing about me. It was just about the fucking sexiest thing that anyone had ever said to me in my entire life—Slightly pervy,... very sexy.
I pushed Ben down on the bed and climbed on top of him, suddenly driven by overwhelming lust.
The idea that I'd been watched and fantasized about made me feel so sexy and uninhibited. I pulled my top off over my head and threw it across the room next to Ben's shirt. My bra soon followed.
"Ben." I said as I leaned down, our naked chests pressing into each other, "Are you going to keep your promise now?"
"And what promise would that be?"
I kissed his neck and breathed into his ear, "That you're going to make love to me all fucking night."
"I always keep my promises," Ben said. "But not like this."
In one quick, fluid movement, Ben rolled me over onto my back and slid his body over mine. He felt hard against me. And heavy. I felt crushed under his weight and I liked it.
"Oh Sera, Sera," he said, staring into my eyes.
"Yes?"
"Nothing. I just like saying your name." And with that, he kissed me.
His facial hair was rough, his lips were velvety, his mouth warm and sweet tasting and his tongue soft. The textures and feelings all combined and mingled into something amazing and unforgettable.
It's one thing to have sex with someone. But it's another thing entirely to be doing it with someone you've fallen desperately in love with.
Our clothes where off and there was a chill in the air. I shivered. Ben quickly pulled the covers over our heads and we were enveloped in warm darkness. The heat under the thick duvet suddenly made everything seem so much more intense and heightened.
Ben kissed me again, but this time, his mouth traveled down my neck and over my breasts. It felt good. I inhaled sharply. The air inside the blanket was getting hotter now. It was almost too thick to breathe.
"Mmm. You taste like chocolate," Ben whispered.
"Really?" I giggled slightly as his tongue came out and he licked me, as if he was really tasting me.
"Seriously. Chocolate."
I giggled and pulled his head up for another kiss.
"How is it even possible that you taste that good?" he continued
I put my hand over his mouth. "Stop talking and just kiss me."
"Yes ma'am." Ben came in for another kiss and I opened my legs, letting his body slide between them, wrapping a leg around him to make sure he couldn't escape—He was mine now. The kiss soon took over our whole bodies and Ben ground his hips into me. We kissed, while our bodies rocked together. Faster. Harder. More breathless. Until Ben finally pulled away, gasping for air.
"Sera, Sera, Sera...."
'Ben, Ben, Ben..." I whispered back, playing along.
"You're too tasty, I think I could eat you," he said.
I winced when I felt a little bite on my neck. And then one on my shoulder. Then my neck again.
"You're like a giant Easter egg." Ben said, as he gently bit at my breast.
I burst out laughing. I'd imagined this moment with Ben. I just hadn't imagined it like this. We always had fun together—I guess love making with him would be no exception.
I gasped when I felt Ben inside me. His mouth immediately came up to mine. He kissed me hard and moaned against my mouth as he moved inside me.
No coherent thoughts formed. My brain just switched off.
Our bodies developed a rhythm. As if we were both moving in slow motion. We were no longer separate people. We were one. The moment was so beautiful. Two of us intertwined together.
As our breathing and bodies went faster and harder, only one thought penetrated the thick haze—I don't want this to end. Before the thought could grab hold, it left me as pure pleasure took over once more.
Our bodies moved faster still.
"Sera, I love you..." Ben whispered, the words getting stuck in his throat as his body started to tense and his grip on my fingers intensified. I felt my muscles tensing too and I wrapped my legs tighter around him.
"I love you too," I said.
The moment was so intimate. Ben let go of my hands and grabbed my face, looked into my eyes and I watched as they seemed to cloud over for a few moments, before returning to normal. We stayed like that for ages, our noses touching, our breath rushing in and out, staring into each other's eyes.
When our breath had slowed enough, Ben finally spoke.
"Sera," he said, "you do know what this means don't you?" he asked, wiping some sticky strands of hair off my face.
I looked up at him and shook my head.
"You're mine now. Officially. You belong to me until the day we're both old and ugly and wrinkly and using walkers." He smiled.
"That sounds slightly creepy." I said, smiling up at him.
"I can be a bit of a creepy guy."
"Well, you did stalk me," I said, running my fingers through his wet hair.
"Hey, I didn't stalk you. I wanted to talk to you all those times, I really did. But every time I tried I just..." He shrugged, looking coy then rolled us both over so that he was on his back and I was sitting on top of him. "I chickened out," he finally said.
"I can't imagine you being shy for one second."
"What can I say? You have that effect on me, Sera."
My stomach filled with butterflies once more at the thought of him sitting shyly in the corner trying to pluck up the courage to talk to me. I don't think a guy had ever said that to me before.
"I have another confession to make, Sera."
"Mmmmm?" I asked slightly wearily.
"Once I knew your name, I went looking for you on Facebook."
"Really?"
He nodded again, looking sheepish. "I thought about sending you a friend request. But I didn't."
I smiled down at him "Well, I would have turned it down anyway. I don't accept friend requests from strangers. Especially creepy ones."
He shook his head at me, "Not creepy. Just in love. From the first moment I saw you laughing, I had to know you."
I felt the smile on my face getting bigger. "So moving into this building... that was a total coincidence?"
Ben chuckled, "That, my dear Sera, was the cunning hand of fate just confirming what I already knew."
"And what did you know, Ben?"
"That we were meant to be together. That somehow, after that night in the car I would find you again."
I felt my face go warm from the rush of emotions that swept through me.
"So Sera. I kept my promise. Are you going to keep yours?" he asked, taking my hands in his.
"What promise?"
"I still don't know you. Not really." He lifted one of my hands to his mouth and planted a soft kiss on the tip of one of my fingers.
"The whole truth," he said in a soft coaxing voice.
My heart raced a little. But I knew it was time to tell him everything. "Okay. But can we have pancakes and coffee first?"
Ben smiled up at me. "Pancakes and coffee it is!" He eased me off him and climbed out of bed, returning with two large, warm fluffy robes from his closet. "I stole these from the hotel.."
I shook my head and laughed.
"Hey, I wanted to commemorate the beginning of our relationship."
"Relationship?" I asked teasingly.
Ben wrapped the warm robe around me. "I told you. You're mine now."
He took me by the hand, and marched me out the door to the kitchen. "Sera Morgan. Has a good ring to it, don't you think?" He turned and flashed me a wicked smile and my heart literally stopped in my chest.