The look of shock on my face was probably all it took for him to realize what he'd just said. In all honesty, it was more likely than not, nothing. I knew all to well about things you say when you're in the moment, especially such an exquisite moment. He looked at me, I'd expected him to backtrack, or sputter some kind of excuse. Maybe he would pretend it never happened all together. But instead he looked deep into my eyes, still buried deep inside me.
"I mean it." He said, pressing his forehead to mine. "You don't have to say it back. But I just need you to know that I love you." He kissed my forehead and pulled himself out of me. I closed my eyes. I could've sworn he'd told me not that long ago that he didn't believe in love. Ever since then I'd put the idea out of my head, disregarding the feelings as pregnancy hormones. But his words made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. If it were from anyone else I probably would have booked it as far away as possible, but he only drew me in closer.
"I love you too." I replied, turning on my side to look at him. He smiled.
"Get cleaned up so we can go to dinner." I nodded, my stomach grumbling as if on cue.
The white dress I wore flowed around my body in a way that made me feel like Aphrodite. Beau certainly noticed as well from the way he couldn't keep his hands off of me. Even at the restaurant we were currently sitting in, his hand rested possessively around my thigh. He also glared at any men that happened to look in my direction.
We shared a rather large plate of pineapple-fried rice before ordering chocolate cake as desert which we were just finishing up. The dinner had been romantic, full of giggles and lustful stares, playful caressing and kisses. I'm positive we nauseated everyone around us. After he paid the bill we left hand in hand, I felt happy and drunk. Drunk in love.
"Thought of any middle names?" Beau asked, his thumb rubbing the back of my hand as we walked along the dark beach.
"Elaine?" I suggested. He rolled his eyes.
"What is with you and old woman names?" He chuckled.
"I feel like I have a duty to keep them alive." I joked. His laugh was cut short when his eyes caught a glimpse of something. I turned and tried to see what he was looking at. There was a man standing about 10 feet away from us.
"Stay here." He said firmly while walking up to the man. I watched nervously. They exchanged a few words and finally shook hands. I breathed a sigh of relief.
"Who was that?" I questioned as soon as he was in earshot.
"Nobody." He replied, taking my hand in his again. I stopped, not letting him lead me any further.
"It didn't look like a nobody." I replied stopping and planting my feet firmly in the sand.
"I promise it was." He said, trying to smile.
"Beau. Tell me." I replied annoyed.
"He's from a rival gang." He finally said.
"And you went up to him?" I said in disbelief.
"Of course. To let him know I'm here for peaceful reasons." He stated matter-of-factly.
"As a possessed to?" I questioned further.
"Violent reasons." He stated coolly.
"Have you been here before?" I asked concerned.
"Of course, but I promise it was really nothing." He responded, his eyes softening. He leaned in, kissed my cheek and swiftly picked me up bridal style. I couldn't help but laugh even though I knew he was lying. I decided to let it go not wanting to cause an argument. He smiled down at me.
It was a short walk from the restaurant to our little bungalow because the restaurant was on the beach. Even more so for myself considering he carried me the whole way. When we reached the steps that led inside he set me down. It seemed effortless for him, as if I weighed nothing. He sat down on the steps and pulled me into his lap. We watched in comfortable silence as waves crashed along the shore. I felt him play with my hair, moving it over my left shoulder. His lips pressed gently against the back of my neck, causing the hairs on my arm to stand up.
"What do you think about marriage?" He asked, his voice slightly hoarse.
"In general?" I asked, my heartbeat quickening.
"Yes." He replied. I could feel the smirk in his tone.
"I don't really believe in marriage." I replied honestly.
"Why is that?" He pressed.
"I don't think it's necessary to spend a bunch of money and go through the legalities of marriage to show somebody you love them." I laughed.
"I've never met someone with such strong opinions."
"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" I chuckled.
"It's refreshing." He replied. I shivered. "Getting cold?" he asked. I nodded. He stood up and held my hand as I followed him inside. The lights were already on when we entered. I shut the door behind us and walked to the kitchen and sat on the counter as he pulled a corona out of the fridge.
"Ugh, I miss alcohol." I sighed.
"Only 8 more months to go right? Give or take." He smirked. I rolled my eyes, pulling my hair into a bun.
"More or less." I replied. He looked at me for a minute before taking another swig of beer.
"You are so beautiful." I blushed.
"Okay I think you might be a little drunk." I said, swinging my legs.
"From one beer?" He asked, motioning to his half drunken beer sarcastically.
"And the three glasses of wine at the restaurant." I added.
"Ooo, I forgot about those. Point for you." He laughed. "But, I don't have to be drunk to know how beautiful you are." He said, inching closer to me. I giggled as he pushed himself between my legs. His fingers trailed up and down my thigh leaving goosebumps. I watched as he reached up and untied my dress letting it fall down my chest. I lifted up my hips and let the rest fall to the kitchen floor. He eyed me hungrily lifting me up and carrying me to the bedroom. I prepared myself for rough and sudden penetration, as he generally liked to do when he was drunk, but instead he starred at me. His eyes drifting all over, like he couldn't get enough.
"What?" I asked, suddenly self-conscious. "Are we not fucking tonight?" I said, covering my bare chest. He chuckled and pulled my hands down, softly kissing over both nipples.
"No we are not." He said, smiling up at me. Then he laid his head on my chest. "I just want to enjoy you." I said. My heart flipped for the millionth time of the night. Eventually after a few stares and soft kisses I fell into a blissful sleep.
I woke feeling more rested than I had in the last few months. The smell of eggs and bacon wafted into the bedroom. I stretched and rolled over, attempting to roll out of bed when I felt a sharp pain in my side. I hissed sitting up and groaning.
"What's up?" Beau stood at the door shirtless wiping his hands on a kitchen towel. He had hearing like a hawk.
"Nothing my side just hurts." I said, attempting to stand. The pain shot through me as my knees buckled. Beau rushed over and caught me just as I was about to hit the ground.
"Okay lets get you to the hospital." He said sounding a bit flustered. I wrapped an arm around his shoulder as he helped me to the rental car.
"Turn the stove off." I said pinching my eyes closed from the pain. I heard him run inside then out again, quickly slamming the door behind him. When I opened my eyes again he was already in the drivers seat.
"What hurts?" He asked while speeding to the nearest doctors.
"My lower left side." I said, grunting at every turn. Finally he pulled into the parking lot of Bayview Hospital. We rushed in as fast as my legs could carry me. I sat in the waiting area while Beau talked to the receptionist of the emergency room. Much to my surprise we were fit in minutes later, I had no doubt that he'd slipped someone a bit of money.
After a few blood tests, the on call doctor informed me that I almost went into pre-term labor, but at 7 to 8 weeks in it would've been considered a miscarriage. They told me to go home, get lots of rest and stay hydrated. The ride back was silent, while my fingers shook nervously. It was scary to know I was that close to losing a baby I'd never even got the chance to have.
I tried to take it easy the rest of the day, only getting up to go to the bathroom. Beau prepared and delivered all my meals to our bed, where he also spent most of the day. We hadn't really talked about what happened, Beau just pecked my lips and placed a few kisses on my stomach as well every hour or so, trying to calm my ongoing nerves. It was around seven pm when he left claiming he needed to pick up something from the store. I knew he was lying but I didn't have the energy to question him.
"Shit, that is a lot of blood." I rolled over in bed, startled awake by two male voices conversing in the kitchen. I shot up, afraid it might be intruders.
"Shut up. You're going to wake up summer." I relaxed realizing the second voice was Beau's. I quietly shifted my legs off the side of the bed, not wanting to let him know I was awake. It was time to do some snooping. I tiptoed to the bedroom door that Beau had left slightly ajar and peaked out. A tall man stood in front of Beau, his hair brown and curly, and very muscular shoulders shown through his white t-shirt. My eyes lingered down his body and caught a glimpse of the blood dripping from his right arm.
"What the fuck were you thinking?" Beau muttered, rustling around the kitchen, then he walked over to the man and wrapped a towel around his upper arm to stop the blood.
"Well I didn't think they were going to shoot at me. For fucks sake, we always do business here." He said, groaning when Beau applied more pressure to his arm. His voice sounded so familiar.
"Well that tends to happen when you sleep with a boss's daughter." I detected mockery in Beau's voice.
"She was fucking hot, I mean, I didn't know who she was related to. That wasn't exactly the conversation we were having. Actually, we weren't really conversing." He chuckled, and then hissed when Beau, who was obviously not amused, pressed harder again.
"We haven't had problems with the Skulls in over fifteen years. They've been supplying us our best shit." Beau retorted, "And you had to piss it all away to get your dick wet? Come on man. Now we have to either fix it or clear the fuck out before they decide to come after us." Come after us? I looked down and noticed my hands were slightly shaking. When I looked up the injured man looked over his shoulder out the window, I recognized his side profile and finally knew why he seemed so familiar. It was Charlie, Beau's brother. Then I remembered where a lot of the Garavaglia's wealth comes from; Italian mob ties. I guess they also dabbled with biker gangs. I recalled Beau telling me that Charlie did a lot of the dirty work while Beau was more of a numbers guy. At least he reformed into a numbers guy. Part of me always wondered if he would snap and return to street life, have some kind of itch to get his hands dirty again. But he always seemed so well reserved and calm, anything but a gangster. Of course, there really is no true way of knowing what's going on in another humans mind. I walked backwards, my legs hitting the bed and buckling underneath me. Luckily I landed on the soft mattress and not the floor. I heard more quieted talking between the two but it all sounded jumbled to me, my mind was elsewhere. Was I really unsafe? I had never felt safer than when I was with Beau. Well until now when I've found out that he's a little more involved than he led me to believe. How often did he take trips to do national business and how many different places did he have business in. A part of me sunk in realization that this wasn't an impromptu romantic getaway, it was most likely for bringing back more product. I laid back on the bed trying to make sense of at all, especially my feelings towards this new Beau, when a knock sounded at the door. My heart nearly leapt out of my chest. I sat up and quickly made my way back to the cracked door. I heard Beau utter a "Shit." Before getting up, he reached on top of the fridge and pulled out a gun. My eyes widened as I tried to keep quiet. He tucked it behind him into his jeans and slowly opened the door.
"We don't want any trouble." Beau said, as a man pushed through the door. He was tan, his head looked freshly shaved. I noticed the tattoos running up and down his arms, then one intricate skull on the left side of his neck.
"If that were true your brother here would have kept his dick to himself." He said, his voice thick with a Scottish accent. How out of place, considering they were stationed in Barbados. Another man walked in behind him, his gun was tucked into the front of his pants on full display. He also wore similar tattoos to the first man, his skull tattoo exactly the same. "He never finished his beating." He said, a smirk playing at his lips.
"That's because your understanding boss decided to shoot me in the shoulder instead." Charlie replied sarcastically.
"Well deserved." The man replied.
"Look, Calum, I'd like to do whatever I can to fix the situation. We've had peace and a respectable contract for over fifteen years. Don't throw it away because my brother's a dumbass." Beau sounded like a lawyer, the same way he sounded when he was reasoning with large clients. I heard Charlie snort. He sure wasn't making it easy on himself.
"No, now its more a property issue, lines were crossed. In our territory. So it should be dealt with the way we deal with shit." He spat.
"Death? Maybe somebody should tell your boss that his daughter is a little slut who'll give it away to just about anyone wearing a leather jacket." Charlie laughed. In an instant Calum was on top of Charlie, punching him repeatedly. I stifled a gasp at the blood that had already started to pool from his mouth. Then I looked up to see Beau fighting off the other guy was holding him back from helping his brother. I had to bite back a scream when Beau threw his head back, probably breaking the other guys' nose. I watched as rage rippled out from him and relentlessly beat the guy to a pulp. I wanted to tell him to stop, but I was frozen in fear. I had never seen him so angry, so animal like. Then in a flash he was ripping Calum off of Charlie and punching him, blow after blow even after he had obviously passed out. Finally he stopped. He took shallow ragged breaths trying to calm down. My whole body shook, I wanted to cry or scream, do anything, but I couldn't. Beau reached down and helped Charlie up. My blood went cold as I saw the sick smile that spread across his face. He was pleased with himself, he actually enjoyed the fight. Suddenly I felt the need to vomit. I realized that it hadn't taken much to set him off into this machine of pure violence. I heard them laugh. Bile rose to my throat.
"Man, I haven't seen that guy in forever, where have you been hiding him?" Charlie joked, spitting out blood. Beau shrugged, seeming to be coming down from his adrenaline high. I was still frozen at the door.
"We better clean this shit up before-" Beau locked eyes with me. "Fuck." He said, standing up and stalking towards the door. Finally I was able to move my feet. I backed away from him as he entered. "Did you see everything?" He asked. I nodded, fearful that if I opened my mouth vomit might come out. "I'm sorry you had to witness that." He said, his eyes looking dark and shameful. I wanted to see the love in him that I was sure he had for me, but all I could picture was his sick grin after nearly killing a man. He moved closer to me and I backed away again, I knew the wall was getting closer, pretty soon I would be trapped. "Stop looking at me like that." He said. His beautiful face contorted into a frown. He looked like a sad puppy and for a moment I almost wanted to reach out and touch him, but then flashes of him angrily punching Calum appeared.
"Like what? Like you almost killed a man?" I finally gathered the courage to say. I was surprised my voice hadn't cracked.
"Like you're afraid of me." He whispered. I felt his eyes plead with me, almost as if they were telling me 'I'm really not that guy. I promise. It was just a moment of weakness.' But I knew better. He'd told me before that he had a past like this and I guess I hadn't really been listening at the time. Guys like him never changed.
"I am afraid of you." I whispered, holding back tears. Damn it, why did I always do this to myself. Summer, you have a knack for attracting the most broken of men. I felt a slight pang in my side but I ignored, too caught up in the man standing in front of me. His head hung low in shame.
"Fuck summer, what else was I supposed to do!" He exclaimed, causing me to jump at his harsh tone. He noticed my shaking and quickly crossed the rest of the space between us and embraced me in a bear hug. I tried to fight my way out of it, sobbing and beating on his chest for him to let me go but it was no use. He was much stronger than me and finally I gave up and wrapped my arms around him still crying. He sat down and pulled me into his lap, cradling me like a baby. He reached his fingers up to wipe my tears away but stopped when he noticed my eyes watching his bloodied knuckles. "They were going to kill him." He said into my hair. I nodded. Part of me understood what he was saying. I would never be knowledgeable about gangs or anything like that, but I knew that you should definitely protect your siblings. I would've done the same if I were in his position. "We're gonna need to leave tonight." Beau said softly. I nodded again. Finally I got out of his lap. I noticed the pain in my side became a dull ache and I took that a good sign.
We spent the evening packing up and preparing the jet for take off. Charlie and I exchanged awkward pleasantries as I looked at his arm and changed the towel out for gauze that I'd found in the restroom. I took one last glance at the dreamy bungalow sighing as we sped away. Apparently Charlie had left the guys to be found by on the side of the road by a passing car that would most likely take them to the emergency. We boarded the jet and took off as fast as possible. About an hour into the flight my side began to hurt, the pain spread to my lower abdomen. I groaned, Beau looked at me concerned.
"Are you alright?" He asked, reaching out to take my hand. I shook my head and stood up walking to the bathroom. The plane shook a little but then quickly leveled out. I shut the door and locked it behind me. I took a few deep breaths before looking at myself in the mirror. I looked pale and clammy as if I had the flu. And in that moment as I stared at my reflection, I knew what was happening. I pulled my pants down and sat on the toilet, I took a brief moment to myself before looking down into my blood soaked panties. Empty sobs escaped my lips. I couldn't even form tears, it seemed as though I had used them up earlier. The pain I felt in my chest was unimaginable. The very thing I feared would happen not but seven hours ago was happening. My heart felt as though it was physically breaking in two. I silently cried while simultaneously trying to wipe the blood out of my underwear. It was no use. Beau knocked on the door.
"Summer? What's going on?" He asked. I coughed trying to compose myself and cover up my crying voice.
"Could you please bring me a pair of underwear from my bag and a pair of my socks?" I questioned. I knew my voice sounded hoarse, and lifeless.
"Okay." He replied, probably confused. I couldn't bring myself to tell him, the same way I couldn't bring myself to tell him when I was first pregnant... saying it out loud would make it real. He knocked again and I stood up to answer the door, I only opened it up enough to reach my hand out and grab them without him being able to see my tear streaked face. He placed them in my hand and I closed the door before he could ask me if something was wrong. I wrapped my underwear in paper towels and discarded of them in the trash and tried to clean my legs and vagina up as much as I could before placing one sock in my new underwear as a makeshift pad. I slid them on, then thoroughly scrubbed my hands. After splashing cool water on my face I felt calm enough to leave. I opened the door and walked back to my seat. Beau was waiting fidgeting with his fingers the same way that I did when I got nervous.
"What's going on?" He questioned.
"Nothing." I said, giving him a small smile. He looked at me for a moment but decided not to push me.
"Damn, your girl can't take a shit in peace?" Charlie muttered while reading a magazine. Beau pressed a finger into his wound. "Fuck." He hissed and shoved Beau's arm.
"Learn when to shut up." Beau said smirking. I gave them both a curt smile before returning my attention to the window. Flying clearly wasn't my worst fear anymore.