It was here again. The itching ache in my chest that never left. The soreness and tightness in my restless body.
It was all here again.
My head pounded, ached in need. Thoughts, images, voices flooded my mind to the point where I couldn't see the screen of the phone in my hand. I couldn't hear the constant drone of my fan or the sounds and voices that boomed from the TV on the other side of the wall.
But I knew it was there and that made it so much worse.
I try to suppress it, the itching need that clawed at my thoughts. It didn't matter. I didn't need to make anything today. Just one day. Just one day without writing anything, without drawing anything, without making anything. I could just go one day.
That's at least what I had thought an hour before I found myself at my keyboard, typing away like my life depended on it.
At this point, it felt like it did.
Music blasted through my earbuds, music that belonged on my usual playlist. Guitar versions of BTS songs thrummed through the Bluetooth headphones into my poor eardrums which should have burst at that point.
It had been 20 minutes, and I still couldn't stop.
Word after word after word, the story spun through my head into my hands, coming to life on the dull computer screen. It's not even that good. Nor original. I laughed at myself, shaking my head as my hands kept going.
They still drummed along on the keyboard.
I tried to stop myself. I knew if I kept writing for any longer I'd be gone. But, the desire inside me had other plans.
"Keep writing. You know you want to. Nothing else matters as much as this," that stupid voice whispered.
Maybe it was me, and I really did want to do this to myself, or maybe it wasn't. At this point, I couldn't be too sure anymore.
"You can do all those other things later. This, now this can't wait. Just let yourself go. Just a little. It'll be fine. I promise."
I clenched my teeth as I contemplated the thought. Just a little can't hurt, right? I sigh as I nod my head at myself. Just for a while.
I relax as I finally let myself free to the sound of the beat of the music, and watch as my world finally spun free, consuming me into today's adventures.
I didn't realize how long I'd really be gone.
~~
408 words. Just testing out the waters at the moment. And no promised update schedule, you'll see why in the chapters to come.
- Kari.