A screen begins a slow descent to the right of me, and I step back, unsure of what is happening. A video is already playing even before the screen is fully visible. All I can see is a clear image of a Cell similar to the one I am sitting in, with Charlie sitting off in a corner. His head is between his knees, his body shaking. Charlie's whole demeanor is always an act, a solid mask he wears so regularly that without it he is almost unrecognizable. Without his confidence, his swagger, his air of slight authority, he's a shell of a man. A boy even, looking younger than before, back even before I first met him. He's thinned out quite a bit, his muscles still prominent under his t-shirt, and yet the shirt seems to fit him more loosely. His normally chiseled features, his sharp jaw, his angular cheeks all look harsher, more defined as though they have been darkened, enhanced.
Off to the right of the camera, another individual walks in, his back to the camera. I don't need to see his face to realize who he is. I would know him anywhere, having become more than accustomed to seeing him, to picking him out of a crowd. He stalks over to Charlie, then finally turns to face the camera. It's Kane, his hair a mess, although he looks a lot less battered than when I saw him, before he was let go. He towers over Charlie, his eyes aflame, practically scathing to watch, no doubt scalding to Charlie.
"You're a mess Charlie," It sounds like Kane, but the tone is too menacing, too harsh, "be a man."
Charlie looks up, his eyes bloodshot, his cheeks stained with tears, new and old. I gulp, waiting to see what happens, hoping what I'm seeing isn't real. Hoping that this footage isn't going to play out how I fear it may. I don't believe the man is Kane, I can tell that clear as day, but Charlie couldn't. Charlie was afraid, weak, is afraid, is weak. He'll believe anything the Government shoves at him, even if they're telling him to throw years of trust away when complications arise.
"Please," Charlie's voice comes out as nothing more than a whimper, "please just leave me alone."
I feel sorry for Charlie, knowing that in his mind the man in front of him is truly Kane, and that he intends him nothing but harm. Charlie's view, Charlie's thought process has been altered here. He has flipped his opinion on Kane and the Government, no longer trusting the man he's run with his whole life.
"Leave you alone?" The UCP version of Kane laughs, a rumble that splits my nerves. "What's the fun in that?"
Kane kicks Charlie in the side, and he crumples, crying out in pain. Before Charlie has time to sit up, the toe of the man's shoe is deep in his side again, repeatedly kicking him. I shake with anger, not only that they are hurting Charlie but that they were pitting him against Kane. So much has gone wrong because of this. So many lives could have been saved. So many more could be saved if it wasn't for the evil deceptions the Government has fabricated.
Charlie stays down, his body heaving with attempts to catch his breath. "Kane, please, I want to be left alone."
"Charlie, Charlie, I know that isn't true," Kane says, grinning menacingly from ear to ear.
Charlie deflates, beginning to cry, obviously beyond frustrated. "Kane-"
"Stop," Kane's voice is louder than necessary. He squats down to Charlie's level, his hand caressing Charlie's cheek as though he feels regret for what he's done, as though he's trying to comfort him.
Within five seconds though, Charlie's head is bashed against the pavement, a cut above his eyebrow dripping blood, the whole right side of his face turning vibrant shades of purple and red.
"Next time," The UCP Kane says, whispering, his voice just loud enough for the mic to pick up on it, "take it like a man."
I sit, my mind reeling after all I've seen. Video after video has been playing for the past few hours, hours and hours watching what has happened to Charlie. Hours of abuse and brutality, my skin crawling just thinking about it. I don't know what brought Charlie to believe the man wearing the UCP was Kane, but seeing what has happened to him brings some clarity to his actions.
The whip he used on Kane all those times he was prodding him for information was probably still slick with his own blood. The cuts on his body, the bruises, given to him by the man in the UCP, taken out on Kane. None of it justifies Charlie's actions, but I understand, I understand why he was willing to blindly believe that man was his past best friend, the man he has spent years of his life fighting for. He felt the need to fight for himself. And that is something I of all people cannot judge.
I wonder why the videos were shown to me in the first place, but I have my suspicions. More than likely it's due to the fact that Charlie and I were discussing the man who hurt him, the man who used Kane. The Government is listening, no longer withholding information from me. Because at the end of the day, no matter what I say, it's their words against my own. And who would listen to the girl from the streets, the rebel, the criminal?
I let my mind wander, let my what ifs form, fester, and then fade. I wonder how Kane is doing, and pray he doesn't hate me. What I've done is nothing short of what he'd do for me, and I guarantee that frustrates him. I wonder how Andrea is handling it, if she's staying strong for all of us. I can't imagine my being gone has destroyed her in the way Kane's absence did, but I know that seeing him as broken as he is may.
I wonder what he's doing right now, hoping that he can put aside his anger and hurt to do what needs to be done, to do what I most certainly couldn't. When Kane was stuck here, and I was on the outside, I felt powerless. Despite my physical freedom, without Kane, I wasn't able to feel free. I feel more free here in this Cell, knowing he's out there than I did when our roles were reversed.
A few months ago, I was fending for myself on the streets, only having myself to worry about, my loyalties loose, my allies ever-changing. I didn't feel the need to protect anyone other than myself. Now, I feel the responsibility to protect everyone else, to give myself to a cause far more important than one life. My life cannot outweigh in importance any other person's, nor should it. Yet here I am, my life being put on the line, threatening to break Kane and therein threatening to collapse a rebellion.
I think back to when I was younger, when my parents would speak of the Year Movement, their whispers low as to go unnoticed. Paul and I were too little to understand any of what they said even when we did hear some of what they had to say. I wonder what it was like for Kane, to grow up in a home where his father was off running a rebellion, a rebellion that still to this day has yet to gain the momentum that is necessary to fuel change. His father died for the cause, being ripped away from his wife and children, passing on a legacy to a son who couldn't escape it, and thankfully didn't desire to.
Kane always appears older than he is, forced to grow up too soon; to be the father figure, the head of the household; to be the eldest brother, the shoulder for his mother to cry on. Kane has always been responsible for others, for their pain, their well being. He's never had a chance to just worry about himself. On the streets, there was only me, I didn't have anyone else to watch over, my own life was my only concern.
I wonder what Kane is doing, how his people are reacting to their leader being back. Has he made this public? Did the Government disclose this information like they publicized their ultimatum, for me to take Kane's place or suffer the consequences? I just remember the footage they showed, the video of the Olsan's home, flames spilling through the windows, the video of the rally, the protest where so many lives were taken. Has Kane now seen this video? Has he gone through all the things he missed, all the things the Government kept from him?
I worry for Andrew, Andrea, Mrs. Porter, and all who are working to keep Kane going. What kind of toll will his weakness take on them? I'm sure that having all of his family there will be very beneficial, giving him the familial pressure he needs to continue on. And what if I'm wrong? What if Kane has already come to terms with his responsibility and he has moved on just fine? Who's to say that he hasn't? Kane is far stronger than I am, on every level, let alone emotionally. Maybe he has already moved past.
Kane is beside me, his arm around my waist. We're in a Cell, one even smaller and more confining than our current Cell.
My head is on Kane's shoulder, and we're both just sitting, enjoying each other's presence. "When will I see you again?" Kane asks, his lips pressed to my temple.
"Soon," I promise although I have no right to, "we'll be back together soon."
"You tricked me," He says, and his tone pulls at the sloppily sewn strings attempting to hold my heart together, "I knew you'd try to, but I had just hoped... I had hoped in that moment something so awful."
"What did you hope?" I ask, wondering what he could have thought that would be so horrible that he's embarrassed to tell me.
He exhales slowly, his head tilting down so now his forehead is against my temple, his lips needing room to release this burden. "I had hoped you'd be selfish not to... like before. Like at the Social Gathering."
It's a slap to the face, so real I feel a stinging in my cheek, a stinging that turns to a slashing pain. "It still feels selfish in a way," I say. "I want you to be okay. I'd do anything to make sure you're okay."
"That's not selfish," Kane counters.
"Isn't it?" I ask. "You and I are both willing to throw this rebellion away to make sure the other is safe. I have to constantly check myself, make sure I'm not allowing how I feel for you to cloud my judgement as we move forward with the Year Movement. And you, you've had to do the same, and now are having to do that more so than before."
"There's a fine line between selflessness and selfishness," Kane says, "we just need to he sure we don't end up on the wrong side."
I close my eyes, thinking about the man next to me, all that he's done and all he still has to do. Months ago, there was never a Kane in my mind. I never envisioned finding someone like him, someone who I could trust, who would make my life seem worth living, while simultaneously making it so worthless in comparison to his. My life has become him. Kane, Amelia, Paul, Andrea, Mrs. Porter, Anya, Andrew. They are all a part of my life. Months ago, I had barely had myself. It was a constant fight I faced, trying to find where my loyalties were, where I felt I belonged. Now, I know one thing, and of it's the only thing I know, that'll be enough for me. I belong here. Right here with Kane.
I belong with this semblance of a family, this unorthodox jumble of individuals. I belong in the rebellion, even if I am just here as a pawn, even if the Government is just using me to get to Kane.
This is where I belong.
I bring Kane's chin up, forcing him to look at me.
"We'll see each other soon," I promise, hoping I can keep it. "I love you."
Kane answers simply with a kiss, a tear slipping down his cheek. I've hurt him. That part won't go away, not for some time. I've betrayed his trust, gone against him. No matter my reasoning, he's not in agreement with it.
"Soon." He whispers, his jaw clenched.
"Soon."
A/N~ Hey everyone! I am so happy to be back after a couple months. The past couple of months have been really crazy, and really emotional, so I'm very happy to be able to be back to writing and being able to pour some of those feelings into my work. I'm sorry you've had to wait so long for a chapter!
Questions:
1.) How are you feeling about everything?
2.) What do you think is going to happen moving forward?
3.) What do you think about UCP Kane? Is he real, or is the UCP version actually just Kane?
Until next time my Year Movement!
-Sarah