Dedicated to @misspriss09 thanks 4 everything Lex! Thanks for always being there 4 me
Chapter 5
8 Years Ago
“Ace are you and Austin ready for the Karate lessons?” I heard Robert ask us. I groaned I did not want to go to these stupid shitty lessons and I didn’t need them I think we all know that.
“Yea Robert we’re coming,” I told him and looked at Austin who looked as thrilled as I was
“I don’t want to go,” he stated
“Neither do I,” I sighed rolling my eyes and wrapped my arm around Austin, “Lets just get this over with ok,” I told him and he gave me a smile and nodded. Robert took us to Karate and like always he stayed and watched us practice. He’s been very strict on making us learn how to protect our selves and fight since what happened and I can’t really blame him. When we finished we back to Robert who without a word stood up and walked to the car.
Both him and Austin had become very distant and Michelle (their mom) doesn’t even talk or do anything. It’s like she lifeless she’s there but just going through the routine, lost in life.
Austin and I both walk after Robert and we drop our bags in the car and got in and drove him in silence. When we got home Robert’s criticism on our skills at practice begun. I could tell Austin was getting fed up with it and he has a temper just like me so I put my hand on his shoulder and gave him the look to calm down. He nodded and Robert went on criticizing everything even I was getting fed up with it at this point.
Before I could stop him Austin went ahead, “I don’t even want to do this stupid Karate dad!” He said.
“I don’t care if you don’t want to. If you would have known maybe you could have helped Dylan and Ashley,” he shouted back and I felt myself go numb and Austin immediately and his face fell.
“I know,” he said. What? I registered that through my head. It was not his fault we’re eight what was he going to do use our amazing Karate skills and do some ninja shit on a guy triple his age who has a gun?
“It’s your fault Austin you should have helped instead of hiding in the closest like a coward that is not how I raised you,” he continued shouting I didn’t notice I had balled my fists out of anger. I counted to ten and took a breath and relaxed. Austin nodded his head as Robert kept blaming him.
“Robert stop it,” I told him quietly. He stopped and looked at me confused.
“Excuse Me Ace?”
“Stop it look what you’re fucking doing to him. We’re eight fucking years old what did you expect him to do to a man with a gun. If he would helped you would have lost him also,” I say gritting my teeth
Robert looks at me and I can see different emotions going through his eyes. There’s shock and fear mostly though and then the guilt and he looks over to Austin.
“I’m sorry Austin,” he says and Austin nods his eyes still on the floor
“It’s ok you’re right it’s my fault,” he said and then walked away.
Present Time
I was currently laying on the floor bottle in one hand and razor in the other. I haven’t done anything yet I was currently just twirling it around in my hand. I didn’t know what else to do. I know Taylor said it hurt her but she didn’t understand how it made me feel, no one did. The relief that coursed through me & the pain from the cutting lessened the rest of the pain. I deserved this anyways; I deserved it every time I did it. This small amount of pain couldn’t even be compared to what Dyl & Ash went through. Punch after Punch, Scream after Scream and I stayed hidden. Even Carter was braver than I was. His life ended at seven battling fucking cancer and Grace told me about how he was always smiling not caring about anything and going on with his day living it to the fullest.
I sighed and took a sip from the bottle and put it down before placing the razor on my wrist on one of my old scars. I sucked in a breath and pierced my skin and slid it across my wrist wincing from the pain a little but feeling relieved.
I placed the razor down for a second to get another sip and as I put down the bottle my bedroom door swung open. “Shit,” I curse quietly and lean back against the cabinet and open one of them hiding the razor.
“Austin you in here?” I heard Taylor say
I took a breath of relief. Ok at least it’s not Ace I stood up and wrapped my wrist and opened the door and put on my everything-is-okay face. I gave her smile but either my acting was shit or she just knew me to well.
“Don’t even try it Austin,” she warned me and I sighed
“Ok fine what do you want?” I asked her giving up on the acting
“What were you doing in there?” she asked placing her hands on her hip meaning she was in serious mom mode or like I call it bitch mode.
“It’s a bathroom so obviously I was using the bathroom,” I said in a bored tone
“Austin don’t fuck with me tell me,”
“I was using the bathroom,” I tell her again and before I had a chance to do anything her hand was on my wrist and she pulled it to her.
“Holy Fucking shit tay,” I cursed and groaned in pain as she looked at my wrist.
“That’s it Austin Im telling Ace,” she said and I can see the tears starting to form in her eyes.
“No, no, no Tay please you can’t,” I asked her pleading. She looked up at me and saw a tear running down her face. “Please don’t Tay Im fine I promise, you cannot tell him though please,” she looks at me and nods.
“Okay I wont tell him but if you do this again I promise you Austin I will,” she said and I let out a sigh of relief.
“Okay thank you,” I tell her and she nods letting go of my wrist
“Austin cover it up quickly and come downstairs I came looking for you because Ace was going to come up here to check if you were okay. You’re really damn lucky I came instead,” she said and I agreed and with that she walked out leaving me in my room alone. I went to the bathroom and picked up and wrapped my wrist. I couldn’t hide it with a hoodie because that would draw even more attention so my only option was to go down there show Ace and everyone else I was okay and then come back as quickly as I could.
That’s easier said than done…
I headed down stairs and saw everyone seated around the kitchen as always. Taylor was already sat on Brian’s lap acting as if nothing happened. Everyone turned to me most with worried expressions, “guys I’m fine I promise I jus wasn’t feeling well,” I told them and they still looked worried but continued what they were doing and Ace walked up to me. He’s the real test if I can get through him then I’m in the clear and I could go to my room.
“That’s bullshit Austin what happened?” he asked me putting his hair back
“Nothing I swear I’m fine,” I told him and he crossed his arms
“Dude don’t lie we’re like brothers I know when you’re lying so just tell me,” he said and I sighed annoyed running my hand through my hair.
“What’s that,” he questioned unfolding his arms. Shit I looked over at Taylor and I saw her shake her head slightly to tell me she wasn’t getting me out of this one.
“Nothing Ace. I’m going to shower though I’ll come back down when I’m done,” I told him hoping he wouldn’t push it further but before I knew it I was being tugged on the same damn wrist.
I winced “Fuck really?” I cursed out again and Ace took my wrist flipping it so that he was able to see it. I pulled my wrist out of his grasp and looked at him. His eyes were already getting darker. And the kitchen had gone silent with all eyes on us.
“Ace calm your shit it’s not what you think,” I told him
“Really Austin you’re going to do this shit again? And it’s not what I think? Then explain it to me because I think you fucking ran upstairs with my best bottle by the way and cut,” he said furiously
“Ok so maybe it is what you think. I did not know it was your bottle though,” I told him
“You’re being a selfish asshole. None of us want you to cut you only think of yourself when you do it. What about the rest of us we all care about you Austin. You obviously don’t care though if you go ahead and do this shit anyways,” he finished yelling, “and by the way the bottle had my damn name on it,” he added on
“I’m sorry okay I wasn’t thinking or I was thinking to much actually I’m sorry Ace goddamn, and I’m sorry about the bottle I didn’t see your name it must have come off,” I told him
“I did it with Sharpie I’ll bet my ass it’s still written there in big fucking letters and you can’t do this shit anymore Austin,” he yelled. At this point we were both pissed off with each other and one step away from probably beating each other up.
We looked each other in the eye and the tension in the air was thick as fuck. We were standing right in front of each other and our friends we were watching us.
“I swear only these two morons can fight about cutting and alcohol at the same time,” Brooke said breaking the silence making everyone else snicker.
“Fuck it and fuck you to Ace you are not my boss or my father or anything like that to tell me what I can and can’t do,” I told him seething
“No I am not your dad I’m still here I don’t come back once a month just to beat you I actually give a fuck9,” he said and with that I snapped and punched him. Before I can punch him again Brian was holding me back and Ryan and Jeremiah were holding Ace. We both kept trying to get lose and then the girls stepped in. I’m guessing that’s the key…girls. They can either stop a fight or make it much worse in this case Brooke went to Ace placing her hands on his chest pushing him back gently and then whispered something in his ear which made him calm down a little more where he at least wasn’t trying to break free. Taylor was the one who had come up to me and pushed me back gently as well.
“Austin please don’t make anything worse I know you’re hurt but please just let it go and cool off,” she told me giving me a small smile as Brian kept my arms locked behind me.
“Fine,” I stated and pulled my arm out of Brian’s grasp and walked upstairs leaving everyone downstairs. I needed to cool off Taylor said so what better way than a cold shower. I showered letting the cold water fall on me and stayed underneath the water for a few extra minutes before getting out and pulling on some boxers and laid on the bed.
It was already late so if I do get the chance to sleep I’ll be sleeping comfortably. I picked up my phone and out of boredom decided to check my kik, which I never do mostly because I just get spammed by different girls and don’t really feel like answering them all. I wanted to delete it but damn deleting it was more work than making one.
I scrolled through the kik conversations deleting them all one by one. There went a good half hour as I was about to shut my phone off I saw a new conversation appear.
It’s not like I had anything better to do so I opened it up and saw her username. It was: Okay? Okay. I smiled knowing where she got it from and saw that she had simply typed hey.
I looked at her profile picture and saw she was hot. I decided to not go by that though because rarely anyone puts pictures of them selves anymore. I wondered if I should reply and decided I literally had nothing to do and it’s not like I can go downstairs right now so why the hell not?
Hey Wats up
I waited for her answer and thought about her username. I remember reading the book a while ago and now the movie was coming out. To be honest even though it was some like chick flick thing the book was great and the movie looked great.
Hi Im Kaylee, She responded and I had to admit her name was even sexy as hell. I honestly loved that name.
Im Austin and nice name by the way, I told her
thanks urs is 2, I smiled
Thanks, how old r u? I texted her
16 hby? She said responding quickly
16, I wrote back and then found myself stuck. This is why I don’t do conversations on kik. I always run out of things to talk about and I find it hard to just pick some random ass topic.
Cool, she wrote back and I sighed. I was desperate to get my mind off of everything and I wanted to talk to someone. So I wrote the first thing that came to mind
So you like the fault in our stars? I asked her and mentally face palmed myself. I can’t believe I’m going to start a conversation using some sappy book/movie.
Yes, I love it, she said and I found myself smiling for some unknown reason.
Same, are you going to watch the movie? And if you read the book what’s your favorite part? I texted back and waited for her reply wondering if she probably thinks I’m gay now for basically fangirling with her over The Fault In Our Stars.
Of Course I am! Like honestly what kind of question is that? My favorite part is when they went to throw eggs at Isaac’s ex girlfriend’s car She wrote and I found myself laughing. I don’t know if it was because of her or because I was remembering that part in the book. Either way I don’t think it mattered because I was laughing for the first time in a long time and it wasn’t forced.
We continued talking about that for a while. How we managed to keep the conversation going on about that one movie or book still surprises me but I’m happy we did. I laughed and smiled and I hoped she did to cause I sure as hell did.
Well I have to go but it was nice talking to you Austin. Hope to talk soon she wrote and I felt my smile drop a little but it’s not like I could talk to her forever or anything though a part of me wish I could.
Okay kaylee I’ll text you tomorrow, I messaged back
Okay she replied and I laughed again
Okay I texted back and was about to turn off my phone when it went off again and I opened up the message
OMG stop flirting with me I smiled laughing again
Go to sleep Kaylee I texted back
Don’t tell me what to do Austin
Weren’t you going to go to sleep anyways I questioned and I smirked even though she couldn’t see me
Whatever Night she said and I turned off my phone and laid my head back on the pillow and closed my eyes, and actually found myself drifting off to sleep. This time without using any pills or having to pass out I simply drifted off to sleep hoping to get to tomorrow so I can talk to her again.
Kaylee:
"Kay come on get up!" I heard my best friend scream from downstairs
I honestly don't want to go. I love Alex to pieces but right now I wouldn't mind if she was in pieces. I do not feel like going to the pool today.
"Bitch come on don't make me go up there," she yelled again
"I'm not making you stay down there. I don't mind," I tell her and I hear her groan and climb upstairs
"You have to be fucking kidding me Kay," she grumbled and I let out a laugh. She got to my room and pulled me off the bed. I kicked and screamed.
"Alex I don't want to go take Sammy she loves the pool," I told her referring to our other friend
"But your my best friend please Kay why don't you want to go anyways?" She asked and I gave her the same response as always
"I don't feel like going," the truth is I was insecure. I had scars along my thighs and legs from where I cut when things get to hard for me to handle
"That's bullshit and if it's true then get in the feel cause we are going" she said.
She finally managed to get me to the pool. Even after all my complaining. I refused to go in though and she sighed but said it was fine. We were there for almost three hours that girl is like a fish or maybe it was just because there was a lit of hot guys who she was flirting with that little whore.
When she finally came back we headed home and she dropped me off And then she went home.
I went up to my room and dropped my stuff on the floor and headed to the bathroom. I showered and sat on my bed and went through my phone. I was officially bored so I went into kik.
What's better at solving boredom than talking to random strangers? I clicked on the chat card app in the kik applications and scrolled through looking for a random person but who at least looked good.
I stopped when I found one and damn this guy was hot as fuck. His profile didn't show much since he had a shirt on but he has on a white snap back backwards with his hair coming out in the front, then a black muscle tee where you can see his tone muscles. My dirty mind was definitely taking over but i pushed it away and clicked on him and texted a simple hey and waited for his response.
After a few minutes I got a response from him and I have to say it was a great conversation. He really made me laugh and smile. It surprises me how a random stranger can actually take my mind off of everything and make me smile.
It was fun because we ended up fangirling about the fault in our stars and I wanted to continue talking with him but i was already feeling my eyes close so I said goodnight and we shared our first Fault In Our Stars moment.
Hey Guys sorry it's late but I hope you enjooyed it and I hope it was worth it either way :D
Love you all and PM me whenever love talking to you all.
Remember to leave comments and to vote!
XOXO - SAM