In case some of you were unaware though I did manage to publish my first original novel during my break from this fic. It's called Three Halves of a Whole and it's available on Amazon under my pen name Elijah Aster. It would really mean the world to me if some of you could maybe give it a read. Publishing my works has always been my dream and now I've finally done it.
I'm still going to be writing fanfiction though and I am determined to finish this story so this is my attempt at returning to it. I am sorry for myself and the long wait but I hope some of you are still here and will enjoy the rest of this fic.
Also there is a bit of a trigger warning on this chapter for rough sex that isn't truly discussed beforehand as well as substance use which blurs the lines of consent. If you are uneasy about reading it please message me and I can give you a safe summary.
Matty quickly realizes when he returns to the hotel that he's in a right state. George is instantly going to notice that he's high, which means everything he's been struggling so hard to keep from him will be for naught if he doesn't pull himself together. All the moments spent pushing him away will be wasted if he rushes to his side now with blown pupils and a running nose.
So he does the most logical thing he can think of and parks himself at the bar that is situated downstairs. If he gets a few drinks in him, George will write off his odd behavior as simply being drunk, which is much preferable to any other conclusion the younger man might reach.
Matty downs a few shots of vodka as quickly as he can, knowing the smell will distract George from the other substances he's ingested better than any other liquor. The liquid burns his throat as he swallows it and his eyes water while he asks for another.
The bartender gives him a skeptical look, but he doesn't say anything. Can Matty even call him that? This is a hotel, not a club, but he does work at a bar, so Matty assumes that his job title.
The random train of thought distracts Matty as he takes a few more shots, finally deciding he's had enough when his vision goes fuzzy after the last one. His head swims as he stands, his high mixing with the alcohol in a heady way that has him feeling both out of sorts and on top of the world. Matty thanks the invention of elevators for saving him from braving the stairs as he presses the button for his floor, his heart thumping heavily in his chest when the realization that he's seconds away from reuniting with George properly sinks in.
Matty feels like he hasn't seen other man in months, which is ridiculous, but also accurate in his fucked up head. In a way, they haven't been near each other, not mentally at least. Whatever block has sprung up between them has been keeping them apart, and Matty is determined to rip it down no matter what it takes.
He's the one who put it up - he knows that, but he hates it existence, and he's tired of keeping George at arm's length. He doesn't know what he wants at the moment, but he knows he needs George back in his rightful place by his side, and he's going to do his best to fix what's been broken before he changes his mind again.
He feels safer already knowing he'll be with George soon - steadier. It's always been this way for him, George is his foundation, but things have changed now. Matty isn't sure how, but he knows he needs George more than ever. He's been doing everything he can to stay away for the younger man while he's in his current drugged up state, but he's allowing himself this moment of weakness. Hiding from George has only made things worse, so he's done trying to be the better person, at least for the night.
He's sure he'll regret it later, he always does, but fuck - Matty can't survive another hour without George. He will deal with the consequences of his actions in the morning.
~~~
George nurses the lukewarm beer in his fist more out of the need to do something with his hands than any actual desire for it. He doesn't even like drinking, not really. He'd much rather be getting high, but lately, weed hasn't been putting him in the placid mood it usually brings him.
He's just - angry maybe? That doesn't feel like the right word, but George doesn't know how else to describe it. Everything is just wrong, and George is out of place with the role that he once slipped so easily into.
Matty is at the root of it, of course he is. It's not his fault, but he's the one that's off, which is throwing George into an unstable state as well. He seems to be suffering almost, and George has no idea how to help him. His inability to fix whatever is bothering Matty is tearing him apart from the inside out.
Is this what being in love is? If so, George hates it. He doesn't want to love Matty, not if it only brings both of them pain. He understands that this is a lot for Matty, that he has to deal with his head and his heart before he can sort out his feelings, not to mention that George hasn't even implicitly told him he loves him in so many words but fuck - George didn't think it would be so hard on him.
He wants things to go back to the way they were, to the days when Matty would hang about his flat for days on end and it never felt awkward, when he could comfort him without being spurned half of the time, to when he knew without a doubt that Matty loved him, even if it was only platonically, but most of all, he just wants Matty to be happy.
He aches to see him smile, he's dying to spend one night without worry for his best friend gnawing at his brain and stealing his sleep. He's tried everything though, and all he's done is driven Matty even further away, so there is nothing else he can do besides hope that the bond between them isn't irrevocably ruined.
But yet, at the same time, George wishes to fuck Matty senseless again, to bury himself so deep inside of him that they can never be truly separated, to be able to claim the other man as his and call himself taken as well. That is a pipe dream though - a fantasy, something that Matty seems to have no desire in partaking in judging by his current actions.
So George drinks to pretend he no longer cares, smoking doesn't numb the pain, not at all, so he's resorted to alcohol although he's not a fan of the taste of the Corona flowing across his tongue. Yet he needs something - anything, to help him forget Matty, to fill the space in his heart that is bleeding out when he leaves him yet again for a girl that can give him the things George can't.
Fucking hell - George is so in love with Matty. He isn't sure if they can go back to the way things were before, if he can ever just be Matty's best friend again, but he'll try if he has to, if only to win back some of Matty's fickle love.
As if focusing on him as summoned the man himself, the hotel door swings open just then. George stiffens his muscles which instinctively want to turn to see Matty, but George isn't going to torture himself that way. He knows what will meet his gaze, it'll be swollen lips and lazy eyes which scream to the world that Matty has just gotten off.
His eyes land on the clock instead, and he notices that it's barely been two hours since Matty had left. That's odd for him, when he goes off to hook up with a fan, he's usually gone most of the night.
"You're back early," George remarks before he can stop himself.
"And?" Matty shrugs like it doesn't matter one way or the other, which George catches out of the corner of his eye, and perhaps it doesn't. "Did you miss me George?" he sneers, his lips pulling back over his teeth in a manner that should be unattractive but it just makes George want to shove his tongue past them even more than he already does.
George doesn't miss this slur to his words though, meaning that Matty is drunk, which for some reason infuriates him. He's not got a leg to stand on, he's well on his way to being pissed as well, but still...can't Matty pretend like he cares enough about George to return to him with some clarity of mind?
Of course he doesn't though. Matty isn't in love with George, his recent actions have made them abundantly clear. He might be bisexual - or whatever, but none of that matters since he's still off searching for love with someone else since what George is giving him apparently isn't enough.
"'Course not," George scoffs coldly, his blood turning to ice in his veins as he takes another swig of his beer. He embraces the coldness, because this is what he needs to survive currently. Letting Matty get under his skin will only destroy him all the quicker.
"Really?" Matty asks, his tone changing to something smoother - silky even, a resonance that George wants to lose himself in. He could drown in Matty's words if he let himself, but he won't, not this easily at least. "What if I said I missed you?" Matty poses the question that haunts George's dreams, "that I came back for you, what would you say then?"
"I'd say you're full of shit," George spits out before taking another deep swig of his beer, drowning his wants and desires in the lukewarm liquid.
"Nah...you're just upset that I was out with someone else tonight, aren't you?" Matty presses, almost as if he's reading the thoughts that are swirling angrily inside of George's head. "Come on, you know you missed me." Matty's trying to tease, George can hear the lilt in his voice, but he also sounds...desperate? Like there is a meaning behind his words that he isn't able to understand.
"You weren't gone long enough for me to miss you," George finally replies when he fails to decipher Matty's meaning. "What happened? The girl not your type, or did you just get bored of her quicker than you usually do?"
"What's crawled up your arse?" Matty scoffs instead of answering George's mostly rhetorical question.
George tries to come up with a witty retort, but he fails. He can't stop staring at Matty, tallying the signs that he's been with someone else; the swollen lips, the not so artful tousle to his curls, the dazed expression. George hates that someone else has made Matty look this way, and he has a feeling that if he opens his mouth he'll express that unintentionally.
Matty notices him staring, and he takes the opportunity to walk closer to him. He preens under the attention just like he always does. George wants to look away, to focus on anything else besides how Matty seems to glow in the light from the setting sun that is highlighting Matty's figure in an array of shades ranging from yellow to pink. He can't though - Matty is the most interesting thing in the room - in the world, so he's helpless to stop himself from drinking in his visage.
George doesn't realize how close Matty is to him until he leans down and kisses him, his puffy lips pushing against his own. They taste faintly of lipstick and girl, not like him, not what George has grown used to over the past few months. For some reason, this fact gives George the strength to pull away from him, his arm pushing the older man backward with more force then he intended, leaving Matty sprawled on the floor with a stunned look on his face.
"What the hell," Matty gasps when he gets over the shock of being unexpectedly deposited onto the carpet, "what'd you do that for?"
"Should be asking you that," George growls, another surge of anger rising up in his throat as he finishes the beer he'd been clutching in his fist, attempting to use the liquid to clear away the choking sensation clutching at his throat. "You think you can come back here after being with some bird and kiss me like it doesn't matter?
"I-"
"No," George cuts Matty off before he can run his mouth anymore. "What the hell do you want from me Matty? I'm done playing this game with you, so it's either all or nothing," George threatens, although he knows he'll take whatever Matty is willing to give him at this point, he just doesn't want to admit to that quite yet.
"You," Matty exhales breathily while regaining his feet, only for George to crowd him back against the mattress before he can regain control again. "I want you, it's why I came back."
Fuck - George wants to believe Matty, he does, but after everything that's happened over the past few weeks, he can't, not really. His cynical side is rearing up, and he's been hurt too many times lately to fall for Matty's words so easily. Still, that doesn't mean he won't give Matty what he's asking for, because if the other man doesn't stand by his proclamation in the morning, George is going to make sure that he takes advantage of this moment.
"You want me so bad huh?" George growls, tapping into the fury that is still flowing through him, harnessing the pain and rejection he's been struggling with until it takes on the form of power. He walks the fine line between sorrow and rage, pushing back the tears that sting at his throat in favor of embracing the seething fire bubbling within his gut. "Pussy isn't doing it for you anymore? You want my cock in you?"
"Yeah," Matty exhales breathily. George is a bit shocked by his easy acceptance. Usually Matty makes him fight for control, at least at first, but he's not going to argue with his compliance either. "Need you." George takes the opportunity to stand up, using his height to his advantage, forcing Matty to move until the back of his knees hit the bed frame with nothing but the power of his presence.
"Want me to choke you? You want my hands around your neck again, or maybe my cock down your throat, making you gag? You like that...don't you?" George continues with his filthy mantra, glorifying in the reaction it gets out of the older man who immediately falls back against the mattress, his legs spreading instinctually so George can fit himself in between his splayed thighs like that space was made for him and him alone.
And as much as George tries to tell himself this is the worst possible thing he can do at the moment, he finds himself leaning down, his lips pressing harshly against Matty's swollen ones. George groans under his breath when Matty immediately opens his mouth for him, all but begging for George to claim him - to ruin him, which is exactly what George wants to do.
"You taste like lipstick. Didn't even bother wiping your mouth before coming here did you?" George sneers. "I'm surprised you don't reek of pussy honestly."
"Didn't fuck her," Matty exhales desperately, his fingers digging into George's ribs when he sits up slightly as if he's afraid George is going to pull away from him. "Just wanted you...couldn't stop thinking about you."
"Always so greedy aren't you love?" George replies with a question of his own, refusing to believe Matty means what he's saying although it's exactly what he's been dying to hear for weeks. "Even when you've got a pretty bird, you want what you can't have." George hovers over Matty, all but daring him to comment on the fact that he has George now, yet he doesn't take the easy comeback. He simply stares up at George, his chest rising and falling visibly as he pants, his mouth hanging open slightly as the seconds drag on. "God you're gagging for my cock," George finally comments when Matty remains silent.
"Shut up and fuck me," Matty hisses in retaliation, but his words lack any real venom. Still, George doesn't appreciate the order. He's in charge, and he wants Matty to realize that.
"If you want my dick in you so bad, you're the one who needs to shut your mouth."
Matty doesn't respond with words, he simply starts stripping himself of his clothing, removing his skinny jeans much faster than George would have thought possible in his current state. He stops caring about such menial things as soon as Matty's skin is revealed to him, his mouth all but watering as his scattered tattoos are exposed, a dark blush staining his neck and the top of his chest when he realizes that George is staring at him.
"Like what you see?" Matty tries to add a cocky twist to his words, but it falls far short of his typical intonation. He's just as desperate for this as George is, he's simply being more open about it for whatever reason. A part of George's brain is screaming at him that this is important, that Matty's need signifies something deeper than a desire to get off, but he's too wound up to sort out his thoughts at the moment.
"Turn around," George commands the smaller man gruffly, his eyebrows rising slightly in surprise when Matty does as he asks instantly without even a petulant sigh.
George kicks off his jeans and throws away his tank top quickly as Matty situates himself on the mattress. He's moving so fast, he almost trips as he presses himself against Matty's spine, his lips dragging across his shoulder blades with an occasional nip of his teeth. Matty shivers sharply, his neck arching and a soft groan leaving his lips when George pushes his cock against Matty's exposed arse.
"George please, don't tease me today," Matty whimpers.
"Hmm...what if I want to huh? Might want to keep you waiting like you always do to me. Might even rile you up then just leave you here. How would you like that?
"No - George please, I'll be good, I promise," Matty exhales heavily. George tries to meet his eyes, but it's difficult with the angle they're at. The half of George ruled by his emotions is dying to see Matty's expression, to try and decipher if his words mean anything at all, but the logical side of him knows that he'll most likely view glazed pupils and smell alcohol on his breath, so he doesn't bother.
"Fine, I won't leave you wanting tonight, but only because you're whining will keep me up," George scoffs like his cock isn't pulsing heavily at just the thought of being inside of Matty again. "Where's your lube?"
"My bag, left pocket," Matty answers instantly.
George briefly places a hand against Matty's hip, silently commanding him to stay, which he does while George goes to fetch the blue tube which seems much emptier than it was the last time they had used it. He shakes his head so he won't dwell on why that is, focusing on Matty's arse which is hovering in his line of vision. Matty begins swaying his hips gently when he catches onto where George's eyes are at, which earns him a light swat to the top of his thigh that has him instantly stilling again.
George pulls his cheeks apart before Matty has the chance to voice his impatience again, exposing his pink rim to his eager gaze. A part of George wants to rescind on his earlier promise, he's tempted to eat Matty out until he's crying with the need to come, then he'll see if he's earned his cock - but no, George needs this more than Matty does. If this is just a fluke, he wants this more than anything.
"God - more," Matty whines not three seconds after George pushes two fingers into his hole. George knows that there is no way Matty can have adjusted so quickly, but he gives him what he asks for anyway, twisting three fingers up to the second knuckle inside of Matty. His muscles suck him inside greedily, his inner walls clamping tightly around him in a manner that echoes like a phantom ache in his stomach.
"Can't wait to fuck you," George growls, "want to ruin you for anyone else, make you want only my cock."
"Do it," Matty spits out desperately. George can barely hear him with the way his face is all but buried in the pillow, but when Matty turns his head to the side and gives George a scorching look filled with desire and desperation, George is overcome with the need to give Matty everything he's asking for, no matter how badly this will hurt him in the morning.
So George slicks himself up as quickly as he can, his head spinning so rapidly he thinks he might be sick as he pushes his blunt head against Matty's rim. He keeps pressure there as Matty moans filthily, his eyes slipping shut as his center gives way and allows George's length to slip inside his tight heat.
"Shit," George groans under his breath. Matty feels even better than he remembers. He's warm and inviting and eager, the sounds he's making escaping out of his mouth in staccato bursts as George shoves himself as deep as he can go. "Look at you, you're just taking it."
"Want it - want to feel you for days," Matty exhales shakily after a brief pause. "Fuck me George."
So George does, he loses himself in the moment and lets his instinct take over. His thighs ache and his lungs catch on fire as he loses himself in the slick rhythm he's creating between their bodies. Matty's gasps and pleas for more make a soundtrack for his actions. George feels so lost in this moment he could swear he's been fucking Matty his entire life, that he's never known anything else.
"George - George please?" Matty's voice breaks through the haze that's taken over George's mind at some point, his tone reaching a desperate pitch that he's never heard from the other man before.
When his vision comes back into focus, he wonders how long they have been at this. Matty's curls are sticking to his forehead with sweat, his pupils are so dilated that the brown of his irises is hardly visible, and he's squirming back on George's cock like he can't get enough of it.
"What do you need love?" George asks throatily, his voice coming out thick and slow, similar to how his mind is currently working.
"Want to come - it hurts, please?" Matty begs.
George twists a bit so he can get a view of Matty's cock, and what he sees has him groaning under his breath. He does his best to fight against the haze that's overtaking his brain, this all seemed so surreal, but it's happening. Matty is here, split open on his cock, on the edge of coming just from being fucked.
"Want you to come untouched, know you can do it."
"Can't - it's too much," Matty all but sobs, a shudder wracking his body as George presses his thumb against his perineum, keeping pressure there as well as on his prostate.
"You can, come on love," George encourages him, his hips moving in slow circles, rubbing the head of his dick against Matty's most sensitive spot, stimulating the swollen nerves constantly.
"I- " Matty cries out, his eyes squeezing shut as his hands fist in the sheets weakly.
"Want you to come on my cock Matty, want to feel it." George continues with his verbal encouragement, spitting out whatever filthy litanies pop into his head as he fucks into Matty steadily, alternating between teasing his rim with his thumb and tracing over the sensitive skin leading up to his balls which are tightening up by the second.
And just like George knew he would, Matty eventually shatters. He shakes as he comes, a drawn-out moan ripping its way out of his chest as George continues to fuck him through his orgasm.
George hates how watching Matty fall apart because of him means more than it should. He wants to be the only one who does this to the other man, he can't stand the thought that countless others have seen this, that they get to touch the person he loves. George wishes he could tear his heart out so he'd stop feeling this way. He's ruining everything - this was just supposed to be a quick fuck, but now it's all falling apart around him.
But George can't focus on that right now - so he doesn't; instead, he fucks into Matty with everything he has, pushing away all the emotions bubbling within him until all he can feel is the pleasure Matty's giving him, the tight cinch of his muscles around his cock, the soft shudders that are still wracking the older man's body as George doesn't let up.
George has no idea how long they've been in this position when he finally comes, but it feels like years have passed them by. The sky outside is dark, the city lights reflecting off the sweat clinging to Matty's skin as his shoulders shift imperceptibly. George digs his hands into Matty's curls to ground himself, not wanting to allow his brain to realize how beautiful he looks like this, how filthy, how gorgeous....because it doesn't matter, not as long as Matty isn't his.
A groan falls from George's lips when Matty cries out loudly, the sound seeming to be torn from his throat forcibly. George understands why seconds later when he feels Matty come again, his body clenching so tightly around George's length that it would most likely hurt if he wasn't so overcome with euphoria.
Matty collapses underneath George after a few more moments have passed. George barely catches him in time before his face hits the mattress, his hand letting go of his hair so he can cradle him in an attempt to soften his descent. He hisses under his breath when his cock slips out of Matty's swollen hole, the sudden change in temperature and pressure a shocking contrast to being inside of the older man.
"Matty?" George asks when the other man stays slumped over in his arms. He rolls him onto his back so he can see his facial expression for the first time in far too long, but he's met with a blank stare. "Love - you okay?"
All of George's previous distress instantly evaporates when he realizes Matty might not be all right, instead; panic takes its place. He instantly pushes away everything to do with himself, focusing solely on Matty, who if he had to guess, seems to have slipped into some form of subspace. His dazed expression is the first clue, along with the fact that he's not responding to verbal stimuli.
George had a previous sub who couldn't talk at all when they went under, and that's the only thing he can think of that might explain Matty's odd behavior. It's possible he's simply exhausted too, or too drunk to respond, but George has seen Matty in much worse states, and he has a nagging feeling that this isn't caused by liquor or weariness, but by him.
"Fuck - Matty, come back to me please?" George begs. He isn't in the right head space for this, he hadn't been trying to dom Matty, he'd just needed to release some tension, but apparently, none of that mattered, and his actions had been enough to push Matty over the edge.
When Matty still stays quiet, George decides to take action. He stands up quickly, tucking Matty safely under the duvet while he strides across the room in search of a flannel, putting the kettle on when he passes the kitchen in the hopes that the smell of coffee will pull Matty out of his trance. He finally finds a suitable towel which he wets with warm water. He brings it back to the bed so he can begin cleaning Matty off, but when he reaches his arse, he sees something that has him flinching away from the pale skin.
There is blood coming from Matty's hole, tinting the come leaking from it an off-pink color. It's not a lot, but it's there. George had hurt him...he'd made him bleed. His hips are bruised too, fingerprint shaped patterns are scattered across his pale skin thanks to George's tight grip.
No wonder he was in subspace; the pain mixed with the multiple orgasms must have pushed him over the edge. There isn't a lot of blood - thank god for that. Matty probably tore slightly since George had been so rough with him, but it could have been so much worse.
George is suddenly overcome with a wave of dizziness. His stomach roils and his vision blurs as he tries to come to terms with the consequences of his actions. He'd taken out his own anger on Matty and wounded him in the process. Matty might not mind it now in his current state, but that doesn't change what George had done, and the fact that he's caused Matty actual harm has him feeling ill.
He can't stay here - not now. He doesn't deserve to occupy the same room as Matty, not after he'd hurt him. George hastily finishes cleaning the older man up, tucking him in once he's done before he bolts out of the confining space after hastily throwing in some clothes. Matty doesn't call after him, or even notice he's gone, he is still too far under, but he will be okay - physically at least.
George has no idea where he's going, but that's fine, it doesn't really matter. He lets his feet carry him far away from Matty, his chest heaving and his eyes stinging as he moves further away from his room. Tears begin streaming down his cheeks as he runs, his chest tightening and his insides twisting as he attempts to flee from his sins which he knows he'll never truly be able to escape from, not when the image of Matty bloody and bruised is permanently imprinted behind his eyelids.
I hope this update in some small way made up for my unexplainable absence. I will be working to finish this off sooner rather than later but life is a bit of a mess for me at the moment and I can't promise anything I can only tell you my intentions.
I love you all thank you for sticking with this.
- starr xx