Chapter Twenty Five
Sitting on the balcony, I sighed and wrapped the sheet around me tighter. Had I just done what I thought I’d done? Had I just slept with the ‘enemy’? I think so. I wasn’t sure how it had happened either – one moment I was here to see Beau, the next… God! Was I really that big of an idiot?
“Enjoying the view?” He asked, his voice low. It was as if he didn’t want to wake anyone up but I could hear the smugness in his voice. I was going to regret this.
“Of what? I can’t see anything and the sky just has some dots in it. What’s there to enjoy?” I snapped. I huffed and watched as my air flew out of my mouth like smoke. It was odd to think that in the summer, I would have been sitting outside, probably in my underwear and someone’s shirt, smoking and holding a can of cheap beer in my hand. Now, I was sat with a thin sheet wrapped around me, in a t-shirt with a guy who I’d slept with multiple times, and staring into the night without any harmful substances. How the times had changed in a few weeks.
“The peace. How beautiful everything is.” I saw him shrug out of the corner of my eyes. I started to splutter and snort.
“Seriously?” One eyebrow raised itself. “That sounds like absolute crap – especially coming out from your mouth.” Tristan laughed too, and I hated to admit it, but it sounded so lovely. It annoyed me just how perfect Tristan seemed – but there was a flaw underneath it all. I was going to find it and use it against him. Maybe that would get him off my back (and then I’d do the same to Will).
“Okay, you got me there. But seriously, it’s peaceful. Gives you time to think.” The latter was true, but then again, everywhere in this tiny village was quiet enough for you to think. Here, you just had the bonus of seeing twinkling lights from homes.
We stayed silent. I didn’t say another word, I just stared into the darkness and thought about where I would be in a couple of weeks time. And then in a couple of hours. The baby would have a gender (well, we would know what the gender was) and then I’d have to start thinking of names, clothes… and baby stuff. My head hurt thinking about future arguments and I couldn’t imagine what was going to happen at the birth (but let’s just ignore the fact I was going to have to push a baby’s head out of a tiny hole). It was those sort of things which made me realise that I couldn’t let Tristan and Will argue… something had to change, and soon.
A trill broke the silence. I recognised it as Tristan’s phone (it wouldn’t have been mine, I never had my phone on sound). Tristan picked it up, glanced at the screen, sighed and then put it back, face down. I’d seen that look many a time – I’m guessing a certain somebody was seeking his attention.
“What’s Sophia saying?” Why brush around the bush? I hated to tiptoe around certain topics – just say it out loud and get it done. It’s like ripping a plaster from a wound – yes, it hurts at first but you get over it. A small amount of intense pain was better than it being dragged out.
“It wasn’t Sophia.” He rushed out.
“So show me the text then.” I was convinced it was Sophia – his reaction told me everything. If I was wrong, then fine. But not until I saw the text as proof.
“Why?”
“Why should I?” Defensive, defensive! That was always a sign that someone was hiding something and Tristan was no different. In more than one way, we were all exactly the same.
“You don’t have to.” I shrugged. “But then… I’ll know you were texting Sophia.” Silence followed. Tristan didn’t say or do anything. Neither did I. As I sat there, in an awkward silence, I began to get chillier. Getting sick of the silence, I rushed off the chair and power walked into Tristan’s room before stopping mid-way to the bed. What was I doing?
“Are you staying or going?” I heard him shout from the balcony. What was I going to do? My brain was pulling me one way, and a certain part of me was pulling the other.
~ x ~
“There you go. Right there, is your baby.” I stared at the black and white screen. I couldn’t get around the fact that living inside me, was an actual baby. Last time, I couldn’t make out much but I could see a head and a tummy and it was just… weird. There was an actual being inside me.
“Are you sure you don’t want Will in to see this? I’m sure it would mean a lot to him.” It was Beau’s third attempt to try and convince me to let the squabbling toddlers into the room, but again I shook my head. I could hear them outside the room bickering and after last night, I couldn’t face either of them – there would be gloating, shouting and God knows what else.
“No. And anyway, he doesn’t care.” I was convinced that Will only cared about the baby because he wanted to be the ‘bigger’ man – which was pretty bizarre. I was absolutely certain that if Thom or Mason got someone pregnant, they’d be running a mile. Actually, I knew that Mason would run because when some random fling accused him, he flipped out, smashed his phone on the floor and ran. It was extreme but that’s what I’d expected Will to do. Or at least deny being the father. But no. Life just didn’t work out for me like that.
“Pretty sure he does.” I refused to answer Beau – he could try and persuade me all he wanted but nothing was going to change my mind. I wanted some peace because I knew that as soon as I left this room, all hell would break loose.
I turned away and looked at Dr. Abbott. “Is this when I get to know whether I’m referring to it as a ‘he’ or ‘she’ now?”
“Are you sure you want to know? Some mothers like a surprise.” He asked. I shook my head. I would rather know if it was a boy or girl – at least then I could start to prepare (I still hadn’t gotten anything – when was the right time to start?). “Alright, well, congratulations because you’re having a girl!”
Where I was silent, Beau whooped like I’d never heard anyone whoop. The door burst open, and two figures were fighting to get through first. Neither was winning and the doorframe was probably dying to split and break with the pressure it was having to deal with. Holding in a sigh, I turned to Beau. “Time to be thinking about names, huh?” Smiling and happily chirping on about something or the other, I left Beau to himself and turned to Dr. Abbott.
“So are you happy with the gender?” He asked, and I replied with a simple shrug. I didn’t feel anything – I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t sad… nothing. Why didn’t I feel anything?
“It’s not like I had a choice. But… I guess so.” A fake smile, to show that I wasn’t empty of anything. What was wrong with me?! Wasn’t I supposed to be filled with joy?
Before the doctor could say any more, Tweedlee and Tweedledum spoke in unison. They were both stammering about how the baby was, what was said, why Beau was celebrating and looking like an idiot. There was no space that a noise didn’t fill and not even my own mind was silent – voices that weren’t my own flooded my mind.
“Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up!” My voice rose from a low to a low, almost shrieking sound. I just couldn’t take the noise. It was too much in too little a time. “Can you all just… shut up? Please?”
Surprisingly, (and thankfully) they listened and the whole room fell silent. Taking a deep breath in, and letting it free, I turned to the Tweedles, one who looked like they were about to burst.
“What’s the gender? Did you find out?” Will could have popped any moment. It would have been a lot easier if he had, to be honest. It would be one less male suffocating me.
“Girl.”
“A girl?” Disappointment was evident in his voice. I almost pulled a face and asked him why it would have mattered so much, but I couldn’t be bothered. And I wouldn’t have time because only seconds later he carried on giving his unwanted opinion. “Well, that’s alright too. At least the gene will be passed on.”
Tristan ‘nudged’ (meaning, he put all the power he could into his elbow) Will, who then looked confused and in a lot of pain. There was some sympathy, but not enough for me to shout at either of them. I wondered why Tristan had hit Will at that moment – was it something he’d said or was it just for his own amusement? Only they knew, I suppose.
“Obviously. It’s your kid, it’s – I mean she’s – your kid, so she’s going to have some of you in her. Unfortunately.” My tone suggested that it was obvious and that his comment wasn’t needed. I mean, who even says ‘the gene will be passed on’? Wasn’t that old school talk with male lines or something? I didn’t dwell on it though, I wanted out of this room. “Anyway, doc, what’s next then?”
Dr. Abbott looked slightly rattled, staring at Will and Tristan but he shook his head, took off his glasses and cleaned them, before resting them on his nose and going through the next stages.
“Well, at five months you’ll be feeling more nausea, more aches and so on. Also, your pelvis is going to widen so there might be some aching there too. Your baby girl, I assume you don’t have any names yet, will probably be able to respond to specific noises. You can talk to her and try to create a bond, which is always a bonus. The main thing I would say is to keep yourself calm, and try not to wear yourself out.”
“Keep myself calm? I’m calm enough!”
“From what I’ve been hearing, you’re getting angry quickly and with the arrival of Will, Beau tells me you’ve been quite stressed.” I turned to glare at Beau before the doctor stopped me. “I wouldn’t scold your friend, if I were you. It’s important for me to know that, and from what he’s mentioned it seems that over the past couple of months you’ve been under a lot of pressure. It’s very unlikely to happen, especially since your baby is strong and healthy, but a lot of stress might affect the health of your child.” Nodding, I made a mental note to not be so quick to anger. I knew it was true (it was obvious) and I also knew that I was supposed to be calming myself down more, trying to be rational.
“Okay. Is there anything else?”
“Just scheduling the next appointment. In about five weeks time I’ll need to see you again. 11th of March? How’s that sound?”
“Yeah, just book it.”
“And remember, any queries or worries, just come and find me.” Again, I nodded and he smiled before we bid farewell, for now.
It was only as we all started walking down the hallway that an argument started to form. I had no idea what caused it or what it was about but all I knew was that I might not have been able to keep my promise to Dr. Abbott. Keeping calm with two toddler-like adults was not going to be an easy task. But I wasn’t doing it for me. I was doing it for my baby girl.
“So, how does it feel to know you’ve got a daughter?” Beau asked and then it hit me.
I’m going to have a daughter. I’m going to be a mummy.
Oh, God.
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I'm so terrible at updating! I'm so sorry - two months just breezed right by and I didn't even realise! (I also turned 19 during these months.. feeling old now!)
Hopefully this chapter is worth the read - and I hope you all enjoy it!! xx