"Caught in a lie
Pull me from this hell
I can’t be free from this pain
Save me, I am being punished"
-Lie
Jungkook checked the inner pocket of his suit again.It was there,It was still there.He took his seat in the front row between Hoseok and Taehyung.He was noticing things,Something was going on,Jin and Namjoon were trying to hide something.They are gaurding Yoongi from everyone.Someone was speaking over the microphone but he couldn't quite register what he was saying.His mind was all over the place.His eyes travelled to Taehyung who was intensely listening to Jihyun though he tapped his foot once in a while.Jungkook shifted in his seat and turned his gaze to Hoseok.Hoseok was texting someone.He couldn't see who but there were no replies ,Just long long messages from Hoseok's side.
"To whom are you texting,Hyung?",Jungkook asked.He saw Hoseok panicking immediately as he turned off his phone and snuck it into his pocket.
"Noone",he breathed.Jungkook's eyes still scanned Hoseok as realization hit him.
"You are texting Jiminie Hyung!"
"No,am not",Hoseok said turning away from Jungkook and focusing ahead instead.
"Every life’s a movie
We got different stars and stories
We got different nights and mornings
Our scenarios ain’t just boring"
-Reflection
Namjoon kept fumbling on his blazer.
"Are you okay?",Jin asked from across Yoongi,"what's wrong?"
Namjoon stayed quiet,refusing to meet Jin's eyes.Jin said,as if he was reading Namjoon's mind,"You don't have to do this if it bothers you so much"
Namjoon sighed as he chose to acknowledge Jin.
"'am the leader,I don't have a choice"
"That's what you think",Yoongi drawled.Namjoon and Jin stared at Yoongi as if he spoke an alien language.
Yoongi straightened up,"You do have a choice.You always did.The thing was even when you had choices,better choices,You didn't settle to the easy way out.Eventhough am older than you,You made me feel like I could look upto you too",Yoongi straightened up a bit and smiled,which was outright weird.It looked close to insanity but his eyes were soft,It had all the love in the world for his brother.
"Thanks Namjoon for not walking out on us even when you had the chance"
Even Before Namjoon could process any of Yoongi's words properly,Someone tapped on his shoulders urging him to take the podium.He crumbled up the speech he had written last night as he went.He cleared up his throat and took in the crowd.His five brothers sitting upfront.He had a sudden urge to run back to them and hug them tightly.Instead he smiled lightly before he started.
"Saying Goodbyes when you are not ready is really the hardest thing.But I guess we will never be really ready to say goodbye to the people we love.And today I am not ready too,though I have accepted it.People deal with grief in their own ways and heal differently.And the guilty about if am allowed to be happy,I know ...we all have that.My friend is gone,am I allowed to smile again? And I don't know the answer to that.But if I have learned anything in life,it is that we all deserve to be happy,be loved and be healed-"
"We will together get past this pain and live our lives,not just for us,for him too.The days he didn't get to see,let's see for him.The moments he didn't get to feel,let's feel it for him.The roads he didn't get to travel,let's walk it for him..for he is with us,in our hearts and our thoughts.That's something death can't take away from us.Jiminah,Live through me",Namjoon concluded and smiled slightly.For a weird reason,that put smile on most people's face although tears streamed down their faces.
When Namjoon got down,Jimin's mother engulfed him into a hug and Namjoon let himself relax into her hug.The heaviness of his heart was lifting.Jin took the podium next.He looked like he had so much in his mind and he was still debating on what he should say.He fixed the microphone couple of times nervously.
"I replied, no, I’m so afraid
Still, I hold the 6 flowers tightly in my hands
I, I’m just walking, I said
Oh no"
-Awake
"Um...You know,Life is unpredictable.Always holding the mystery of what's gonna happen next.And it is the same pain that will haunt me for the rest of my life.That morning when he left,we had a fight...Jimin never goes overboard with me but that day something must have ticked him off.We said things we didn't mean.After he left, I regretted.But I knew that this fight and the conversation is just gonna be something we could laugh about in the future",Jin stopped and took a breath,"I didn't know what life had in stock for me.
I cooked his favourite food and waited to apologize.But he never came home.I remember waiting by the stairs only to have Namjoon run to me and tell me that he's gone.I don't know how to live on knowing the last thing I told my brother was to get out of my life and that's exactly what he did...Now,now..I don't have a chance to tell him that I didn't mean it,Now I can't tell him I love him even when he's a prat sometimes",Jin smiled as his tears kept coming,"Never ..never leave words hanging,love unexpressed.Forgive quick.Don't bear the pain forever for tomorrow one of us might cease to exist.I wish it was me Jiminah..But like Namjoon said,Live through me.Hyung loves you .."
"After the dawn, two of us
We welcomed the morning together
Don’t let go of my hand forever
I won’t let go of you again either"
-First Love
Yoongi took his place.He looked unsure as to why he was there.He fumbled upon the paper he had in his hands and spoke,
"Ah,Jiminah..We both know am your favourite hyung so ..um,choose me to live through.These idiots' lives are boring.I am sorry,I broke a promise I made,I wish I could go back in time and undo it.But if am really wishing for things now,I'd rather go back in time to drag you back into this hell hole again..."He stopped as if he just realized what he was saying.He scratched his head and continued,"what I really mean is..I miss you and I wish you were here" He turned to look at Hoseok,beckoning to take after him.And so did Hoseok.The air about Hoseok had changed a lot,he didn't smile a lot now,just his muscles straining to display something close to a smile.He adjusted the microphone and turned to Jin for encouragement.Jin was still wiping off his tears but smiled at Hoseok.Hoseok took a deep breath.
"Now you can lean on me
I’ll always be by your side"
-MAMA
"What do I say? Are you here somewhere? watching us breakdown? I can almost see your wicked smile.Or are you hurt too that you are leaving now.Jiminah,Where are you? Come out already,This game is going on for too long.I forgot how my life was before you showed up now I don't know how to go back to it",Hoseok put his head down,"I only remember the stories we spoke into the midnight...I only remember you walking in with a cake and lit candles...I only remember the times with you,what do I do now? How do I survive - "Hoseok broke down completely and Namjoon got to him first pulling him into a hug.Hoseok put his hands over his eyes and cried into Namjoon's chest.
"Deeper, deeper, the wound just gets deeper
Like pieces of broken glass that I can’t reverse
Deeper, it’s just the heart that hurts every day
You who was punished in my stead
You who were only delicate and fragile"
-Stigma
It was Taehyung's turn now.He didn't get off the seat,instead he shook his head at Jin.
"Don't you wanna say Goodbye to him?",Jin asked. Taehyung shook his head again.Jin sighed and nodded at Jungkook.
Jungkook exhaled deeply as he stepped infront of the crowd.Everyone expecting him to say something nice or rather they all wanted to hear something that will put them in pain and tears.Everyone wanted to get hurt.Jungkook didn't know why he was thinking about it in such an aspect.Maybe it's his way of shielding.He said in a low voice,"I am not good with words,And hyungs always say I can't express my emotions well enough so I decided to read a letter Jiminie hyung wrote to me some years ago on my birthday.It's my most precious treasure",He pulled the letter from his suit pocket,smoothed it on the podium.
He read,
" Dear Jungkookie(Muscle pig),
It's your favourite and the best hyung Jimin.Don't tell the others though,I wish to live a bit more.First of all,Happy Birthay Jungkookaaah,Our Golden Maknae.You know I love you a lot,right?
I was thinking about a lot of things lately,somedays ago I heard Hobi hyung and Yoongi hyung talking about times when we'll get old.And I started thinking too.I'll be back in Busan,that's where I wanna spend my old age.And I hope you will come back too.We will walk through the shore watching sunset,Kekeke,Imagine that.Old us.And when I get too old to walk,you have to carry me around,Aroso? You will still be a muscle pig,so it's a piece of cake for you.We will ride to Seoul together for Bangtan gettogethers and all..Ah,Mianhae..am getting ahead of myself.What I really meant is that we will always be together no matter what,even if we are old and grey and in your case,ugly too.I hope you have a great day and wonderful life ahead.Let's walk the flower paths forever.I love you a lot,really a lot ( makes Jihyun jealous). Hyung will always be there for you.
Your's Handsome Hyungiee
Jimin sshi
Ggukkie Ggukkie Kookie day"
Jungkook folded the letter and smiled lightly,"Hyung...You lied"
"I feel like dying
When my brother is sad
When my brother is sick
It hurts more than when I am sick"
-Begin
A/N:April is my exam month..so I wont be uploading for a while now.Pleas leave comments...Love you all,Sorry for making you cry.To compensate I have added some pics for yaaaa