She was born in an impoverished village. The village had been ravaged by a long-forgotten war, leaving helpless elders, women, and children after all the able-bodied men had been recruited into the army.
It took the new Emperor, who was an Enlightened hailing from Wu Shan sect, more than a decade after he took the throne to placate the warring states in the continent. Finally, peace was granted onto the Zuo Dynasty and its many territories, even years before she was born. But the village, like many others that the glitter and glamor of the new Imperial City could not reach, was still forgotten. Time seemed to have stopped in that village for her, and for everyone else still living there. For the rest of the world, they did not exist.
She was a rape baby. Her mother never failed to remind her of that fact, calling her filthy and disgusting. However, sometimes she was not sure if her mother had actually ever been forced into sex, because she saw many unfamiliar men visiting her decrepit house at times. During those times, her mother's repulsive moans did not sound like she was being laboured to do something against her will.
Given the state of her mother physique, emaciated and skeletal thin, she wondered how she could ever be born out of such a small body. It would make more sense if she was to perish in the womb, never seeing the light of day. Perhaps heavens just wanted her to be born in this forsaken world, so she could suffer further.
Her childhood was non-existent in between her mother's curses. Most of the time, she would rather sleep outside, under dried twigs and rotten leaves as her meagre source of warmth.
She did not like pain. If she was to stay inside the house, chances were, she would become her mother's kicking bag. No one in the village had ever paid attention as well; by instinct, all they wanted was to live one day longer, no longer caring of their fellow humans.
Those men that visited her mother were criminals, bandits, or whatever else people might call them as. However, when they were in good mood, after tasting the women in the village, they shared some grains. Those grains, that had to be cooked in substantial amount of dirty water from their well, could prolong the villagers' life if only for a few months, maybe more.
She was not the only child born of this so-called 'rape' either, although by chance, she was the only female. Other children also only knew how to survive by taking from others. When the bandits visited, they disappeared inside the female villagers' houses, leaving the children to their own devices. Whatever grains bestowed by the visiting men to her, were taken by other children. She could only let them take it without a fight. If she fought, she would get beaten. She did not like pain.
Perhaps her mother was one of the favorites for the men, she was not sure. There was nothing remotely beautiful for her in the village, nor did she understand the meaning. But finally, she learnt of the word 'beautiful', when she overheard the men chatting amongst each other, comparing the women in the village they had bedded.
"Small mouth, big eyes, willowy waist. If you ignore the ribs that I can count when I shag her and the empty sacks you normally call as breasts, she is actually a beauty." One man laughed boisterously, his breath reeking of something rotten.
The men sat around a fire, one they had made earlier to fight the night's bitter frost. The villagers, including her mother, stayed indoors, consuming the grains that had been gifted to them by the bandits. However, although her hunger had subsided from her meal, she still felt cold. Therefore, she subconsciously walked closer unsteadily towards the warmth.
"Isn't that your whore's child?" One man exclaimed, noticing her small frame walking towards them.
She was older than what she looked physically, but she still walked in a slight limp. In her toddler years, not even her mother had taught her how to walk properly. The fabric that clung to her skeletal frame was not even a proper piece of clothing. It was tattered and filthy, exposing her frail arms and legs.
Despite that, under the light of the flickering fire, her young face looked unprecedently bright to the men, the dirt stained exposed skin glimmering like jade,
"This child... is a beauty isn't she?" One swallowed his saliva, his eyes glinted with lust.
"A daughter of a pretty whore, turns out to be a beauty herself."
She did not understand what the men were talking about loudly at that time. The only thing she wanted, was for warmth of the fire.
Suddenly, her small body was pulled. In shock, she let out a small yelp of pain. But soon, she was embraced in warmth that she had been seeking for. Her body was locked in place, on the lap and in the arms of the man that had spent time with her mother earlier that day. The man's hands started to wander on her face and on her small body, but she could only sigh in content in the pleasant warmth of another human's contact.
The other men laughed as she let out a satisfied moan.
"She is also a whore!"
"You have a bad hobby, brother. Isn't she just a child?" Another clucked his tongue in mock pity.
"When I first had a taste of her mother five years ago, this child was the same size as now. I think she is actually now ripe." The man laughed, while still giving her warmth all over her body with his calloused rough hands. Then she gave a small squeak of protest as she was abruptly lifted in his arms.
"Don't fret, little girl. I will give you warmth." The man chuckled. The girl felt fear when she saw the drool on the corner of his lips and the hunger in his eyes, but if he was going to carry her someplace warm, she would not mind. The night's bitter cold was too painful. She did not like pain.
Later that night, she was not cold. She was burning. For once in her life, the warmth was smothering and painful. The uncovered area below her waist was searing with unprecedented pain she could not understand, that she could only cry. That area felt raw and hurting more than whenever her mother kicked her, her twiggy legs were still spread wide.
She did not like pain.
The man who had given her the fiery hotness she did not like at all, was snoring on top of her, crushing her small frame and suffocating her breath. His limbs still entangled her body in place. She wanted to get away from the source of pain.
Just like she ran away from her mother's house every day.
Just like she would rather give her portion of grains to the other children. It was better than to get hit.
She struggled to remove herself from the source of pain above her. The person on top of her grunted, chuckling deliriously in his half-sleep,
"Didn't you want to be warm?"
"No." She struggled still, but what did her strength mean in the arms of an adult burly man? "No. Don't want. Painful. Don't want anymore."
Only for her to be locked tighter in place, the man slurred in between his smelly breath, spit dripping on her face,
"It doesn't matter what you want or don't want. I want! And I always get what I want, otherwise I will destroy it!"
She froze, her eyes unblinking as she stared at the starless night sky. Nothing was beautiful.
There was chaos that night, the bandits ran all over the place in panic. A small number of cleanly garbed people arrived suddenly, sending most of the bandits to death. The new visitors were all men, but their heroic appearance was as if they had ascended from the heavens. All of them wore the same kind of garment: green-coloured robes.
One of them tried to stab the man on top of her, but as soon as the person saw that she was underneath, he quickly diverted his sword away. That caused the bandit to be able to gain whatever was left of his soberness and evaded the attack. He tried to reach for his cleaver, laying on top of his own garbs nearby.
The girl did not think further as she jumped faster to reach the cleaver, and decisively swung it towards the man's neck, sending the bandit to his death.
The green robed person – a middle-aged man with grey beard – looked at her in shock,
"Little girl. You are much too young to kill."
She stared back, tears were still in her eyes, "Painful. I hate pain."
The man sighed as he looked at her naked body and the dry red substance between her thighs. He signalled one of his other companions, and soon she was draped in a clean fresh-smelling cloak. The green colored robe giving her warmth was the first beautiful thing she had ever worn in her life.
"Shifu." The companion cupped his fists in respect, "All the bandits have been disposed of. What do we do with the villagers?"
"Let the Emperor deal with it. Their aid troops should not be too far. Our task is just to lend a hand to exterminate the bandits."
They turned to leave, but she clung to the person's robe, her big eyes blinking silent tears.
"Shifu. Isn't she pitiful? Should we take her with us back to the sect?" The other swordsmen started to coax the older man, whose robe was still being gripped by her. The younger swordsman, who had given her the green robe before, shoved two pieces of soft white buns into her arms, and she immediately let go of her hold to devour the most delicious food she had ever had. The young swordsman patted her head,
"By her look, she is probably younger than Ao Xiang. And we have not had any female disciple lately. Shifu, why don't we take her back?"
"Liu Yan, if we bring with us all the children we took pity on, there would never be an end of it." The older man sighed, "Besides, doesn't she still have a mother?"
The old man pointed at a woman – dirt on her face hiding her pale countenance. However, one could see that despite the malnourished body, the woman's face still showed whatever was left of her natural beauty. Big eyes, small nose, and what must have been a beautiful smile if not for the few teeth missing when she opened her mouth. Similar physical beauty could also be seen on the little girl's face. The swordsmen could see that they were both blood related.
There was a fleeting trace of disgust on the young girl's face as her mother walked towards her. She knew that the woman only wanted to snatch her meal that she had received, and perhaps the green cloak she still had draped around her body.
Beautiful things, should be hers only.
That day, the girl found out that by adjusting her expression a certain way, by speaking a certain way, she could gain sympathy from those swordsmen. The younger ones were way more susceptible to her bright eyes and her effort in acting spoiled. And with the men around, her mother did not dare to get close.
She felt warm, and it was a pleasant warmth, unlike the painful one the other smelly man had given her.
However, despite how she begged and showed her pleading expression, Liu Yan and his Shifu – Sage Guang Wu – only promised her things would get better when the Imperial troops arrived. That she should stay with her mother and support each other.
She wanted to leave.
She managed to coax the men to stay for a few days though, for them to wait until the so-called Imperial troops arrived. One day, when the swordsmen temporarily left the village to rendezvous with the aid troops a distance away from the village, the girl took the cleaver she had hidden. It was the cleaver she had used get rid of the man who had given her the painful heat a few nights before.
She wanted to leave the village. If she stayed, her mother would be her new source of pain. Nothing would get better.
She decisively entered her house with the cleaver in hand.
When the troops and the swordsmen returned, they found her crying in her house, sitting by her mother's bloody corpse. A couple of corpses of other children were also inside the house, the cleaver was still being gripped in the palm of one of deceased children.
She cried and between her sobs, the swordsmen gathered the story that the children tried to steal food the woman had hidden inside her house. Indeed, as far as they could see, dirty buns and cracked bowls spilling grains were strewn on the already blood-soaked rotting wooden floor.
She finally managed to leave the village with the men, but not to the so-called sect that the swordsmen had been speaking about.
One of the soldiers from the aid-troops ended up taking her back to another town, claiming that he wanted to adopt her as his daughter.
Deciding that it would be the best outcome for the girl, the swordsmen returned to the sect, promising her that they would visit her in the town when they could.
The little girl herself did not have a name. She had always been called, "filthy", "brat", or "daughter of a whore" in her village. The soldier and his wife already had a daughter, whose appearance looked older a few years above her. She always heard her new adoptive parents calling their blood daughter as "Ah-Lian".
She liked how it sounded, her new parents' tone was always full of warmth when they called 'Ah-Lian'.
She wanted warmth. Although she was fed much better and her clothes were now clean and pretty, she noticed that Ah-Lian's clothes were prettier, Ah-Lian's food portion was more than hers. When she protested, the couple and Ah-Lian had laughed at her then. Ah-Lian said that it was only natural, because Ah-Lian's body was bigger and thus needed more food. Ah-Lian had already reached puberty, a young woman. Hence, her feminine and prettier clothes were necessary.
When the couple wanted to name her, she kept telling them that she liked the word 'green'. After all, she still kept that green robe and used it to cover her body at night. Therefore, they called her 'Ah-Qing'.
Ah-Lian and Ah-Qing went to a temple in town one day, for Ah-Lian to offer prayers to the gods to protect their father who was going to leave for another aid mission.
There was a lotus pond in the vicinity of the temple. Ah-Lian pointed at the blooming lotus and smiled,
"Ah-Qing. Did you know that father and mother named me after the lotus flower? They bloom hardily above the thick mud sitting at the bottom of the pond. Despite the ugly mud and pool of water that would have drown any other plants, this flower does not give up to bloom. And despite the dirt that might be underwater, people could see the brilliance."
Ah-Qing stared at the lotus flowers, their fully bloomed petals bobbed on top of the murky water surface.
She smiled back at Ah-Lian, "Ah-Lian. I like your name."
She wanted Ah-Lian's name. A beautiful flower that grows on top of mud, hiding all the filth under water. She was more fitting to be that flower, was she not? Everyone else, was just mud.
A few days later, there was a fire in her house at night, when the town was silent during the people's respite of slumber. It quickly consumed the predominantly timber abode. By the time the neighbours managed to put out the fire, they found Ah-Qing crying her heart out in front of the house.
"I went out to the washroom to pee. Then there was smoke. Then there was fire. I ran to Ah-Lian's room, then to father and mother's room. I tried to open the door, but I could not open them. Then it got too hot that I stared to lose breath and ran... ."
They noticed both of her palms scorched with burn and soot. The town-people clucked their tongue in pity. They knew that Ah-Qing was already an orphan before, and now she seemed to turn an orphan once again.
None of them wanted to adopt her though, as superstitious as they were, they feared the girl was a harbinger of bad luck, given the fate of the small family that had adopted her.
Nevertheless, they cleaned the burnt house, buried the charred corpses of her adopted family, and rebuilt a small structure for her to live in. The townspeople pitched in food and living resources for her to get by.
Despite everything that had happened, they were fond of Ah-Qing. She was pleasant and had her way with words. She could always gain sympathy and took the hearts of the townspeople, though this applied more to the men than the women.
Nevertheless, time passed relatively peacefully for Ah-Qing.
One day, Liu Yan visited the town with a few of his martial brothers. They found out what had happened to the soldier who had adopted Ah-Qing. Liu Yan decided to bring her back to the sect, even if he were to brave punishment from Sage Guang Wu for making such a decision by himself. After all, only the Sages could decide whether or not to take in a disciple.
It turned out, it was a correct decision, at least for Liu Yan. Ah-Qing was well-received by his junior martial brothers. Even the quiet Ao Xiang was taken with her as soon as he saw her for the first time.
Liu Yan's Shibo, Sage Guang Wu, decided to take Ah-Qing under his tutelage. He kept mentioning that there was some trace of similarities between Ah-Qing and an already deceased ex-disciple he used to have. When Sage Guang Wu met Ah-Qing, he asked for her full name. Ah Qing smiled,
"My name is... ."
----------
The young woman stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her hair was adorned with various gems, one of them a hairpin in the shape of a phoenix, its gold tails swaying every time she moved.
"A Golden Phoenix fit for an empress," she chuckled lightly. The smile that graced her lips was demure and soft, as she languidly touched the phoenix hairpin on her hair.
She had wanted to leave her childhood.
She had wanted to leave her mother.
She had wanted Ah-Lian's name.
"If I wanted something, I would get it. If I couldn't get it, I would destroy it."
The memory of the person who said exactly the same thing to her a long time ago, was now a blur. She did not want to remember the night with the scorching pain either.
She had changed. And she was not willing to turn back to that freezing cold pain.
She lazily looked at the room she had been assigned to. Light green silk sheets, wood smelling incense, reminding her of the forest she had grown to love back in the sect. However, the forest, the sect, was not big enough for her. She wanted more.
She walked out of the room and greeted a young woman – if one could call the other as that. The person who had been waiting for her was still in her teen years, the latter's face was beautiful and youthful.
"Shan'er mei-mei. I have not seen you for a while," she walked gracefully towards the other, spreading her arms and pulling the latter's body into her bosom.
She liked Zuo Shan'er, she truly did. The Princess had a pure mind, so pure that it was so easy to corrupt her, to sow seeds of greed. Truly suitable to be a lifelong friend. Though how long would a lifelong be, was entirely up to her.
The Princess looked at her, guilt and nervousness visible from her stiff body in her embrace. She knew that the latter also liked the warmth, but she also knew that she was not the warmth the Princess sought for. Nevertheless, she was willing to lend a hand.
And the reason for Zuo Shan'er's nervousness? She could tell. After all, they now shared the same bond. The bond that she had passed onto Zuo Shan'er; the bond that Liu Yan had passed onto her at the Land of Yan Shi, years ago.
"Don't worry. She is a yin maiden anyway. I don't even know if you'd be able to subdue her even if you were able to touch her. Be patient, mei-mei. Your goal should be the Young Prince, right?"
Zuo Shan'er's eyes swirled with darkness that reflected her own. The Princess nodded.
"It will take a while to convince Lei that what we have is truly beautiful. But one day, he will understand. He will become yours. He will become ours."
The Princess finally left her room, feeling assured.
She walked towards her bed and gently caressed a piece of green colored robe. It was a man's outer robe of the sect she used to be in. The color had faded a little, but she had taken care of it ever since she received it years ago from Liu Yan.
Liu Yan. Her kind, reliable DaShixiong. He was the one who had given her a place full of her favorite colour. Although in the end he died a dog's death, he was also the one who had given her this wonderful bond. Before he disappeared beyond the bottomless pit of dark crevasses in that cave, an indescribable surge of power surged into her body. It was almost as if she received a sudden qi boost. The qi contained Liu Yan's own, and countless others that she did not know. Liu Yan must have found this power by chance too; perhaps when he was sent by Sage Guang Wu for a mission at the Land of Yan Shi, a long time ago.
The power was swirl of collective consciousness that gave warmth to her soul, that emboldened her and gave her courage to keep seeking for more warmth, for more people to share it with. She grew stronger, and she sought for more.
Taking life forces out of the people she butchered in the forest was too easy. Ruining their faces that would give away their physical identities was too easy. Their life forces have now become hers, and for her to share with people she wanted to corrupt.
Finding one who had similar physique to her was a bit harder, but in the end, the heavens favoured her.
She wanted.
Zuo Shan'er wanted.
Zuo JinLong wanted.
This want, this greed, was warm and pleasant. Therefore, she gave them a hand. However, although the Emperor seemed to favour her, it still proved to be more difficult to corrupt Zuo JinLong. The old man had a cultivation base that almost broke through to Sageism after all. Even by entangling their limbs and exchanging direct bodily fluids at night, was not enough for her to pass this wondrous power to Zuo JinLong, to link him to her desire. The man was too stubborn and too prideful. Luckily, he was good looking enough despite their age difference. After all, he was a high-ranked Enlightened that had little concept of getting physically old. His own warmth that he gave her almost every night did not feel too bad either, a powerful Yang energy that ignited fire in her body. It was different to the scorching pain she experienced in that forsaken village, a long time ago.
The only thing she hated, was that Zuo JinLong had been calling her by another name, although he was undoubtedly indulging in the comfort of her body.
Zuo Shan'er said, that name was the late Empress'. Apparently, she had a few points of similarities with the late Empress', her Shifu's past disciple who was a genius alchemist. No wonder Shifu had always looked after her well.
"Actually, it is not Shifu anymore, is it? Just a temporary bond that was brittle. This power however, is absolute. I don't need to pretend anymore."
Regardless, one could say she was fortunate that she was similar to that Empress that the Emperor seemed to love a lot. Otherwise, what was the chance that she would be admitted to the Palace, and for the Emperor to turn a blind eye and say nothing further about her supposed death she had fabricated at the sect? She just had to say a few lies, plead for the Emperor to take her under his wings.
Just like that, she managed to integrate herself with the Emperor's retinues as they made their way back to the Imperial Palace. It was convenient as well that, with this power, her own qi signature was hidden. If she was careful and continued to hide herself, no cultivator would be able to find her. The Empress' red robe and the Phoenix head-crown could only be worn in hiding for now, but not for long. Sometime in the future, the world would be under her feet. Zuo JinLong would assist her tremendously.
Even without passing on her power to Zuo JinLong, he was already greedy. She liked him as he and herself, were alike. Imagine if she could get the powerful Enlightened to do her bidding. With this new power, she had all the time in the world. Mortality became a joke, she could play with the world however she wanted. She could want without end, she could take everything she wanted.
She stared at both of her palms. The scars were very faint, but in her inner palms, there were parts of her skin that were discolored. It was a reminder of the burn marks she had suffered years ago, when her adoptive parents and her sister were burnt alive inside her house.
Back then, she had set some chairs and long wooden planks against the couple's and Ah-Lian's doors. Ah-Lian did not put up a fight. She heard Ah-Lian screaming and coughing as soon as the smoke was getting dense, and soon there was no sound from inside her room.
The couple was more difficult though, they almost broke through the wooden planks she had set to barricade their door. As the fire was getting bigger, she had to muster all of her strength to hold those planks in place. Even the heat from the burning fire, scorching both of her palms as she put her weight against the door, was not that painful.
She smiled and chuckled. The mud had turned to dust. She had continued to live and bloom. Finally, she was granted this power. It was definitely destiny.
She had heard that the Emperor and her ex-Shifu referred to this power as malice.
For her, it was liberation.
----------
----------
Runexi's notes:
OLiNE reached 1M read. Thank you (❁'ω'❁) It was a similar euphoric feeling I had when I had my first 100 readers, or first follower. Lol. Truly happy a lot of people enjoyed that story.
Lotus is one hardy flower. This lotus wouldn't go away that easily.
This chapter relates to my profile's rambling. A person does not get corrupted upon birth. This is the lotus' way to survive. Otherwise, she would be pulled underwater, no longer be able to show her beautiful bloom. She would just be mud she was born of.
Who could blame her?
But to drag other people into mud so she could bloom on top of their corpses, had she really lived her life as she wanted? Perhaps. We could only judge, or not judge.