I'm standing in the dungeon. Alone. I see the crowd of strangers walking passed me, playing with each other and looking at me like I'm the shiny new toy. It's exactly like when I went with Mace. I recognise Ratchett, leaning against the beam I had found him at when I got out of the bathroom last weekend. This time, I don't walk to him. I already know what is going on.
I walk forward slowly, afraid but knowing what I will find. Whipping sounds make me jump in surprise. They are loud and they electrify the whole flat. The music isn't loud enough to cover it. I hear the whip again, but this time it's followed with a cry. It's so loud and strident, I don't understand why people just stand there and watch. Because that's what they do, they walk passed me to get a better view.
I walk towards the attraction that has my blood freezing in my veins. I hear it again, the cry. I recognise him. My heart drops to my heels as I recognise Marcel's cry of torture. I push everybody out of my way and the flat seems unrealistically long. I run through the crowd for what seems like endless minutes. I start to lose hope as to if I'll ever get to him. I do, but as soon as I see him, I regret this sight of him.
He is standing like Jesus Christ during the crucifixion. He has both arms tied up to the St.Andrew's cross, as well as his ankles. I can't see his face, his back faces the crowd, but his head falls to the side with a grimace of pain. I run to his side and take his face between my palms.
"Oh my God, Marcel.... Why do you let this happen to you?" I say to him, struggling to keep my tears inside. I must be strong for him. I must get him out of this!
He doesn't dare look at me. I see the shameful grin on his face. I try to erase it with a kiss and then another and walk around to see the damage that has been done to him.
I shut my eyes close, my stomach in my throat. This is horrible. Tears fall from my eyes as I see all the blood on his tattooed skin.
"Isn't he beautiful?" I hear Kate's voice from behind me.
Such feeling of disgust overtakes me. My heart pounds loudly in my chest. All the rage I have inside me right now can push me to just murder her right there and then. I feel so terribly angry and profoundly mad.
"How fucking dare you!?" I let out between my teeth and look back at Marcel.
I walk closer to him and see how the whips have stroke him enough to cut him hard, making his skin bleed. The tattooed wings are cut and hidden behind thick tears of blood dripping down to his bare bum.
"I'm painting the canvas." She says to me from behind my back.
I feel a dagger in my heart. I don't realise how literal the pain becomes until I feel her hand press on my shoulder to thrust the blade deeper through my organ of love. I cry out the pain, putting both of my hands on my chest as if it could help my heart beat.
I hear Kate laugh next to my ear, but thankfully it grows farther from me and I get some liberty to get closer to my beloved.
"Marcel... We don't have long." I murmur, wincing from the pain and try to reach for the tie around his left hand. "I'm going to free you. You will only have a little time to escape before she finds you again."
He rolls his head back, showing me how little energy he has. I try to forget my pain, adrenaline helping me a little, to free his other hand. The second both of his hands are free, he loses all posture. I try to keep him standing, but he collapse on my back as I try to undo his ankles. I cry out as he adds pressure on the dagger. It thrusts deeper through my heart. I seem to notice the blood overflowing out of my chest for the first time. I don't understand how I could be still alive with this pool of blood at my feet.
Finally, I free Marcel from the cross and push him on the ground to free my back from the pressure he was making on the dagger. He rolls on his side and finally looks at me.
"What happened to you?" He says to me with a voice that seems to regain energy.
"Kate..." I let out, but feel out of breath. I try to catch it but the dagger keeps me from keeping air in my lungs. "The dagger... Mace. Take it out."
He suddenly gains lots of energy and he rushes over me to help me. He takes a hold of the dagger, but my eyes flutter and I start to lose myself. I feel myself dying, exactly like I fall asleep. But Marcel awakes me by taking the dagger out which the pain electrifies my whole being.
"Grace! You can't leave me! You promised me you never would..." I hear him and the emotions in his voice break my heart more than it literally already is.
I'm dying. I feel it. I'll never see him again.
"I love you, Grace. Don't leave me!" He exclaims with more anger and desperation.
"Let her." Kate comes back, out of nowhere. I can't see anything. I start to feel like I'm falling from a cliff, seconds away from dying, seconds away from losing him forever.
"I love-"
***
I gasp for air as I straighten myself on the bed. The lamp on the night stand is still on, Marcel wakes up from the noise I am making. I'm hyperventilating. I breathe but never enough air. I'm sweating so much.
"Hey, Grace?" Marcel straightens himself to have a better look at me. "What's wrong?"
He puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me to him, but I push him away.
"I need to breathe." I get out of the bed and walk to the window. I open the curtain, not caring that I'm still naked.
I look for a handle and turn it to finally open the window. The air is fresh and humid. It takes a moment to get accustomed to it, but when I do, I relax instantly. I stay in front of the window about five minutes.
Once I've calmed down and I breathe normally, I am remembered of the dream I have just had. Shivers run through my body to see him with me and doing good. That makes me feel extremely relieved. It felt so true!
I close the window and come back to bed, looking at Marcel as I climb in front of him and sit there. He seems worried about what just happened.
"Sorry I pushed you away... I needed air." I apologise softly to him as I don't know where to stand about the dream. I don't know what to think about it.
"You got me so worried. I thought you were having a panic attack."
"Almost." I respond and look up at him. It's more of a stare as I see him in my head, still in pain. It felt so real! "I had a bad dream."
I tell him and get an idea. I straighten myself and crawl to him to climb on his lap. I push his chest for him to lay back on the bed and take a hold of both of his wrists captive under my hands.
"What about?" He frowns and tries to free himself from my hold, but I strengthen it which confuses him. He seems a little bit annoyed.
"Kate." Now, his annoyance is clear. He rolls his eyes at me. "She was hurting you and when I stepped in between, she killed me."
He shakes his head like I had said the stupidest thing. It fuels my fire.
"It's just a dream." He says and almost chuckles.
I tighten my grip on his wrists and lean closer to hover his face. I'm full on angry right now. He needs to know how I feel.
"It isn't just a dream. She really is killing me. Maybe not literally, but she's so important to you and she's using you. It kills me that you fight me over her. What is she giving you that I don't? Do you want to be dominated? Is that it?" I ask him with a tremolo in my voice, trading my hold on his wrist to bring a hand on his throat.
"Are you mad?!" He asks me furiously.
"Do you want me to be? Because she clearly is."
"No! Grace, stop this!" He lashes out at me with an anger I have never seen that strongly before. It scares me.
I let go of him and feel immediately ashamed. I feel bad and vulnerable and miserable. I take the duvet and cover my body with it. I climb down the bed and make my way to the chair a few feet away.
I didn't expect him to scream at me that way. I feel shaken to my core. Tears immediately fall from my eyes.
"I'm sorry..." I murmur hoping he won't stay mad at me.
I don't look at him. I hide my face in the blanket. But I can hear him step out of the bed. I hope he won't decide to leave and go back to London.... I'm surprised to hear him in front of me, until I feel his hands take the blanket away from my face.
"You don't have to be sorry." He says on his cold tone he uses with everyone, but usually not to me. "This is how you feel and there's nothing wrong with that. But it doesn't make it true."
Curiosity peaks inside of me. I wipe my cheeks and look up at him. His tone might be cold, but his body language isn't. He takes my hand and sets back his eyes into mine.
"Why would I want anyone but you, Grace?" I thought he had asked a rhetorical question, but he awaits my answer. I sniff softly and think about it, all my complexes come to my mind.
"Because I'm fat. Because I have issues. Because I don't have anything to offer you..."
"I'll stop you right there." He cuts me and chuckles, shaking his head. "Don't say you have anything to offer me, because that is the biggest lie you have ever said to me. You give me your trust, you give me your love and you give me your self. These three majors things you give me so openly and beautifully, I have never had before. You give me more than I have ever received. I secretly feel often undeserving of it. And forget about your issues and how much you weight. I don't care. You are beautiful, and strong, and so fucking intelligent. I would be a fool to ever choose anyone over you. Plus, you are so fucking sexy and I can't go a day without thinking about you, even less thinking about fucking you. Four days without you were hell."
"I thought I wasn't enough for you..."
"Are you kidding? You threw me out. It wasn't until I got your texts that I took it as an invitation and decided to bail on my plans."
"Your plans with her..."
"You don't understand."
"Every time we talk about her, I only see her naked with you."
"That isn't what it is!"
"Then why can't you tell me?!"
He takes a long moment to consider it. I open the blanket from around me and cover him to unite us in my cocoon of heat. I try to be sweet to convince him and it seems to work. He sighs heavily and leans his head to the side to look at me dead in the eyes.
"I have written a story and Kate wanted to publish it. I'm trying to get her back at the office so that I can be published by the company."
"That is amazing, Marcel. Why haven't you told anything before? What is it about?"
I get so overly excited that we share something else in common. I feel so immensely proud of him, certainly after the conversation I've hard with his mum last night. If he has always wanted to be a writer, then it's all the more inspiring that he finally makes it come true.
"You. From the moment you came into my life, you made me want to become another person. I wrote a story about it."
"You wrote a story about me?" I let out, not believing it, because nobody has ever done something so meaningful to me.
He nods with a shy smile. My heart skips a beat and I feel incredibly honoured. I can't believe this.
"I don't know what to say, except may I read it?"
"Not now, I'm rewriting it. When it's done. Kate has been teaching about how to be a better editor. That's why I had to meet frequently with her."
I squeeze three times the hand I am holding and bring it to my lips. It doesn't make me forget the horrible things she has done and how mean she is, but it helps me ease my mind to know she hasn't been fucking him each time they were together in the last months.
I lean in slowly for my lips to gently meet his. The contact is smooth and pulpy and so incredibly familiar. His lips have a nice salty taste to it. This simple act of having our mouths united makes my heart race in my chest. Will I ever get used to be loved by him? Maybe one day...
He parts from me and leans on his side, to reach for the rose that he brought last night, that had fallen when we got to bed. He comes back to me and I circle his shoulders with the blanket again to shield us from the cold and the world. He holds it between us and gently tap the flower on my nose.
"It's my favourite flower."
"I know." He smiles softly and offers it to me officially. I take it in my hand and bring it to my nose to smell the subtle scent. "And it isn't the only surprise I brought you."
I part from the proximity we share to have a better look on his face. I frown to him with a growing smile.
"What?"
"Since I knew about your plan to go see the boys and Eddy's gig tonight, I have invited Sophie to come with me."
"What?"
"I took her a room. It's under my name if anyone got suspicious about where I'm spending my nights."
"Nights? You are here for the weekend?"
"I wasn't joking when I said it was hard to be apart from you. It's like a day without daylight. The happy part of my day was missing."
"You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that. I can't believe how understanding you are." I smile and reach for his cheek to caress with the tip of my fingers. "Thank you."
"She told me you had called her, about the band. She seemed upset. She didn't say anything to me." He frowns, trying to get information from me. I debate whether or not I should tell him. It will make him upset, but I really wish to be truthful.
"Yeah.... It's a bit of the drama that's happened this week without you." I let out and sigh. He feels immediately interpelled.
"Tell me." He commands and I cringe a little to the idea to tell him about the shower and the kiss. I take my time, figuring out where to begin.
.