"Action!"
On cue, Grayson strolled across to a lonely basketball resting in the middle of the gym. The camera shifted its focus from him to the ball. He picked it up and gasped! Because the basketball was a-
"Bomb?" He scratched the back of his head, breaking character.
"Cut!" I yelled.
Chelsea, a video club freshmen I forced to be a crew member, lowered the boom pole. Mark hit the pause button on the camera and sighed.
"Seriously, Jake?" He ran a hand through his perfectly honey colored hair, "Lunch is over soon and I promised Karissa that I would eat lunch with her." Then he elbowed Chelsea and smirked, "You know how the ladies be."
"Dude, don't say that." I groaned and walked over Grayson, who mindlessly dribbled the basketball.
The gym was mostly empty, except for some gym teachers playing basketball at the other end during their free period. I was hoping I could edit out their intense grunts and yelling in post production. Or I could make it a silent film. The grunts sounded less athletic and more like porn.
Or I could turn the film into a porno. That would definitely make the college boards remember me.
Grayson shook his shaggy hair out of his eyes and smiled, "I hope this doesn't detonate."
I smacked the ball out of his hands.
"What's wrong Jakey?"
I groaned and covered my face with both hands, "Everything. All my college apps are due in two weeks and I have what? Two videos to show for my portfolio."
I kicked the basketball, "This is dumb. I need a better idea."
I sat down on the dirty gym floor and sighed. I was supposed to be the guy that had it all together, the guy who was done applying to colleges, early. I hadn't even written an essay for most of my applications.
I shouldn't have wasted all my time pinning over Mia.
Cause all that pining was for nothing.
What did I have to show for it? An idiotic video about a basketball being a bomb.
Grayson squatted beside me, his knees cracking. I winced. I hated the sound of bones cracking.
"You know," He said, "I don't mind acting in your videos for you, god knows you've asked me like thirty kazillion times."
"Kazillion isn't a number." I muttered.
"Regardless," Grayson continued, "Before getting the whole crew out here and missing lunch, maybe come up with an idea. Make something you're passionate about."
He effortlessly spun the ball on the tip of his finger, "Because let's be real. You don't care about sports, or bombs. You like bad romcoms and those weird movies with no plot."
I opened my mouth to object, but he held a finger to my lips and said, "Don't argue with me, you write some hella cute stories. Nothing to be ashamed of. Just come up with a video that's you."
He stood up and left, Mark followed after him.
"Later camera boy." Mark called, heading back to the cafeteria.
Chelsea timidly approached me.
"So uh, Jake," She said, giving me a hand up, "Do you need help editing this after school? I'm totally free, literally whenever."
She tugged nervously at the beanie covering short pixie cut.
I shook my head, "Thanks Chelsea, but I think we're gonna nix this idea and go back to the drawing board."
"Don't you mean," She paused, "the storyboard?"
I pretended to laugh as she snorted at her 'witty' video production joke. Storyboarding was how we planned out videos. It was kinda like drawing a comic book, except you draw out how the shot should look, who's in the shot, and the camera angles.
I mentally awarded Chelsea the best dad joke of the year award.
I patted her on the back, "Keep being you."
She smiled shyly, then headed back to the video room. I grabbed my camera and stared at it for a moment. It was sorta the biggest mistake of my life. You see, the year before, I told my dad I could not film with the camera he had gotten me for Christmas in eighth grade because it was for amateurs, but I didn't have enough money for a new one. Out of the blue, he said he would give me the rest of the money, I just had to pick a camera. Without doing any research, I bought what I thought was the coolest one because I was worried he would rescind his offer.
Unfortunately, the camera sucked and was insanely overpriced. But I didn't realize it until it was too late to return it. My mom told me it was a life lesson, that if you jump into things without thinking, you have to accept the outcome good or bad.
I just wished she had told me that before I bought the stupid camera.
I tucked it under my arm, not really caring if I dropped it and started to take down the tripod. I flipped the tripod upside down and pulled the tabs down holding the legs up. I watched the metal poles slide down as I thought about new video ideas. What story did I want to tell? Maybe I could document my horrible love life. Two failed attempts at love, the movie.
The bell rang, I heard the gym doors swing open as I shoved the tripod back in its bag. I felt someone tap on my back.
"Chelsea," I sighed, "I'm serious, it's fine, I don't need your help."
I was used to having Chelsea help with just about anything. She was too nice. It made me suspicious. No one was that nice. She was probably a cyborg sent from another planet to infiltrate and destroy humans.
"Chelsea?" A pretty voice chirped, "That's not how you pronounce Mia."
I spun around to face her, "Ha ha, very funny."
Talking to Mia was like a wave of emotions. A huge part of me felt this inescapable sadness, but an even bigger part knew that friendship was better than nothing. Whenever she was around, I felt my heart rip into two. I zipped up the tripod bag and headed towards the door.
Sometimes it was easier to not be around her.
But of course, she was trailing behind me.
"So Jake," She asked, "Are you gonna be at lunch tomorrow? I cannot listen to Wyatt talk about the speed of light or whatever comp sci is alone."
I felt the tripod slipping a little, so I paused to catch it. Mia grabbed my camera from underneath my arm, and I felt that touch I missed so much.
I had to get out of there.
"Maybe, I don't know. Depends on when I get this video done." I pointed to the clock above the gym door, "College deadlines, ya know."
"Wow really?" Mia said, fiddling with the strap of my camera, "I already committed to a school."
I smiled, "That's really great Mia."
Translation: Great. Every fricking person in this school knows what they're doing with their lives except me.
Without waiting for her response, I pushed open the door.
"Wait!"
I kept walking, my feet pounding against the linoleum.
"Jake, your camera." Mia panted, jogging beside me.
I stopped and took it from her. I looked at her for a second. She looked back at me, her eyes hiding behind her thick lashes.
"Well I have to go dress out for gym. But, I think chasing after you hit my quota of exercise for the day. See you around." She sighed and skipped back into the gym.
"Later." I nodded, and watched her disappear as she turned the corner.
Trudging into the video room, I slammed the door shut behind me and flopped down in a chair.
"Someone's a moody boy." Pona noted from his desk.
He didn't take his eyes off of the wrestling match he was editing.
Fun fact: Brandon lost miserably.
Chelsea, Mark, and a few other video kids were sitting in the studio too. The video room wasn't only my favorite place, but about half the student body's favorite. Whenever anyone had a free period, they were down there. Whether they took the class, or were in video club, the room had this silly wackiness that attracted everyone.
"If you go on about Mia James for one more second," Mark said with a threatening mobster impression, "Then I'll cut off ya legs. Ya hear me boy?"
Mark King was our latest addition. Not gonna lie, he surprised everyone. Mark was this super attractive, funny, popular guy who spent his school days with his equally popular friends and girlfriend. Junior year, he decided to take video production as an elective and found his true passion. In the process, he found his people.
Ignoring him, I took my computer out of my bag and said, "I need to start storyboarding a new idea. Anyone?"
"What if you do a video of us smashing Mark's ceramics projects?" White Gavin suggested from across the room.
White Gavin was your basic guy. He owned a lot of grey sweatshirts, wore the same pair of sneakers every day, and did the same pose in every picture. We called him White Gavin cause he was the epitome of white guys. White Gavin was secretly my favorite person within the inner video club circle.
"While they are very ugly vases, Mark gave those to Pona as a gift." I sighed, pointing to the lopsided bowl Mark had made in the beginning of the year.
All the video kids planned to smash it at the end of the year. We just hadn't run it by Mark yet.
"What if you go to the school dance?" Chelsea suggested, "You can buy tickets during lunch tomorrow. If Mia's there, you can dance with her."
I smiled, "I like your thinking."
"Wait." Mark said, "There's a dance tomorrow? I forgot to ask Karissa to it. She's gonna kill me!"
He sprung up from his seat and bolted out the door. I predicted an angry Karissa would show up to the studio and give the silent treatment to Mark later. They were always on again off again. Which wasn't fair to all the girls that drooled over the attractive Mark King.
We all laughed, but deep in my thoughts, I wondered if I should go to the dance.
---
She looked so pretty in her dress, a long slit running up one side revealing her leg. With a single finger she motioned for me to come forward-
"Jake!"
I jumped.
Mr. Charlie, who had become my personal tormentor since I stopped participating in class, sighed, "Answer me this. What does the window have in common with literary techniques used in the Crucible?"
I felt my face turn pink, I didn't dare look him in his bloodshot eyes. I quickly jerked my head from the window to the front of the room. Written in dry erase marker was a break down of the Crucible. I hadn't read the night before. I looked at Mia, she looked back at me, the tip of her pen pressed lightly against her bottom lip. I stared at the little indent it left.
Without breaking eye contact with her, I said, "Um, they say eyes are the windows to the soul. So uh maybe if the town could've seen into Abigail's soul... they wouldn't have listened to her."
Mr. Charlie stifled a laugh, "That's your biggest stretch yet. Amy, what can you add..."
Mia blinked back at me, then shifted her attention back to her notebook, lowering her pen and doodling something. I looked down at my empty desk for the rest of class and desperately wished I knew what she was drawing.
---
Every year, Southern High tried to hold a winter formal. Usually, no one ever bought a ticket. Then, they would cancel the dance and the cafeteria would serve the food they bought for it during lunch periods. I think my freshmen year, the school sold 14 tickets, but they served a whole lot of three day old pizza.
My senior year, they sold 302 tickets.
I think it partially had to do with the raffles. If you bought a ticket, you were automatically entered to win an off brand tablet. Not to mention, the entire football team promoted the dance, so that probably had something to do with it. Oh the power attractive athletes had on underclassmen girls, and some guys. It was the first time in six years the dance had enough people to be actually called a dance, instead of a 'good effort'.
And out of all of those 302 tickets, I was one of them.
Let the records show, in my four years of high school, that was only the second dance I attended. I was not a dance person, I was not an organized school event person, I was not a voluntarily - be - in - the -same - room - with - people - I - did - not - like person.
Yet there I was, buying a ticket during lunch.
Kasi Morgan, a particularly nice cheerleader, smiled at me as she handed me the little blue piece ticket, "Wow, Jake Morrow going to a dance? That's a first."
"Haha uh yeah." I responded in a way that proved I should not be in a social setting.
"One ticket or two?" She asked kindly.
Kasi was living proof that not all cheerleaders were like-
"Carmen," Grayson grinned, "One ticket please."
Carmen flipped her glossy hair over her shoulder and flashed him a flirty smile. She didn't even acknowledge my existence as she plucked the money from him.
She opened her mouth to speak, but I cut her off, "Would it be weird if I asked Mia to go with me, Gray?"
Ignoring Carmen's death stare, he tucked his wallet in his pocket and said, "Yes it would be," He said, "She said she wanted to be friends, asking someone to be your date is a little too friendly dude."
"Friends go to dances all the time, we're going together." I argued.
"Wait?" He pretended to act confused, "Is this not a date?"
I smacked his arm. He didn't even flinch.
"Shut up." I grinned.
"Should I ask Ricky to be my date?" Grayson asked, nervously picking at a hangnail at the thought of taking her.
Grayson was talented at a lot of things, but talking to girls wasn't one of them.
I rubbed the back of my head, "Crap, she has a boxing match that night, remember? She asked if we wanted to go."
"I have to go to the dance, I promised the guys." He sighed.
"Pay loser." Carmen interjected, "Now."
"It'll be fun, Jake." Kasi smiled.
I glanced from her, to Grayson, then over to where Mia was sitting.
"Fuck it." I muttered and handed Kasi the last ten dollars in my wallet.
---
For a moment, I forgot that the school gym was a place of sweat and misfortune. When the lights were dimmed and silver streamers glimmered from wall to wall, it was hard to imagine myself playing dodge ball there earlier that day.
From seeing the gym light up deep hues of purple and blue, to feeling the frenzied excitement of my classmates in sparkly dresses and bow ties, the night felt hopeful, magical.
It felt like a movie.
But even with such feelings, it was hard to enjoy myself after a quick glance around the gym.
"She's not here, man," I turned around to tell Grayson, but he was gone, swallowed by the crowd of people.
I sighed. I could barely hear my own thoughts.
The music was absurdly loud and the glint of the disco ball kept blinding me unless I kept my head at eye level. I wandered around a bit, hoping maybe I would find something, anything that would convince me that the night truly would be magical. Everyone around me seemed like they knew what they were doing. I felt completely lost. The magic wore off more and more with each trickling minute, anxiety taking its place.
What was everyone else doing? I should be doing that.
But the popular consensus seemed to be jumping around and bobbing your head to the beat of music. Okay, I could do this, I had to try.
I tried mimicking what they were doing. But when I did it, I looked like a fish out of water having a seizure. Could fish even have seizures? If I were home I could've looked it up online. Home, sounded like such a good idea...
I spun around and headed toward the door, wondering if maybe fate would be in my favor and Mia would be behind me, flashing me that signature smile that made me melt on the spot. But to my disappointment there was just a couple grinding on each other behind me. Walking around them in fear of seeing an actual baby getting made, I weaved through the sea of people and reached the door just as the first slow song of the night came on.
My hand froze on the handle, my body tensed.
As if the song triggered something deep within in me, I remembered where I heard it. The night Mia and I went to the park. Even through the static of my car radio, I could tell it was the same song.
It was sweet, with gentle strums and soft harmonies. I stood facing the door, I could see couples dancing from the reflection on the glass panes of the door. Most of them had their heads on each other's shoulders, a few partners were making out, and the oddballs were making their way to the bleachers so they didn't look so sad.
Fun fact: I looked equally as sad standing at the door.
I did feel sad, but mostly stupid. It felt as if when I chased after Mia, she didn't show up. But when I tried to avoid her, she would just magically appear or these memories of her would pollute my brain. She didn't even show up to the dance and if I'm being honest, a piece of me didn't want her to. A larger piece of me did.
Maybe Grayson was wrong, I should've asked her. At least then I would've known whether I should've wasted ten dollars to listen to pop hits from the school speakers.
Or maybe, it was time to move on, to listen to that small voice in my head that warned me I was setting myself up for heart break. But that meant losing her as a friend.
I had to get out of there. But I couldn't' seem to move from that spot, my feet were rooted to the floor. I swallowed, I had to do it, the song was almost over. I spun around and looked for Grayson to tell him I was leaving. As I looked for him, I tried to think of a good lie: My mom is drunk. I feel sick. Or maybe, if I was being completely honest: This dance is giving me literal cancer.
It wasn't hard to spot Grayson, he was the tallest guy in school. But it was who he was slow dancing with that made me stop in my tracks.
Ashlyn Woods.
I took a quick sweep of the gym and spotted Kaitlyn dancing with Brandon, Sophia with another football player I didn't recognize.
The girls always traveled together like a flock.
And that's when I saw her.
She was wearing an emerald green dress with little stones on the straps and her hair pinned up in a bun. I felt my heart drop.
Mia climbed to the top of the bleachers and sat herself down. I realized I didn't see her earlier because I didn't notice her. She didn't look like herself, she looked like Kaitlyn, Ashlyn, and Sophia. They all wore a variation of the same dress, just in a different color. But seeing her then, I saw the small differences. How her friends' buns were sleek and neat, while Mia's was messily perfect. How their dresses were tulle, and hers was satin. Even her fur crossbody was different from their bedazzled clutches.
I looked back at the door longingly, reminding myself of all the reasons to leave, but the one reason to stay outweighed them. Before I could ration with myself, my feet crossed the dance floor and made their way to the bleachers. As I passed Grayson, he smiled and spun Ashlyn.
When I reached the bottom of the bleachers, I looked up at Mia. She was staring at something in the distance, the shimmer from the disco ball leaving constellations on her cheeks.
Okay, it was time. But I couldn't find the courage to hike the bleachers and ask her to dance.
Beside me, a girl with mascara running down her cheeks blotted a tissue under her eye and flashed me a hopeful smile. I looked back at Mia, I had to be brave. I clambered up the bleachers and sat beside Mia.
She jumped, "Jake!"
"Did I scare you?" I laughed nervously.
She shook her head. "Never. Didn't think dances were your thing."
I swallowed. "There's a lot of things you don't know about me. Want to dance and find out?"
But before she could answer, the song switched from slow to fast.
"I uh," I rubbed the nape of my neck, "Don't think this is a song we can dance to.... Nevermind."
I was grateful for the lights faded to red so she couldn't see the pink in my cheeks. My confidence shifted as swiftly as the song change.
"Nonsense." Mia smiled, grabbing my arm and dragging me to the dance floor.
Without warning, Mia wrapped my arms around her waist and slung her shoulders over mine. Slowly, to the beat of her own song, she swayed in a slow way that was polar opposite to all the fish having seizures on the dance floor.
I'm sure we looked strange slow dancing to a song about shaking your ass, but I was too stunned to notice, completely thrown off by the fact that I was holding Mia. I prayed she couldn't feel my hands shaking against the small of her back.
Not even halfway through the song, the music changed back to something slow again, the same song from earlier. I turned my heard toward the DJ and saw Grayson standing beside him, grinning from ear to ear. Even though it was the same song, it felt different. All my nerves melted away with the melody, it was the most magical feeling in the world, even though I kept stepping on Mia's toes.
She didn't complain though, resting her head on my shoulder.
"One day," She said softly into my ear, "We're going to meet people, fall in love, marry them, and tell them all about this moment. Tell them about our crazy high school romances. One day we are going to fall in love."
I stopped swaying, stood completely still.Her eyes were closed as if she were off in some far off land.
"Mia?" I whispered into her ear.
"Mhmm?" She responded in a dreamy way, her eyes still closed.
"What if that moment has already happened?"I asked.
She tilted her head up to meet my eyes, her face blank, her eyes wide.
"That moment for me was three years ago. And you can still have it with me. Be mine, just think about it." I let go of her waist, left the colors, the magic, the music.