"Ana, I haven't been completely honest with you."
"Christian, I'm not ready to be a mother. It's too soon." she says at the exact same time. "I mean, we've been married for like five minutes. And I'm just now getting settled in at work... we don't even have a house... and then there's all the diapers and vomit and shit."
And then she stops, and I can see her processing what I said. "I'm sorry... what?"
With my free hand, I rake my fingers through my hair, thinking back to those few minutes before the wedding ceremony, when we were waiting for everyone to arrive.
=/=/=/=
Olive's standing a little off to the side, watching Sam and Will as they play. They each have a couple of small cars, and they're racing them over a patch of dirt.
I take the opportunity to walk up beside her, and I just stand there for a moment, letting her take the lead. They did come today, but I know it was not without reservations. Right or wrong, she still holds a candle for her sister.
"Christian, I know that it's over between you and Natalie, and that it has been for a long time. I want you to be happy... I was thrilled that you'd found someone, that you'd moved on with your life. But then when I saw her -" she stops and shakes her head.
"Ollie, I need to know what she told you. Because nothing went on between me and Ana until well after our marriage was over."
"She... she started talking about this talented young athlete that you were both coaching. And shortly after that, she said she felt like you were... disconnected. That you weren't IN the marriage anymore."
Yeah that was about the time that I started dreaming about Ana, began acting on my fantasies in private, started stealing glances at her whenever I could.
"She never came out and said it was Ana, but when I saw her on FaceTime..."
"You connected the dots."
"Yes."
"Ollie, I know that I cheated emotionally on Natalie. I will feel guilty about that for the rest of my life, but today's my wedding day, and I'm not going to -"
"Yeah, I know... and I agree. This is not the time to be dredging all of this up. But there's something that you need to know. That you should share with your new wife."
"Okay..." I say. Her voice is serious, and a feeling of unease drops into my gut.
"Natalie called me last week. She's so excited... she's pregnant. She and Jake - her new husband - are going to have a baby."
=/=/=/=
Ana listens as I recall what Olive said to me that day, her blue eyes never leaving mine. Finally, she sighs and her body relaxes a little. She remembers the puppy at her side and releases my hand, begins to stroke his soft fur again.
"So you think that you're the reason that she couldn't get pregnant? I thought it was undiagnosed."
"It was, but Ana - if she's pregnant, then doesn't it seem obvious? I mean, she and this Jake have only been married for a few months. We tried for years."
She nods. "But I'm tired all the time, and I have these crazy cravings for meat, and I'm... expanding." She gestures down her body to her curves that have seemingly appeared out of nowhere. "Half of my new work clothes that I bought with Kate don't fit me anymore. I mean, look at me."
"I am," I growl, and lean forward kissing her cleavage, running my hands down her sides until they're resting on her hips. "You look and feel healthy and... perfect." Now if I can just get this little fuzzball out from between us, flip her onto her back, and -
"I think we should do a test... just to rule it out," she says, and I can see her anxiety begin to ramp up again, and notice that her hands are shaking as she strokes the puppy.
She's right. I sigh and pull back, willing my chubby to deflate. I adjust myself - again - and go to grab my wallet and keys. "You want to come?"
I shakes her head and gestures to the sleeping puppy. Right. I had plans to take her shopping today, to get him a crate and other things he needs. To let her pick out a leash and collar for him, but that'll have to wait.
I dash to the Walgreens near the interstate and go straight back to the pharmacy section. Analgesics, sinus relief... family planning. And there they are, lined up next to the condoms. Boxes and boxes of them, containing what will be the results of people's hopes and dreams... and fears. I must have bought a hundred of them for Natalie.
I grab four - two different brands - and hustle back up to the register. I ignore the smirk from the cashier as he takes in my rumpled appearance. Just ring them up and mind your own fucking business, asshole. I swipe my credit card, not bothering to wait for the receipt - as if there was any chance that I was going to return them - and hightail it out of there.
When I get home, Ana's still in bed, wrapped around Gulliver. I hear soft snores, and wonder if she's fallen asleep, but then realize they're coming from the puppy.
"Baby..." I say softly, "Baby, I'm back. Do you want to get up and take a test?"
She doesn't move at first, but then I see her nod and roll slowly over to face me. Her face is flushed, but she seems calmer than before.
"Good. Up you come. I think we'll both feel better once we - um - rule it out. And you can take another in the morning, just to be sure." I grab her hand and pull her up, give her one of the boxes. "Do you need any help?" I'm not really sure how I can help her pee on the stick, but if she wants me to stand there while she -
She takes the box and turns it over in her hands. "I've never actually taken one of these before," she sighs, "but I'm pretty sure I can figure it out." She walks over to the bathroom and shuts the door behind her.
Not knowing what else to do, I walk over and put one palm and then my forehead on the closed door. "Let me know if you need me to set a timer," I say.
She doesn't answer, but I hear her rustling around and then a minute later the toilet flushes. "It says wait three minutes," she says, and I can hear the sink running as she washes her hands.
I pull my phone out of my pocket and set the timer, and then wait, unable to keep myself from flashing back to the many, many times that I did this with Natalie... especially in the beginning, when we were young and in love... naive and invincible. It was just the two of us against the world, not yet knowing that the world was against us.
The door opens a few moments later, surprising me, and I jump back. Ana's standing there with an odd expression on her face, that adorable 'vee' between her brows. "I think it's done already," she says softly, holding up the little white stick.
"Well let's just give it the full three minutes, okay? And we can do another in the morning," I say, leaning into kiss that soft spot between her brows.
"No, I mean, I don't think we need to wait... it's positive."
Positive... positive. The word is bouncing around in my head, and I can't seem to grasp ahold of it. Instead it settles in my ears, creating a feeling of pressure and an odd ringing. "What?"
"It's positive, Christian. I'm pregnant," she says, holding up the stick so I can see for myself. There are two dark pink lines, leaving no doubt about the results. "Are you okay?"
"I just... I mean... I thought..." Words are not my friends right now and I can feel my legs getting wobbly, so I pull her over to the bed and onto my lap.
"Aren't you happy?" She asks, her breath tickling in my ear.
Positive. Happy? Yes, I'm happy... "Yes... shocked, but happy. I thought... I mean after she told me about Natalie I thought I was -"
"Infertile? I think it was more like incompatible," she says, completing my broken thoughts.
And then I remember what she said earlier, about how she didn't feel ready to be a mother.
"Are you happy?" I ask. "You said that you weren't ready. That it was too soon."
"Mmm... I know. It's just that everything's happened so quickly." A little smile tugs at the corners of her mouth. "And you know everyone's going to think that we had to get married. But while you were gone to get the test... I realized that I was going to be disappointed if it was negative. And that surprised me almost as much as the actual result."
"We'll figure it out... the diapers and vomit and shit," I say, and then I lean in and kiss her on the lips, gently at first, and then more insistently. The shock is starting to wear off, and I'm feeling elated and so fucking turned on, and ready to pour all of these feelings into her. She giggles when she feels me growing beneath her. This time, I'm not going to stop. I need to be inside her... inside my pregnant wife. I lift her shirt and rub my hand along her belly, caressing it, before continuing down, slipping a finger into the wet heat between her legs. She's wearing leggings and - I'm pleased to discover - no panties.
She moans and then grinds herself on my finger, moving her hips in search of friction, and peeling my shirt off at the same time. "Christian, now."
I pull her t-shirt off and flip her onto the bed, quickly disposing of her leggings and my sweats and boxer briefs, and then bury myself inside her. Fucking finally. I don't think my dick was going to handle another disappointment today.
I pump in and out of her, speeding up the pace, and I feel the bed shifting beneath us and hear the headboard thunking against the wall. She closes her eyes and I can feel her start to tighten around me, and I know she's close... thank fuck, because I'm not going to last.
And then I feel something warm and wet, something warm and wet that doesn't belong to my wife. I look back and Gulliver is licking my ass. And then he crouches down, tail wagging, watching our bodies move as if this is some sort of game. And I think he wants to play.
I turn back and bury my face in Ana's neck, stroke deep and long into her, knowing that she won't be able to hold back. "Come for me, Ana... and hurry."
APOV
"Christian, you've gotta calm down," I say, as I shift on the paper-covered exam table, feeling the opening in this wretched gown shift and expose my butt. He's been pacing for the entire ten minutes that we've been in this exam room. He's dismantled and rebuilt the anatomical models of the female reproductive system - both the non-pregnant version and the pregnant version with the removable fetus - at least twice. I hear a clatter and see a white plastic ovary shooting across the floor.
"Shit!" He says under his breath as he goes to retrieve it. At least he didn't drop the baby.
The door opens and a woman with dark hair and a white lab coat enters. "Hello, I'm Doctor Greene," she says, reaching out to shake both of our hands. I suppress a giggle as Christian quickly switches the ovary into his left hand, concealing it behind his back.
She opens my chart, and I can see the moment when she realizes that we're here because of that - the mix-up with the placebo shots. When I called to tell them that I had received their letter, and that I had had a positive home pregnancy test, I was immediately connected to their legal department. A few apologetic conversations, in which we were promised to have all expenses covered, and a blood test later, here we are.
"We did try to contact you a number of times, Miss Steele..." she murmurs as she continues to read my chart. "And we sent a letter as a last resort over two months ago -"
"I know," I say, "I've just been so busy and I changed my phone number... and I moved. And it's Mrs. Grey, now... And my dad forgot to bring my mail to the wedding..." I realize that I'm rambling and finally stop myself.
"Well, you're here now, it's just that the others -" and she stops herself abruptly.
The others? Oh shit, I didn't even think about that. How many others? And they must have been made aware much earlier... early enough to - Don't think about it!
She can see where my thoughts are going, and she shakes her head and directs me to lie back on the table. She's not allowed to talk about it. Of course she isn't.
Christian, after returning the ovary to its rightful spot, no doubt, appears at my shoulder. "Shh... Ana, don't think about anything else. This is about us, okay? Nothing else matters right now."
I nod, silently thanking him for re-centering me, bringing me back to us and our baby.
Doctor Greene begins to push and prod on my belly. It doesn't hurt exactly, but it's not very comfortable either. "So you were given the placebo shot on June 16th... and your previous shot likely ran out about a week after that... and you would have ovulated two weeks later. Did you have a period at all?"
"No," I answer. I hadn't had any bleeding at all since being on the shot.
"So you could have conceived during your first cycle... in early July? Or it could have been the next cycle, in early August. Based on what I'm feeling, it was the earlier date... making you twelve or... maybe even thirteen weeks along."
What? I practically shoot into an upright position, propping myself up on my elbows. How could I be that far along without knowing? Because I was busy, happily in love, and apparently in complete and total denial.
Thirty minutes later, we are walking out of there, clutching photos of our baby - who was already completely and perfectly formed - ten fingers and ten toes, swallowing and sucking its thumb. We also had a packet of papers, a prescription for prenatal vitamins, and a due date of April 6th. Which is right smack in the middle of track season. Oh well, just like the many, many other things that go along with this, we'll figure it out.
My mind is whirling with dates and numbers when Christian tugs on my hand, pulling me to a stop in the main lobby of the medical center. "Stop. Over. Thinking," he says. And his face breaks out into a shit-eating grin as he picks me up and twirls me around.
I squeal as the room spins around us, a little breathless as he sets me back on my feet. "Twelve weeks," I say, " which means that your guys marched in as soon as they saw their chance. I think you have magic sploodge, Mr. Grey."
=/=/=/=
It's Saturday morning, only a few days after our visit to Doctor Greene, but I'm ready to go see my dad. Out of everyone, he's the one that I want to tell first... who deserves to know first. Christian's driving, it's a rare sunny, late-September day, and I'm content to watch the scenery as we pass Olympia and begin the drive up the peninsula. Gully's in my lap, stretched out along the length of my thighs. He's taken his new family in stride, putting up with our ranting and our craziness, as long as he gets his meals and good, long sniffs around the property as he does his business. I never expected to get a puppy and a baby for my birthday!
After letting Charlie and Gully do the obligatory butt-sniff in the driveway, we all go in the house, letting the now over-excited pair into the back yard to play. With the distraction of the dogs gone, I feel suddenly nervous to tell Ray my news. What will he think? I know he'll be surprised, but then will he feel excited or will he disapprove? Either way, he won't be able to hide his feelings. I know him too well.
But then I realize that he looks as nervous as I feel. What's going on here?
"I'm glad you kids came over," he says, clearing his throat and gesturing us toward the living room. "I need to talk to you about something."
"What is it, Daddy?" I ask warily, refusing to take a single step until I know what's going on. "We came because we needed to talk to you."
He sighs and looks me up and down, knowing that we share the same stubborn streak. "You first."
"No, you," I say. "Tell me."
And in unspoken, mutual agreement, we speak at the same time.
"Daddy, I'm pregnant."
"Annie, José's back."