"The basketball team recruited you?"
Haru nodded. "If you're not against it, I would love to join them."
"Why are you even asking permission from me?" I couldn't help but frown. I get that we're dating, but is it necessary to ask for my permission? Kahit na magkasintahan kaming dalawa, may sarili parin naman kaming mga buhay na hindi dapat pakialaman.
Well, at least that's what I think. He's my first boyfriend, so I don't know how it really works. I've never dated anyone before, that's why I'm totally clueless when it comes to these things.
"You're my girlfriend, Lucy. Before making a decision, of course I'd like to gain your approval first. After all, 70% of my life revolves around you." I pursed my lips and quietly listened to him. Sobrang daldal talaga nito. "Uhm, the 20% goes to food, and the remaining 10% is allotted to basketball." Ang dami na naman niyang sinabi.
"Ah."
He grinned. "So, is it okay for me to join them?"
I gave him a bored look. "Suit yourself."
"Can't you at least pretend that you care?" Haru pouted, feigning a hurt. "Come to think of it, Lucy. If I join the basketball team, I'm going to have less time to be lovey-dovey with you. 'Di ba ikaw malungkot?" He linked his arms to me as he waited for my answer.
"I don't mind." I said in the nicest way possible. Sa totoo lang, pabor pa sa akin iyon. Hindi naman sa ayaw ko siyang makasama, pero para na kasing linta si Haru na ayaw humiwalay sa akin.
He bit his lower lip. "You don't care about me at all, Lucy."
Napangiwi ako dahil bigla siyang umupo sa sahig at nagtakip ng mukha gamit ng dalawang kamay. I heaved out a deep sigh. Most of the time, Haru's too sensitive for me to handle. He tends to cry over the littlest things, and he often acts like a child. Sometimes, I find it cute. But, there are also instances when I find it annoying.
"You know, I may not be the sweetest girlfriend, but I know the duties that I have to perform." I knelt down in front of him, levelling our heads. Maingat kong isinuklay ang aking kamay sa kanyang buhok. "As your girlfriend, I should support you, right? That's why I'm telling you, it's okay. Besides, I wanna see you play, too."
I know nothing about love, but I'm aware that a relationship should be give and take. One should be considerate to his or her partner. So, instead of holding him back, I should be supportive of Haru. If basketball makes him happy so much, then I should learn to accept the part of him that loves to play.
My boyfriend looked like he was about to cry. "I love you!"
"Hmm." I gave him a small smile. "Come on, your teammates must be waiting for you." I prompted him to stand up. He obediently did.
As we made our way to the gymnasium, I could feel the curious glances of the students around us. Ever since the youngest Shiota transferred in this school, he's been popular among the girls. Some of them even added and messaged him on facebook. Hindi lang niya pinapansin ang mga ito dahil ang turo raw sa kanya, huwag daw siyang makikipag-usap sa mga estranghero.
When we arrived at the gym, the basketball team was in the middle of practice. It looked like they were really enjoying the game. Nang mapatingin ako kay Haru, napangiti ako dahil halos kumislap ang mga mata niya sa tuwa. He's excited to play with them, huh?
Passion... I love how it makes a person more beautiful.
"Oh," Nagtaka naman ako dahil biglang bumagsak ang mga balikat ni Haru. Intrigued by his sudden change of mood, I asked him if there's something wrong. Mas lalo naman siyang nalugmok.
"As much as I want to join their practice today, I can't."
I raised a brow. "Why is that, Haru?"
"Grandma is temporarily staying in her province right now, so that leaves me alone with Hana." nakanguso niyang paliwanag.
"And?"
"He has a fever. I can't possibly leave him alone when he's sick. He was in a pretty bad shape when I left this morning." He grudgingly pulled his own hair. "Kuso. I'll have to postpone my membership. I need to take care of him, after all." malungkot niyang sabi.
That wimp got sick? Don't tell me it's because of the other day? Nagpaulan siya para bilhan ako ng bota at kapote (damn it, I'm still cringing every time I remember that day). I wonder if he's okay.
I pursed my lips as I glanced over my boyfriend's face. He looks dejected as hell. I don't know when it started, but whenever his dander is down, I always feel the urge to cheer him up.
I was never a caring person. When did it start to be like this?
I pinched his cheek. "I'll do it."
Tumingin siya sa akin. "Huh?"
"I'll check on Hana so you could join the practice game today." malumanay kong sabi. "I'll stay with him until you're done."
Haru blinked twice. "But, that's... You'll do that for me?"
"Of course." I smiled softly as I tousled his hair. "You were looking forward on playing today. We can't let that dork ruin your game."
A small smile dawned to my face when Haru wrapped his arms around me. Every time he hugs me, I feel safe. Maybe it's because he's so tall that he makes me feel secured when he embraces me.
"What did I do in my past life to have someone like you?" Haru squeezed me in between his arms. "I promise to be a man that you'll be proud of! I'm going to study hard, Lucy. I'll find a decent job, and then we can proceed to marrying." Masyado talagang advance mag-isip ang taong 'to. Nakakatakot.
For the nth time, I brushed his hair with my hand. I don't know why, but I'm kinda obsessed with his hair. "You make it sound so easy, Haru." I commented with an arch smile.
"Nothing's hard when it comes to the person you love."
Oh, I wonder if that's true.
"Lucy, I know that you're friends with Hana, but tell me if he does something weird. Even if he's swinging the other way, he's still a guy." Nagpigil ako ng tawa dahil pinatunog ni Haru ang kanyang mga daliri. "I shall give him a proper beating if he dares to touch you. What's mine is mine!" He clicked his tongue.
As planned, we didn't go home together. Haru stayed at school to inform the basketball team of his desire to join them, thus he was able to play in the practice game today. Ako naman, tinawagan ko si Lars at sinabi ko sa kanyang hindi ako makakabalik agad dahil may dadaanan pa ako. Mukhang wala naman siyang pakialam.
"Hana! It's me, Lucy! You there?" sigaw ko nang makarating ako sa bahay nila. I kept on pressing the doorbell but I got no response. Mabuti na lang at ibinigay sa akin ni Haru ang susi ng bahay nila.
"Excuse me for intruding." I announced as soon as I stepped inside the house. It's not my first time coming here, so I'm already familiar with the interior of their home. As soon as I found his room, I carelessly walked in as if I owned the place.
"Hana?"
I was taken aback when I found him sleeping on his bed. He was covered in his blanket, and he looked uncomfortable since he was sweating so much. Medyo namumula rin siya at mabilis din ang kanyang paghinga. I rushed to the side of his bed.
"Ang taas ng lagnat niya." I whispered to myself as I placed my palm on his forehead. Wala akong oras na inaksaya at dali-dali kong nilapag ang mga gamit ko sa sahig. I have to do something!
I took a hand towel from his closet then filled a small basin with water. Umupo ako sa gilid ng kama ni Hana at binasa ko iyong maliit na tuwalya. Matapos pigain, maingat kong pinunasan ang mukha at leeg niya. After that, I placed the towel on his forehead.
I'm not the best, but I'm a decent cook, at least. Mabuti na lang at may sapat silang rekado sa kusina kaya nakapagluto ako ng lugaw para sa kanya. When the food was prepared, I gently woke him up. Nagising naman si Hana, pero mukhang wala pa siya sa huwisyo.
"Kumain ka muna, Hana." I offered the food to him. He was still in a daze when he got up from his bed. Malamlam ang kanyang mga mata at nakatulala lang siya, hindi man lang nagulat na makita ako.
"Pee."
I blinked twice. "Huh?"
"Pee. I have to pee."
For some reason, I felt embarrassed. It was obvious that he's not acting his usual self. Inalalayan ko na lang siya sa pagtayo at wala sa sariling naglakad si Hana patungo sa banyo. Nang makapasok kami sa loob, halos himatayin ako sa hiya dahil basta na lamang niyang niluwagan ang kanyang pambaba nang hindi man lang ako hinihintay na lumabas. I turned around then scrambled away.
"Sick people are dangerous." I whispered to myself. When he was done taking a piss, Hana went back to bed. Tahimik lang niyang kinain ang lugaw na niluto ko at mukhang wala parin siya sa kanyang sarili. Maya-maya, tumingin siya sa akin.
"I had a bad dream."
He looked so tired. His eyes were brimming with tears, and it's either he's really on the verge of crying or he's just sickly today. Nevertheless, I decided to go with the flow. Tinignan ko siyang maigi upang ipakita sa kanya na nakikinig talaga ako.
"Anong napanaginipan mo, Hana?"
His eyes narrowed into slits. "My mother was scolding me for being gay. She disowned me as her son." malungkot niyang kwento.
Akala ko may sasabihin pa siya, pero hindi na nagsalita si Hana. He broke the silence by telling me that he wanted to sleep since he's feeling dizzy. Tinulungan ko siyang makahiga at nagpasalamat naman siya sa akin. He managed to smile, but it was obviously fake.
Subconsciously, I took hold of his hand.
"You know, Hana..." I trailed off. "People yearn for the approval of others. I can relate to that part. I understand how it feels to wish that society would accept you for who you are, without judgment." He quietly listened to me. "But don't you think you should take it easier? There's no need to be obsessed with the acceptance of others. If they can't see you as who you are, then don't force yourself to meet their standards." malumanay kong payo sa kanya.
Pinisil ko ang kanyang kamay.
"Don't spend your life fulfilling their expectations. Kahit anong gawin mo, may masasabi at masasabi parin ang ibang tao tungkol sayo." I grinned as I gently patted his cheeks. "Besides, don't you trust your mother? From what I know, she loves you more than anything else. Trust me, she'll understand." I cajoled.
Tears streamed down to his cheeks. "I want to tell her the truth already. I don't like hiding secrets from her." My heart clenched at his words. "I love her, and I want to be honest with her, but I'm scared. I don't know how to tell her that her only son is gay." He said in between sobs. "I'm afraid to see her disappointed face. I love my mother so much. I don't want to make her unhappy."
I didn't understand his pain. I was in no position to give him a piece of advice, so I decided to keep my mouth shut. Hana took his time crying as he tortured himself with the possibilities. I stayed by his side and continued to stroke his hair as he cried himself to sleep.
I knew nothing.
I didn't understand, so I didn't know what to say.
But it felt like Hana gave me a share of his pain, because I cried on his behalf when he was already fast asleep. Oh, I hate myself for being a softie when it came to him. I care for Haru, but my concern for Hana is on a completely different level. Seeing my first and only friend in this state... It's just heartbreaking.
What do you call this emotion? It feels as though I'm willing to share the same pain with him. How can you care for someone to this extent? Is this even normal? This is kinda frightening.
"Even if the whole world rejects you, I will always be your friend, Hana." I rested my forehead on his shoulder. "You don't have to force yourself on other people. If it feels like you have no place in this world, come to me. Even if you color your nails or wear makeup, I will welcome you with open arms."
I made an oath to myself that I will never abandon my friend.
It has been a week since that day. It seems like Hana recovered way too slow, given that his body's so weak and frail. Isang linggo muna ang lumipas bago kami magkita ulit. I was leaving for school when he surprised me outside the hospital with his bike.
I gaped. "Buhay ka pa pala?"
"Good morning." He greeted. "Long time no see."
"What the hell are you doing here, Hana?"
He shyly caressed his nape. "Haru told me that you nursed me last week. Thank you, Lucy. I owe you my life." nahihiya niyang sabi.
"Nilagnat ka lang, huwag kang OA."
"Whatever." He laughed then gestured his bike. "I'm here to return the favor. I'm giving you the privilege to ride my bike. Ihahatid na kita sa school bilang pasasalamat sa pag-aalaga mo sa akin."
I secretly smiled to myself. I'm just glad that he's back to his usual self. It must be hard for him, but he's a tough cookie. Alam kong kaya ni Hana 'to. Physically speaking, he's a wimp, but he's one of the gutsiest people that I had the fortune to meet.
"Don't hesitate, my friend. This is legal." Hana chuckled as he adjusted the frame of his glasses. "Hiniram kita kay Haru."
Wala na akong nagawa at sumakay na lang ako sa likuran niya. Hindi ko naiwasang magtaka dahil mukhang sobrang saya ni Hana ngayon. Noong lumingon siya sa balikat niya at nagkatinginan kami, ngumiti siya sa akin. What's with this guy? So creepy.
It didn't feel right to wrap my arms around his waist, so I settled in holding the hem of his shirt. It was still early, and the sun was just about to rise. The wind touched my skin as Hana started pedalling the bike.
"You know, Lucy..." He trailed in a soft voice. "You told me multiple times that I changed you, that I saved you from the loneliness, but I think it's the other way around." Hana told me in the most soothing voice. "In reality, you're the one who saved me. You always show up at the right time. Your words give me strength. Whenever I feel disheartened, you appear out of nowhere to get me back on track."
I lifted my gaze to the skies. Is that how I am?
"You're my hero, Lucy." Hana looked over his shoulder then smiled to me. "Heroes usually wear capes or possess superpowers, but to me your smile is enough to save the day. Aren't you amazing?"
This time, I didn't hold back. I slowly wrapped my arms around his waist. I closed my eyes as I shared the warmth of my hug with him. It was such a treacherous emotion to feel at home in Hana's touch.
It was such a peaceful day, but the sound of my beating heart disrupted my conscience as a girl. As a committed girl, that is.
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Forgive me for the lame chapter. Please bear with me.
Happy reading!
Yours Truly,
Aomine-san