Seven
The phone woke me up. I woke to an empty bed. Tiffany had left sometime while I was sleeping. She never was one for goodbyes. Sometimes she’d cry, sometimes she’d brush me off acting all aloof and on occasion she just wouldn’t be there when I woke. I looked over at the clock while reaching for the phone. It was 9:00pm.
“Hello.” I said groggily.
“In bed at nine?” It was Adam.
“Just taking a nap.”
“Did you just fuck someone John?” I told him the story once about how I get very sleepy after sex and almost always fall asleep. I very much regret the drink that led me to sharing that story because it had led to a series of Adam induced headaches.
“No.” I lied. He laughed in return.
“Sure, sure John. I just hope it wasn’t Tiffany.” I grabbed at my hair with my hand.
“Fuck, alright, it was Tiffany.”
“John!” He started uproariously laughing. “John, John, John.” The laughter continued.
“Remind me again why I’m coming to visit you.”
“I’m sorry John.” He was fighting the laughter. “You just have to stop with her. You need a new fuck John. The notion that you either make something real of it or move on has long passed.” I rubbed my forehead. I could feel another Adam induced headache coming on fast.
“Why did you call?”
“You are booked, tomorrow morning, eleven o’clock, first class.” He always told me it was first class and every time I’d get on the plane I had a seat at the back next to the lavatory. My luck couldn’t be that bad. I’m sure he was requesting the seat right next to the toilet.
“Yeah first class, I’ve heard that before. When you request seats do you tell them I have a weak bladder by any chance?” He laughed.
“See you tomorrow. Sun, fun and L.A. living.” He hung up the phone. I got up and checked to make sure Tiffany had in fact left. There was no sign of her, only the empty condom wrapper on the floor and the faint smell of her perfume to give any indication that she had been here. I picked up the wrapper and tossed it in the trash. I began to pack and in doing so I started getting excited for the trip. I packed a lot of exercise clothes. It was high time I lost some of this weight. Adam always ate healthy. I figured I could take this as an opportunity to right myself. Last time I was down he jogged every second day and hit the gym on the off days. If I could match even half of that without having a heart attack I ought to be able to shed some of these extra pounds. Things weren’t going to fix themselves. Frank should have made his changes earlier. I didn’t want to make the same mistakes he made, put things off till I was out of time.
I finished packing and went for a walk. Half way through I tried to ramp up to a jog but I wasn’t at it for more than a minute before I was completely and utterly winded. My lungs on fire, I stopped to catch my breath. I returned to my condo feeling a little queasy. That’s all I need, to have my stomach act up again. It was probably stupid of me to push myself so soon.
I grabbed a microwaveable meal and finished off the rest of the milk in the fridge. I made the last of my preparations for the trip. I always forgot something no matter how hard I tried to think of everything. Satisfied that I’d thought of everything, I sat in front of the computer. I had every intention of continuing my work in progress. I stared at the novel unable to will my fingers to do any more than erase a sentence here only to rewrite it much the same four or five minutes later. After this continued for an hour I called it quits. So far both my desire to improve my health and my intention to refocus on my work had proven to be a spectacular failure. I went to bed and fell asleep yet again to the mental image of my brother embracing Sarah.
The phone rang. I woke up groggily and clutched at it.
“Good morning Mr. Morgan. This is Tammy Sinclair of Adam Drescher and Associates calling to remind you of your flight this morning at 11am.” This is how Adam had always done it. He had his assistant in New York call me with the flight information. Once again it was Adam grand standing, having his assistant call me with the information as opposed to just giving it to me last night. I groaned when I noticed the time, it was seven in the morning. I thanked her and took down the necessary information, the airline, terminal, and flight numbers.
“Have a safe trip Mr. Morgan and enjoy your time in L.A.”
“Thanks.” Hanging up the phone I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and groggily got ready to head to the airport. Looking at my breakfast options I regretted finishing off the milk last night. I poured some water on my cereal and grimaced as I ate it. It was dreadful. I dumped the latter half of the bowl in the garbage having eaten just enough to ebb my hunger. Maybe they’ll have a meal on the flight.
Toronto was a dreadful city for traffic. Even now at 7:30 in the morning the main arteries were plugging up. The cab driver seemed to be in no hurry, perhaps satisfied to let his meter run. Through the cab windows I could see the leaves were starting to change. Most were still green but hints of yellow were beginning to sneak in. Fall, then winter would be upon the city. At least I wouldn’t have to worry about colder days while I was in L.A.
We arrived at the airport and I quickly paid the driver and lifted my bags out of the vehicle. Check in was fairly painless. I just had to show identification at the special executive class check in counter. It made it all that more ridiculous that I was always seated beside a washroom in the back of the plane, as far away from executive class seating as was possible.
“Let me guess back of the plane by the washroom?” The airline attendant returned my forced smile with a genuine one.
“No, you’re in first class. Did you want me to change your seat?”
“Um, no, no that will do thank you.” Maybe he’d forgot to ask his secretary to put in that request or they’d lost the request, either way I was grateful that I wouldn’t be receiving the odors from the lavatory. The flight to LA wasn’t exactly short.
It wasn’t long before I was through security and boarding the plane. Stepping onto the plane I was greeted by two smiling stewardesses, they were both very pretty. Catching their nametags, I realized they both wore the name ‘Tiffany’.
“You are right up here in first class. John correct?” They were both grinning.
“That’s correct.”
“We were given special instructions to inform you that you are seated very close to the washroom at the front of the plane.”
“Sorry.” The other stewardess smiled nervously.
I smiled and shook my head as I passed them on my way towards my seat. I wondered what kind of power you had to have to be able to pull those kinds of strings. Or was it more a question of who you knew. Maybe Adam had had drinks with an executive officer of the airline once. Or maybe he was just that smooth at convincing people to give him favors over the phone. I relaxed into the plush seat of first class that Adam had long promised and never actually given me. I didn’t care about the nametags that said Tiffany nor did I care about the vicinity of the washroom. I was going to enjoy this moment. I was going to leave all the recent events behind me. Most importantly, I was going to crawl out from this place I’d found myself in, this state of self loathing and misery and damn if I wasn’t going to find a way to carve out some kind of lasting happiness. A third stewardess also wearing a Tiffany tag asked me if I wanted a beverage. I laughed.
Stepping off the plane the air was different, muggy and humid, almost palpable. I picked up an LA paper and began to sift through it while I waited on my luggage to come down the conveyor belt. I was still waiting when I felt a tap on my shoulder.
“How was the flight?” I turned to see Adam grinning from ear to ear.
“How do you pull that off?” He laughed at my question.
“I can’t divulge all my secrets. So was Tiffany good to you? Did she treat you well?” I shook my head grinning in return.
“Sure, sure, Tiffany was fine. I have to admit I was surprised when they actually sat me in first class, unless that was a mistake?”
“Come on, your brother just died, what kind of heartless prick do you take me for? Of course I made sure you had first class tickets. Hey isn’t that one of your bags?” He pointed at one of my pieces of luggage rolling past me on the conveyor belt.
“Ummm yeah, shit.” I scurried after it tripping on my carry on and tumbling to the ground. The cacophony of laughter from Adam erupted instantaneously. If anyone in the vicinity had missed me falling over my luggage his laughter would have drawn their attention to the incident. Adam still laughing started to chase down my luggage. He was unable to get the bag before it had run the course of the conveyor belt. He fell to his knees laughing uncontrollably. I chuckled myself as I watched Adam trying to get words out amidst his laughter. He just kept pointing at the conveyor belts end where my luggage had disappeared. It was good to see him laughing.
After a short wait for the luggage to come back around we headed outside and towards short term parking. The hot humid air really hit me. It was sweltering, much harder to breath and yet wonderful at the same time. So much nicer than the crisp cold air I’d left back home. I felt the smile that had remained since the antics with the luggage widen a little.
“You know I think you were right, this is exactly what I needed.” Adam grinned back.
“I’m glad to have you. You’ve already made it worth it with that header you took over your luggage.”
“Glad you got a kick out of me tripping up.”
“Hah! It was priceless. Oh and speaking of priceless, here we are.” Adam pushed the button on the key chain he was holding and a stylish sports car’s lights flickered.
“Is that a Ferrari?”
“Yes indeed.” He smiled broadly. “Only the best for my buddy.” Adam didn’t own a car. In New York he lived just walking distance from his Agency and relied on public transportation having declared on many occasions how much he detests New York driving. In L.A. Adam would often rent a car. The car he would rent would almost always be a convertible and this Ferrari was no exception.
“Jesus Christ how much did that cost you?”
“Now, now, we’ll have none of that. This trip mon frère, is all about me helping you kick back and relax. We need to get you out of this terrible, terrible funk you’re in.” We got into the car. I was scared to touch anything. I could only imagine how expensive this car was.
“You really didn’t have to go to all this trouble, honest.” I felt uncomfortable in the car and I’m sure my face reflected that.
“I’ll keep it just one day then return it for something less ostentatious. I thought we could go out tonight and see just what kind of chicks are drawn to this magnet.”
“All the wrong ones I’m sure.” The car started up with a loud virile vroooom. “Jesus Adam.”
“I know eh, listen to that baby purr.” During the drive to his beach house Adam continued to go into great depths regarding the virtue of his rented vehicle. I blocked him out and instead took in the scenery. The palm trees, the women wearing short skirts and flimsy tops, enough American grandeur that I could overlook the imperfections of the city long enough to just enjoy. I held my hand out the open window and just felt the air drag against my hand as we drove. It’s those little things we forget to enjoy. Arriving at his beach property Adam was now giving a sermon on air intake and effect on engine performance. I didn’t think we had to worry about the car being a chick magnet. I was more concerned it would be an Adam magnet drawing more like minded car buffs.
“When did you become a car buff, you don’t even own a car?”
“That’s not true, I own five cars.” I shook my head while Adam opened the front door of his condo. The building was set back three blocks from the beach so calling it a beach condo was a little ridiculous but none the less that’s what Adam called it.
“Five?” I gave him a look of disbelief. “Where are they?”
“Florida.”
“Florida? What’s in Florida?”
“My family home.”
“I didn’t know your family home was in Florida.”
“It wasn’t my family home until just three months ago.” His smile, that was ever a permanent fixture, was gone from his face. “My mom died some seven months ago and my Dad just started falling apart without her. He followed four months later, almost to the day.”
“I’m so sorry, I had no idea.”
“It’s not your fault, I didn’t tell you.” He forced a smile which every second became more genuine as if he was tricking himself into being happy. “Come on this is about us having fun not for us to sit around moping about dreary crap and shit we can’t do anything about. Let’s focus on what we can, for example we could go down to the beach, put that chick magnet to use and try to get ourselves laid.” I groaned. The notion of sex conjured up mental images of Tiffany and then the accompanying feelings of guilt.
“Don’t you groan or I’ll start calling you the Wussonator.”
“The Wussonator? What are we in grade three or something?” Adam was rummaging through his fridge.
“I’ll do whatever is necessary including falling into grade three behaviors if that’s what it takes for you to have a good time.” Adam really could be a wonderful friend at times. I don’t know where his intolerances towards gays and lesbians stemmed from. I don’t know where his objectification of woman arrived from either but I knew if you peeled all that crap away that somewhere underneath it all was a good guy. I wondered if something painful had happened to him. Perhaps it was his role models, his parents that he spoke very little of. Maybe his dad was a terrible womanizer, or hated gays and lesbians. I wondered. I knew so little of his family. I remember that double date we had, how the girl he was with was eating up his every word.
“So your parents are rich?” She asked.
“Loaded.” He smiled that perfect smile. Back then I just wanted to punch him for it because I couldn’t get woman to eat out of my hand the way he could his.
“Then why the hell would you go to school here? Why not Harvard, or Dartmouth or anywhere else?”
“To say fuck you to my parents that’s why. I wasn’t going to go to University and they weren’t going to let me skip it.” He drank some of his beer. “We fought a lot about it. I said I’d go overseas but they wouldn’t have that. They said there were a lot of good universities here in North America and they wanted me to have a good American education. I think they thought I’d get ruined by a European one. My parents are assholes.” He took another sip of his beer. “Anyway I enrolled in a Canadian University. I tried to find something in Mexico but my parents wouldn’t accept it and in all honesty, Canada was further away from them anyway.”
“So that’s why you go to school here and not Harvard?”
“Yeah.”
“Because of your parents?”
“Yeah, fuck them.”
“I would have gone to Harvard.”
“Not if you had my parents you wouldn’t have.” He grinned.
That’s the only time he had ever spoken of his parents. That and just now to tell me they had passed. I knew very little of Adam. Maybe it was best that way. I’m not sure I could remain friends with him if I knew he was intolerant and a womanizer without at least some reason. I liked to turn a blind eye, to assume he had been messed up by something along the way, that he was in fact an ok person. It would be too hard to be friends with him if I didn’t see him that way, if there was no reason at all for his behavior.
“You hungry?” He closed the fridge door and started into the freezer.
“Starved.” I replied.
“Yeah those planes never give you a lot to eat. Well my fridge only has moldy stuff in it and it’s pretty bare anyway. I have some microwavable snacks in the freezer though.” He pulled out a box. “Some kind of Swedish meatballs or something.” He lifted the box out of the freezer and towards me. “Guess there are these.”
“Sure.”
“What am I doing!” He stuffed the box of meatballs back in the freezer and closed the door. My shoulders sunk, I was starving. “Let’s go get some food. We should be eating out, using that car to our advantage. Come on I know this great place.” I groaned. My mouth was watering at the thought of frozen meatballs. I was ready to start gnawing on the car’s leather interior by the time we got back in it.
“So how far is the place we are going to?” I asked hopefully.
“Only about thirty minutes away.” I sunk a little further into my seat at his answer. I managed to drift off again during the car ride. I remembered the poster my brother had in his room of a Ferrari. He’d gotten it for Christmas, he loved the thing.
“Someday John I’m going to own a Ferrari.” Frank was nine years old. “And I’ll drive you around in it because you’re my brother.” I just nodded at him. Back then we just assumed these things would happen. There was no doubt in our mind that he would own a Ferrari. We were sure of everything. So much of it just turned out to be childhood wishful dreaming.
Lost in thought the drive went by quickly. Adam was quiet the whole drive. He turned into a parking spot and pulled the keys from the car.
“You ok?” I didn’t respond right away, still half lost in thought.
“Um…. Yeah of course. I’m good, hungry but good.”
“K cause this is all about you just having some fun.” He grinned. “None of this pensive depressed writer crap. Come on. Let’s get some food. You must be fucking starved.”
It was a Thai restaurant. For some reason Adam was on a kick for Thai food. It seemed like almost every time we were eating out it was at yet another Thai restaurant. Those Swedish meatballs in the freezer back at Adam’s place were sounding better and better.
“This place is great. Plus you’ll appreciate the creaminess of the sauces they use, should be good for your stomach. By the way, how are you feeling?”
“Not too bad I guess. There never really was pain associated with it, just a bloating feeling.”
“I was half afraid you were going to throw a clot during your flight, die on the plane.” He started laughing a little. “So glad you didn’t though.” I frowned. “Oh come on buddy. We wouldn’t be able to have this amazing weekend if anything happened to you. I’m totally psyched that you didn’t throw a clot.” He continued to laugh. I suppose I hadn’t even realized how dangerous it had been for me to fly considering my recent bleed.
“Thanks.”
“Oh come on man, let’s have some fun. Don’t get all mopes on me.” He was still grinning from ear to ear chuckling a little.
The waitress came and took our orders. I hadn’t really had a chance to look much so Adam offered to order for us. I told him to go for it but to keep the choices mild and easy to digest. He didn’t have a history of screwing me over on food. He was far more picky than me, and much more likely to complain about dishes that weren’t to his liking. He also ordered a bottle of wine to my surprise. After the waitress walked away he turned to meet my accusatory look.
“What? I know you can’t drink, don’t worry it’s for me. You’re fine with driving aren’t you?” With the booze already ordered I could hardly say no.
“Sure, I can drive.”
My enjoyment in the meal was greatly reduced. I couldn’t get past the rising anxiety. I was fixating on the knowledge that I’d be driving the far too expensive sports car home afterwards.
“What’s wrong, not enjoying your food?” Adam was deftly using chop sticks to pick apart his meal. The half bottle of wine he’d consumed was doing nothing to impede him.
“Just not looking forward to the drive back, that’s all.”
“You’ll love the feel of it, the way it hugs the road. It’s a beautiful thing that car.”
“That’s not the point.” I felt my temper rising up. I really didn’t want to talk about it. I just wanted to enjoy myself, for things to be good.
“Well what is the point?”
“I just want to drop it, alright? Can we talk about something else?”
“Sure we can drop it. I just hope it isn’t about the car because…” I got up and left tossing my napkin on the table. I wasn’t outside for long when Adam joined me.
We just stood there for awhile in silence until Adam broke it.
“So I guess I should have asked about the driving before ordering the wine?”
“That would have been nice.” I tried to put as much agitated sarcasm into my voice as I could muster.
“Alright, I’ll return the car tomorrow. I’ll get something you’ll be comfortable with.” He wasn’t smiling but I thought I saw a glint in his eye, the kind that suggested he had a trick up his sleeve. “This whole thing is your vacation.” He smiled warmly. “If you’re having a bad time we’ll change things up.” There was no hint that he was being disingenuous. I started feeling bad about walking out on dinner.
“Do you want to go back inside?”
“Nah, no point I already squared up the bill.” He glanced over at me asking his question with a caution he rarely displayed. “If you don’t want to drive I can get us a cab.”
“I’ll drive.” He nodded and turning away took in a deep breath of the night air. The air was different here than in Toronto. It was warm but there was a humid coolness in it.
It brought forth memories of Florida. It was the joy of stepping out of the car and catching the breeze that was coming off the ocean. Frank, Jennifer, and I would race to the beach. My mother would voice her objections to us exuberantly running off but we never paid any heed. Frank, followed by Jennifer, made it to the beach first. I would bring in the rear no less excited to see the ocean. Often we came in at night with the breeze cooler, just as it was now. You could almost taste the salt hanging in the air’s humidity.
“How about we go get you a drink, my treat? A little thank you for having me down here.” Now that the dust had settled in our pseudo argument I felt bad. I’d become child like throwing tantrums, overreacting. A haze of anger that was never there before seemed to perpetuate the cycle, somehow out of my power to stop it.
“Yeah.” He grinned. “That would be nice.”
The car roared to life when I turned the key and that was the only display of bravado the car managed to exhibit while I was behind the wheel. I drove the car no more than five under the speed limit the entire way to the bar. To Adam’s credit he didn’t say a single thing about my driving, though I could tell he was doing everything in his power to keep quiet. He just sat there occasionally glancing at the rigid form of my arms tightly gripping at the wheel and smirked. It was good that he hadn’t said anything. I’m not sure I wouldn’t have snapped at him again. Arriving at the club, Adam asked for a table on the front patio. It had palm trees lit up with bubble gum colors like pink and bright purple. It wasn’t long before the waitress arrived to take our order. Adam blatantly let his eyes slide down her legs which were covered only barely with a rather tiny black skirt.
“What would you suggest?” Adam un-abashedly raised his eyes to the waitress and locked them with her.
“Our iced drinks are to die for.” She giggled innocently under the pressure of his gaze.
“Two of your finest iced drinks then, one of them virgin.” He raised his eyebrows fiendishly at the waitress when uttering the word ‘virgin’. “Sadly, he can no longer drink, his loss will be mourned.” I shook my head in disbelief but I had to admit Adam was fun to watch. The waitress left and Adam turned to me still grinning.
“See that’s the trick. That’s how you do it.”
I shook my head. “What’s the trick? Trick to what?”
“To getting a girl, a woman, you just have to put yourself out there.” As Adam smiled that cocksure confident and more than somewhat annoying grin, I was left wondering if he wasn’t right. What had I done recently, better yet what had I ever done?
Five years ago I had tried an online dating site. You had to create a profile. This profile included information like, your idea of a perfect date, your hopes relationship wise as well as informational tidbits like life philosophy and take on religion. I’d met with Frank to read him my profile. In all seriousness I was hoping for some positive feedback, all I received was laughter and head shaking.
“It sounds like a bloody resume John.” He laughed.
“Well I guess it kind of is a resume.”
“But should it read like one?” He grabbed the printed copy off the table searching for something I’d read to him moments earlier. “Like this part here. I like to read books with historical accuracy.” He laughed a little. “Do you have any idea how that makes you sound, historical accuracy, really?” He shook his head still smiling. “The woman reading this is going to immediately wonder if they’ve stumbled upon the most boring man alive.” I remember thinking at the time that maybe the right woman wouldn’t find it boring. Besides, he just took one tiny fragment of what I wrote and focused on it, still, when my profile hadn’t received any messages or hits after two weeks I took it down. Maybe I gave up to quickly? I don’t know.
The waitress brought the drinks and giving Adam a wink she announced the virgin drink rather loudly while placing it in front of me. There was a tiny umbrella adorning each beverage, I had no idea places still did that.
“Well you did fuck Tiffany.” Adam was grinning from ear to ear barely able to contain himself. “I still can’t believe you did that by the way, but other than her, have you done anything recently.”
“Not recently no.”
Two years ago right around the time Frank had become increasingly busy, I remember him throwing a barbecue, work people.
“There’ll be lots of single ladies John, you should come? It’s going to be pretty big.” He’d asked me on the phone when setting it up.
“I don’t know.” I wanted to say no. Everything about it made me feel uncomfortable. Big event, lots of people, pressure from my brother to chat with women, it all sounded dreadful. I ended up going but I left after only half an hour or so. I was so far out of my comfort zone it wasn’t even funny.
My brother called the next day.
“It’s too bad you left. There were a few women I wanted to introduce you to.” I remember thinking I was glad I left. How awkward would that have been?
“Sorry bro but it wasn’t my scene.”
“Alright, but what is your scene?” I didn’t know how to answer that when Frank asked me.
“You just have to put yourself out there, that’s the secret. You pick a place, any place and I’ll be your wing man. Where do you want to go?” I didn’t know the answer now that Adam was asking. I sipped at my fruity beverage. The flavors of pineapple, coconut and banana blended perfectly.
“I don’t know.”
“I mean you’re not a bad looking guy John, I mean you could stand to lose a few pounds and you’re no me, but, you’re not a bad looking guy.”
“Thanks, I think.”
“And you’re a nicer guy than me.” The grin drained from his face and I couldn’t help look at him a little shocked. “I know why I get woman, and it’s not because I’m a nice guy. I can be a royal shit and we both know it.” The smile crept back. “In the spirit of being a nicer guy, what do you want to do while you’re here, because whatever it is we’ll make it happen.” His smile was gone and he was dead serious. It was as if he couldn’t find a reason to smile when he was being nice. As if all the fun in the world was dependant on being a jerk. He almost wore a pained expression.
“Well, I just wanted to focus on taking it easy, getting some exercise, trying to lose weight.”
“Wow. I’m getting goose bumps already just thinking about the excitement.” The sarcasm was dripping off his every word. “But in all seriousness, sure, you name it we’ll do it, but, and it’s an important but, I get to plan one day.”
“Like you have carte blanche?”
“Yep.” He grinned fiendishly. “I get to plan the day from start to finish.
“You know I can’t drink right.” I glanced wistfully at his rum laden pina colada.
“I know. It will be alcohol free. I’m trying to show you a good time not kill you.”
“Fine.” I said sipping at my drink. “One day.” I knew I would regret it.
The drive back was less stressful. We had spent a few hours at the bar sipping on Pina Colada’s. The streets were quieter now and Adam was all but passed out in the passenger seat. After the first drink he had started asking to super size our drinks. With these rich calorie laden beverages I wasn’t missing the other half of my dinner I’d walked out on earlier. As per usual Adam had found a way to pay for the drinks. When I tried to hand the waitress my credit card she informed me that he had already taken care of it. Typical Adam really, not much I could do there. He was good that way, too good really. I pulled into the laneway of the beach house.
“We’re here.”
Adam groggily righted himself, he’d been sleeping. “God I was out like a light.” He wiped his face. He’d been drooling a little in his sleep. “Shit, well I’m off to bed. The spare bedroom should be set for you.”
“Sure.” We entered the condo.
“Where do you want these?” I held up the keys and he sluggishly waved at me.
“Just throw them on the kitchen counter.” I placed the keys on the counter and felt a wave of relief wash over me. People would have given their left arm for that opportunity and I was desperate for it to come to an end. That car was likely worth more money than I had ever made in my entire life.
I headed to the spare bedroom and was happy to close the door behind me. The tight confined space was a welcomed form of relief, somehow it was comforting. Maybe I knew the boundaries of this room. I could count on the four walls. I’d always been somewhat of an introvert. Perhaps that was worsening as I got older. I changed into my pajamas and crawled under the covers. Adam always kept the air conditioning high requiring me to ask for an extra blanket on previous trips. He’d laid one out for me remembering my previous requests. That was good of him. Tomorrow I’d go for a walk on the beach, a long one. Lose some of this gut hopefully, thin down a little. I rolled over onto my side closing my eyes. As I drifted off, dreams took me. I saw Frank embrace Sarah, both of them elated, her smile as contagious as ever. The two of them seemed to be spinning while holding onto one another.
Generally I’m very good at sleeping in but I found myself unable to fall back to sleep shortly after nine. I’ve never been a comfortable sleeper when not in my own bed. I suppose I’m a creature of habit. Venturing outside I found the newspaper had been delivered. I took my time collecting it, standing on Adam’s porch for a moment to enjoy the warm humidity of the air before heading back inside. We still didn’t have groceries. With no other alternative I poured myself a glass of water and began to read the book review portion of the paper. This may come across as slightly sadistic but I take a particular delight in reading the reviews of books that get destroyed by the reviewer. I like to know others have to suffer as I have, a perverse sense of fairness knowing that I’m not the only one being torn to shreds. I find one that causes me to chuckle a little. ‘A mish mash of imagery both lacking imagination and overbearing with its metaphors.’ I continued reading. ‘The story arc is force fed the reader in a ham handedness that is only rendered more shameful by the lack of writing talent in this debut novel.’ I chuckled again.
“I always thought that was a little sick.” Adam was coming out of his bedroom wearing boxer shorts and a t-shirt. “You laughing at the poor sods, especially since you can relate.” Adam yawned stretching his arms wide in the process. “Well I’m going to go take care of the car and get some groceries. You’ll be fine here?”
“Sure.”
“Don’t forget there are meatballs in the freezer if you get hungry.” It wasn’t long before he’d thrown on a track suit and headed out. He looked disheveled when he left yet he still managed to have that charming roguish look about him. I half expected him to pick up a woman instead of groceries.
Thankfully for my growling stomach when he returned in just over an hour he had a bag of groceries in his arms.
“Here you go.” He tossed me an energy bar and some kind of vegetable drink in a can. “That should keep you going for a bit.”
“Thanks.” I said half heartedly.
“Once done we can go for that walk and start putting you on the treadmill.”
“Great.” I said sarcastically.
“Hey you’re the one that wants to be the hamster spinning on the wheel, not me.”
I shook my head. I already wolfed down the bar and was quickly drinking the noxious tasting beverage. “Oh this is dreadful.”
“The drink? It’s amazing and super healthy for you. What are you a wuss? Come on, go change! Let’s get going!” I changed into my track pants and came back out still trying to finish the drink.
“No I can’t do it. I just can’t finish that.”
“Jesus you’re sad John.” He shook his head at me, an exaggerated look of disgust on his face. “Leave it. Let’s go.”
“Are you seriously going to keep this drill Sergeant thing going?”
“Only if I have to. Now git!”
We left out the front and that’s when I saw it sitting in the driveway, the most beat up car I think I’d seen outside of a movie or a dump.
“What is that?”
Adam was laughing. “That’s my new car and I’m pretty sure you’ll have to agree with me that it’s not too ostentatious for you.” Its frame was terribly rusted and twisted.
“Jesus Adam is that even safe to drive.”
“Probably not but just getting to watch your reaction made it worth the purchase.” I shook my head. “You should have seen your jaw drop when you first laid eyes on it. Why do you think I wanted you out here so quickly, it had nothing to do with your fitness walk.”
“You are ridiculous Adam.” I couldn’t help but smile.
“Come on hamster let’s head down to the beach.”
The day was slightly cooler and overcast. It was keeping the beach relatively quiet. It was warm enough that before long, I was sweating like a pig in my tracksuit. Just above the beach was a bike/jog path where we were slowly working our way down the coast. I felt terribly out of place. Each man and woman we passed seemed to be sporting a near perfect figure. I guess the fat ones weren’t allowed on the exercise paths or soon figured out they didn’t belong here. Adam was too busy gawking at the passing ladies to carry on any conversation and I was far too winded to attempt any. We weren’t jogging but we were moving at a pace far faster than I was used to.
“Ok I think I need to stop for some water or something, catch my breath maybe.” I was wheezing between words.
“Jesus I didn’t know how badly out of shape you were. When was the last time you went to the gym?”
I sat down on a park bench. “Can’t remember.” I was working hard to catch my breath, pushing out words amidst gasps. “Awhile ago.” I coughed a little.
“Try not to die. I’ll get us some waters.” Adam headed over to a hot dog and sausage vendor which seemed terribly out of place parked amongst these health fanatics. He returned with two bottles of some purplish colored sports drink. “Here you go, drink this.” I happily drank the beverage. It tasted better than the previous one he’d given me. “We can take it slower.”
I nodded. “That might be nice.” My breathing had mostly returned to normal and I could now focus on the other unpleasant feelings such as the sensation that I was swimming in my own sweat. I wiped my brow with my forearm.
“Jesus, look at you.” Adam laughed again. “How’s the swimming pool over there?”
“Very funny. Let’s keep going.”
“Seriously?” He looked at me with some amazement. “You look like you’re dying.”
I got up off the bench and felt my legs buckle underneath me. “Well maybe we should head back.”
The walk back was slower as my muscles in my legs refused to pick up the speed. I was now focusing on the pain shooting up and down my legs and into my heels. I was exhausted.
“About how far out are we?”
“At this pace?”
I nodded.
“Two hours maybe.” He laughed while turning his head back to watch a blond in tight jogging clothes pass us.
“Two hours?” There was no possible way I could have hidden the exasperation in my voice even if I’d wanted to.
“Maybe that’s a slight exaggeration but we went a really good distance.”
“Great.” Time just seemed to have disappeared heading out but going back it stood still. When we returned to Adam’s place I poured myself a huge glass of cold water and collapsed on the couch.
“You know your one ball of sweat don’t you?”
“Oh sorry.” I got up and went outside finding a patio chair I wouldn’t ruin with sweat stains. God I was disgusting. I just sat there enjoying the cool breeze while sipping my ice water. When Adam was done with the shower and cleaning up I was eager to do the same. My muscles ached with the hot water and yet somehow I felt wonderful. I’d forgotten how good a workout could make you feel, how much more rewarding the shower felt when you were literally coated in sweat.
After showering I got dressed and eagerly picked up my laptop. I’d brought it without really knowing whether I’d use it or not but suddenly I found myself excited to write.
“Bout fucking time!” Adam was grinning while working on something in the kitchen. I gave Adam the finger as I returned to the peace of his front porch. I felt physically exhausted and yet mentally and emotionally renewed. I started writing feverishly, barely acknowledging Adam who had brought me a sandwich and a beverage although I did find time to eat it amidst my key strokes. When my battery died I found an outdoor plug on Adam’s porch which I quickly utilized. It wasn’t until the sun started setting that I realized just how deeply engrossed I’d been in my writing. I rubbed my eyes which were smarting from staring at the screen that long. I grabbed my laptop and headed inside.
“Jeez, I was wondering when you’d be coming in. Not like I was going to stop you though, I was kind of hoping you’d fallen into some kind of trance and were just going to keep writing into next week. I figure it may be the only way you’d finish a book.”
“Very funny.” I was grinning.
“Well it’s good to see you happy. I can’t remember the last time you had a grin I couldn’t wipe off your face with a little remark.” I smirked, but he was right, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been this happy. “I’m going to whip up some drinks for us to celebrate with and I’ll do some of these frozen meatballs. Been dying to find out if they are edible or not.” He grinned. Adam started blending in the kitchen apparently trying to recreate the drinks from the previous night. The final product had an orangey tinge to it.
“I’m pretty sure they weren’t orange in the bar.”
“Just drink it or I’ll put bleach in the next one.” I shook my head and drank away. It tasted like milk and orange juice, I’m pretty sure it had curdled in places. He’d given me a straw which I was using to poke at the solid chunks. “Want to go outside?”
“Sure.”
Outside the last of the sun was setting, the occasional bug was zipping around us. Adam was grinning at me and it kept getting larger and larger.
“What?” I said at last, unable to wait and see if his face would rip open from the grin.
“You never noticed..?”
“Noticed what?”
“The car.” I glanced around for the clunker he’d got but it was no longer parked in the lane way.
“Where’d it go?”
“I got rid of it. I only bought it for the joke.” I shook my head.
“How much did it cost you?”
“Two grand.” He smiled.
“You spent two grand on a joke.” I couldn’t hide my disbelief.
“Sure.” He said taking another sip of his drink. “And it was worth every penny.”
“So what did you do with the car?”
“Dropped it off at the dump.” He smirked.
“Two grand on a joke?”
“Sure, why not.”
“What are you made of money?” Every word I mouthed was bathed in condescension. I couldn’t believe anyone would do that.
“Yeah I’ve got money. Thanks to my parents, I have money.” He went quiet, vulnerable. I should have stopped my attack on his frivolous spending but somehow I couldn’t. Maybe it was the million better uses I could imagine for that money.
“Well they definitely didn’t leave you with any sense that’s for sure.”
“My parents didn’t leave me with anything except the money.” He wasn’t making eye contact with me. He was staring straight ahead of himself into the distance. “They were racist bigots and everything they taught me was a lesson I wished I’d never learned.” He wasn’t making eye contact with me. He was staring straight ahead as if seeing through the house across the street. “Fuck’em. Let’s not talk about my parents anymore alright.” He glanced at me briefly and there was a glimpse of anger in his eyes, a deep pained expression of rage and anguish just below the surface. It was this strength of emotion that silenced me. I wouldn’t raise his parents as a topic again. We sat there for awhile in the cool breeze. I felt like I should say something but didn’t know what to say. Eventually I went with the standby.
“I’m sorry Adam.” He shook his head. I’d never seen his face void of a smile for so long. His eyes no longer dancing with devious thoughts appeared instead to be weighed down with some unknown sadness.
“Look I’m going to go inside.” He got up ensuring his back was to me. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” His voice was stern, monotone, so unlike him.
“Sure man we don’t have to talk about it.”
“Sometimes I think I blame my parents too much and maybe I do. But you don’t blame yours enough.” He opened the door and went inside never letting me see his face. Whatever expression he was hiding I’m sure it wasn’t one I would have wanted to see. Yet again I’d become judging, easily angered. I never used to be like that. What the fuck was wrong me? Was my Father to blame? I couldn’t think that way.
I stayed out on the porch for twenty minutes hoping to give Adam time to cool down before I would apologize for my comments. It was his money to spend. It wasn’t my place to judge him. Friends don’t do that. I was still on the porch when he left. I watched him walk down the laneway and head off towards the main strip. He’d changed into club clothes a white jacket and pant with a pink shirt. He didn’t so much as glance in my direction and for a moment I thought of heading for the airport and leaving altogether but I decided against it. I had a feeling leaving would only exacerbate the problem. Instead I tried to write more and again found myself churning out thousands of words over the course of the evening. I only stopped once to get a bowl of cereal. Every now and then I would draw my gaze away from my work to look for Adam. I suppose I was half expecting him to come home, to maybe talk about what happened earlier. It was around midnight when I gave up on both writing and Adam returning. I rubbed my tired eyes and headed to bed.