P L A Y L I S T
Fatal Optimist - Alesana
Owen didn't know what he'd been thinking. Well, that wasn't exactly true. He'd been thinking plenty, but never intended to act on those thoughts. Thank God, Kline and Dawn decided to come back inside when they did, or he would have taken Silbie right there in the living room. She made him crazy to the point his brain scrambled.
The kiss had been a big mistake because now all he could think about was how her lips felt against his and how one just made him want more.
He wheeled into the motel parking lot, killed the engine and stared into space. Leaving was the right thing to do. Thankfully, he had enough work piled up, so he'd be too busy to think about her. Yeah. Right. At least he'd have National Guard duty the following weekend, and that would certainly keep his mind occupied. In twenty-nine months, his commitment would be met, and he'd been thinking about extending his enlistment. If he did, in twelve years he'd qualify for full benefits. The time demanded little investment for a big return. Businesses were expensive, and if he ever did want to open his up, he'd need money. A lot of it.
That was a decision for later. Right now, he needed to decide what to do about Silbie. If he kept seeing her, things were sure to get out of hand. He only had so much self-control, and at some point, desire would win out.
He leaned his head back against the seat. Wouldn't be fair to do that to her. College should be one of the best times of her life. If he occupied all her free time, she'd miss the whole experience, and someday she'd resent him for it. Up until now, their relationship remained platonic so nobody would get their heart broken, and they could part as friends.
There was only one thing to do, and he'd known that from the start. Leave Parkers Prairie and forget about her.
*
Gabriel knew he should be home instead of at the hospital, but here he was slipping into Zari's room like a thief. He could have gone to Grillenium Falcon and had a drink, but that didn't appeal to him. He wasn't feeling sociable. Not after finding out his mother was about to date. Christ Almighty. And dealing with Owen had only added an extra damper to his ahead plummeting mood.
In the dim light, he found his way to the corner chair and eased onto it. Zari's chest rose and fell with each silent breath. He'd never met a girl quite as bold as Zari. He dreaded lying to her with the fake boyfriend part, but he really did want to help her. And, maybe he wanted to spend time with her, too. Get to know her.
According to everything her family had told him, her assertive behavior wasn't normal. They'd described her as shy, especially when it came to relationships. The change in personality shouldn't be a shock considering her memory had been wiped clean. Along with everyone else, he figured she'd forgotten who she was.
That brought up an interesting question. Which Zari would he like better? The old or new version? Didn't really matter much which one he preferred, since both would leave as soon as her brain healed. She'd go back to that Perry dude. He had no misguided assumptions that Zari would ever get her memory back and decide she actually preferred Gabriel to her actual boyfriend.
Damn. Gabriel had never met him and already disliked him. What kind of jerk never came to visit his unconscious girlfriend? More importantly, how could anyone love a man like that? He'd stuck with Rosie through two rounds of rehab, when Zari's boyfriend couldn't even make time for one measly visit. Even her family didn't seem to care much for the guy, if Matthew's reaction said anything about it. It only added to his instant dislike of this faceless Perry, who seemed more storybook villain in his head than an awful boyfriend.
Still, he wouldn't be much better off once she found out he'd been lying and taking advantage of her all this time. With the added bonus of her entire family, and several others as part of the scheme, she'd probably never trust anyone ever again.
This entire situation was conjuring up old heartache again. Even after all Rosie had done, Gabriel still loved her for a long time. At least the old Rosie. Not the one that lied and cheated. The drugged-out girl who killed his unborn baby without telling him about it. It was her body, but he'd have gone with her to the clinic; he'd have helped her.
Zari roused, rubbed her eyes, then smiled. "Hey, are you really here, or am I dreaming?"
He whispered a laugh to mask his shock. "You dream about me?" He wanted to ask her to describe these dreams, but he couldn't voice the question.
She pushed herself up in bed. "All the time." He choked down the glimmer of disappointment. It couldn't be him she was dreaming about; at least, not the reality of him, but her faux belief that he was hers before the accident.
"Do you ever dream about me?"
Damn it. "I don't remember my dreams." Another lie for the ever growing list.
"Come over here."
Cocking his head, he eyed her. Getting closer proved dangerous. Last time he did, she copped a feel. "Promise you won't molest me?"
"That's a terrible word. It means I'm forcing myself on you. Is that how you feel?" Her voice cracked and in that instant, he wanted to hug her, press his thumb against the crease between her brows and smooth it out.
But he didn't know how to answer that question. Didn't want to hurt her feelings, but didn't want to encourage her either. "I guess that was the wrong choice. I apologize." He stood and scooted his chair next to her bed. "I didn't mean to wake you." He sat and leaned closer. "I can't stay long. Have to be up early for work."
"I'm sorry," she sighed, weary. "I don't remember what you do."
He'd not thought of it before, but this could be a good thing. The more she learned about him, the more likely she'd be to realize he wasn't Perry. Maybe the rest would follow. He forced the thought away; rich girls like her didn't fall in love with guys like him. The riff-raff from the other side of the tracks. They, however, did fall in love with jackasses like Perry, who hadn't even checked on her yet. He had to quench this small bit of jealousy gathering in his stomach at a guy he'd never even met, or cared to meet.
"I work for the power company. I'm a lineman."
She rubbed her hand across her forehead and squinted. "Oh. So, you're the guy who stands in a bucket to work on power lines?"
"That's me."
"Isn't that dangerous?"
"Currently number seven on the top ten most dangerous jobs in America. That's why I'll cut my visit short. Can't be sluggish when dealing with high voltage."
She raised her eyebrows. "Why do you do it?"
"My step dad worked for the company for years. I felt like I needed to stay close to home, take care of my mom and Silbie. Parkers Prairie doesn't have much to offer career wise. Besides, it has good benefits. Insurance. Retirement. Job security."
Her frown deepened. "I don't remember any of that. I wish I could. I keep thinking something will be familiar, but nothing is."
Her voice cracked, and Gabriel fought the urge to hold her, but the best thing for him was to avoid body contact. Showing any affection would be dangerous.
He felt guilty, but also sadness, too. Like a newborn, Zari had no realizations of who she was, or anything beyond a fake life that had been molded for her.
"It'll come in time." He stood. "I should go."
She grabbed his hand, the smooth digit gliding over his callouses until their fingers were linked. "Not yet. You never told me why you came."
"I don't know. I just—I don't know." He shook his head and slumped back into the chair. As crazy as it was, he didn't know why he was here.
She squeezed his fingers. "What's wrong? You can tell me. Just because I can't remember our life together doesn't mean I don't want you to share your problems with me."
He grit his teeth, remembering the previous day. It wasn't Zari's problem, though; she had asked for none of it. "Even if they involve your family?"
"Did Owen do something?"
Gabriel hung his head and rubbed the back of his neck. The last thing he wanted was add more stress to her.
"Silbie has a big-time crush on him, and he's too old for her. Then I overheard Matthew ask my mom out." He sighed, "I know they have their own lives, and I shouldn't have a say, but I don't want Silbie to get hurt. And mom—well, I've just never thought of her being with anyone but my dad." It was stupid to feel that way and he knew it. He couldn't keep the Luna women all to himself; couldn't keep things the same forever. He wanted both of them to be happy, but there was something so dangerous in putting all your happiness in other people.
"She's been alone for a while, right?" Her voice was soft.
"Yeah."
"Well, it isn't like she's going to marry him. It's just a date. Don't you think she deserves a night out with a nice man?"
"Sure, but one date can turn into two, then three, and before you know it, things might..."
"What?" She grinned. "Get physical?"
He scrubbed a hand over his face and groaned. "Oh, God. Don't say that." He shook his head to dispel the mental images before they formed.
Zari giggled. "Look, in the beginning, women and men want different things. Men—well, you know what they want, but women mostly want attention and affection. We want to feel like we mean something to someone and we don't want to demand it. We want it given freely." She paused, "At least that's what I want."
Damn, something in Gabriel's chest twisted. Guilt. "I shouldn't bother you with this stuff. You have your own problems."
She brought his hand to her lips and kissed it. "I'm happy you did. Everybody tiptoes around me. Like they're afraid to say the wrong thing. You - talking about this, it makes me feel like we're really connected. You know?"
Yeah, he knew. Even if it wasn't real, it sure felt like it. Her lips on his hand made his heart ache for so many reasons. For misleading her. Because she belonged to someone else. But most of all, when he was with her, he felt something he'd not in a long time. Something he didn't think he'd feel again.
And with the way things were going, something he certainly didn't deserve.
"Yeah. I know. As for why I came back tonight, I wanted to see you even if you were asleep. Being in the same room with you—well, it makes me feel better." He rocked back on his heels, feeling bare and exposed. It was easy, though, to talk to her. It wasn't something he fully understood, talking to a basic stranger about his life, his issues. There was just something about Zari that made it easy and possible to tell her anything.
She took her bottom lip between her teeth and grinned. "It's the same for me. And maybe I don't remember anything about the men in my life, but I don't think they'd deliberately hurt your sister or mother. I mean, I was raised with Owen and Matthew has been around since before I was born, and look how awesome I am."
She giggled again, and her laugh seemed light up her entire face and resonate for miles. Gabriel found himself laughing too, then took a deep breath. All he wanted was to make her laugh. "I really have to go." He found himself at odds much too often, wanting her to stay, wanting her to go.
"I know, but I wish you could stay." She tugged him forward, and he didn't resist. Fact was, he wanted to kiss her—a million times, and that still wouldn't be enough.
She placed her hand on his cheek and leaned forward to deliver a sweet, tender kiss. When it ended, he let his lips linger on hers and whispered against them. "I'll see you tomorrow. Okay?"
She inhaled as if to pull his words into her mouth. "Uh-huh. Tomorrow."
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D'aw. They aren't even at his house yet and they're already so domestic.
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