and i'll hold your hand
'till the very end, the very e n d . . .
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My very first date played out just like any other girl would imagine their first date to be. It was with Ben, of course. At precisely six o'clock on a Friday night, he picked me up and took me to a restaurant he claimed to have been his "favorite". God knows if he was even telling the truth about that one. We all know he lied about his feelings for me, so why not lie about his favorite food?
After dinner, which consisted of me gazing at Ben like I was in the presence of some celestial being and him casting his spell on me, he drove me home. He walked me up to my door, kissed me goodnight, and then left. I was reeling over the fact that I'd just gotten my first kiss on my first date with an upperclassmen. And not just any upperclassmen, but the hot commodity that was Ben Axford. He walked away with his classic, pantie-dropping smile in place, but little did I know that smile only meant his plan was finally in the works.
Obviously the only dating experience I've had was with Ben, and overall it wasn't the greatest experience. Even though our relationship was one big scheme, it still somewhat prepared me for future dates I didn't know I would have. Therefore, I was relatively calm when the weekend came and I was going out on a date with Ronnie.
I had Cheyenne with me in the morning before she had to go to work since she slept over, but she eventually had to leave me for the Saturday rush at the mall. She offered me as much advice as she could and picked out a few pieces from my closet that she thought I should wear. I ended up not going with any of them, keeping her updated through text as I got ready.
Dressed to go by seven o'clock, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, elbows resting on my knees and my eyes staring at the floor. All there was left to do was wait for Ronnie to come get me. My slip dress, chunky ankle booties and bomber jacket – an all-black ensemble – showed that I put some thought into my outfit, but not too much to the point where it was obvious. I had on my day-to-day minimal makeup which meant foundation, shimmery champagne eyeshadow, and mascara. I even went through the effort of contouring my face, thanks to Cheyenne incessantly texting me when she was supposed to be working. Meanwhile, my hair was in its usual state of being not quite straight, but not wavy either.
It wouldn't be my first time going out with Ronnie, but it was our first formal dinner date, I guess you could say. And as I was waiting for him, the minutes turning to hours when he said he was on his way, I found myself thinking of how far I'd come. A smile even crossed my face at a certain point.
Just a few months ago, I would never have expected myself to be in the position that I am. The Savannah back then would've panicked at the sheer mention of the word "date". She would've fought off any boy with her frigid demeanor and impossibly strong blockade she built around herself.
Now? I was feeling freer than I had in a long, long time.
With a promise to just let things happen and not put so much pressure on myself, as Cheyenne suggested, I dashed down the stairs when I got the text from Ronnie that he was at my house.
"Going out?" My dad called from the living room.
I stopped short when I came by the opening to the room and peeked in, seeing him on the couch watching a hockey game. "Yeah. Ronnie and I are going out for dinner, so I'll be back later on. Not sure what time," I told him.
"Oh, okay." He nodded, a small smile appearing now. "Be careful."
"I will," I returned the same smile he gave me.
Since no one else was home, I didn't have anyone else to say goodbye to but him. A quick wave and a "love you" thrown over my shoulder, and I was out the door.
Ronnie was looking fine as ever in the driver's seat with an impish smirk he wore too well on his face as he watched me slide into his car. When I glanced over at him, my cheeks flushed for a reaction. So brazen, but so, so sexy.
"Hi Savannah," he crooned.
"Hi," I giggled nervously. "Why'd you say my name?"
He shrugged a shoulder and pulled away from my house. "I just like to say it," he answered, the reason simple enough for me to understand, but still never serving as one to cross my mind. I shook my head, the smile tugging at my lips forcing me to turn away.
"So, have you been to this place before?" I asked, wondering about the restaurant he chose since I was unfamiliar with it.
"Yeah. A few times, actually," he said. "They have really good crab balls."
"Noted. Is that why you asked if I like seafood?"
"Pretty much. I wanted to make sure I wasn't taking you to a place where you'd hate the food. Talk about a shit date." He looked over at me as he quipped the last line, and I laughed.
"How considerate of you," I simpered while batting my lashes at him for the second he took his eyes off the road for me.
That brief second was enough to have my heart dancing in my chest. It never really settled down for the rest of the car ride.
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I've said before that I'd have to learn to trust Ronnie when it comes to letting him in. Now, I've learned that I can trust his taste in restaurants with certainty.
We were seated in a booth against one wall of the long room, a bar running along the opposite wall, with tables randomly placed in the open space between. It leaned more toward the upscale side, though it didn't make you feel out of place. There weren't too many people, but as we finished up our meals and were getting ready to leave, the amount nearly doubled. I was thinking because it was a Saturday night and there was a bar with hockey playoffs on, so people probably flocked here as it got later.
While we waited for our waitress to come back with Ronnie's card, I dramatically sighed to get his attention. His gaze shifted from where it previously was onto me, an eyebrow raised in curiosity.
"Well, I have to agree. The crab balls were delicious," I commented, pretending to be unimpressed.
He rolled his eyes and leaned back in his booth, his arms crossing over his chest. "I know you hate when I'm right, but I know what I'm talking about when it comes to good food."
"Whatever," I sarcastically replied with a sideways smirk. "Can we get froyo? I'm really craving it for some reason."
Ronnie didn't say anything at first. I watched as his focus switched to something behind me off to my right, his body stiffening in the slightest. He couldn't hide it, though he tried as he blinked and looked right back at me. My eyes narrowed, but I didn't mention it.
"Yeah, we can do that," he rushed out the words with a short nod, then the waitress came over and we were free to go.
We walked side by side towards the exit, Ronnie's hand on the small of my back the entire way, almost guiding me. Our steps weren't brisk, but they weren't leisurely either. I didn't want to overthink it. In a normal world, maybe I could have the ability to not overthink things. Instead, lucky me gets to be eaten alive by anxiety until I figure out what's wrong.
I thought I'd say something when we were in the car, a more private setting since it seemed like someone was here that he didn't want to see. Once we got near the last stool at the bar right before the door to leave, his pace picked up a bit.
"Ronnie?"
"Shit," he swore under his breath so quietly I thought I misheard him.
With his hand still resting on my back, we turned towards the occupied stool at the end of the bar. And there, sitting like a queen on a throne with a smile made of diamonds, was Katrina.
I had to stop my jaw from falling open when I saw her.
"Hi," Ronnie bashfully greeted her.
"I thought that was you. How are you?" She asked, a hint of an accent in her voice that I couldn't quite pinpoint what type it was. She was still smiling, glancing to me a few times as she turned in her stool to face us.
She screamed glamorous. I couldn't soak all of it in and I couldn't help but gawk at her. Everything, from her French manicured stiletto nails to the impeccable application of her ruby red lipstick, had me feeling wonderstruck. Her hair, still as black as I remembered from the first time I ever saw her with Ronnie, was so glossy and straight that I thought, how is she real? The color of her full lips matched the dress she was wearing, which looked like it was made to fit every little curve of her body. Not to mention, she had the most gorgeous skin that was glowing like a potful of melted caramel.
Safe to say my self-esteem shrunk to the size of an ant in a millisecond.
"I'm alright. How 'bout you?" Ronnie's hand pressed closer to my back as he asked her the same thing.
"Good, good," she said. Her movie star smile on her round face remained as she looked to me again.
Ronnie seemed to get the hint then, clearing his throat. "This is my girlfriend, Savannah," he introduced me and nudged my back a little with his hand.
"H-hi," I stammered, possibly because either I was still stunned by Katrina's beauty, or I was in pure shock at the word "girlfriend" coming out of Ronnie's mouth. Somehow a smile still pulled my lips up and I played it cool. Kind of.
"Hi, I'm Katrina," she told me sweetly. I know. "So did you guys come here for dinner, or?"
"Yup," I decided to answer then and nodded.
"Good choice. The crab balls are spectacular," she gushed, flinging her hands out as if to emphasize.
"Yeah, they are," I remarked as I peered up at Ronnie with a smile that matched Katrina's, but it wasn't nearly as saccharine. He just looked at me from the corner of his eyes, so I wrapped my arm around his torso and held tight. Mr. Smooth-Talker crawled into a hole all of a sudden, it seemed. "How are the drinks?" I aimed my question to the belle at the bar.
"They're a little strong," she chuckled, taking a moment to sip from the pale green liquid in her martini glass. "I just got one in the meantime because I'm waiting for someone. Kind of like a blind date thing. My friend set me up with him, I don't know. I sort of hate her for it, but what can you do?"
I laughed along with her as if we were sharing some sort of inside joke. There was a part of me that wanted to dislike her. A part of me that couldn't resist being the cookie-cutter, shallow new girlfriend that hated the ex. But damnit, she was just so nice. She made it impossible to find something about her that was a turn off. I couldn't even find it in myself to be jealous of how beautiful she was because she was so pleasant to be around, even if it was for only a couple of minutes.
If Ronnie had a type, then I definitely didn't fit the bill. There was no way Katrina and I had anything in common. He formerly mentioned that I was pretty much the total opposite when it came to girls he liked, and I never put too much thought into it. Meeting the last girl he was with before me proved that to be true.
"Well, I'll let you guys go. I don't want to hold up your night," Katrina spoke up, her ebony eyes glancing between us. "It was good to see you, Ronnie. I'm glad you're doing well," she smiled at him for a moment and then her gaze landed on me. "And it was so nice meeting you, Savannah."
"You too," I said, and I meant it.
"See ya," Ronnie flicked up his hand for a wave as we bid her farewell.
When we got outside, I dropped my arm from being around Ronnie. His hand took its time removing itself from where it claimed its place on the small of my back. We silently got into his car and the radio did all the talking for us until we were at least a mile away from the restaurant.
"She was nice," I pointed out the obvious.
"Yeah," he murmured. "Do you still want frozen yogurt?"
I folded my hands on my crossed legs and stole a glimpse at him. He kept staring at the road ahead.
"Yes, please." At my answer, he finally met my eyes and I couldn't interpret the look he was giving me.
Thankfully, the yogurt place wasn't too far. It was on the way back home. We didn't have to endure the noiseless car ride for that long.
Inside the little shop, there was a small family with a young boy, a couple in a corner booth, and a group of girls somewhere in their pre-teen years. The lady behind the counter was on her phone, looking like she'd rather be anywhere else but this place. I walked up to the wall of different flavors with my cup, all of the names and colors making it hard to decide what I wanted. In the end, I made some concoction with cake batter and dark chocolate yogurt, sprinkles and brownie bites on top, and a swirl of hot fudge.
Ronnie joined me at the table I picked out against the window, his simple sundae contrasting the delicious mess I created. Vanilla yogurt topped with chocolate chips. It was just frozen yogurt, but I think it represented us. He was so much simpler than me – a complicated excuse of a human.
We had tried each other's sundaes and made small talk about the dessert, but neither of us dared to bring up what was so obviously the elephant in the room. For once, I decided to be the one to speak first.
"So, how come you didn't want me to meet Katrina?" I came right out with it, and his eyebrows drew together as he stuck a spoonful of yogurt in his mouth. "I mean, you were practically rushing us out of the restaurant. Then when she spotted us, you said 'shit', and you barely talked when we were with her. I'm no detective, but it kind of seemed like you were avoiding her."
I was laughing a little by the end, just to make it feel like I wasn't too irked about the whole encounter because I really wasn't. To be honest, I was more curious than anything.
Ronnie swallowed, then shrugged his sturdy shoulders. "I didn't think you were going to feel comfortable meeting my ex while we were out on a date," he allowed himself to say, ashamed and avoiding my eyes.
"Well it's not the most ideal situation, but it happens," I suppressed a sigh. He looked up at me then, probably surprised at my response and how I wasn't freaking out. I just sighed with a shake of my head. "We can't always avoid the people in our past. Like I said, it happens. I'm not gonna be mad at you for it. We're adults, and we should be able to handle stuff like this maturely, without bringing drama into it. I don't miss high school because that's exactly what would have happened if we were sixteen." He agreed by breathing a laugh through his nose and nodding along. "Luckily you don't have to worry about running into my ex because he's halfway across the country."
"Shit, that's pretty awesome," he chuckled.
I snorted, "It is. Especially when you're not and never will be on good terms." I couldn't keep the bitter tone out of my voice. I stuffed a brownie bite slathered in cake batter yogurt in my mouth to banish the unwelcome, resentful Ben feelings.
"I'm sorry I was being stupid about it," he transitioned back to our original topic. "I just haven't seen her in awhile, since our breakup, so it was weird."
"Not gonna lie, I felt kind of intimidated by her. She's beautiful," I enunciated the last word.
"She is, and she's a really good person. But that part of my life is over," he said, abandoning his frozen yogurt so our eyes connected again. The way his voice softened at the second sentence had me neglecting my sundae too. It felt like we were the only two people in the shop then as he continued. "I like you a lot, Savannah, and I don't want to mess this up because I tend to do that. I can be an idiot, as I so clearly demonstrated tonight when we ran into Katrina."
"It's okay. I just want you to know that you can talk to me about stuff like this. Or anything, really. Just be honest with me... and we'll be good." I nodded, my last point being the most important as he nodded too.
We finished up our sundaes and then headed back home, Ronnie's hand laced with my own nearly the entire way. It came over cautiously, resting on top of mine for a second until our fingers naturally intertwined. I was expecting my heartbeat to quicken at the initial contact, but it never did. Instead, it remained calm and steady on the ride to Ronnie's house.
Since it was still early for a Saturday night and we had no other plans, we ended up going back to his place. His dad was in Dallas for work until sometime next week, so it'd be just us. A situation we'd been in plenty of times before, and I went in at ease.
There wasn't a part of me that wanted to believe Ronnie would force me into doing anything I wasn't okay with. He wasn't Ben, and I wasn't going to relive my past with him. But sometimes I have to remind myself of those things. I don't always have control over my body and I never know how I'm going to react when I'm in certain situations.
After Ronnie parked his car in the garage, I followed him up to the front door and walked in once he unlocked it. The house was predictably dark, but Ronnie had no trouble locking the door again. "You can head to the living room in the meantime. I'll be right there," he said to me. I just nodded as we both went in different directions, myself dropping down on the couch in the designated room and turning on the TV.
I took off my boots and curled my legs underneath me, leaving my jacket on since my slip dress wasn't doing too great at keeping me warm and Ronnie's house was always so cold. The current channel was playing some hospital drama with a lot of crying involved, which I gladly switched off. Ronnie came in as I was still surfing through to find something to watch, so I gave up and handed him the remote instead.
"Saturday night TV sucks anymore," he complained, settling on a rom-com I'd seen dozens of times that was halfway through.
"Well, if you don't wanna watch TV, there's something I wanted to bring up to you," I said as he put his arm around me and I scooted over a little more into his side.
"What did I do now?" He sang in a teasing tone.
"Nothing." I shook my head and looked at him now, biting down on my lip to camouflage my smile. Though it wasn't really working, because the subject matter had me internally squealing. "It's just that... I'm your girlfriend now?"
The g-word rolling off Ronnie's tongue when he introduced me to Katrina was on my mind since the second it happened. Meeting his ex took over my thoughts for a bit, except now that it was out of the way, I could focus on what was even more important to me.
Ronnie calling me his girlfriend.
A quiet chuckle was his first reaction, his grip tightening around me was the second.
"Well, I mean... yeah. If that's what you want," he uttered lowly.
"Yeah, it is," I finally let my smile show as I answered him. "It took me by surprise, but yeah... I want it with you," I absentmindedly whispered the last part.
And as I felt the shackles bust open that Ben once entrapped me with, I was overcome with the urge to lose myself in Ronnie. I'd never felt such a need to kiss someone before. Not that I was about to be reckless and sleep with him or anything – considering the one and only time I was ever that intimate with someone is the reason why I'm so fucked up. But at least for a little while, I didn't want to think about anything but Ronnie with his hands on me and our lips locked.
That being said, I closed what little space was between us and kissed him. I held still for a moment, savoring how soft his lips were and how they incomparably fit against mine, then I barely pulled away. He must have felt exactly what I was feeling because at the slight separation, his mouth merged with mine again.
It'd taken us quite some time to get past the gentle, careful kissing when we first started this thing. For awhile, it was like Ronnie was afraid I'd shatter under his touch. I vividly remember the first time we ever made out was on my birthday after I opened his card for me. Needless to say, I appreciate how watchful he was and still is about me, but sometimes I need hasty, hot, desperate kisses just to feel my heart race in a way I haven't felt in years.
Ronnie's hands were clutching the silky fabric of my dress, scarcely inching it up from his grip at my waist, while mine were around his neck. I was pulling him into me, pulling until we were sinking into the couch and my back was touching the cushions beneath us. A small gasp escaped me, a sound I almost forgot was possible, when his mouth grazed the side of my neck.
Then I was in his lap, our lips not breaking for even a second as my jacket started to slide down my shoulders. His fingers were in my hair. Mine were trailing down his chest, debating on unbuttoning his shirt. And I completely lost track of time. From seeing stars to feeling an unknown bubbling erupting in my stomach, I couldn't concentrate on anything that wasn't Ronnie.
That is, until my concentration broke from the very distinct sound of keys in the front door.
We froze mid-kiss, both our eyes snapping open but not bothering to disconnect our lips.
"What is that?" I mumbled onto his mouth.
"I don't know."
I broke away now. "Who could it be?"
"I don't know."
The keys kept twisting in the lock until the door opened and I felt my heart leap into my throat as I crawled off of Ronnie. He leaned up to glance over towards the entryway, just as flustered as I was about the intruder.
"Ronnie? S'that you?" A resonant voice called out, followed by something heavy dropping onto the floor.
"Dad?" Ronnie questioned, the both of us staring at each other in pure confusion. It kicked in then what was happening, and our eyes bugged out at the same time.
As fast as I could possibly move, I sat up normally on the couch and adjusted my jacket securely around me, pulling my dress down to its intended length at the middle of my thighs. Ronnie and I were each fixing our hair, mine probably more of a noticeable mess than his. It wasn't that far from the foyer to the living room, and before I could truly prepare myself, Mr. Simmons was waltzing in.
"What are you doing home? I thought you were gonna be in Dallas 'till Wednesday," Ronnie practically wheezed out the words, attempting to keep his tone nonchalant.
"Eh, you know I've been there hundreds of times. We got done what we needed to, so we called it quits a little early," his dad explained as he stopped a few feet from the couch, his hands in the pockets of his slacks. The tie around his neck was a little loose, and if I had to guess, I'd say he just got off an airplane. His eyes were on the floor as he spoke calmly, coolly, just like Ronnie would have. They jumped up to us then, an expectant but jocular look on his face when he nodded his head at me. "Who's this?"
"My girlfriend, Savannah." Ronnie was quick to answer him.
I never really expected to meet Ronnie's dad like this, but it was too late now.
"Hi, Mr. Simmons," I said with a small, shy wave.
"Ronnie's told me about you. All good things, no worries," he teased, which just made me blush. He almost resembled his son to a T, just in 30 or so years. "Your Will's kid, right? Will Benson?"
"You know her dad?" Ronnie asked.
"Yes, I know her dad," Mr. Simmons mimicked him and I giggled, glancing at Ronnie to see him rolling his eyes. "We were in the same fraternity in college. He's a good guy. I hung around with him and Leigh a lot back in the day."
At the name drop, I was rendered speechless.
"Y-you knew my mom?" I squeaked out, my interest in Ronnie's dad now at an all-time high.
Mr. Simmons nodded, humming to confirm as his lips quirked up in understanding. "You look just like her," he uttered, his voice much softer now. All I could muster was a nod and a timid smile. He was swift in changing the subject, but nonetheless skilled in making it discreet. Just like Ronnie. "Alright, I'll leave you kids alone. I'm going to unpack and take a shower because that plane ride was full of sick kids."
"We'll be here," Ronnie breathed, mock-saluting his dad.
"It was nice meeting you, Mr. Simmons," I piped up before he left the room.
He spun around at my voice and smiled, giving me one short nod. "You too, hun." Then he was gone.
If Ronnie was intrigued by the brief mentioning of my mother, he sure made it seem inconspicuous. He didn't bring it up again, and neither did I. For the sake of not ruining the night, I kept my mouth shut, because cuddling on the couch with Ronnie appeared to be the better option.
And suddenly, I remembered why I hated opening up to people.
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A/N - a real DATE between sav and ronnie?!?!? wow y'all the relationship is FLOURISHING. what did you think of the date?? tbh this was one of my favorite chapters to write. it just came together exactly how i wanted it to (and y'all know i love when that happens) (doesn't every writer) so yeah. love the outcome and the katrina pop up and ronnie's dad and all that good STUFF. let me know your thoughts.
i've been missing my updates recently because i've been away a lot and just super busy with life as usual and i'm sorry about that! i wish i could go back to like 2016 when i was super active on here and shit. sighhhh. anyway i've been going to a bunch of concerts and living life and i've been really liking my new job!! i'm going to the beach for a couple of days next week and i am SO excited i LOVE the shore it is HOME. so yeah there's that.
anyway thank you so much for sticking around and reading and following me and stuff. it means a lot. i hate that i've kind of lost touch with this site but i think i just need time and i'll be back at it soon <3 love ya lots!
song: gum by moose blood
image: sav and ronnie holding hands in the car
xoxo, sabbbycat