Note for TheFreakOfFreaks, please don't take this review personally. I hope, I really hope you try to use this review as an advangtage for you and as piece of advice. I am not attacking you by this. No hate xx
Review #3: Mr. Popular and I
*Status: Ongoing*
How do I start? I'm literally speechless as I try to find the right words for this…
River, River, River… Who is he? River is the popular hottie that all girls drool over. Not to mention, he is a jerk and a "dickhead" as I recall Lea defines him. And Lea is the total opposite of this River; the shy innocent Virgin Mary of the 21st century who suddenly has the guts to throw offences on the stranger's son that provided their family a shelter. Opposites attract eventually don't they? That's the first opinion that struck my mind; so I guess you'll eventually know how this is going to be. Plus, how many times have we read such story lines? The innocent girl always falls for the hot chili pepper popular jerk - with perfect hair, perfect tan, perfect body, perfect everything - that has a secret messed past. Don't you think so?
""You and I both know that any girl would kill to be in your position, with me, right now." He smirks, knowing he is completely and utterly true."
The writer implies from the beginning how River and Lea will end up. Where is the plot twist? Where is the element of surprise? Everyone would simply expect how the two will click on. She starts immediately in the description by saying what happens as for Lea's house falls apart and she moves in with River.
"They grow closer, and closer, and closer, until…well, you'll have to find that out for yourself." What's the point of reading further on this story if you already know the entire story line just from the description? I get the description has to say something about what the people are going to read, but just generalize at most if you want to state brief points. Don't let the reader predict anything, be creative; be original.
The first chapter restates exactly what happened in the description about the book, but even more detailed, as it also describes how the house of the Parker's is. The second chapter got me lost as she states again that they just pulled off the car to park in front of the Parker's mansion as she describes it again.
Details, details, details… that's all there is. It took her an entire paragraph to describe how Lea is eating an apple. Absurd isn't it? I reached Chapter 20, and day 2 hasn't even ended yet… twenty chapters for only less than 2 days.
Not to mention the punctuation and grammatical mistakes.
It wouldn't kill to use variations in terms; for e.g. instead of saying "he smirked" and "she blushed" the entire time, a person can also say "he smiled" (like any normal person would) and "she flushed crimson". Come on, the tomato joke got old.
I read all the chapters so far, yes 41 parts, and that's only because I was asked to write a review about it. I had no interest in reading it to be honest for I got bored. I have no further comments about this, and I think what I said is quite enough.
Thank you xx