saturday - 7.38pm
The left over raindrops made the grey stone glisten in the sun. Some wild daisies were spread around it. A late sunbeam made it's way to the ground while the soft summer breeze created a rustling sound. In the distance some birds sang their usual songs. It all seemed heavenly good.
It seemed like everything was at peace.
The ironic detail of it was that it wasn't okay. My insides yearned at the sight of the dark grey gravestone. The hardcore music pumping into my ear, told me different too.
I gazed towards the dark stone. My eyes focused on the ingraved words. They started to tug at my heart and made me wanna severely harm myself.
'One inviting heart.
One warming soul.
One bright mind.
She lived like there was no tomorrow.
She lived like she never lived before.
She lived for everyone.
And after all, there was no tomorrow.'
It's heartbreaking how true it is. She was so precious. She was too good for this society. And then, al of a sudden, in a heartbeat she was gone. Forever.
Tired I let myself fall onto my back. I held my right arm up to shield my eyes from the sun.
My scars and cuts were visible against my tanned skin. The most recent wounds itched like hell. But other than that I couldn't seem to find an excuse to stop harming myself.
I lowered my arm and closed my eyes. The late afternoon sun warming up my skin. A soft breeze made me shiver a little. It was starting to get colder out here as the sun lowered itself.
I shook my head as I tried to sort out my emotions. But I was feeling the pain so intense, I felt like I was going to drown in myself. I wanted to drown. I was suffocating. I hated to be feeling like this, like there wasn't light at the end of the tunnel. Like everything did want me out of here, out of this world, too.
I hated it. I hated that I was the one who fucked my own life up. But I didn't blame myself. God no, it was her fault.
*
I woke up from my slumber as I heard some branches snap in the distance. I sat up confused and pulled out my earphones. I let my eyes scan my surroundings.
It started to dark already. Who would come here around this time? Isn't the cemetery the place most people find scary in the dark?
Then my eyes fell on a petite figure near the edge of the wood surrounding the cemetery. The petite figure had obviously set her goal on the grave I was visiting. The figure slowly came closer, like she actually didn't want to and then it clicked. It was her.
I quickly stood up and hid myself behind a nearby tree. Making sure she didn't see me, I watched her come closer.
I saw her pick a flower from the ground and she sat down just before the grave. I slowly walked towards her and sat down a few steps behind her. I wondered what she'd do here without having permission.
"Hey Zarah." She spoke up, fiddling with the flower between her slender fingers. Her voice shaking a bit as she spoke the next sentence. "I miss you. Also I'm sorry, for everything. But I- but I have been thinking about it. And it, I admit it was wrong what I did." The last few words ended in sobs.
I frowned as I leaned forward on my knees. Why was she crying? Sure, I understand what Zarah meant to her but still. Actually it was her fault, wasn't it?
"I know Ryder says I can't come here anymore, but I wanted- I needed to come here and tell you this." Her voice was barely hearable but I still managed to make something out of it.
So she knows I don't want her here. That's good.
She continued, staring at the gravestone. "I wanted to tell Ryder. Seriously I did. I wanted to warn him, but I-I- you know why I couldn't just walk up to him."
I raised my brows, intensely looking at her tiny back figure. What the hell was she talking about, did she tell Zarah about it?
Lighting a cigarette I inhaled the smoke. The smoke filled up my lungs before I breathed out. Would she smell it?
"I just thought- in the end it was my fault. He is blaming me and I deserve that. But it just gets so hard. I know I was wrong but I just couldn't get myself to go tell him. I- I'm sorry." She lowered her head. Her hair fell before her face.
I slowly stood up and cleared my throat, tired of hearing her whine about her own fault. Tired of her making up excuses just for her to not feel guilty.
Startled she looked back and I smirked evilly at her as she stood up. I towered over her.
"Everly." I stated. "What a surprise."
She looked so scared, fear was written all over her face. I drank in her appearance, her with dark brown lashes surrounded big, innocent blue eyes, she looked up to me. Her dirty blonde hair fell freely around her paled face, with a black beanie on top. Here and there were a few freckles covering her nose and cheeks. Her lips looked rosy and soft, two dark red dots telling me she'd bitten down on them.
"R-Ryder, what are you doing?" She asked me, still looking up at me and fiddling with the bottom of her purple sweater. Her soft warm vanilla like perfume entered my nostrils as I inhaled deep. It smelt familiar.
I still didn't answer and took another drag of my cigarette as I let my eyes trail down her petite body. She didn't even reach my shoulders with her height. Her blue jeans were fitting tight, showing off her legs. Her feet covered with a pair of black Vans. She sure had got a more curvy body than last time I saw her.
"What do you think you're doing here?" I asked her. My voice sounded hoarse, probably because of the amount of time I hadn't spoke.
She stepped back with her faces scrunched up in fear as she stuttered a few words. "I just, I just wanted to, to talk to her?"
I snorted "And you, you out of all people thought you'd just go here?"
My face was uninterested as I threw the cigarette on the ground and stepped on it.
Then my facial expression changed from lightly threatening to angry. "You didn't think you'd still find me here around, did you?"
She stumbled back again. "I'm s-sorry."