DAHYE STARED AT her phone, her lips pursed into a thin line, a frown etched in between her eyebrows. Her eyes flitted across the screen as she read the text message Seyoon had sent to her a few minutes ago over and over again. Her thumb hovered over the text bar, debating whether or not she wanted to reply back to him or just leave it alone.
She was trying to process what he had told her and tried to swallow past the lump that had formed in her throat. She felt her eyes blur over as she scrolled to the previous messages and bit her tongue to stop her urge to cry, not out of sadness, but out of anger. She was furious, both at herself and at Seyoon. She knew shouldn't have texted him, shouldn't have shown him that his words still bothered her. She knew that she shouldn't have pushed his buttons too hard to reveal the ugly personality he truly had beneath the handsome face he wore like a mask. She knew that she shouldn't have gone against him when she still couldn't find her ground and keep herself steady.
But how dare he threaten her? How dare he crawl back into her life just as she was beginning to get over the tremendous pain and heartbreak he had inflicted on her, just as she was beginning to feel okay, to fuck up everything she had been working so hard to build? Her blood boiled at the thought of the sly smirk he wore whenever he succeeded in getting under her skin, and felt her hand clench around her phone.
She felt like a hypocrite for telling Jay to not go after Seyoon when she texted the latter herself. She felt awful for lying to not just Jay but to all of her friends who knew that Seyoon still affected her even to this day. It had been 6 months since they had broken up and parted their ways, but the experience of being in such a draining and toxic relationship had been seared into the deepest parts of her memory. What made her all the more angry and sad was the fact that Seyoon hadn't changed—that he was still the sly, manipulative guy she had last seen him as. He was still using people's weaknesses against them, turning the most sensitive parts of their beings into weapons to hit them with later on.
She hated him for using their relationship against her; it was merely another weapon for him to use and hurt her with. Their relationship, one that had initially formed out of mutual love and affection, had soon turned into one of constant anger, fear, and frustration. There was no trust, no care, no love for each other between them. The lack of anything positive had been the root cause for its eventual destruction, as well as the amplifier for the fear she felt around him and his ugly persona. It was the reason why Dahye had chosen to build walls around herself and push anything away that was remotely related to love.
Realizing that tonight out of all nights was not the time to lose her composure, Dahye turned her phone off and put it onto the coffee table in front of her. She knew that she had to hold herself together, even if that meant she had to use everything inside of her, every last bit of energy and willpower. When they were done with the after-party and returned back to the hotel, she could cry as much as she wanted to. But right now, she had to put on her bravest mask and tough it out, and act as if the brief texting between her and Seyoon hadn't given her one of the first panic attacks she had had since their break-up.
She got up from the couch she had been sitting on for the last 20 minutes and went to the make-up table she had been perched on earlier. The stylists had left out a few products like she had told them to, and had yet to return to get them. She checked her reflection in the mirror, a manicured finger tracing the lines of her face. The pink lipstick the stylist had picked up for her suddenly made her face look pale and sick, even though she knew that it was partially because of the interaction between her and Seyoon. She wiped it off with a make up remover pad and picked up one of the tubes of red lipstick and gently glided it across her lips. The color was bold—too bold that she wouldn't wear it unless it was for an event such as this one or a performance. However, it had managed to bring a hint brightness to her face, and made her eyes stand out. She smiled at herself in the mirror, a smile so small that didn't quite reach her eyes and disappeared as soon as it had come. She looked perfect, the way she should have been looking in the first place, and nobody would be able to depict the fact that what Seyoon said to her was still in her mind.
Just as she capped the lipstick back on and put it onto the counter, her phone went off, indicating that someone had texted her. She grabbed it from the coffee table and unlocked it, her finger gliding smoothly across the glass. It was a text message from Jay, no doubt wondering where she still was with only half an hour left for the show.
Jaebi [ 18:45 ] : Where are you? We're waiting for you by the lobby.
Dahye shook her head, cursing at herself for losing track of time. Her thumbs moved quickly as she managed to grab her purse and the key card to her hotel room, and opened the door. She briskly walked down the hallway, her heeled shoes clicking on the marble floor as she made her way to the elevator. She pressed the button to go down, and sighed in relief when the elevator came to her floor in no time. After getting in and pushing the button for the lobby, she leaned against the mirrored wall behind her.
To; Jaebi [ 18:45 ] : I'm in the elevator right now. I'll be down in a few minutes.
Dahye turned off her phone and placed it into her purse with her key card, and tipped her head back. She closed her eyes momentarily, her ears picking up on a Chopin piece softly playing through the speakers above her. Jay would be able to know whether she was lying or not, and even if he didn't ask her about it during the car ride or the show, he would without a doubt do it in the after-party or when they came back to the hotel. She shook her head, chastising herself for letting thoughts of Seyoon crowd her mind. She had to forget about him for tonight, just for a few hours. She would have plenty of time to think about him later.
The elevator doors opened with a ding, and Dahye wasted no time in getting out. She walked across the marble floor of the lobby, hurriedly bowing to a few people who were still lingering around. In the foyer area of the lobby that lead to the large glass doors, a group of finely dressed people were waiting. Dahye recognized Hoody from her outfit and yelled out her name. The raven-haired girl turned around, her almond shaped eyes crinkling in the corners. She waved enthusiastically waved at Dahye, which prompted the guys to turn to look at her. They all cheered and clapped as Dahye walked towards them, hands cupping her steadily reddening cheeks. Although she was surrounded by men almost all day long usually, she still wasn't used to the attention they gave to her. Their hyping words and whistles made her smile timidly, laughing nervously as they pretended to take her pictures.
"There's my girl!" Kisok laughed, walking towards her with confident steps. She fell into his outstretched arms, feeling the muscles of his biceps shift underneath his jacket as he hugged her small frame. She got a strong whiff of his Sauvage cologne, breathing in the familiar scent. "You look gorgeous, baby Dae." He whispered in her ear, his voice low enough so that only he could hear her. She blushed, feeling the corners of her lips curl into a smile as she pulled away.
She gave Kisok a quick look over, pleasing her eyes with her date's all-black ensemble; the black button up shirt he picked had few of the top buttons undone, exposing the sun-kissed, golden skin of his collarbones. His black pants hugged his long, strong legs, the ends tucked over his black suede boots. Several thin silver necklaces adorned his neck, twinkling under the lights of the lobby. Two Cartier bracelets were one of his wrists, and thin silver rings were wrapped around his fingers on both hands. His inky black hair was free of dye, and looked gloriously messy.
"Take a picture, it'll last longer," she heard Jay's teasing voice behind her. She snapped out of her trance, feeling herself blushing once again. Kisok was handsome, there was no questioning that, and Dahye knew that if he had been around her age, she would date him in a heartbeat. But he was more of a father figure and best friend to her than anything else, and Dahye could never see her dating Kisok. They were much better as friends, and although they sometimes acted like they were dating, it was purely for entertainment purposes and to piss off Jay. And besides, Dahye knew that Kisok was already interested in a certain female.
"Don't be jealous, Jay. It doesn't look good on your pretty face." Seonghwa chimed in, putting an arm around his friend's shoulders. The young CEO had chose to wear a deep burgundy suit, complete with golden jewelry that complemented the rich color. The open neckline showed his pale inked skin; Jay was proud of his tattoos and never wasted the opportunity to put them on display.
"Me? Jealous? Please, I'm Park fucking Jaebom. I make people jealous, not the other way around." Jay huffed, flicking his imaginary long hair behind his neck.
The group chuckled and Dahye shook her head while playfully rolled her eyes. "You look very handsome, Jay." She smiled and patted his head.
"Careful, princess. It took a long time to style this motherfucker. The gel hurts like a bitch when you tug on it." Jay hastily fixed his hair, the soft strands gelled and brushed to perfection. If there was one thing in this world that Jay loved more than himself, it was his hair. He took pride in it and although he was almost pushing 30, he hadn't developed any bald spots thankfully.
Hyukwoo smirked mischievously, a smart remark forming in his mind without a doubt, "Oh, I think we all know how much you like it when your hair gets pulled."
"Especially in bed," Seonghwa wiggled his eyebrows.
Dahye cringed internally, "Again, not that many details needed."
"Don't make me fucking expose the shit out of you two," Jay pointed his finger between the two younger rappers. "I have enough dirt on you to make you crawl under the floorboards."
"I don't want to ruin this love fest or anything, but we have a award show to attend." Hoody reminded them, tapping her wrist. She looked gorgeous in her all-white pant suit ensemble and silver jewelry, looking every inch like the boss lady she was. Dahye suddenly felt her heart twinge inside her chest; she knew that she wasn't supposed to envy Hoody, the latter being her best friend, but there were certain times-such as this one-where Dahye wished that she had the same level of confidence and beauty Hoody had. Hoody looked effortlessly stunning all time time, while she had to put in the effort to look decent. But she knew that she couldn't think these thoughts, at least not tonight. Seyoon had already lowered her mood significantly and she couldn't let her self deprecating thoughts bring her down even more.
"Yeah, yeah, let's not keep them waiting, am I right?" Jay muttered as they were ushered out the front doors by the security personnel. Kisok held out an arm for Dahye and she looped her hand around the curve of his elbow. Three sleek black Tahoes were outside the hotel, no doubt the cars Mnet had provided their rather large group with. Picking up her dress so that she didn't trip on the ends, Dahye carefully walked down the stairs. The air was pleasantly hot and the lack of humidity for the time being made her sigh in relief.
After splitting into three groups, everyone got into their designated cars. Dahye had been put into the same car as Kisok, Jay, and Seonghwa, and knew that it was without a doubt going to be a loud and hyped-up car ride to the venue. The interior of the car was cool enough to prick goosebumps on her shoulders, and the bass-heavy r&b spilled from the radio. Dahye leaned back in her seat as Kisok and Seonghwa sat on either side of her while Jay sat at the front to talk with the driver.
"Hey," Kisok said to her. Dahye turned her head towards his direction, her eyebrows lifted up as she waited for a response. "You okay, baby Dae? You look a little pale." She frowned, touching her cheeks with the back of her hands. She wasn't feeling ill, just a little shaken from her conversation earlier with Seyoon. Damn that bastard, she thought as she shook her head.
"I'm fine," she smiled, showing all of her 32 pearly white teeth. Kisok smiled back at her, nodding his head. If he had caught on the fact that there was something bothering her, he was either ignoring it or acting like he hadn't realized it. "I'm just a little excited. You know that I don't like huge crowds too much." Although concerts and performances didn't bother her, parties and award shows were definitely not her thing.
"I'll be by your side the entire night. If you feel uncomfortable at any point during the night just tell me, okay? I'm sure Jay will understand if we leave early." She nodded her hand, grateful that she had such an understanding friend as Kisok. She patted his hand, giving him a chaste kiss on the cheek.
"You two are so disgustingly sweet and adorable with each other, I'm gonna throw up." Seonghwa chimed in, shaking his head at the display of affection between the two. He was wearing an all-black ensemble as well, the only thing different being the white jacket he had worn over his turtle neck sweater. His accessories consisted of two simple small hoop earrings in each ear, round-lens glasses, and a few rings on each finger. Seonghwa knew how to dress, just like the rest of them, but Dahye sometimes saw him wear things that only the black-haired rapper could pull off. Like silk mustard colored shirts and bomber jackets with patterns that looked pulled out straight from a Picasso painting.
"This is a brand new car, so if you get so much a little speck of anything on the seats, I'll personally kick you out myself and take away your vacation bonus." Jay responded from the front seat, examining his cuticles through his tinted sunglasses.
"Damn, who would have known that my best friend would turn out on me?" Dahye and Kisok laughed, earning a death glare from Seonghwa in the process.
"You know that I'm joking, Seonghwa-ya, I love you too much." Jay sent him two finger hearts, making the younger man cringe at the cheesy display of aegyo from the older male.
It was a quick car ride to get to the hotel where the show would be. The traffic wasn't too bad and luckily their driver didn't have a problem with getting them to their destination safely. Dahye could hear the fans and reporters from a mile away. She smiled to herself as she stared out from the tinted windows, seeing the numerous groups of people waving and screaming her name.
The moment the car door opened, Dahye stepped out, eliciting a chorus of screams from the fans and reporters crowding around the nearby barriers. Kisok was by her side almost instantly, hooking her arm around his elbow gently. They waved at the fans, posing for the reporters and various media personnel as they were bombarded with flashes from cameras and phones. Dahye didn't mind pictures of being taken as long as nobody was hurt; she knew fansites were trying to get good shots of her, so she posed at various angles, smiling brightly at them and waving enthusiastically.
Dahye loved her fans; she loved every single one of them very dearly. They were the reason why she had made it so far in the industry, the reason why she was so successful and a household name. If she had the opportunity, she would all take them out to shopping and then eat delicious foods, but since she couldn't do that, she settled for taking as many photos and videos as she could and signing as many autographs as possible.
"Y'know, I really like that dress on you, Baby Dae." Seonghwa complimented her as he escorted her inside. Kisok had fallen back to take some photos with his fans and promised to meet them inside.
Dahye smiled at him, picking up the ends of her dress so it didn't drag across the floor. "Thanks, Seonghwa. You look pretty nice, too."
"Please, I look nice all the time, Dae." Seonghwa remarked.
Dahye chuckled at him and shook her head as she moved towards the fans, most of whom had copies of her recent album, as well as photo cards, t-shirts, and notepads out for signing. She smiled brightly at them, agreeing to take pictures and selcas when they asked. She and Seonghwa spent about five minutes rushing through pictures and autographs before they were being ushered by the handlers into the building for the red carpet. Dahye spotted the large boy group that was EXO posing for the cameras, their colorful hair contrasting with their dark suits and silver jewelry.
"Where is everybody?" Dahye asked as she looked around for the rest of her group. She tried to spot Jay's obnoxiously colored suit or Kisok, but it was dimly lit and crowded to see three feet in front of her.
Seonghwa shrugged and posed for a few pictures. "They're already at the red carpet. We just got in late, I forgot to tell you that."
"Oh my gosh, you're such a dumbass," Dahye said behind gritted teeth.
"Dahyessi, can we get a few of you alone?" One of the photographers called out.
"Yeah, Dahye! Over here!"
"What brand are you wearing for tonight, Dahye?"
"I'm gonna go find our people. You just hang on a few minutes." Seongwha said before rushing off, cameras snapping and no doubt recording him for the national broadcasting.
Dahye sighed before she turned to the cameras, smiling and posing before she completely lost her shit; she hated taking pictures alone unless she was shooting promotional material for an album or taking pictures with her friends and fans. She didn't mind when fans were taking pictures of her by herself- she just didn't trust the media after what had happened a few years ago with Sehyoon.
About three minutes later she was saved. Seonghwa reappeared, this time with Kwon Hyuk in tow. Hyuk smiled the moment he saw Dahye, and before she could realize what was happening he was wrapping her small body in a tight hug, ignoring the sound of cameras flashing and clicking behind them.
"You look so nice, Hyuk." Dahye said as she pulled away, smiling up at his tall figure.
"Thank you, Dae," he replied. "I already told you that you looked beautiful on Instagram but I'll tell you again-you look beautiful."
"Stop hitting on my date, Kwon." Kisok appeared as he playfully scolded him, linking arms with Dahye once more. "I'm sorry for leaving you back there. We should head inside, don't you think?"
Hyuk chuckled and nodded, linking his arm with Dahye's free one, "Sure, man."
The three men and Dahye continued on through the building, saying hello to their friends and colleagues as they walked towards the room where the actual award show was to be held. Soon enough, they finally reached the door that held the room behind it. Seonghwa pushed it open, a chorus of voices and music hitting them. Multiple celebrities were already there, sitting down or conversing among each other.
Dahye looked around, trying to see if there was anyone she recognized in there. She spotted BTS sitting in their seats, excitement clear on their faces. She also spotted Jay, ChaCha Malone, and Hoody sitting down at the front and tugged Kisok and Hyuk with her as Seonghwa followed them.
"There you are," Jay got up when he saw her. "I was worried you guys got lost back there."
"Lost? Please, they had me. I have excellent navigation skills." Seonghwa said.
"Oh, yeah? I think you're forgetting the time you got us lost in Hongdae and we ended up at some sketchy ass underground fight club instead of the jokbal restaurant we were heading to." Hyukwoo scoffed.
The group laughed as they all settled down. Dahye sat between Jay and Kisok, enjoying herself being surrounded by her most favorite people. She looked at the brochure they had handed out at the entrance, her eyes scanning over the schedule for the night quickly. The show would last about 4 hours, which wasn't surprising considering how many announcements there would be made for each category. Dahye felt her stomach flutter with excitement when her eyes landed on the "Album of the Year" and "Song of the Year" categories. She knew she was nominated for her newest album this year, Alcohol, which had been a cathartic body of work she had worked on to cope with the breakup with Sehyoon. She had practically devoted her heart and soul into the album and each of the songs. She wasn't expecting to win, but knowing the hype on social media about the album itself still made her hopeful.
"What are you thinking about, baby Dae?" Jay asked her, leaning across his seat towards her.
"Nothing," she closed the brochure and laid it on her lap. "I'm just a little excited, that's all."
Jay chuckled. "I get that. I was like that the first time I was nominated myself." As an afterthought he added, "I wanna introduce you to someone tonight."
"Who is it?"
Jay smiled. "He got signed to Higher last year and is incredibly talented. He also wanted to meet you himself."