warning: slightly sexual scene ahead
********
Now you know.
I think about Anson's declaration of protecting me from his thoughts. I think about Bryce possibly losing the ability to walk, even if he survives. Now I know what's been going on around me. I wipe my tearstained cheeks on my shoulders.
Tonight has just been a whirlwind.
I look at Anson as he hovers over me. I press against his plush mattress. His hands slowly release my wrists, but I don't move. I halfway wish he'd take them up again.
"I'm sorry." My eyes are watery once more. "But that's all you had to say."
He breathes deeply and helps me sit up. I look at him longingly; he notices and pulls me to his lap.
"I love you." I say. "I don't want to fight like this."
His eyes are hooded. I press closer to him. "I don't either." He whispers. "I just want to enjoy you and our time together without worrying all the time."
"Life's always going to be a war zone around us, Anson..." My voice trails off before I finally continue my thought. "What's important is how you and I battle through it. Whether it's together or separately, I've got your back."
He takes a deep breath; his eyes scouring over my face. I rest my head on his chest as his hands rub my back. "I've got your back, too."
Literally.
I relax at his reassuring words. Feeling as if we've just dodged a bullet, I lovingly wrap my arms around his torso. I kiss his cheek, heart nearly exploding from my chest.
His thumb gently caresses my cheek, rubbing my once-tearful skin with care. Silently, He presses me up against the headboard of the bed, slowly covering me with greedy, sloppy, and loving kisses.
"I want you with me tonight." His breath is hot on my neck. "Forget my fears and the argument. I want to make love to you, and I want you here with me until morning."
A complex bundle of emotions begins to unravel in my abdomen. Every second that passes, Anson's need for me to stay seems to grow. His body is firm against my frontside; the headboard is firm against my backside.
" a second time?" I ask seriously, gripping the bedsheets beneath me with one hand. "Will it compare to the first?"
He presses his lips to my collarbone. "I'll let you be the judge."
My skin tingles excitedly. I pull my shirt off slowly. When he watches me, I notice the muscles in his arms flex. I admire his build from my spot on his mattress. He slowly pulls off his shirt, revealing his perfect figure.
Goosebumps appear on my skin. "Why is it so cold in here?" I whisper frustratedly.
"You won't be saying that when I'm done with you." Anson's lips develop into a smirk; he lingers over my body. With shallow breaths his chest rises and falls.
"Haven't you done enough to me, tonight?" I smirk back, trying to calm my rapidly beating heart.
His fingers caress my bare skin as he whispers into my ear. He cups my face with a hand.
"Take off your damn pajama pants."
I stick out my tongue and slip them off. "Your turn." I quickly counter.
He takes my hands and pulls them to his body, pressing them to his bare abdominals. Electricity courses through my hands as he releases them.
Fixated on him, my fingers travel down to his pants. I pull them off quietly. Then, revealing to him the bra clasp at my back, I let him strip me confidently.
Like promised, the earlier arguments seem unimportant now. The earlier worry for our classmate and friend seems forgotten.
His pupils dilate; my lips part in desire. All that remains now is hot lust, and the room's rising temperature.
"Anson," I whisper to him, surprising myself.
"Yes, love?" He buries his face against the tender part of my neck.
"Let me..." my voice trails away, my hands tell him what my voice can't. Understandingly, he slips from his boxers for me.
Unexplainable satisfaction comes from making Anson need me like this. His hands hold my hair at the back of my head. His voice is deep and vulnerable when he calls my name. What he's thinking seems a mystery during this, until I'm calling out for him moments later. Every inch of skin covered by a kiss or a caress.
And nothing really matters until the pivotal moment where I'm clinging onto him for dear life. It comes as a burst in my abdomen that leaves me panting atop his bed, stretched out and gasping for air. My mind does somersaults of ecstasy while Anson throws his condom into the trash.
Unexplainable feeling wells up inside of me when I see him now. My body knows what he can do to it. My heart knows more than that.
He climbs back into the bed with me. For the first time tonight, he looks tired and weak. He collapses next to where I lay. I roll over and press against him. My hand traces circles on his chest, and it hits me that we're in the exact same position as we were earlier tonight when it all began.
*****
I ride in Anson's camaro for the first time of recent, remembering all the times I've spend in it since I met him. For a writer, I'm not too sentimental. However, I experience many moments like these that make me want to curl up and reminisce.
It's strange how ordinary objects become important momentos in life. A white car means nothing to those who pass it, yet to me and Anson , it is a symbol of the relationship that formed in it.
"What are you thinking?" Anson's deep voice sounds on my left.
I shake my scattered thoughts away to answer him. "I was just being sentimental."
"About?"
I shrug. "Our relationship, I guess."
"Don't tell me you prefer how we were before we got together?" He smiles.
Is he insane?
"No!" I say quickly. "But I do miss how carefree we were, sometimes." I am reminded.
Anson turns the steering wheel sharply, and I realize we aren't headed to the hospital like he had told me when we left his home. I frown. "Did you mean to turn here?" I glance out of the window with a worried look on my face.
"Of course." He says simply, leaving me to wonder what he's up to.
Before long, I recognize the road. As we travel in the direction of the bluff, my mouth drops.
"Anson, Why here?"
How could he be passing up the hospital for this?
He rolls his eyes playfully and parks at the start of the trail. Like second nature, we hop out of the car and take the path to our favorite spot.
The trees are bare, now, from the winter weather looming. I climb up onto a rock and sit down, crossing my legs. Anson follows me up, I notice he's brought a blanket to share.
Warmth fills my heart.
"Cold?" He asks.
I nod and we wrap the flannel material around our backs. We face the overlook calmly, taking in the scenery.
"I've been thinking about things." He says after a moment. I look at him curiously.
What does he mean?
"I brought you here because this is our place for these kinds of thoughts."
I raise a brow.
"You're so important to me." He blinks. His cheeks and nose are growing red from the cold. "Sometimes I probably don't consider you like I should. I know you were upset last night. At the surface I'm sure we've solved the problem, but I want to be sure."
"I'm listening." I hold his hand tightly. The warmth coming from it keeps me still.
"You and I have a pretty uncertain road lying ahead. We've got different paths, and things aren't always simple in love. I know these things." He rubs my hand with his thumb. "I know they say communication is important through all of this. And, I want you to remember that just because you think it's obvious to me that you're upset, it isn't always. I can't read your mind. I want to be able to communicate with you, but I can only do that when you tell me how you feel."
I blink. Processing his words, I tilt my head. "You want me to tell you when I doubt your behaviors and words? Tell you when I'm upset?"
Last night, Is it possible that I contributed to the misunderstanding, too?
"Yes." Anson says simply. "Truthfully, I didn't want to talk about Bryce to you yesterday. However, I didn't think I seemed distant because of it. I had a lot on my mind, but I had no idea how you felt until you told me."
Of course not! I'm stupid for assuming...
I chuckle softly. "You know, I had it in my mind that it was all you creating the communication problem."
"I know." He sighs. "I think what I've been trying to tell you, is that we're in a relationship and I want you to be just as open as you want me to be. Even if it seems like common understanding, I want to hear it from your lips, not just figure it out on my own."
That's guys for you, right here. I should've been more understanding. From now on, I'll make sure to tell him how I feel and why.
"It means a lot that you thought about what I said." I press against his side. "How long did you stay awake last night?"
He brightens up at that. "How could I possibly sleep after what you gave me?"
I giggle and shake my head in disbelief. He lovingly squeezes me to him in a hug, planting a kiss on my forehead.
"And are you sore, my love?" He blinks down at me gently.
Heat creeps to my cheeks. I nod. "Yeah. Don't worry about it, though."
"I'm not. You're a strong girl." He rubs my back and looks out over the bluff.
"You're a strong guy." I say. He bites his lip.
"Not strong enough."
That's not true.
"You've held yourself together incredibly well. That takes strength." I kiss his cheek. "Take it from a girl who survived for years by holding it together."
"You're the reason I can do it, Blue." He says seriously. "I look at you and think 'if that little ray of light can withstand all the darkness and pain coming at her, who am I to give up'?"
I shake my head in surprise. I had no idea that he found me so inspiring. Suddenly the pain seems all worth it.
"You know, It's not too late to become a poet." I tell him with a smile. He kisses me over that; my heart is whole.
Suddenly, the vibrating of his phone jars us from our conversation.
Anson answers it, and I wait for the news.
If I wasn't in public... I might be tempted to cry right now. Wow, do you just love these two or what? There's one chapter left now... what do you think is going to happen?
I hope this update was a good one. If you enjoyed it, make sure you vote! This story is picking up momentum with reads and votes and I'm here for it! Thank you!
The last update will be this Saturday! Don't miss it!
~ Malibu